Chapter Text
Dib was stubborn. Gaz knew this. But it was a bitter pill to swallow, to be helpless watching her brother go down a path that she couldn’t reach.
And the fun part of it all, was that she knew that removing him from the situation would only make things worse. Maybe she can delude herself that she’s helping by being the confidante, the someone that Dib could talk to- a thought that made her scoff. It wasn’t enough.
“Don’t you think this is a little above you?” Gaz would give anything for her words to be snarky and not concerned.
Dib sighed on the other side of the line. “You know he has no one else.”
Who else would believe them? And if they did, Gaz doubted they would treat Zim well.
“Don’t destroy yourself in the process,” she warned.
“I won’t.”
“How bad was it this time?”
“I don’t know why he fixates on a smeet.” His voice was torn between incredulity and mild annoyance.
“Hm.”
“Well… Maybe I do understand. It’s easy to get swayed by delusion… But I don’t like it. And I’m not proud of it but… I snapped.”
“What did you do?”
“I told him the smeet wasn’t real. He freaked out.” Dib sounded like he was trying to keep his voice even. Gaz wasn’t falling for it. “He broke Gir and shut down again. I don’t…” The tattered couch, the screams of pure hatred, and the fight that ensued was all too fresh in his mind. He held his breath, swallowing a lump in his throat. “And I keep wondering, is this it? What if he doesn’t wake up?”
Gaz lightly sipped on a cup of coffee, momentarily stunned- but she had to be the tough one eventually. “He’s woken up before, right?”
“Not like…” Slamming Gir’s face down on the floor until the poor robot was in dents, then tossed like scrap. “It was always just like, falling asleep at the most opportune time. I think this one was deliberate.”
“What are you planning to do?”
“I’m still going. But… I’m waiting to see if I could say goodbye. I don’t want to leave off… I don’t want to remember him being so mad at me, if things go wrong…”
Would he have told her goodbye if she hadn’t called? Zim held a different spot in her brother’s life, she knew that, but she often wondered if she was losing him. But she had an act to do, and she played the role well. “Humor him, Dib. Maybe the smeet is just a projection of everything he wanted when he was a kid. Trying to give something that he wasn’t given and all that.”
Dib was too quiet on his end.
“Dib?”
“I’m still here, I just thought I heard something.”
Paranoia again. Gaz sighed, and tried to prepare herself for the long night ahead.
“I love you!” Bright golden eyes greeted him, ones that rushed in to hug Zim. His tiny arms barely had any strength to them, with soft skin that’s barely hardened.
The symphony was unmistakable, and Zim leaned forward to hug back, never wanting to let go.
Thunk.
Cold steel slammed in Zim’s face, and he shook himself up, dazed, and stared at the quiet darkness of his base.
Oh.
He inhaled sharply, and loudly sighed. Sleeping always did weird things to his head, which may be in part how Irkens weren’t supposed to sleep- but his PAK had been malfunctioning lately… everything just made him so tired.
He roamed his base, seeking nothing in particular, but feeling that something was missing. He frowned as his footsteps seemed to echo in the large rooms. Where was the soft whirrs of the Computer, or the loud monkey shows of Gir?
And a faint memory that tugged at him- a broken, defeated sound just before he went to sleep- he remembered someone crying.
Was it his smeet that needed him? Was he the one waiting for him?
He hurried in his steps, only barely noticing Gir in the corner, too quiet and unmoving.
Just around the corner were whispers of a conversation.
“It’s not going to get better on it’s own.” Dib scoffed, although it came out a little forced. “It’s a natural reaction to stress, Gaz. You’ve seen me cry before.”
Zim perked up. Dib-human was here?
“I’m not giving up, see? If I have to use his leader’s own PAK’s to fix his, then-” A pause. “I know. But I need you to stay here. I can’t trust anyone else, you would keep an eye on him, if I don’t come back-”
“Dib?”
Dib flinched, then turned to his phone. “I’ll call you back,” he said, amidst the protest that only he could hear.
Warily, Dib watched him. “You’re back.”
Zim looked at him in confusion. Was he ever gone? Right, focus. “Dib, my smeet-”
Dib cut him off instantly. “He’s fine.” Too quick, too cold.
Zim nodded, that figured. But doubt still lingered, as well as annoyance. How could Zim not know the condition of his own smeet? But if Dib said he’s fine…
Zim reassessed. Dib didn’t look any better. “And are you?”
“Seen better days.”
Zim felt their whole interaction was wrong- Dib wasn’t supposed to be distant. They were close, weren’t they?
Zim huffed his chest and crawled between Dib’s legs, leaning on him and urging the other to embrace him.
Dib obliged, a little stiffly at first, then melting at the familiarity of Zim’s body.
“Are you going somewhere?” Zim murmured, not wanting the cool comfort of the air but needing to know.
“Yeah,” Dib said, almost reluctantly. “I don’t want to leave you, but…”
“Is it regarding my condition, then?”
Dib’s strength seemed to leave him. “Don’t worry about it, Zim. Can we just have this?”
Zim wanted to protest, but he couldn’t deny the request. His antenna began to lightly stroke Dib’s hair, trying to give comfort. He shifted gears. Maybe Dib needed a distraction. “Tell me about my smeet?” He suggested, not entirely for Dib’s sake. “My memory is…” he gave a lithe shrug, “but you remember, right? Is he into the paranormal like you?”
Dib blinked at the question. “I… no?”
“An invader, then, like me.” Zim accepted. “Our smeet…I remember his first words, you know.”
Dib tensed, turning the phrase over. Our. “Do you remember what he looks like?”
“Of course.” Zim said with pride. “Golden eyes, brighter than your browns, antennas a little crooked.”
“What else do you remember?”
Zim quieted.
“What’s the last thing you remember?”
Zim felt a headache coming on. “I don’t…”
“It’s alright.” Dib stopped himself, then pressed a kiss to the top of Zim’s head. “You’re going to be fine.”
Zim’s headache wouldn’t subside. “Dib-mine? Hold on to me?”
Dib cradled him closer, until Zim could pick out the warring sounds in Dib’s heart.
“Zim?”
“Yes?”
“Will you forget me, too?”
Zim felt compelled to lie, but he knew Dib would know. “I don’t know.”
“Will you tell me you never want to see me again?”
“Of course not. Why would I? Where is this coming from?”
Dib blinked away tears. “I love you.”
Their late night was ending, and Dib wished it wouldn't.