Chapter Text
You and Endeavor are a lot alike...
All Might’s words keep buzzing in Katsuki’s mind as he watches the Number 1 hero leaning over the sink, his entire posture screaming defeat.
First, he balked at the comparison - because knowing what he did about Icyhot’s miserable childhood, frankly, Endeavor seemed like a major asshole in ways Katsuki never thought applicable to himself. And even during this stupid internship, he’s been a petty, abrasive show-off of fucking giant proportions rubbing their nose into his superiority constantly. So annoying...
You and Endeavor are a lot alike...
The doubts have been gnawing at him the entire week. Was All Might mocking him? Why would he compare him to that oaf? But then as he observed the man, he couldn’t help admire his efficiency, his work ethic or the way he ran his agency like a well-oiled machine and have come to think maybe that was what All Might meant at the time. That Katsuki had what it took to be Number One and build something of an even grander scale. As if there was ever any doubt.
Katsuki deposits the dirty plates and bites his lips to stop himself from yelling at the guy to pull himself together, to have some pride already. So he screwed up and his family hates his guts. But why come crawling back? And even more importantly why drag Katsuki into this shit? It’s not like he doesn’t have enough crap on his own to sort through without being a spectator to this train-wreck. This is not what he signed up for at all. He just wanted to get a close look at Endeavor’s working methods.
The shitty nerd is radiating anxiety as he asks Katsuki in a hush if he knew about this “situation”. It’s kind of a theoretical question, because Deku somehow always knew how to read him - no fucking wonder with his history of stalking - and he knows that Katsuki knows.
“Of course I did, since you two were yapping so loudly at the Sport Festival,” he confirms anyways adding a loud tchk for emphasis.
The mention of that shitty Sport Festival tightens his stomach uncomfortably, which is a waste of excellent mapo tofu. He only listened to them because he wanted to know why fucking Half and Half picked Deku of all the people there as some sort of rival. Why he ignored Bakugou who was, who is , objectively stronger and better. It’s not like he had any idea at the time that it would be some stupid sob-story, which would then ruin the whole thing for Katsuki. For the record, he’s still pissed off about that bullshit, because he could have won that fair and square...Probably... Maybe.... No, for sure... he could have. But now he’ll never know.
Deku squeaks at the admission, but Katsuki just scoffs and the retort dies off on his tongue when they hear Todoroki talk to his sister. Specifically, talking about his scar. About his mom. About Endeavor.
Screw stupid traditional Japanese architecture and their paper-thin walls that do nothing to hide the hurt underneath as those doubts are spoken into existence haltingly. It’s jarring to listen to Todoroki who despite being an annoying prick most of the time, usually is good at keeping his shit together. It’s literally the one thing Katsuki can appreciate in his character.
“Honestly, I don’t know… how I should feel about him. I still haven’t seen anything,” Todoroki says, his voice is quiet and slightly trembling.
Katsuki hates hearing him crack open like this, revealing something so nakedly vulnerable, something so unbearably fragile - it’s... too much. His palms itch with explosions aching to get out and he doesn’t want to hear any more of this. This is not Katsuki’s pain, it is not his problem.
“You’re not supposed to expose your dirty laundry to guests!” he yells, because this entire family obviously needs to learn some basic etiquette. He moves on to collect the dirty dishes because he just needs to get away from this drama like right an hour ago.
Todoroki stares blankly at his outburst, but his sister looks startled and truly apologetic until Deku starts muttering about how Todoroki already told them everything, which Katsuki hurries to correct - because no, he’s never had any feelsy-friendly conversations with the Half and Half Bastard and it’s an important point to clarify. He simply overheard. The truth was forced upon him without his consent.
“What a waste of good Szechuan mapo tofu,” he grumbles, because the excellent food was the only upside of this nightmarish evening, but it’s difficult to appreciate it as his stomach is tight with emotions he does not want and can’t contain.
Icyhot’s sister being a great cook was kind of unexpected. Not that he expected anything at all or he and Todoroki ever even talked about their families. But still, he pegged Endeavor to be having housekeepers to make food. Instead, Fuyumi is down-to-earth and she herself made a great spread and went out of her way to put something spicy on the table, because Icyhot had apparently told her that Kasuki liked spicy food. As a fellow cook, he can appreciate the effort. Katsuki certainly never imagined someone so achingly normal to be part of this batshit crazy family. It kind of explains some things about Todoroki and how he is sometimes almost inexplicably kind or helpful.
