Chapter Text
Dongmin awoke to the sound of frantic whispers above him. He squeezed his eyes shut tighter. It had only been a few hours since he had fallen asleep with tear-filled eyes and he wasn’t ready to wake up yet. Instead, he buried his head further into his pillow. His hard – definitely-not-a-pillow – pillow. He shot up, almost hitting Myungjun who had been leaning over him.
Along with Myungjun, Sanha, Minhyuk and Jinwoo were also there, staring at him curiously. Minhyuk was the only one who was properly dressed whereas the other three looked as though they had just rolled out of bed with their dishevelled hair and unkempt pyjamas. Dongmin briefly wondered where Bin was. Until he realised what he had been lying on.
Bin was still peacefully slumbering, sprawled out on the couch beneath Dongmin. His face was tranquil and soft as he slept, blissfully unaware of the two youngest members snickering above him. He quickly scrambled off Bin, face turning red as it occurred to him he had spent the night lying on top of the younger man.
“Morning, sunshine,” Myungjun smiled at him smugly. “Breakfast?”
They abandoned Bin – who apparently slept like the dead – on the couch in favour of food.
“So when did Bin-hyung get home?” Sanha asked him as they got settled around the table.
“About midnight.” He was grateful no one asked why he was awake at that time or about the series of events that led to their precarious positions that morning.
Jinwoo looked at Myungjun eyebrows raised as if to say ‘told you so’, to which Myungjun rolled his eyes and took another bite of his breakfast.
“I’m glad he’s back,” Sanha continued, not noticing the elder’s silent conversation. “It’s been so weird around here without him.”
Minhyuk nodded in agreement before his face hardened. “Although, I’m still kind of pissed at him for ghosting us for a month.” Ghosting them? Dongmin questioned silently as the others hummed affirmatively. His eyes went to Jinwoo who remained quiet, head dropping suspiciously. Clearly, Bin’s absence ran deeper than he was letting on.
“Well…” Sanha started, a cheeky smile growing on his face. “He’s asleep… on the couch… completely defenceless…” Myungjun and Minhyuk leaned in curiously with equally sinister grins. “We could get back at him for the past month…”
They grew silent for a few seconds, looking at each other contemplatively. Myungjun bit his lip, looking excited. Just as Dongmin was about to ask what was going on, the three boys shot up and ran off, Myungjun repressing a loud squeal as he went.
Dongmin’s mouth opened slightly in shock as he turned to Jinwoo for answers. The older man simply smiled and shook his head, as if this kind of thing happened every day. As the three boys come running back into the living room, falling to their knees in front of Bin with pens in their hands, Dongmin was happy to think this kind of chaos would be his life from now on.
_______
Needless to say, Bin was not happy when he woke up.
Myungjun, Minhyuk and Sanha had drawn Bin a stunning (purple) beard and moustache while he slept. That already pissed Bin off. His mood was only made worse, however, when he found out Dongmin had contributed with some magnificently bushy (purple) eyebrows.
Therefore, Bin was not happy.
Everyone else, though, was very happy. Myungjun was currently rolling around on the floor, stomach aching from laughter, while the others – Dongmin included – tried (and failed) to suppress their smiles.
As they went their separate ways after eating – chuckling to themselves as they went – Dongmin knew he didn’t have to put up an act anymore. After crying in Bin’s arms for hours with no judgment, he knew he didn’t have any reason to be afraid. Didn’t have any reason to not let these people know how he was truly feeling. If the events of that morning proved anything it was that they were a family (a messy, chaotic family, sure, but a family nonetheless) and Dongmin wanted nothing more than to be a part of it again.
Dongmin went to bed after that, desperately needing more than four hours sleep while Myungjun, Minhyuk and Sanha left for the practice room.
That left Bin and Jinwoo alone in the kitchen and Jinwoo had questions.
Jinwoo grabbed Bin’s shoulder, spinning him around as he tried to walk away. In hindsight, maybe he should have let Bin go and wash his face before questioning him because his purple facial hair made it very difficult to talk to him seriously.
“I thought you weren’t coming back,” he said as Bin’s head lowered guiltily.
Bin mumbled something inaudible.
“What?”
“I said you were right!” He practically yells. “I love him and I was never going to leave, okay! For eight months I sat by his side begging that he’d just wake up. And he did. He’s alive. He’s okay. So I don’t care if he doesn’t remember me. I can settle for just being his friend because the alternative is I never see him again.” He exhaled shakily, hands coming up to rub his eyes. “Memories or not, he’s my Min and I’m going to do my damnedest to make sure he’s happy.”
