Chapter Text
Months passed as the two of you danced around each other, and life kept moving. Autumn had turned into winter, winter into spring, and you know the rest. But as Autumn began to creep back into view, Spencer found himself keeping a closer eye on you. He told himself he was just making sure you were alright, but in all honesty, he was curious as to whether or not you’d break your Halloween resolution.
It had almost been a full year, after all, not that it was any of his business if you broke it or not. You’d be in good company if you had, studies have shown that less than 25% of people actually stay committed to their resolutions after just 30 days, and only 8% accomplish them. And you were a grown woman, if you wanted to date someone far be it for anyone to tell you you couldn’t. But as far as he could tell, it seemed like you had kept your resolution, because there you were, snuggled up next to him on the couch on a Saturday night. Only mere days till you’d reach your goal.
“What are you thinking of wearing to the party?” Your words coaxed him out of his thoughts as his gaze shifted from the TV to you. Rossi had announced that he’d be throwing a Halloween party this year and to say you seemed excited about it was an understatement.
“I’m not sure, what are you going as?” He asked back, secretly wishing he harbored the same unbridled joy you had for Halloween this year, but he had been feeling run down lately. Not that he wanted you to know, he kept the headaches and nightmares to himself for the most part. He knew you had your own demons to deal with.
“I think I want to go old school this year, but I haven’t decided on anything yet.” Giving him a smile, you looked back at the screen.
Having you here helped, that much Spencer was sure of. Even though he wasn’t as excited as he usually was, walking into his apartment to see it decorated for the season really lifted his spirits. The smell of Halloween made its home in the apartment, just as you had done so easily.
When you managed to find a job, Spencer was elated for you, but a part of him was worried you’d want to move out and start living on your own. His stomach dropped when you had texted him that the two of you needed to talk, only to be relieved when all you wanted to talk about was you paying for your half of the rent.
“Old school?” Spencer asked for no real reason, as he tried to force his mind to focus on the movie instead of how you felt pressed against his side.
“Yeah, like sexy but scary.” You replied with a laugh, oblivious to the way Spencer’s Adam's apple bobbed.
~
It was around 1 am when you heard him get up, not a completely unusual thing for Spencer, but he had done it more in the past two weeks than he had before. Every time you asked him about it, he’d change the subject, not wanting to involve you. It was infuriating.
With a groan, you rolled out of bed, not even attempting to throw on anything decent as any attempt to be modest flew out the window months ago. Not that Spencer seemed to care, he never looked nor did he make a single comment. So you thought nothing of entering the kitchen wearing only an oversized t-shirt and boxers.
“Spence, what are you doing?” Your voice cracked a little as you rubbed your eyes, shuffling into the room.
“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.” His voice was low as if he was still trying to stay quiet, busy looking through the various tea boxes in the cabinet. “Do you want some tea?”
“What kind are you having?”
“Chamomile,” He answered, finally turning around. Spencer’s eyes looked you up and down so fast you almost missed it as you yawned. But you didn’t miss it.
“I should have known,” You smiled, leaning against the counter across from him. “I would love some, thank you.” Nodding his head, he poured the hot water into two mugs, placing the bags inside and stirring in a little bit of sugar.
“Why are you up?” Spencer asked as he handed you your mug, leaning against the counter as well.
“There is this guy…” You said with a faint smile, stirring your tea around.
“Oh?” Dropping his gaze to his feet, you didn’t miss the way Spencer’s voice rose a little.
“Yeah, and he’s being a little silly lately.”
“How so?”
“Well, you see, he’s not telling me what’s been keeping him up at night,” Spencer’s head rose along with his gaze once he finally realized you were talking about him. “And every time I try to talk to him about it, he brushes me off. What should I do?” You asked, taking a sip from your mug.
“Maybe he just doesn’t want to add to your stress by unloading his problems onto you.” He shrugged, his fingers playing with the handle of his mug, taking a long drink.
“But that’s the thing, I go to him with my problems all the time.” You sighed. “I just need to know that he’s going to be ok…I need to know how I can help.”