Katsuki gathers all the dirty dishes he can in a go and hurries out to give them space. Because it’s the fucking decent thing to do. Pretend that it never happened. Except, of course, Deku proves again that he can’t be decent for once in his shitty life, and has to poke his freckled nose into other people’s business.
“Todoroki, I think… You are getting yourself ready to be able to forgive him…” This is the very stupid thing he says.
“Huh?” Todoroki asks intelligently, the same moment Katsuki stops in his tracks, balancing a pile of dirty dishes on his arms. Because exactly. What the fuck does that even mean?
“If you really hate the guy, you could just say I’ll never forgive him,” Deku continues, tactless as ever.
Katsuki frowns. What? Of course, you could just say that. If it was Katsuki in Todoroki’s place, he probably would have flipped off Endeavor a long time ago. And why twist yourself into knots over this? Icyhot clearly hates his old man’s guts… This whole drama... is so completely unnecessary.
“But because you are so caring yourself… it seems like you are waiting… or at least that’s how it seems,” Deku finishes his nervous voice vibrating through the wall, poking at Katsuki’s lungs in a way that it is hard to breathe.
Waiting for what? And how would the stupid nerd even know what Todoroki feels? He grew up with the world’s most indulging mom and not a brutish asshole like Endeavor.
Katsuki rips himself away from the wall and almost collides with Todoroki’s brother whose face is contorted into an expression of pure anguish, which seems a bit over the top no matter how disastrous the dinner had been. Katsuki manages to evade dropping all the dishes only because he has both excellent reflexes and top-notch balance. He hurries to the kitchen because the sooner they finish, the sooner they can get the hell out of this house with its suffocating secrets and entanglement of hurts.
The kitchen is empty, so Katsuki just drops the plates in the sink and starts scrubbing them meticulously. Watching the foam and water do its magic to wash every speck of the dirt away. There is something incredibly zen about doing this kind of menial work. The fucking morons at the dorm always make fun of Katsuki for it, but he can gather his thoughts peacefully when he’s cleaning. Plus things are clean in the end, which is an added bonus.
If you really hate the guy, you could just say “I’ll never forgive him”...
Deku never said those words to him. Despite everything. Despite the... fuck... b-bullying… their fights. It was all there was to it, no? Kids fight all the time? Or is he also...waiting to...what....fucking...forgive?
The water splashes loudly. It reminds Katsuki of a long-gone day in the river, green eyes shining at him with infinite concern, a hand stretched towards him that he never took...
Need help? Can you stand?
He never took it, because he didn't need help. All Might never needed help and Katsuki was going to be even greater than All Might.
As if Katsuki needs or wants forgiveness… He’ll never… He doesn’t… OK, fine. He was a bit of an asshole. And maybe… maybe... he went too far. It’s not as if the nerd wasn’t driving him up the wall with all his snooping and stalking.
Shit ... Katsuki’s fists clench violently around the sponge.
Hasn’t he thought about this already enough times? OK, fucking fine, he can admit now that he was a spoilt brat. That he couldn’t face his own weaknesses and worries and took them out on Deku. But he already looked at that and learnt from it and it is different now. Things are different - he even admitted out loud that Deku is strong now. A rival. All Might’s chosen one. What is there more to say? You suck it up and move on. Isn’t that what all that character growth or whatever is supposed to be about?
You and Endeavor are a lot alike…
Katsuki scrubs the last pot furiously. Fucking All Might and his insinuation. Can’t he just come out and say what he wants to say? On the other hand, if All Might knew about his shitty past behaviour, what would he think? Would he still think that Katsuki was deserving to be a great hero?
There are no dishes left. Katsuki lets the water down and meticulously wipes the sink until it’s dry. He hates when there are bits of food or soap left in the sink. It’s unsanitary. Not happening on his watch. He’ll make everything clean and spotless.
When he has no more excuse to linger in the kitchen, he slowly walks back to the dining room hoping that whatever feelsy conversation was going on between those three has already ended..
“Where is Endeavor? We need to get back...” he barges in.
He grits his teeth as Todoroki and his sister share a meaningful look and long, forlorn silence.
“Probably in Touya’s room…” Fuyumi says quietly, while Icyhot just stares resolutely at his slipper-covered feet. It is an ominous sort of silence, thick with more secrets Katsuki doesn’t want to know. “Come, I’ll make us some tea.”
