Chapter Text
It's easy to be underestimated in this line of work if you're a ten-year-old boy. Angus knows this better than anyone. People tend to overlook you if you're small, discount you. You don't even register as a threat in their mind. They slip up, say things, important things, detrimental and incriminating things, all because they don't think anyone is listening. But Angus McDonald is always listening.
It's like being a shadow, no one pays you any mind, not even a second glance, you're there but not, because to them you don't matter, you don't even factor in. And Angus uses this to his advantage, collecting evidence, clues, hints-whatever he can find, all under the guise of the ignorance and naivety of childhood. He is discreet by nature, his own body in of itself is a disguise, a shield, that protects him and helps him do his job.
This changes when he joins the Bureau of Balance.
He starts living on the moon and he goes from being a shadow to being a ghost. As far as the world is concerned, he doesn't exist at all.
This is not a problem.
It sure does feel like one, though.
Angus' stomach swirls and he pulls his knees tight to his chest. He's sat in the voidfish's chambers, right up by the glass, a book sitting at his side. He's staring up at it in its tank with the absent curiosity it always brings. The sprawling galaxies and stars shift and glitter before him, tentacles floating and tapping at the tank, light reflects off Angus' glasses as it hums. He chews his lip.
He feels... something. He doesn't really know how to put a name to it, but it's like dread, it's little tendrils spreading out from the center of his chest, seeping out into the rest of his body and sticking to him like glue. And it's cold, it's like ice.
It's almost like someone sucked all of his good feelings out and left him full of the bad ones, and Angus doesn't like it one bit.
But he's had days like this before, days where he feels useless, days where he feels empty and stupid and invisible. Like he could scream at the top of his lungs and no one would hear him. He's just sort of see-through, detached. So he sits and he watches the voidfish hum little melodies and he ties to snap back into himself because if he can't be productive, he's useless, and if he's useless the Beaureu won't need him anymore and he can't have that. There's nothing for him down below, nothing to go back to. He needs to prove that he's worth having around, and that leaves no room for error, no room for distraction.
He hears light footsteps echo down the chamber behind him and the voidfish hums, but Angus doesn't turn to face the sound. He's not totally sure whoever comes in is going to see him, anyway. He's a ghost, after all. But then he hears his name.
"Agnes?"
Well- something adjacent to his name. He turns his head, and Taako stands beside him, elbow resting on his umbrastaff.
Angus blinks for a moment, trying to jog his brain back into place.
"Hello, sir," he says, but it doesn't sound right, and it feels wrong in his mouth. He forces a smile to attempt to sell the performance. Taako furrows his eyebrows.
"What are you doing down here all alone, kiddo?" Taako asks, "solvin' mysteries?"
Angus nods, "yes sir." he pulls his knees closer to his chest, and his eyes flit towards the blue light and hollow comfort of the voidfish. There's silence before anything else happens. Then Taako sits down next to Angus, looks up at the tank. And more silence.
Taako finally cuts through the quiet after a moment. "This thing has always freaked me out a little. All that cshh cshh cshh staticky bullshit. How's that work? Do we know? Not really. 'S always seemed a little fishy to me." Takko chuckles a bit, "Hehe, get it? Fishy? It's a fish?"
Angus eyes remained glued to the same spot."Yes sir," he mumbles. Taako glances at him and flips the umbrastaff over in his lap.
"Can I let you in on a little secret? I think the ole' Voidfish here has a favorite. It likes Magnus way more than the rest of us and honestly? Rude. There's no accounting for taste, you feel?"
"Yes, sir."
"It's like, what does Mr. Boner man have over the rest of us? Why's the dumbass magic fish love him so much? Doesn't seem fair to me."
"Yes sir."
There's silence again, for a shorter stretch, but it's heavy nonetheless. The air in the chamber gets a little thicker, and Taako's ears twitch.
"You okay, pumpkin? You seem a little spacey"
Angus inhales sharply against his will. He wasn't anticipating such a direct question. Taako usually skirts around tough topics. Angus mentally berates himself. He needs to be more prepared. He's off his game and even if he wasn't, Taako is hard to nail down. he's not traditionally touchy-feely person. That's no excuse, though. There is no room for him to slip up.
"Yes, sir," he says, but his voice is so flat he knows he's lost whatever game it is they're playing
"Angus." Taako tears his gaze from the fish and rests it fully on Angus. Angus doesn't move, but he bites his lip hard enough to draw blood, and the sour taste of iron fills his mouth.
"Sir?" Angus swallows as Taako looks at him still. He can practically see the gears turning in his head like he's thinking hard.
"What's wrong, kiddo?" Taako asks, finally.
Angus blinks. "Nothing." He says, a drag in his voice. It doesn't even sound a little bit convincing. Taako studies him for a second more, then promptly stands, and sticks out a hand to help Angus up.
He stares at the hand in bewilderment. "Taako?" he says.
Taako gives him a tiny grin, "c'mon buckaroo, Taako's feeling like hot chocolate at the moment and my hot chocolate is a delicacy best appreciated with company."
Angus hesitantly takes his hand and pulls himself to his feet, then scoops his book up off the floor and adjusts his glasses on his nose. "Okay, sir."
Taako leads him out of the chambers to the elevator with a hand on his shoulder, and Angus just lets himself get pushed, trying not to drag his feet. He doesn't know what Taako's goal is with this, but he just feels tired, and hot chocolate sounds nice, so he trudges along.
Before he knows it, he's in the kitchen of Taako, Merle, and Magnus' room, sitting on a stool by a counter and Taako is reading and rereading ingredients on labels so meticulously Angus briefly worries he's forgotten how to read. A voice in the back of his mind yells about that being curious, but Angus doesn't have the energy to solve anything right now, he just wants to sit and stare.
Taako begins heating some milk, stirs it around with a wooden spoon, "so, Ango," he says, and Angus looks at him.
"Sir?"
Taako sets the spoon down, grabbing a mug and dumping something into it. "What's the deal kid. What's up with you? I'm not a thick as some people think I am, I'm smarter than I look."
Angus nods, fiddling with his sleeve, "I know," he mumbles as Taako pours milk into a mug and slides it across the counter. Angus grabs it, lets the heat of the mug warm his hands, sees if it steadies them. Taako hops up onto the counter, swings his legs.
"So what's eating you?"
Angus sighs, gripping the cocoa tighter. He doesn't want to complain. He's been through spells like this. Where he's full of wondering and thinking, saying nothing to anyone, just walking around aimlessly, almost invisible, waiting for someone to look at him or talk to him. They usually don't. But Angus doesn't want to feel ungrateful. Of course, he's grateful. Angus doesn't want to complain. He has no right.
"I'm okay, Taako. Just... tired."
Taako doesn't buy it for a second, that much is obvious, but seems to back off at least a little.
"Okay Agnes, I'm not gonna push it. I respect your privacy or whatever. But if you're feeling bad, you should talk to someone, doesn't have to be me, but someone, okay?" He finds Angus's gaze and holds it.
"Okay," he says sheepishly.
"Yeah?"
Angus nods and Taako seems to relax at that, popping a marshmallow in his mouth. "Good." he says, "so what about the hot chocolate. Good, right? I'm a chef, I'm sure you knew that already, with your little boy detective brain and all-"
Taako keeps going. On and on and on about nothing and everything, as he does, and Angus listens attentively. He feels the heat against his hands, smells the chocolate in the air, hears Taako rambling beside him, and just for the moment, he feels a bit more solid, more present. He takes a breath and gives a smile. Tiny, but genuine. Then he sips his cocoa and lets the talking drown out the sound of his thoughts.