Chapter Text
As it was almost dark outside, Jin Ling stopped at an inn in Caiyi Town. He hadn't been traveling by sword, prioritizing discretion over efficiency. He had bought new gray robes, in an effort to hide his identity as a Jin cultivator and as a clan heir. He got some directions wrong out of nervousness—after all, it was the first time he had run so far away from home, with no intention to return for a significant amount of time. But now, he was finally close to the Cloud Recesses.
“I would like dinner and a room”, he announced to the innkeeper after sitting at a table, trying to make himself sound older than he was.
She bowed and attended to her business. Jin Ling's intent was to spend a quiet evening and let himself think, but his plans were ruined by the loud group of men sitting near him.
“Very scandalous indeed”, said one of the men. “Their heir ran away, just like that. I can imagine he didn't want to bear the responsibility of a sect as disgusting as the Jin sect...”
Jin Ling felt as though someone punched him in the guts.
“Ah, probably!” exclaimed another one. “He's just a kid, after all... Can you imagine though, poor child... Having to take on the consequences of everything Jin Guangyao did! He probably saw the mess that was left, and ran away screaming...”
Somehow, the rage Jin Ling was feeling was worse than the one caused by his fight with his uncle. At least, then, he could try to defend himself.
“I heard something else”, the first man continued. “The Jiang clan leader...”
“The kid's uncle!” a third man clarified. “He practically raised him.”
“Yes, him. I heard that when he realized the kid was gone, he screamed at the top of his lungs at anyone who dared to approach him. He yelled at servants and talented cultivators alike, and ran around Lanling with this horrible lightning whip of his, threatening everyone for information about his nephew's whereabouts. So scary, I tell you, so incredibly scary people feared for their lives! He's looking everywhere for him as we speak.”
“Of course, of course...”
Jin Ling swallowed and sunk in his chair, mortified. He felt like dying in a hole. When the innkeeper brought him his dinner, he didn't notice it.
“Well”, a fourth man chuckled. “This brat is a lot of trouble indeed!”
Who are you calling a brat, you son of a nobody! Jin Ling thought furiously to himself.
“How scandalous!” he continued. “Haha! It's one thing for teenagers to run away sometimes, but to run away only to cower from an important position... If it was one of my kids, let me tell you...”
It was enough for Jin Ling: he hurried to his room without even eating.
Dejected, he punched the bed. He talked to himself out loud.
“First, Uncle doesn't want me to be a sect leader. Second, everyone says I ran away from it out of cowardice. What a JOKE!”
He had screamed that last sentence. He realized too late it might disturb everyone, and wished Fairy was there. He was usually the only thing able to calm him down.
Thinking about his uncle searching for him, he suddenly shuddered. He had thrown such a spectacular tantrum that ordinary people from Gusu were already talking about it after less than two weeks... Jin Ling wasn't really eager to see him again, to say the least. He had never received a real beating from his uncle ever, or received any disciplinary lash from Zidian —even though he was threatened with it countless times. But this time, he knew he had gone way too far: he purposely mentioned the one thing that could anger Jiang Cheng more than anything else, and immediately ran away. There was no predicting what his uncle would do to him...
Jin Ling fell asleep on these anxious thoughts.
“I have a question”, Jin Ling once declared, at some point in the eighth year of his life, as he was studying History of Cultivation.
Jin Guangyao offered a smile. “You may ask.”
“Why was it bad to try to save the Wen remnants?”
His uncle’s smile faltered only to be back immediately, as gentle as always.
“A-Ling”, he said in a tone that, although kind, made Jin Ling feel like he had just pronounced the stupidest thing of his entire existence. “You know what happened afterwards. Your father-”
“I know, I know! Of course! They’re all scum! And Wei Wuxian was a dog, and I will never praise him!” Jin Ling hurried. “I’m just asking why…”
But the child wasn’t sure how to better formulate his question in a manner that didn’t sound like he was defending the horrible Yiling Patriarch. He tried another angle.
“Before, you said helping civilians and commoners was very important. So… The ones that weren’t cultivators…”
Jin Guangyao sighed.
“I did say that, and it’s true. A-Ling. You need to understand something very important. Pay attention, please.”
“Yes.”