“He’s going to be fine,” Spencer stated after a moment of silence, finishing his drink. “And there isn’t a whole lot you can do for him, so…” Trailing off, he moved to rinse his mug in the sink.
“I can still try,” You insisted, not saying another word, you finished your own drink, doing the same as him before grabbing his hand. Leading him to his bedroom, you let go of him, walking over to the bed to slip under the covers.
“What are you doing?” Spencer asked but moved to stand by his side of the bed, getting under the covers when you patted the space next to you.
“Sometimes, people just need to be held.” You replied, wrapping your arms around him, you pulled him close as he rested his head on your chest.
A part of you was worried he’d be able to tell how fast your heart was beating, but a more dominant part of you wished he would notice. Notice the way you reacted to him, notice the way you felt about him, notice that you weren’t going anywhere. But instead, you felt his breathing become slower as he relaxed into you, drifting off in minutes.
~
When you woke up, you were surprised to find him still in bed with you, his arms and legs wrapped around your body making it impossible to move. His head still rested against your chest, turned up slightly to where you could see his face as he continued dreaming.
You couldn’t stop your eyes from tracing his features, noticing small details about him you had never taken the time to see before. But what had most of your attention were his lips, soft and pink, a shiver ran down your spine as you recalled kissing those exact lips so many years ago. The two of you were just kids back then. You were just a kid. Unaware of the feeling that would begin to grow after that night for the boy next door. The shy, funny, weird genius that was about to be late if he didn’t wake up.
“Hey…Spencer,” You said, shaking him. “Spencer you need to wake up.” Jolting awake, he nearly threw himself off the bed, causing you to laugh.
“I’m sor-sorry, I didn’t-” He was flustered as he stood, raking his hand through his hair.
“Spence, I’m waking you up because you need to get ready for work.”
“Work?” He said slowly as he noticed the clock on his nightstand. “Oh shit,” And just like that he was gone, disappearing into the bathroom.
With a content sigh, you got out of bed to head into the kitchen. You knew, in about five minutes, Spencer would be stumbling from his room and out the door. So you decided to make him a cup of coffee for the road. It was just a small action, you thought nothing of it as you poured it into a to-go mug, making it just the way he liked it. The last thing you expected when you handed it to a disheveled Spencer, was for him to mumble an ‘I love you’ as he kissed your forehead, only to disappear for the second time, out the front door.
~
He didn’t know why he did it, couldn’t possibly tell you what evil part of him decided that would be a good thing to do as he left, but Spencer had been racking his brain over it the whole way to work. It wasn’t the first time either one of you had said I love you, after that trip to 7-11 the two of you would say it in passing, but this time it was different. This time he said it with his whole chest. Add the kiss and falling asleep in your arms, Spencer was afraid you’d read into it.
…And he was afraid you wouldn’t.
But before he could think of what he was going to say to you tonight, Penelope called everyone to the roundtable. There was a case, of course, there would be a case. Not only would talking to you have to wait, but it also looked like the Halloween party was going to be canceled. He waited until everyone left the room to call you about the party, you sounded just as disappointed as he had expected. But to his relief, you didn’t mention this morning, only wishing him a safe trip.
Spencer thought once you moved in with him, he wouldn’t have to spend a Halloween without you for a long time. It seemed he was wrong, as he boarded the plane, he slumped down in one of the seats. His mind reminding him of all the things he had missed out on in the past, and what he was sure he was going to miss in the future.
~
Saying you missed Spencer’s presence in the apartment when he was gone made you feel like an abandoned spouse, so you never said it at all. You never told anyone about how you’d crawl into his bed some nights when you had a nightmare or just couldn’t sleep. You never told anyone about how just the smell of him calmed you. You never told anyone about anything.
A part of you wanted to deny your feelings, he was your best friend after all, if you messed that up by trying to be more…you didn’t know what you’d do. But when you woke up with his arms wrapped around you, followed by an I love you and an innocent forehead kiss, you weren’t sure you could keep your feelings in any longer.
So you weren’t going to. You decided as you sat alone that Halloween watching old horror movies, you had fulfilled your Halloween resolution and were in need of a new one.
