Chapter Text
She glanced down at her phone screen as the call got connected and Matthew’s face appeared.
“Don’t tell me you’re calling me to ask what to wear. It’s just a stupid game you could wear your pajamas and no one would care,” he said taking a bite out of a KitKat, not even bothering to say a hello.
She made a face at him. “I wasn’t going to”
She bent down and looked at the jumble of all her shoes and heels and wondered how she’s goes to find the pair of shoes Lucie gifted her. If her mother saw this mess she would lock Cordelia in her room until everything was in a proper order.
“And even if we couldn’t wear whatever we wanted I still wouldn’t ask for help.” She said in a low voice without meeting his gaze. “Um…. I’ve kinda been watching these TikToks about women empowerment and body positivity stuff and I decided to say fuck you to all these shit that makes me feel like shit.”
He gave her an impressed look. “Wow... I’m so proud of you.” He smiled slyly, “James would be too”
She rolled her eyes and smiled but looked away a second later. “But it’s not that easy you know,” she said as she switched the phone to her left hand and used her right one to pull out the shoes she was searching for, “Every time I look at myself in the mirror my mind keeps saying you look fat in it, you look weird, what will other people think and all that”
“Yeah... the mind can really fuck you up”
She dropped the shoes on the ground and looked at Matthew. He sounded weird, all sad and depressed. She had never heard him like that.
“Matthew...” He averted his eyes from her. “Are you okay? What happened?”
He looked back again but didn’t meet her gaze. “It’s nothing.” He gave a chuckle that sounded broken. “It’s nothing okay I’m just feeling a bit down these days that’s all.”
“Matthew you know you can talk to me right? I’ll listen to anything. I... like I may not be able to say exact thing you want to hear to feel better but
“Cordelia it’s not anything serious okay. Besides I talked to James about it if it makes you feel better.”
“Well... at least you talked to someone about it without keeping it in. I know I sound like one of those random people the school invites to talk about mental health but I really mean it from the bottom of my heart.”
“I know Cordelia.” He gave her one of those rare genuine smiles of his. “Thank you. Seriously.”
She really wished she could help more but if Matthew didn’t want her to know she should respect his privacy. Even though they were best friends he never talked about any of these things with her.
“Shouldn’t you be going by now? It’s going to start soon”, Matthew said interrupting her train of thought.
Shit! She went to check the time on the phone and saw so many messages from Lucie asking where she was. Frantically she started putting on her shoes. Once she put on her shoes she was all set. Thank god she combed her hair earlier. She was just lacing her shoes when she stopped midway.
“Wait what do you mean ‘you’?” she looked at Matthew who was taking the final bite of the chocolate.
“Well I got to go Cordelia, have fun watching James run around kicking a ball”
“Matthew seriously? Come on!”
“I don’t know why I have to go. Football is such a boring sport. Like who wants to see guys running around kicking a ball. It would be even slightly better if the guys were hot but the ones in our school are just useless.” He pulled a pillow to his face as he laid on the bed and closed his eyes.
“Mathew your best friend is the captain. Don’t you want to see Zara get her ass handed back to her?” There’s one person Matthew hates more than Grace and that’s Zara Dearborn. There’s this long history of hate between her friends and Zara since they were kids even before Cordelia had arrived.
His eyes snapped open and he pushed the pillow away. “I’ll meet you’ll at the entrance” She smiled as the call ended. She sent a message to James wishing him luck and went out to find Lucie.
Matthew arrived a few minutes after the game started and sat next to the empty seat next to Cordelia.
“Where’s Thomas? You said he was coming?” Matthew asked looking at Lucie. She pointed at the stairs where a crowd of people stood. He looked at where she pointed and then said, “Why the hell is Thomas talking to your brother Cordelia?”
Cordelia glanced at the two boys and looked back at Matthew, “Oh they’ve been talking recently.” He frowned.
“Leave them alone Matthew,” Lucie said.
Cordelia knew Matthew didn’t like her brother because Alastair dated his brother and according to him anyone who thinks Charles is attractive or datable sucks. He sighed and looked at the field as the other team scored a goal.
Last year, after listening to the people, the ones in charge finally decided schools should have a one gender neutral team instead of the usual two. So now team players are chosen only from how good they play. It did reduce the number of people who could play on the official team but the majority was okay with it.
The game went on, both teams scoring almost equally.
She was trying her best to ignore the cheerleaders. Well one cheerleader in particular. As always Grace looked good, her cheerleading uniform hugging her figure and making her look even slimmer. She wondered how she would look in one of those. They’ll probably have to order a bigger size for her. Stop that, she told herself. You told you’ll stop doing this. Look at some of the other cheerleaders who aren’t the ‘perfect’ small size. They look amazing! And look how well they perform! You need to stop thinking like that.