“As a cultivator, you should strive to help civilians and uphold order and peace among your community as much as you can. But no help you can give, no alliance, should ever be detrimental to you, A-Ling.”
He paused.
“You see”, Jin Guangyao continued with a slightly tighter smile, “helping people who live under the responsibility of your sect is beneficial to you. You want everything in Lanling to function smoothly, and you want to uphold your sect’s reputation. Helping people who don’t live under the responsibility of your sect can be a bit more... troublesome, depending on the situation, because it might put you in a difficult position regarding the sect they’re already depending on. However, under the right circumstances, it may still be profitable for your image to help them, as it would make you appear… Noble. Brave. Reliable. Selfless.”
Jin Guangyao put a hand on Jin Ling’s shoulder.
“But—and this is very important, A-Ling—you shall never be truly selfless.”
Jin Ling’s eyes widened.
“But…”
“You should help people, A-Ling, but you should never be completely, thoughtlessly selfless. The Wen remnants were the political enemies of the entire Cultivation world, and were no longer depending on any sect. They symbolized an enemy that hurt everyone. Do you understand? Back then, Lanling Jin did its best to contain them. This is how we helped people. Defending them would have made anyone look like they were suddenly siding with a tyrannic enemy.”
He let out a little laugh.
“When you grow up, as a cultivator, you will fight many monsters, save many people, win many battles. Obviously, this will gain you honor—for your own name, or for your sect, or for your family. There is always a gain, A-Ling. Obviously, you should not appear like you only act if there is a gain involved, but regardless, there is always one. You can’t offer help or alliance if it’s nothing but disadvantageous for you.”
Jin Ling quietly nodded, pensive. He wasn’t entirely enthusiastic about what he heard, but he was contemplating it.
Later that day, as he still had his mind on it, he thought to himself that a lot of the time, sure enough, the gain involved was his uncle Jiang’s proud little smile.
The next day, he tried to suppress all signs of nervousness as he was climbing the mountain leading to the Cloud Recesses. He really hoped Wei Wuxian would accept to see him—after all, he had stabbed him in the past. Would he immediately dismiss him, forcing him to insist and beg for a little bit of his time? Would he agree to answer his questions, and tell him about his parents? Would he, Jin Ling, be able to go through all of this without crying pitifully, like he'd done so many times recently?
He approached the gate, guarded by two cultivators entirely dressed in white. Trying as usual to compose a self-assured attitude, he greeted them and bowed.
“I request a moment of the time of one of your guests, to discuss important matters.”
The guards looked at each other with a puzzled expression.
“Young master, you can't enter the Cloud Recesses without an invitation.”
“What?” Jin Ling was not having this. “Do you know who I am?” he exclaimed out of habit, forgetting he wasn’t supposed to be recognizable. “Do you know who my uncle is? Let me in!”
The self-assured composure was completely gone.
“In any case, young master, you may not enter. These are the rules.”
“Then tell Wei Wuxian I'm here! Tell him to come here to meet me!”
“Jin Ling?” called a voice.
As they were arguing, a group of Gusu Lan junior disciples had been walking down towards the gates. To his displeasure, Jin Ling saw Lan Jingyi staring back at him with a surprised expression.
“Oh. Great. You.”
“What do you mean, me? I was going to help you, but now, I'll just leave you on your own!”
“Jingyi, wait, I-”
Jin Ling hated being the one having to ask for someone's attention, time or help. But he didn't really have a choice, did he?
“I was just... Expecting someone else. I didn't mean that it was bad to see you”, he lied.
Jingyi didn't seem very convinced, but he still let the other disciples walk away, staying behind to keep talking.
“What are you doing here? I heard you ran away from Koi Tower, and everyone was looking for you. And, well- some people were quite worried.”
Jin Ling reacted immediately. “Some people like Wei Wuxian?
“Wei Wuxian?” Jingyi replied, raising his eyebrows. “No, he didn't stay long enough to even hear about it. He left more than a week ago.”
Jin Ling punched a tree, frustrated.
“Hey! Watch it!”
Jin Ling glared at him. He wanted to scream at him, just to let it out, but he still needed more information.
“Do you know where he went?”
“No...”
“Ugh! How can you be this useless!”