~
Do you have another Halloween resolution this year? - Spencer
I do! Do you? -Y/n
Yes. What is it? - Spencer
A secret, what’s yours? - Y/n
It’s a secret too. Happy Halloween. - Spencer
Happy Halloween - Y/n
~
Even though the team did miss Halloween and Rossi had to cancel the party, it didn’t mean there would be no party at all. With a little help from Penelope, the two of you set up in your apartment, putting up even more spooky decorations, lights, and cobwebs. She even helped you set up the food and drinks, only leaving to get ready.
Slipping into your room, you were about to do the same after sending a text to the team, reminding them of the plans, only to hear the front door open. Poking your head out, you saw Spencer, his tired expression was replaced with a soft smile once he saw the state of the apartment. Taking a step further, he reached for a plate of cookies, causing you to fully leave your room.
“No cookies until after dinner!” You exclaimed, reaching for the cookie in his hand just as he lifted it over the both of you, out of your reach.
“Says who?” Spencer laughed as you tried to use his shoulders as leverage, to no avail.
“Says the one who slaved over dinner all day.” You huffed as you gave up.
“Alright, I guess you have a point.” He gave in, setting the cookie aside for later. “How did you have time to do all this anyway?” He asked, a tone of awe in his voice as he looked around the place once again.
“Penelope helped me out,” The smile on your face faltered slightly when you noticed the slight bruise on his cheek. “What happened to you?” Your hand rose on its own, lightly grazing the raised skin.
“Oh it’s nothing,” He shrugged, making no move to push your hand away. “I didn’t even register that the unsub had hit me until I was on the way home,” Spencer laughed lightly. “I figured it would add to my costume.”
“What is your costume anyway?” You asked, stepping away to move towards your bedroom, the conversation reminding you you needed to start getting ready if you wanted to be done before guests started arriving.
“It’s a secret!” Making his own way towards his room, Spencer gave you a silly grin.
“Lot’s of secrets going on lately.”
“It seems so,”
~
Spencer had only just finished getting dressed when he heard a knock at the door. Penelope was the first to arrive, dressed as little red riding hood. Followed by Derek, who must have been coerced by Penelope to dress as a werewolf. The three of them had been talking for a while before you eventually left your room, knocking the wind out of Spencer the minute his eyes landed on you. You had gone old school, as promised, dressed as the Bride of Frankenstein. Though you had your own spin on it, you looked…well.
“You look amazing,” Spencer said as he stood.
“You don’t look too bad yourself,” You laughed, noticing he was dressed as Frankenstein’s monster.
“Awe, you guys planned your outfit?” Penelope chimed in.
“We didn’t actually,” You said, your gaze finally falling on the two on the couch. “But I have a feeling you guys did.” A big smile grew across your face seeing Derek dressed as a sexy werewolf.
Before Spencer could say anything else, there was another knock at the door. In a matter of minutes, everyone else arrived and dinner was served. Much to Spencer’s disappointment, the two of you sat at opposite ends of the long fold-out table. He had wondered how you were going to have room for everyone, he should have known you’d find a way.
Between Derek and JJ, Spencer’s opportunities to steal glances at you were few, but from what he did see, you seemed to be having a good time. Either laughing at something Emily said or listening intently to a story Rossi was telling, you were radiating. With a drink in your hand and a laid back posture, he couldn’t remember the last time he had seen you so happy.
~
It was hard, ever since you had made up your mind to confess your feelings to Spencer, every part of you screamed at you to tell him. But you couldn’t, not yet, not before the party, and especially not during it. It made Emily’s knowing glances and prying questions that much harder to avoid. She could be so easy to talk to, you often found yourself telling her things not even Spencer knew…but this was different, you couldn’t tell anyone about this.
Because what if it went bad? What if he didn’t feel the same? What if he got uncomfortable and asked you to move out? The many ways it could go wrong had been front and center in your mind. It was one of the reasons you were dying to tell him, you needed to know. Because with every passing minute, you found yourself falling further and deeper into whatever it was you were feeling. Seeing him at the end of the table, laughing louder than he had in years, you could almost make out that little glimmer of light in his eyes, causing your heart to swell with an emotion you didn’t even have a name for.