“Even if that means you’re miserable?” Jinwoo asked hesitantly.
Bin nodded once with conviction and replied slowly, “as long as he’s happy.”
“You’re not going to tell him then.” It’s not a question.
“He apologised.” He said and Jinwoo cocked his head questioningly. “Last night, he apologised for losing his memories. For hurting me. If he found out about us – about how much his accident actually hurt me – he’d-“ He broke off and took a deep breath. “I won’t hurt him like that.”
“What if he finds out himself? He could remember-”
“I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it. For now, though, telling him would on hurt him and I won’t do that.” Then without another word, he walked away, leaving a perturbed Jinwoo in his wake.
As far as Jinwoo was concerned, Bin’s decision would only backfire on him and cause everyone more pain in the future. There was no chance Bin would listen, though, so Jinwoo simply sighed and turned towards the living room, wanting nothing more than to pass out on the couch.
However, the world seemed to be against him that day and as he turned he came face-to-face with a vexed and curious Myungjun.
“What the-“ Jinwoo jumped back, clutching his chest at the shock of his sudden appearance. “What are you doing here? I thought you went out with Minhyuk and Sanha.”
“I lied. I stayed to eavesdrop.”
“How much did you hear then…?” Jinwoo asked cautiously, avoiding eye contact.
Myungjun crossed his arms and pouted, frustrated. “Unfortunately, not enough. The walls are surprising thick in this place.”
Jinwoo exhaled, relieved.
“What secret is Bin keeping from Dongmin?” Jinwoo averts his gaze as Myungjun leans in close to him as if he could smell the truth if he got close enough.
Jinwoo stayed silent, lips pressing together, determined to keep their secret. Myungjun was the last person he wanted finding out. Once he knew, Sanha would know within the hour and the two of them together were completely incapable of keeping a secret.
Eventually, Myungjun gave up trying to sniff the truth and switches to a more Myungjun-esque method of extracting information. Thankfully, Jinwoo was well accustomed to dealing with Myungjun.
“Tell me.” Myungjun started, arms folded.
“No.”
“Yes.”
“No.”
“Please.”
“No.”
“Why?”
“Because.”
“Please!!” He whined loudly, collapsing on Jinwoo, still trying to annoy the secret out of him.
Ordinarily, Jinwoo would have buckled at this point, being completely weak for a clingy Myungjun. This time, however, it wasn’t his secret to tell and he would take it to the grave if he had to.
_______
Myungjun did not find out the secret.
Jinwoo was impervious. Even when Myungjun sat on his back for three hours, Jinwoo kept silent.
That didn’t stop him asking what was going on every second for the next two weeks.
Thankfully, they had started preparation for their new album which halted Myungjun’s desperate efforts for most of the day (they had already announced they would be coming back without Dongmin and as much as the other members disliked working without Dongmin, it was what they had to do). Most of the time Dongmin accompanied them to whatever they had planned – the recording studio for example – in the hopes it would help him retrieve some of his lost memories (nothing had returned thus far). Because of all the time they had been spending together, he had gotten infinitely closer to the other members, particularly Moon Bin much to Dongmin’s pleasure.
On this particular day, however, Dongmin had opted to stay home as they weren’t scheduled to get back until late that night. That’s how he ended up curled up on the couch munching on boxed chocolates.
He was halfway through a Netflix series when he ran out of snacks.
A glance at his watch told him the others wouldn’t be back for another two hours. He pouted, I really want some more food…
There was a small shop around the corner and he had plenty of money. In the back of his mind, he knew leaving the dorm so late at night just to get snacks wasn’t the best idea but he was lonely and hungry and before he knew it he was throwing on a coat. He made sure to put a mask and cap on as well, in case anyone recognised him, although the streets were thankfully very quiet given the late time.
The other members had bought him a new phone as a welcome home present as his had been demolished in the accident. Thanks to his new phone, he was easily able to find his way to the shop.
He got what he wanted – including some snacks for the others – and paid, keeping his head lowered to avoid attention.
As he exited the shop and pulled out his phone to guide him home, a group of rambunctious teenagers suddenly came running past him, knocking his shoulder and causing his phone to fall and smash on the floor.
Dongmin cursed under his breath as the teenagers scuttled away. His phone was cracked down the middle and wouldn’t turn on. He sighed, frustrated and pocketed the damaged device. This wasn’t the end of the world; he’d only just made the journey to the shop, he could get himself home, right?
Wrong. He was lost within five minutes.
He had wandered onto an unfamiliar road and was beginning to worry but his panic was quickly subdued when he noticed a payphone.