Katsuki wants to scream that he doesn’t want any fucking tea or revelations, he just wants to get back to his dorm room, slam his door shut and forget about this cursed evening.
“Touya?” Deku asks. Because of course he does. He absolutely cannot help himself from poking his nose into any particular closet full of skeletons he comes across. So instead of leaving, they pile into the kitchen and sit at the table while Fuyumi brings out cups and brews the tea.
“You didn’t tell them?” she asks Todoroki.
“It’s not exactly a conversation starter,” he replies with a bit of embarrassment, as if he wasn’t the world’s biggest oversharer to start with.
It turns out to be genetic apparently, because Fuyumi then just lays it all out there. The long-dead brother, with a strong fire-quirk, a power too strong for his own body, pushed beyond his limit to prove himself by the weight of crushing expectations. Katsuki belongs to the lucky few whose quirks don’t harm them, but the crushing expectation - he does know a little something about.
Then she talks of the grief, the silence, the empty house. The tortured face of Todoroki’s brother suddenly makes sense, as does Todoroki slipping off for a moment at the beginning of dinner, smelling faintly of incent on his return... It’s too fucking much.
Katsuki steals a glance at Icyhot who sips his tea, his face a carefully arranged neutral mask. Katsuki’s fist clenches almost involuntarily, sparks thrumming under his skin. No, he will not pity him, because he knows Todoroki doesn’t want pity, because it’s disrespectful and the halfie bastard deserves better than that. But the queasy feeling in Katsuki’s stomach doesn’t let up, still. Because damn… What do you even say after that story. He has no idea.
Deku of course mumbles in thoughtful concern, his green eyes shining with bottomless sympathy. Katsuki keeps his eyes fixed on his cup resolutely. He could never let himself be wrapped up so fully in someone else’s pain, but the nerd has no boundaries in such things. He internalizes everyone’s pain, he wants to fix it all as if that was possible. He just gives and gives even if it breaks him, beyond reason. Surely that's not what means to be a great hero.
Fucking finally, Endeavor pokes his head through the door announcing that they’ll go back to school. The signs of his previous fraying are carefully hidden now. Katsuki sighs with relief as they start to pile into the ridiculously small ass car - when Fuyumi appears to see them off.
Deku is bowing and Katsuki can’t bring himself to outright thank her for the nightmarish dinner, but asks for the mapo tofu recipe, because good food should be acknowledged and maybe it’s something he can cook for himself to fully enjoy without all the drama affecting his enjoyment in that fragrant-spicy heaven.
Fuyumi smiles and thanks ever so sincerely Deku for being Icyhot’s friend as the stupid nerd blushes and grins as if he was still an over-enthused 4-year-old being invited for the first time to his best friend’s house. To make things worse, the stupid Halfie bastard blushes too and Bakugou frankly doesn’t care for their little display of sweet friendship.
What the heck? Aren’t they supposed to be proper rivals or some shit? Riling each other up and pushing each other to get faster, stronger, better - isn’t that the whole point? Even All Might said so.
And of course he doesn’t care that Todoroki’s sister didn’t call him “Shouto’s friend”... Because they aren’t, no matter how much time they spent together in the stupid remedial course kicking ass and patching up each other’s scratches, or accidentally killing training dummies with overly efficient first-aid, or sharing dumplings on the ride back with All Might, because that’s not how friendship works. And he doesn’t want to be friends with that miserable excuse for a strawberry shortcake or that stupid freckled broccoli that he spent a good decade trying to get rid of and never could. Kacchan sugoi was the background track of his life.
Or did he finally? Get rid of Deku? The nerd obviously doesn’t need him anymore. He has his own squad of sweet friends. Not that Katsuki cares. The doubt still scratches his insides for a short moment and he bites the inside of his mouth to chase that feeling away.
If you really hate the guy, you could just say “I’ll never forgive him”...
Could Deku be thinking that? About Katsuki specifically?
The car is ridiculously small. It reminds Katsuki of the tiny Honda Aunt Inko used to drive them around on days when his parents couldn’t make the school pick-up. They would sit in the back, arguing loudly about their future hero agency and bouncing off hero names.
I could be All Might, Jr, Kacchan.
That's lame, Deku. I'll go with Great Explosion Lord or even Great Explosion Murder God.