Hotch was the first to leave, followed by JJ. The rest of the gang held out for a little longer, but you could tell they were all tired. You were sure if it wasn’t a Friday, they all would have left sooner, but by eleven-thirty they were all out the door, leaving you and Spencer alone. Suddenly, you were nervous. The glasses of wine you had had not so long ago did nothing to calm your nerves as you began to clear up the table.
“Don’t worry, I’ve got it,” Spencer said, grabbing the plate from your hand. “I’m sure you’re tired.” Letting him take it, you reached for another one.
“Me? What about you?” You laughed, picking up the rest of the plates to bring into the kitchen, placing them next to the sink where Spencer was beginning to rinse the dishes. “How about we both clean up, that way it goes faster.” You compromised as you began putting all the food away. In no time, the two of you managed to put everything up, save for the decorations. “I’m going to change, do you want to watch a movie?” You asked as you made your way to your room.
“I’d love to,” He replied, slightly blushing as he disappeared into his own room.
Even though you thought he looked handsome in his work clothes, and he looked very adorable dressed up as a monster, seeing Spencer in sweatpants and a t-shirt always did something to you. With his wild hair and tired eyes, he looked soft, despite his sharp features. You found him passed out on the couch, a random movie playing on the TV. The sight warmed your heart. Making your way over to him, you gently rubbed his shoulder.
“I think you should go to bed.” You said softly once his eyes fluttered open.
“No, no, you wanted to watch a movie.” Spencer tried to assure you, straightening himself on the couch with a yawn.
“That’s not what I want,” A slight laugh escaped you as you sat down beside him, your hand running through his hair as he rubbed his eyes.
“It’s not?” He asked his voice heavy with sleep.
“No, I want…” The words wouldn’t come out as you looked at him, though you willed them to, they just wouldn’t come.
“What? What do you want?” He pressed as if his life depended on it. He must be really tired. “I’ll be whatever you want…I mean do!” Spencer was quick to correct himself. “I’ll do whatever you want!” His words caused your heart to sink, reminding you of what he had said that Halloween after his dad left.
“It’s you, Spence. I just want you.” You finally admitted with a sad smile.
“You want me?” A sleepy grin grew across his face. “You…want me?” He said again, pointing between the two of you.
“Yes,” laughing, you lightly pushed his shoulder, only for him to gently grab your wrist. The bubbly feeling you had felt a second ago was replaced with something else as he began to lean closer to you. His lips ghosted yours and you could feel his breath as he spoke.
“This is what you want?” He asked again as you shut your eyes.
“Yes,” You repeated. Not a second later you felt his lips press against yours, finally. Slow and sweet at first, your hands found their way back in his hair as he cupped your face, deepening the kiss after a moment. “Is this what you want?” You asked pulling away suddenly, causing him to fall forward slightly as he tried to follow your mouth.
“Do I want this?” Spencer reiterated with a laugh. “God, yes. I want this.” He assured you, kissing you once again.
~
When you’re friends with someone long enough, you often wonder how it was the two of you started talking in the first place. Looking back, you try to remember first impressions, secrets shared, and the moments that would always carry a place in your heart. The first time you kissed Spencer Reid had, for the longest time, been a very special moment for you. But the second time you kissed Spencer was a moment you never wanted to forget.
And as you rolled over in Spencer’s bed to find him asleep, you decided this was a moment you wanted to remember as well. Because this time, you were allowed to admire him. Slowly, his eyes began to open as he blinked away sleep, breathing in deeply while his arms wrapped tighter around you, pulling you closer to him.
“Hey,” He said with a lazy smile.
“Hey,” You echoed back, nuzzling deeper into your pillow.
“You were my Halloween resolution, by the way,” Spencer spoke again after a few minutes, his thumb caressing your exposed skin. “I told myself I’d finally tell you how I felt.”
“And how do you feel?”
“…Indescribable,” He finally replied.
“Can I tell you a secret?”
“Of course,”
“You were my resolution, too.” You admitted as you leaned to give him a small kiss before cuddling closer to him, missing the tinge of pink that dusted his face.