He only had a couple of hundred won left after his shopping spree but thankfully, being the cautious person he was, he had memorised everyone’s phone numbers. He climbed into the box, depositing the shopping bag on the floor and put his money in, beginning to dial.
Jinwoo was his first try. Dongmin figured out of everyone, he could trust their responsible leader to answer his phone. Only, when the other line picked up, it most definitely wasn’t Jinwoo.
“Hello?” A woman answered.
Dongmin’s first thought is that she is a member of the staff, just holding on to Jinwoo’s phone, but when he asked, she had no connection.
He fed the machine some more money. I must have just put the wrong number in, he thought, raising the phone to his ear again.
The same woman picked up.
Dongmun’s heart was beginning to race. He only had a few coins left now and couldn’t afford to waste them on dialling the wrong number. He attempted to dismiss his fear; he may have miss-remembered Jinwoo’s number but there were still four other people he could reach out to.
Taking a deep, calming breath, he put yet another coin in the machine and tried to call Bin.
He got that number wrong too.
So he tried Sanha. Then Myungjun. Then Bin again. Not once did the right person pick up. To make matters worse, each time he tried to recall one of their numbers, he remembered less and less of it until he remembered nothing.
He fell to the floor, breath coming in rapid succession as he broke out in a cold sweat.
Why couldn’t he remember?
He had to remember.
Remember! He grabbed his head in desperation as his eyes began to fill.
He was lost. Alone. Scared.
“Remember,” he whispered frantically to himself. “Remember, remember, remember, remember. Please.”
Then he let the tears fall.
_______
Dongmin hadn’t answered any of Bin’s texts.
Over the past couple of hours, Bin had sent Dongmin several messages during his breaks but Dongmin hadn’t replied to a single one. They were driving home now and Bin immediately tried calling him.
There was no answer.
“Have you guys heard from Dongmin?” He asked, shifting forward in his seat to lean forward between Sanha and Minhyuk in front of him.
Minhyuk shook his head as Sanha checked his phone. “I texted him earlier but he hasn’t replied.”
“He hasn’t answered us either,” Jinwoo replied for him and Myungjun.
“He’s probably asleep,” Minhyuk said calmly as if he could sense Bin’s swelling anxiety.
Bin mumbled a quiet “right” and sat back in his seat trying to reassure himself that Minhyuk was right. There was no reason to think Dongmin was in any kind of trouble. That didn’t stop his leg bouncing up and down rapidly as he gnawed on his lip nervously.
Realistically he knew he had no reason to worry, but he couldn’t help the image of Dongmin unconscious in a hospital bed, bandages and wires everywhere, from infiltrating his mind.
Bin called out for Dongmin the second they entered the dorm as he ran toward his room.
He didn’t knock, already knowing Dongmin wouldn’t be there to answer him. He threw open the door and his suspicions were confirmed.
The bed was made and Dongmin’s pyjamas sat folded neatly at the end of the bed but there was no sight of Dongmin.
“Bin?” Myungjun asked, running up behind him. “He’s not here?” His eyes went wide as he took in the empty room.
“I need to find him,” he mumbled, falling into a daze. All he could think was Dongmin lying bleeding on the floor somewhere. Bin pushed passed Myungjun, racing down the hall towards the front door, where the others were gathered frantically trying to contact Dongmin.
Jinwoo grabbed his arm before he could leave. “Hey, calm down.” He practically yelled as Bin struggled to get free of his grasp. “I know you’re worried but you can’t just go running off. We’ll find him, okay.” He grabbed Bin’s shoulder’s, forcing him to meet Jinwoo’s gaze. His eyes screamed ‘trust me’ and Bin desperately wanted to, so he forced himself to relax and took a step away from the door.
“Alright,” Jinwoo said slowly, dropping his hands, satisfied Bin wasn’t going anywhere. He turned around to the others who seemed almost frightened by the sudden turn of events. “Sanha, you stay here in case he comes back, okay?” Sanha nodded. “Keep trying to call him, and call his parents too, see if they’ve heard from him. Myungjun-hyung, Minhyuk, you two go left. Bin and I will go right, towards the main road.”
They all nodded seriously and immediately started on their missions – Sanha picked up his phone while Minhyuk and Myungjun threw on their coats and quickly exited the dorm.
Jinwoo rested a reassuring hand on Bin’s back, offering him a small smile before they followed the other two outside.
Twenty minutes later, they had circled the block three times with no sign of Dongmin. Bin crouched down, exhausted and depressed as Jinwoo spoke to Minhyuk on the phone. They hadn’t seen anything either, nor had Sanha back at home.