That sounds a bit scary. You could be DynaMight.
His knees touch Deku’s for one moment and he can’t help but let out an annoyed “tchk”, because really the pompous asshole so-called Number One hero really had to skimp on his stupid car of all things.
Deku makes himself smaller and scoots towards Todoroki as Katsuki suddenly feels like he’s suffocated.
The uncomfortable silence is broken by Endeavor who asks all three of them back for a work-study and Katsuki feels slightly vindicated because with how things started, he assumed the asshole would be happy to get rid of them as soon as the week was up. So they must have impressed him somehow, huh? Of course they did - after all Katsuki was the one who almost beat him that one time. He aced this internship, because that’s what he does.
The high from that feeling lasts all of two seconds when the idiot Halfie turns to the shitty nerd with a smile and asks about the work-study Shitty Hair and Round Face did before. Deku grins back asking to study English together. As if Katsuki wasn’t even in the car. It’s not like he would say yes, even if they asked him, but just ignoring him is... Rude. Gross. Disgusting. The nervous tingling in his palms gets stronger as his quirk is begging to be let loose finally. He sticks his head out the window to cool down, to drown out the noisy asshole driver and tries to calm his frayed nerves.
“Nii-san!” Todoroki yells, the dread in his voice sends every cell in Katsuki’s body in fight-or-flight mode.
The car suddenly swerves causing Katsuki to bang his head against the frame and he barely has enough time to evade all the sticky crap that suddenly covers everything. Endeavor is gone in a flash leaving them behind in the wrapped-up car as Katsuki tries to get his bearings on the situation. One glance through the cracks confirms that it is indeed an attack, with a shitty villain looking like a mummy from a shitty old American movie yelling incoherently at Endeavor while holding Todoroki’s brother by the neck.
Katsuki recognizes the fear in Natsuo’s eyes, it paralyzes him for a moment, bringing back memories of that damn forest and being pulled by that patchwork bastard into the black hole of a portal and the next moment, he’s punching through the sticky white paint covering the car window with an explosion.
He barely registers Deku’s voice, as he catches the costume case and rips out his gauntlets on the fly and he’s off, because this time he’s not helpless and he will not let anyone be taken again. The villain is speeding up now, throwing more sticky paint at them. Katsuki registers something bright in his peripheral vision which turns out to be Todoroki melting the paint-strips in a flash of blazing fire, his face contorted in pure rage.
Katsuki’s eyes are focused on the shitty villain though who is now flinging Natsuo precariously towards the cars speeding down the road honking their horns.
Faster… he thinks...as his palms burn and itch… faster.... He needs to get faster, because he can’t fix all those things that happened in the past, he can’t fix the haunted look in the eyes of Icyhot and his sister… but they won’t lose another brother. Not if Katsuki has anything to say about it.
“More will die,” shrieks the shitty mummy villain just like in a bad movie.
All his pent-up frustrations from this evening turn into cold sweat and compression comes effortlessly propelling Katsuki forward with razor-sharp focus until he grabs Todoroki’s brother from the villain’s clutches, and with the same motion flies backwards, away from the cars, away from danger.
He’s tasting pure adrenaline in his mouth, the kind of ecstasy that is even more satisfying than blowing up the face of a shitty asshole criminal.
“More will die? Nope!” he hollers triumphantly, the taste of victory sweet in his mouth, because whatever that mummy fuckface was planning won’t happen now. Save to win , he grins ferociously, eat that, shitty extra.
Before he could deposit Natsuo somewhere safe and throw himself back in the battle, strong arms engulf him in a tight hug and for a moment he sees Endeavor’s eyes so clearly, brimming with emotions wild and unchained.
Katsuki extracts himself from the steely embrace - fuck, the guy has arms like a tree-trunk - and takes stock of the battlefield. The villain is already captured by Todoroki who in a fit of modesty is trying to cover-up with layers of ice the fact that half his school uniform burnt off during the attack, leaving him naked on his left side. Behind him, Deku is beaming, soaking up the praise of all the extras in the cars whom he apparently saved.
“This is a total win for us,” the nerd smiles enthusiastically.
Katsuki glances back to Endeavor, still kneeling on the ground, clutching onto Natsuo, like a drowning man to a life-buoy. He looks like he’s a step away from a very public nervous breakdown. Something that feels awfully like sympathy rises inside Katsuki. Whatever the shitty Number One did, this is not for all these extras to see. If he learnt one thing about Endeavor in the past week is that riling him up with petty competition works like clockwork. So he goes on the offensive without hesitation.