“You okay?” Lucie asked making her snap out from her thoughts. She gave a small laugh, “Yeah just overthinking. Sorry.”
It was the last few minutes of the game, their team only had to score one more point to win. All of them were at the edge of their seats as their team got the ball and started heading towards the goal. The ball was passed onto James and he rushed past the players trying to stop him guiding the ball with his foot. When he was almost at the goal he kicked the ball. It sailed past the goalkeeper, barely avoiding his touch, and into the net.
Everyone around her, except Matthew, jumped out of their seats and started screaming and cheering.
They saw Zara throw her helmet down, even though they couldn’t hear her Cordelia was sure she was cursing. She looked furious and even from afar they could see her face turning red.
Cordelia looked at Matthew, he was sitting with his arms crossed but with a smile on his face. He looked up noticing her stare. He chuckled, “Okay okay I admit it, it was worth it. Are you happy?”
She grinned, “Maybe if-”
Lucie shook Cordelia’s shoulder interrupting what she was going to say, “What’s happening?”
Cordelia looked at the field, it was getting crowded, the spectators were entering the field joining with the team to celebrate.
She looked around trying to figure out what Lucie was worrying about but stopped for a second when she couldn’t find James. He was in the middle of the field with his teammates a few moments ago.
A few seconds later she noticed him, with his helmet off, at the edge of the field near the cheerleaders spot … next to Grace.
Her heart sank. Of course he’d be with her. She’s his girlfriend. Obviously he’ll be celebrating their win with her. James teammate Manuel was there too talking with Grace.
But then Grace started moving her arms around and pointing at James as if arguing. Wait that can’t be right.
She unconsciously grabbed Lucie’s hand. What the hell?! Did Manuel just put his arm around Grace?!!
She looked at Lucie in shock and back at the James. More people started looking at them.
She didn’t know what the hell was happening but she knew it wasn’t good. And James looked shocked.
James said something to Grace and she said something back and turned her back on him. For a second James stood there then he turned around and walked away.
She tried to go after James but Matthew caught her hand. “Stay here. I’ll go” She wanted to argue but he was already moving past people.
Well she guessed it was better that Matthew had gone, she wouldn’t have known what to say even if she went.
Lucie suggested that they better head home, pretty sure the guys won’t be going to any parties after this so there’s no point in staying here.
Cordelia sent a message to her brother letting him know that she was leaving while Lucie sent one to Thomas telling him about what happened. Maybe he could go and find out what happened.
Cordelia spent the rest of the day trying to figure out what to do. Should she check on the guys and ask what happened or should she just leave it alone and wait until they tell her (if they plan on telling her). She was just pulled the covers of her bed up and placed her phone on her bedside when it lit up.
She glanced at it sleepily, who is messaging her at this time? It’s the middle of the night.
It was from James.
U awake?
She sat up.
Yea whats up?
She wanted to say more, wanted to ask what happened and if he was okay but waited until he replied.
Want to go to the park? I wanna talk
Um... Okay how bad is it? They normally go to talk in the park when it’s something serious or personal. Like the time Cordelia’s father passed away and she became depressed and during the time when James used to think his mom wasn’t his real mother because of how different he looked.
Ill be out in a second
She sprang out of her bed pulling off her nightdress and grabbing a t-shirt and sweats. She tiptoed past Alastair’s room, thank God her mother’s room was past the steps. Her mother was always okay with spending her time outside with her friends and James but Cordelia knew even she would not be okay with meeting with James this late at night.
She noticed James standing out waiting for her as she closed the door silently. He was looking at the sky; his face was expressionless.
He glanced at her when she came close. A little smile formed on his lips. She thought it was a normal casual smile until she realized he has looking at her hair.
She was in such a hurry that she didn’t even bother to check her hair, which obviously must be in a mess after rolling around in bed. She started patting her hair furiously trying to tam it.
“It’s okay, I like it when it’s messy”, he said with a chuckle.
She started to blush. No stop! This is a serious situation. Or she thought it was from the way the text sounded.
“Come on, let’s go.” His face was back to being expressionless.
The walk to the park was quiet, both of them lost in thought. Well she was freaking out, imaging every scenario that could happen. She wondered what James was thinking.
They went and sat on their usual park bench that’s painted like the night sky. Cordelia always felt this warm feeling when they came here. It was like visiting the museum except you’re seeing the place where it all began.
James sighed. “Aren’t you going to ask what happened? I know you saw. Hell I think everyone saw”
She looked at him. He looked tired and worn-out. “I was waiting until you or Matthew say something. And if you’ll didn’t I wasn’t going to ask. I’m not a snoop”
James gave a small chuckled and smiled at her finally looking her in the eye. She missed seeing him smile. Maybe she was biased but he smiled less after he started dating Grace.