The bad thoughts were beginning to return and Bin was struggling to push them away. Just as he squeezed his eyes shut and his chest began to tighten, his phone vibrated in his pocket.
“Hello?” He answered, defeated.
“Bin?” A frantic voice cried down the line.
“Dongmin?” His voice cracked as he jumped up. He looked around desperately as if he expected Dongmin to be stood nearby.
“Oh thank god,” Dongmin sobbed. “Bin I-I don’t know where I am – Bin –“ He chocked off and Bin could tell he was crying which only made his heart squeeze tighter.
“Min, it’s okay, it’s okay, I’ll find you. “ He started running mindlessly – not caring when Jinwoo shouted after him – determined to find Dongmin. “Tell me what you can see.”
Dongmin described the street he was on and Bin cursed internally at himself. He and Jinwoo had passed by that street on their search but had never actually checked it. Because they hadn’t, Dongmin was now crying, alone and scared. He charged as fast as he could towards the familiar road.
“Bin, I-I-“ His voice cracked painfully. “My time’s about to run out – Bin-“
“It’s okay,” he reiterated. He was still a few minutes away, Dongmin’s time would run out long before he got there. “I’ll find you, I promise. I’m coming.”
Dongmin sobbed out a few more desperate pleas before the line cut out. Bin wanted to throw his phone across the street in frustration. He gritted his teeth and ran as fast as his legs would take him, ignoring the burning in his lungs and Jinwoo desperately chasing after him.
As he turned on to the street, he spun around, frantically searching for Dongmin. He caught sight of the phone box and took off again towards it. As he drew closer, Dongmin wasn’t anywhere to be seen. There was a full shopping bag lying on the floor of the phone box. Bin was breathless and his throat was tight, making him unable to call out for Dongmin so he continued down the road, looking down small alleys, hopefully expecting to see Dongmin on one of them waiting for him.
Then Bin saw him.
He was crouched against a building wall, legs pulled up into his chest, head tucked into his knees, as his body shook with the cold. Bin just stood, frozen, chest rising and falling rapidly as he silently thanked
“Min,” he chocked out. It was barely louder than a whisper but Dongmin heard him nonetheless, head shooting up – tears staining his cheeks – to meet Bin’s eyes. Instantly, it seemed like a weight had been taken off Dongmin’s chest. His shoulders dropped in relief as more tears began to fall. He struggled to get to his feet, legs shaking violently and Bin quickly raced to him, enveloping him in a tight embrace.
Dongmin buried his head in Bin’s shoulder, clutching at his coat and letting out a gut-wrenching cry. They fell to the floor together as Bin’s hand came up into his hair.
“I’m sorry,” Dongmin cried. “I just came out to get some food and my phone broke – I’m sorry!”
“It’s not your fault, Min,” his comfort fell on deaf ears as Dongmin continued.
“I tried to call you but I couldn’t remember your number – I couldn’t remember – I couldn’t-“
Bin held him as he cried, gently rocking back and forth as he thought about Dongmin’s words. He didn’t remember and yet he had called Bin. He remembered Bin’s number. Out of everyone, it was Bin he recalled first. He couldn’t help the swell of happiness that came along with that thought.
At that moment, Jinwoo rounded the corner, face contorted and panic-stricken. His features immediately softened, however, when he saw the two together.
Bin gave him a small nod to notify him everything was okay. His face stretched into a small, relieved smile and he stepped away, leaving the two in peace, to call the others and let them know they had found Dongmin.
Bin wasn’t sure how long he and Dongmin sat on the floor, clinging to each other. Eventually, Dongmin went limp in Bin’s arms, exhausted. Jinwoo and Bin helped him home, practically having to carry him the whole way.
The other three were waiting for them anxiously when they returned. While Jinwoo stayed with them to explain what had happened, Bin took a barely conscious Dongmin to bed.
His eyes were puffy and red and his voice was hoarse from his tears. Bin lay him down gently in his bed, pulling his shoes and socks off before tucking him in. He couldn’t help but softly caress Dongmin’s head, not wanting to leave him yet.
He took a deep, shaky breath before turning away.
However, before he could leave, a hand grabbed his wrist. He spun around, shocked at the contact. Dongmin still had his eyes closed, his movements seeming like a reflex.
“Stay,” he whispered, grasp tightening.
And so Bin stayed.
He took a seat on the bed next to Dongmin, wrapping an arm around his shoulders when the older man nestled into Bin’s side.