“How did it go again Number One? Our assignment?” Katsuki gloats, loud and sharp. “Beating a villain faster than you just once?”
Endeavor doesn’t even look up, still hugging his son tight. “You did great,” he admits, voice trembling with emotion, “when I stumbled, you stepped in quick, picking up the slack.”
Bakugou sighs. Dammit, the taunting is not working. “You are supposed to be pissed off…” he mumbles, while Deku frets behind his back.
There is no stopping the public shitshow though. Endeavor’s composure crumbles and Katsuki can’t do anything but take a step back and try to look away from the unfolding train-wreck of a drama. Is he in a daytime soap-opera somehow? Endeavor apologizing in a broken voice for the unforgivable, Natsuo yelling back at him tearful and angry.
“It’ll be a cold day in hell before I forgive you, because I’m not caring like Shouto,” Natsuo snaps. It rings with the finality of a death bell. Katsuki can’t help scowling. All of this forgiveness business... is so unnecessary. All this public spectacle and for what? Pure self-indulgence.
Katsuki finds himself watching Deku from the corner of his eye, but for once the nerd doesn’t look back. He’s fully absorbed in the scene unfolding, his green eyes shining so bright with compassion.
Endeavor closes his eyes for a moment, unflinching in the face of Natsuo’s judgement. He seems suddenly calmer and more collected than before, as he slowly explains to Natsuo that he’s caring too.
Katsuki wonders how long he plans to keep this theatre going, when Natsuo already made clear how he felt. What is there more to say? Some things are unforgivable, as they should be. Like a decade of torment and neglect. And a decade of bullying - his brain supplies viciously.
You and Endeavor are a lot alike…
Katsuki pinches the bridge of his nose trying to shut that voice up.
“You don’t have to forgive me,” Endeavor says then. “I’m not looking for forgiveness. Only atonement.”
Only atonement.
Katsuki lets out a long shaky breath, as sudden clarity hits him. This whole spectacle, it is not about the Number One hero, it is about them . Not the perpetrators, but the victims. It’s about looking at your weaknesses unflinchingly. It’s about taking action to fix the unfixable.
You and Endeavor are a lot alike…
Tearful apologies and begging for forgiveness is not something Katsuki ever sees himself to do. Pushing the issue on someone seems unnecessarily selfish. But owning up to your shit and fixing it, that’s something he can get behind. Atonement may be the key. It may be the way to exorcise his weaknesses, so he doesn’t end up with his feet frozen to the ground when it counts. Like Endeavor did today.
Natsuo breaks down in open sobs now like a dam inside him had been broken, “Atonement? How are you gonna make that happen?”
And yep, that is a fucking good question, thinks Katsuki, as he watches Deku’s relieved smile in the bright flash of the blinking blue light of the approaching police cars. He looks like he did when they were just little brats dreaming about their stupid little agency, two All Might fanboys.
You and Endeavor are a lot alike…
Dammit, this is not right - he was born to be the next All Might, and not the villain of this story. He's been trying so long to win like All Might, to be like him, but well, All Might recognized Deku, not Katsuki, never him. Was his dream dead?
I could admire All Might from a distance, but you were right there. This amazing person in my life.
Atonement on paper sounds simple. But how do you start fixing a decade of bullying, a decade of harsh words, a decade of rejection, a decade of squandered friendship? Is it even possible? But does it matter if it’s not possible? How could a jerk like him ever even aspire to be like All Might?
Kacchan, sugoi. You should be Dynamight, like All Might.
That's lame, Deku. I'll be even better than All Might.
Dynamight. To be fair, he's been thinking about it for a while now. It sounds stupid and childish. And it screams All Might-fanboy. But fuck... Even if he and Endeavor seem a lot alike, Katsuki is not like that. He'll make his dream true. He'll be like All Might, even if the mock him, even if nobody believes that he can do it.
That's why I chased after you...
One person believed in it. Maybe still does... Maybe he'd even cry if Katsuki took on that ridiculous hero name and called himself Dynamight? But does Katsuki even deserve it? All of this is so stupid. Why is he thinking about it? But he doesn't want to be stuck in that place anymore. Atonement, huh?
It’s not about you, asshole. He tells himself. It’s about him.