Jingyi's tone raised at once. “Who are you calling useless? You ran away from your sect leader position!”
“No I did not! Uncle didn't let me take the position!”
The young Lan was so taken aback he forgot they were fighting.
“Wait, really? Is that why you left?”
“Yes!” He paused. “Well, no. Not really.” He paused again. “It's complicated!”
“Everything is complicated with you, isn't it...”
The two boys were walking slowly. Jingyi seemed as though he was silently debating with himself about what to do next. He sighed.
“You're very annoying, young mistress.”
“You..!”
“However”, he interrupted, “when Sizhui isn't here, I ask myself on the daily: 'what would Sizhui do?' And in this situation, Sizhui would take you to Hanguang-Jun for an opportunity to ask him what direction Senior Wei went. He would even do it with a smile, no matter how unreasonable you're being.”
Jin Ling simultaneously felt hope and fear. He needed the information, but Hanguang-Jun was scary .
“I can't promise you a smile, but we do have to meet later with Hanguang-Jun outside of the Cloud Recesses, and I'll take you there, alright?
Jin Ling nodded. They walked together for a while.
“So... Where did you say Sizhui went?”
And Jin Ling and Lan Jingyi talked, in mostly friendly terms. Jingyi explained that Sizhui was away on a night hunt with Wen Ning, and on a personal journey he didn't know many details of. Jin Ling tried to repress all the complicated emotions he felt about Wen Ning, and narrated to Jingyi most of what had happened within the temple. Jingyi, who hadn't heard the story in many details, was eager to hear everything. However, soon enough, as the memories were getting too painful, he insulted Jingyi to bait him into starting another quarrel and put the topic behind them. After a few minutes of shouting, Jin Ling and Jingyi walked in silence.
Jin Ling was raised by his uncle Jiang to be brave, he reminded himself. Or, more precisely, he was raised to be more scared of the consequences of his failures than whichever dangers were facing him. He had more than once been described as reckless: he could, out of pride, a sense of honor, or out of a never-ending will to prove his own worth, jump into the most dangerous situations, even deadly ones.
None of these dangerous situations ever involved Hanguang-Jun's cold, still expression as he stared down at him. This situation was a new degree of deadly. It was extremely uncomfortable, and Jin Ling wasn't able to maintain eye contact.
I could just go back to Koi Tower and face Uncle's rage , he was thinking desperately. I could just go back and be yelled at, or whipped, or get my legs broken, or killed, as long as I don't stay here one more second…
“Hanguang-Jun”, Jingyi tried again, hesitantly, bowing once more. “This disciple apologizes for delaying the training. I um... I- Jin Ling- uh, young master Jin was hoping to find some information about Senior Wei...”
But Hanguang-Jun kept glaring straight at Jin Ling. The young Jin bowed as well, a second time. He was well aware that the man wasn't fond of him, to say the least: he was known to be somewhat protective of Wei Wuxian, whom Jin Ling had stabbed . When he tried to talk for himself, his voice was way higher-pitched than he hoped it would be.
“Hanguang-Jun, I didn't mean to interfere with the Gusu Lan Clan training schedule. I hoped to talk to Wei Wux- um, Senior Wei, but he seems to have left. I, um, I would like to know where I can find him.” He paused. "Please." He thought for a second, and added: “Lanling Jin would be very much in your debt.”
The man did not seem impressed by that at all. The silence that followed was deafening and felt thick around Jin Ling's heart.
Hanguang-Jun finally replied: “Why?”
“N-nothing bad! It's just, I need- I need...”
He felt vulnerable, having to disclose his reasons behind his quest for Wei Wuxian. He wasn't even sure to know them clearly himself, and he never thought he would have to justify them to other people, especially not Hanguang-Jun and his impassive face. His straight posture was hard to maintain under these scrutinizing eyes.
“I didn't have the opportunity to talk to him after the... the Temple. And I have, I have questions, and...”
He paused a long time, without knowing how to end his sentence.
“Yingchuan”, said Hanguang-Jun.
Jin Ling looked up, hopeful. “He- he went to Yingchuan?”
Hanguang-Jun nodded imperceptibly. “He expressed his intentions to join a night-hunt in a village located to the East of Yingchuan.”