In the weeks since Dongmin had woken up, Bin hadn’t let himself hope for a second that things could ever go back to how they were before the accident. However, as he held Dongmin - knowing in some sense he had remembered Bin - he allowed himself a brief moment of hope: maybe everything would be okay.
_______
When Dongmin woke up the next morning (afternoon), he was alone. Dongmin could hardly remember the events of the night before after Bin and Jinwoo had brought him home, but he vaguely recalled holding someone as he drifted off to sleep. Wishful thinking, he assumed, dismissing the idea.
He trudged out of his room, still half asleep and yawning loudly. As he rounded the corner, heading towards the bathroom, he ran into someone.
“Sorry, he mumbled to Bin, face involuntarily turning pink. His mind flashed to how Bin had held him in the cold alley the night before and suddenly he couldn’t meet the other man's eyes. By the looks of it, however, Moon Bin felt the same as he looked away, scratching his neck awkwardly.
The two shuffled nervously on their feet as they exchanged quiet pleasantries.
As Dongmin began to sense Bin’s increasing desire to escape, he took the opportunity to say what he should have said the night before.
“Thank you for coming to find me.”
Bin’s eyes widened as his head tilted up slightly. “How could I not?” he mumbled.
“What?” Dongmin questioned, not having heard his reply.
“I mean,” he looked up and smiled brightly at Dongmin. It’s not real, he thought, noting how his eyes didn’t crinkle at the edges like they usually did. “I mean of course we came to find you,” he added the ‘we’ purposely this time. He chuckled softly, “you scared the crap out of us when you weren’t here.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s not your fault,” he shrugged dismissively. “It’s those stupid kids who broke your phone."
“Oh my god, my phone!” He cried in realisation, eyes widening and mouth dropping open. The members had all chipped in to get it for him and he had wrecked it in less than two weeks.
His guilt was quickly diminished when Bin laughed loudly at his expression, clutching his stomach. Then, before they knew it, the conversation drifted and morphed from Dongmin’s broken phone to what they’d have for breakfast to that day’s schedule to frogs (for some reason) until neither knew how they had gotten on to the subject they were amicably discussing.
They laughed and chatted in the hall like old friends with years to catch up on. Dongmin basked in Bin’s company, silently begging it would never end.
However, all good things…
“Are you done flirting?” Both men jumped in surprise, turning to see a semi-conscious Minhyuk in his pyjamas grumpily slouching behind them.
“You’re blocking the bathroom door,” he gestured to the door they are stood beside. The two quickly jumped away allowing the sullen young man to pass into the bathroom, shutting the door loudly behind him.
“He’s not usually like that,” Bin immediately reassured. “He’s just tired, he’ll be better once he has a shower, don’t take it personally.”
Dongmin nodded but couldn’t help take it personally. After all, Minhyuk was only tired because he spent the night out searching for him.
“I should go,” Bin said, breaking Dongmin out of his thoughts. “I need to get dressed.” It’s only then that Dongmin realised the other man and been stood talking to him the entire time in his loose pyjamas and slippers.
“Oh, of course, I’m sorry!” he fussed, lowing his head in embarrassment.
“Bye,” Bin whispered, slowly turning away.
For some reason, Dongmin couldn’t stand to watch him walk away and quickly turned on his heels to make his way down the hall. However, before he could, Bin called out to him.
“Wait!”
Dongmin spun back in time to see Bin jogging up to him. “Can I ask you something?” He started cautiously.
Dongmin nodded. “Yesterday when you called me, you said you couldn’t remember any of or numbers…”
“Oh right,” he rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m not sure what happened. I thought I had memorised all of your numbers but when I got to the phone booth, I panicked and suddenly I couldn’t remember anything.”
Bin noted how Dongmin began to shake and reached out a comforting hand to rub up and down his arm. “I’m sorry, that must have been really scary… but that’s not my question.” Dongmin tilted his head curiously. “You say you didn’t remember anything but you called me. How?”
Dongmin is silent for a few moments, not quite knowing the answer himself.
“I’m not sure. I just – I was sat on the floor trying to remember any of your phone numbers but it was like the more I tried to remember, the more I forgot…” He took a shaky breath in, head lowering. “Then, all of a sudden I just… knew.”
Dongmin lifted his head and their eyes met, Bin’s lips falling open slightly in surprise at his response. Dongmin knows this is weird. The look they shared is one far too intimate for ‘close friends’ and yet the meaning behind it remains a mystery; like a book Dongmin is unable to read.
And still, he couldn’t look away.
Then he repeated, voice unwavering and gaze lingering on Bin. “I just knew.”
This time it’s not in reference to a phone number but instead to feelings that refuse to stay hidden any longer.