“This is why I like you”
She stopped breathing for a second.
He meant it like a friend stop overreacting.
He ran a hand through his hair. “I wasn’t planning on saying anything but Matthew said that it was okay”
She furrowed her brow. Matthew? Wasn’t this about him?
He smiled when he saw her expression. “I guess I have to start from the beginning”
He sighed and pulled his legs up to his chest.
“So I…umm… never really liked Grace”
Her head snapped towards him.
Okay some small part of her thought that but she*
“She made me do it.” He dropped his legs back to the ground.
“Um… what?”
“Yeah it’s like... urgh… how do I say this?” James said covering his face with his hands.
He looked up again and let out a deep breath. “Do remember that time Matthew got sick and had to go to the hospital?”
“Yeah...” What has that got to do with this? Now this is getting confusing. What the hell had happened?
“So during that time he was going through this tough time… you know… with his mother’s miscarriage and all that…and he kinda...” James stopped. “He overdosed”
Her hand flew to her mouth. What?! No no … “Oh my God” Tears started forming in her eyes.
James avoided her gaze. She grabbed his hand and made him look at her. His eyes were full of sadness. “Why didn’t you’ll tell us? Oh my God Matthew! He could have talked to us or...or at least ... I don’t know… let us just be there with him!”
“I know how you’re felling Cordelia,” James said in a calming voice. “I found out when he called me for help. I still have nightmares about what could have happened if I didn’t get there fast enough.”
She let go of her hold on James. She didn’t think about how hard it must have been for James. To see his best friend like that must have been so scary.
James continued before she could say anything. “I took him to the hospital as fast as I could. I called his parents even though he didn’t want me to. And… and it was this big mess but the doctors and everyone agreed to keep quiet about because it might look bad on Matthew’s mother especially when she was just about to be reelected as mayor. Nobody else knows”
Her head hurt. She couldn’t believe all this happened and she and the others didn’t know. Or that Matthew was suffering all this time but they hadn’t even realized.
“But somebody else found out about it”
She looked at James again. What more could happen? Wasn’t this enough?
“Grace’s father was one of the doctors and he went and told her about it” Cordelia had totally forgotten what this was actually about.
“Oh god don’t tell me…”
“She said that if I didn’t date her she will tell everyone about Matthew.”
“But why would she want you for this?”
“You know how her family hates ours. This was her rebelling against them to get whatever she wanted. I don’t even correctly know what she wanted from me. I didn’t want people to talk shit about Matthew so I did it. Every time I tried to leave her she showed me pictures of that night and told me she’ll send it to everyone in school.” He sighed. “I don’t even know how she got those pictures”
“James get your stuff ready we’re going to kill her”
James started laughing, it felt like he was letting go of a big burden.
“I’m serious,” she told him. She didn’t like Grace earlier but now she hates that woman. Like what the hell is her problem? This is blackmail.
“Wait a second wasn’t she the one who started fighting today?” Cordelia wasn’t able to see the start of it but she was sure James didn’t instigate it.
“Yeah,” James said crossing his legs. “Apparently she got fed up of me and she went after Manuel. But she’s spreading around a story that I’m desperate for and going after her even when she said no.”
“Oh god why she acting like as if she’s in some drama?”
“Let it go Cordelia. I’m so tired after all this. I feel like she sucked the life out of me. I’m just going to stay away from her. Let her say whatever she wants about me I really don’t care anymore.”
“Wait what about those photos you said?”
“She deleted them. She said doesn’t care about… well she called Matthew some shitty stuff. But she deleted them”
“I seriously don’t get her. Does she want attention? Does she want to feel superior?”
“I’ve given up trying to figure out how her mind works.” He placed a hand on her shoulder. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier. I really wanted to but then I would have to tell you about Matthew and that wasn’t my thing to say” He looked at her wistfully.
“It’s okay. I get it. I would have done the same thing.”
She reached out and hugged him. She felt bad because she wasn’t able to do anything to help them during all this.
He wrapped his arms around her. “I feel like the world was lifted from my shoulders.”
“Well now you know how Atlas feels”
James let out a laugh and let go.
He pulled his phone out of his pocket and checked the time.
“Holy shit,” she cursed standing up and looking around. “How they hell did time go so fast?”
“Guess we better get going before our parents out and skin us alive,” he said as they started to walk.
“Do you think they’ll eat our skin once they do? Or will they sell it?” she asked.
He made an exasperated sound. “I’m pretty sure our parents aren’t cannibals”
“All I’m saying is if anyone is going to eat me I think they should add a bit of salt. I think I’ll taste better with salt,” she said with a smile.
James started laughing pushing her shoulder jokingly.
He looked at her and smiled once he stopped laughing.
The sadness that was in his eyes before gone.