“Thank you, Hanguang-Jun!!”, Jingyi said excitedly.
Jin Ling bowed again and repeated these words. “Thank you, Hanguang-Jun.”
There was something else he needed to say after the events in Yunping, but he didn't think Jingyi would be there to hear it, which made him incredibly uneasy. Why did he have to look so vulnerable in front of an audience today?
“And...”
More importantly, why was it so hard?
“Thank you for saving my life, Hanguang-Jun. I mean in- in the Temple”.
Jingyi's expression of astonishment was barely visible in the corner of his eyes. Lan Wangji nodded solemnly to him. As both boys bowed and left, the young Lan was inexplicably as excited as if he was involved in the first place.
“It went well! Will you go find Senior Wei, now?”
“Yes”. Jin Ling sighed and moaned. “Why did it have to be so hard... Hanguang-Jun clearly hates my guts, doesn't he.”
“What? What are you talking about? He clearly smiled at you.”
“Who smiled? Stop making fun of me, please!” He had no patience for such nonsense. “I need to go as soon as possible, anyway.”
Jin Ling unsheathed Suihua and hopped on it, too tired to wait for another round of insults, and left behind a very confused Lan Jingyi.
“Send letters! Give Senior Wei my best wishes!”
Jin Ling responded with something that looked like waving, and hurried away.
Out of urgency and excitement, Jin Ling couldn't bring himself to travel by foot anymore. He needed to be fast, to make sure to find Wei Wuxian where he said he went. That's what he was telling himself over and over, as he was flying on his sword, hoping with everything he had that he wouldn't be found by his uncle or any of the people looking for him. He was horribly aware that he was going to have to get close to Lanling, and not too far from Yunmeng.
On the third day, he entered an inn located in a very small village. Having traveled on his sword for such an unusually long time almost emptied him of his spiritual energy, and he was feeling completely exhausted. The establishment couldn't be more different from the quality of life he was used to, but he didn't have much room to complain: at this point, he couldn't bring himself to wander around any longer, and was craving a bed.
However, before Jin Ling could ask for a room, a middle aged man loudly rushed inside, obviously panicked.
“Please! Someone help! Please!”
All the patrons quieted at once. The man was out of breath, tearing up, an imploring look on his face.
“Spirits, evil creatures, they attacked my family. They attacked our sheep and chickens first, and when my daughter tried to stop them, they, they…”
“Evil spirits?” Jin Ling immediately repeated.
“Young master, are you a cultivator? You dress like a cultivator. Please…”
“I am, I am", he said, somewhat overwhelmed by the sudden attention. "Could you... Could you see through them? Were they surrounded by black smoke?” He asked as the man was shaking his head. “Or did they walk on the ground?”
“Yes, they walked on the ground, but dead, they were dead.”
“Fierce corpses”, Jin Ling said. “Show me where.”
Jin Ling had no time to think it through. He didn’t realize any of this could likely cause someone to recognize him, or that his spiritual energy wasn’t exactly at its best. He followed the man outside, and they started to run.
“Are you, ah, a rogue cultivator?” the man asked between exhales.
“You could say that”, Jin Ling answered elusively.
“What’s your name?”
But Jin Ling didn’t answer. They continued to run, until they reached an isolated farm. Fierce corpses were indeed roaming in the place, and as he drew his sword and ran towards them, collecting everything he remembered from his training, he realized with a strike of fear just how many of them there were.
Why were there so many?
He decapitated one of them. He chopped off an arm. He chopped off a leg. He avoided one of them. He avoided four of them. There were ten more.
He was low on spiritual energy.
He screamed to give himself some courage.
He chopped off an arm. Twirled. Jumped. Stabbed one of them in the heart. A hand grabbed him. He jumped again.
It lasted forever.
“Young master!” the man called. He couldn’t even afford to turn his head to acknowledge him.
He found himself cornered.
He was so tired. So critically low on spiritual energy. He pushed and pushed. He spit blood. Promptly wiped it on his sleeve. Pushed again. Spit blood again.
His vision was blurry.
Suddenly, another person was there. A flash of a red ribbon.
A piercing, high pitched sound.
A flute?..
Everything went black.