Chapter Text
You say, "Don't fear your dreams, it's easier than it seems"
You say you'd never let me fall from hopes so high
But never is a promise and you can't afford to lie
Name: Tatiana "Tanya" Valeryevna Kovaleva
Date of birth: 1971-10-29 (age 17)
Place of birth: Kazan, Russian SFSR, URS
Playing piano isn’t that difficult, Tatiana remembered telling her babushka. All you have to do is press the keys when they light up in your head. She didn’t realize then that synesthesia wasn’t something that happened for everyone, let alone in the unique way she experienced it. Her baba told her to never talk to anyone about it again for fear of them accusing her of witchcraft (to be fair, she was from a small village with rather provincial views).
Talent was something that was hard to place, but by the time Tanya was nine years old she knew that this was the key to her future. She could play piano better than anyone else in her community, even bringing grown men to tears. She didn’t need to read music, able to play a song she heard once perfectly within minutes. She was exceptional. She had dreams of going to Moscow or Leningrad to study under the best instructors. The Soviets had produced some of the best classical music in the world and she wanted to be a part of that history.
Unfortunately, when she asked her father if she could travel to Leningrad for a program, the idea was quickly rejected. She wasn’t going to be a pianist, he told her. That was a hobby. She needed to find a husband to take care of her. She needed to stop wasting time playing that damn thing and learn how to cook and sew like the other women in their family.
Her father crushing her spirit was something Tanya quickly got used to. In moments like these - or times her father would come home from the bar drunk and ready to fight - she would go to her bed, close her eyes, and dream about a life where her mother was still here. Her mama would always sing her to sleep, her voice silky and warm. If she was still here she would have supported her. She would have let her spread her wings and fly - even if it meant getting the hell out of Russia.
I’m extraordinary, I'm capable, she would repeat to herself in the mirror. Once her father caught her repeating the mantra and called her horribly vain. He took the mirror down.
She was always relegated to the background in that house, always taking the backseat to her brothers who were complete idiots. So they could chop more firewood than anyone else in town, that didn’t make them geniuses worthy of a medal.
She was never going to be able to reach her goals if she stayed there. So when she gave birth to a baby girl after swim class at school one day, she knew she couldn’t keep the baby. She was beautiful, all soft, smooth skin that reminded her of her late mother. But that baby would be an anchor tying her to this place for the rest of her life and that wasn’t her destiny. She was extraordinary. She was capable.
Tanya often thought of her baby girl - what did she become? Did she inherit her music ability? Or could she sing like her baba? These were thoughts that kept her up at night. But then she’d wake up and look out at the beautiful cityscape and know that it was for the best. If she had kept her baby girl she would have doomed her to the same kind of sad life her father wanted for her. And that wasn’t much of a life at all.
Still playing piano with an orchestra wasn’t difficult for her. Forgetting about what she gave up to get there, though…that was much harder.