Chapter Text
Winter decided that Tony should tell the Captain about who Winter had been when he saw the trust he extended to Tony. Of course, he didn’t trust Winter. He glared at him whenever Winter moved, but he had looked at Tony with what was more than… It was more.
He trusted Tony like Winter trusted Tony. And Tony had said they needed to tell the Captain about it when Winter was okay with it. He knew that Tony wouldn’t abandon him. He hadn’t told any of them what Winter had done, protecting him with both his words and actions and making sure he felt as safe as possible. Even when he was clearly about to fall over.
So, he decided that Tony should tell him.
He almost took it back when he saw the pain in Tony’s eyes. Wasn’t that what he was supposed to do? Tony had said he should do it and-
But Tony had turned away already, meeting the Captain’s eyes. He told him the story. Some of it even Winter didn’t know. As he didn’t remember any of it, he didn’t feel bad about it. Why would he? Tony also very obviously didn’t tell everything. He barely hinted at what Winter’s missions had included.
“Before Winter became Winter, and was able to lose their conditioning he was the Asset.” Tony’s voice was factual. Sure. And Winter was thankful for it. Because whoever or whatever he had been before, now he was Winter. He was himself and he didn’t want to be anyone else. Especially not someone he didn’t remember. Someone he didn’t know he could be.
“Before he was the Asset he was… Steve,” agony laced the Captain’s name, but it wasn’t Tony’s. Although Winter knew he was hurting too. He hurt for the Captain.
“He was James Buchanan Barnes.”
The name didn’t mean anything to Winter. It didn’t hold fear or want or anything else. It was just a name he had heard before.
It was different for the Captain, who jerked as if he had been electrocuted before looking at Winter, his eyes searching.
The Captain broke.
Winter had seen people break under stress or pain or fear or torture. But he had never seen someone break like that.
Peter, who had been sleeping on Tony jumped up, disoriented and ready to fight.
“It’s okay, Peter.” Tony was holding onto the Captain as if to hold him together with nothing but his arms and will.
“Would you go down to my lab or up to my floor? We need… some time.”
“Mr. Stark-”
“Now, Peter, I’m sorry. Go.”
The boy nodded, almost fleeing the floor. Winter wanted to follow him.
“Jarvis.”
“I will inform Mrs. Parker immediately.”
“Thank you, Jay.”
Winter’s eyes were fixed on the scene in front of him. On a man, a legend and warrior, unravelled until there seemed to be nothing left. And still, Tony held onto him. Whispering calming words to him. Promising him to be there. And every other minute he would look up at Winter and tell him the same things.
That he had done the right thing. Even if it had broken the superhero. Even if it had hurt Tony, too.
How could this have been the right thing? Wouldn’t the Captain be better off if he hadn’t been told? Tony had said it himself, Winter was Winter. He wasn’t that other person, wasn’t Barnes. Wasn’t James . Why tell the Captain what so clearly just hurt him?
Why?
He knew Tony didn’t do it to hurt the other man. Or Winter. Tony wouldn’t do that. Especially not to the other man. He was caring for everyone, but it was different with the Captain, as it was different with the kid. Even if it was a different kind of different.
Tony wouldn’t do that.
Winter saw the first flecks of red appear on his bandages, saw it soak through his shirt but didn’t say anything. He had not only lost his words, but also everything else. All he could do was stare at them and try to believe Tony, when he mumbled those reassuring words to him. To follow his instructions when he told both Winter and the Captain to breathe, to calm.
After what felt like a long time, the Captain quieted. He looked around and met Winter’s eyes. They were red rimmed and unfocused, as if he wasn’t really here.
“…Tony…” he croaked with a desperation that hurt Winter. He had done this.
“I’m here, Steve. I’m here.” Tony’s voice was calm and warm and safe.
The Captain’s breathing sped up again and Tony clutched him closer to himself. “Breathe, Steve. There we go.” It was the same he had done for Winter, the same he was doing for Winter whenever he looked up at him. Even if Winter saw the strain on Tony. The pain. The fear. The exhaustion. There was nothing of it in his eyes or on his face. Nothing of it in his voice.
The Captain’s body jerked upwards but the arms of Tony, small, breakable Tony, held the super soldier back.
“Deep breaths, Steve, come on, I know you can do it.” He looked up at Winter, his smile sad but reassuring. He wanted Winter to breathe too.
As if sensing his distraction, the Captain jerked upwards again, getting to his feet and storming towards the kitchen, retching into the sink as soon as he got there.
Tony followed, pushing himself upwards not trying to hide his wince, or how he favoured his left side. As if he didn’t even realize it.
A minute later, Winter followed. Staying far away enough to hopefully not be noticed by the Captain. But he needed to see. To stay close to Tony.
Tony ushered the numb shadow of the Captain towards the bathroom and Winter cleaned the sink, before following, staying out of the bathroom but close enough to react if… if what? The Captain was certainly too out of it to… But what if he was that far gone that he wouldn’t know who it was? Didn’t know who was with him and hurt Tony because of it?
Winter had his hand on the door knob when Tony pushed his open, the weight of the other super soldier obviously too much for him to carry – and still doing it.
He reached out and stopped.
Tony met his eyes, uncertainty flashing over his face for the first time since Winter had decided the Captain should be told what Tony had said he needed to know.
Then he nodded, a sad smile on his lips and Winter took the other arm of the Captain, draping it over his shoulder and helping both of them back to the couch. Tony sat down first, helping Winter to rearrange the unresponsive man so that he lay on his lap like Peter had before. His right-hand rubbing circles into the Captain’s skin.
“How are you, Buttercup?” He asked, his eyes focused on Winter and Winter wanted to scream.
Instead he raised an eyebrow and glaring at the red spots on Tony’s shirt.
Tony smiled. “We’ll take care of that later. It’s not that bad.”
Winter was almost sure it was a lie. Still, he got back to his armchair, curling up in it, seeking comfort. Like Peter had. Like the Captain did.
Tony just nodded at him, starting to talk to that man, Jarvis, asking after Peter, other people and their vitals.
Jarvis wanted Tony to be looked at but Tony forbad it, telling the unseen man that there would be time for that after the Captain had calmed down.
Winter thought Jarvis didn’t approve. But he didn’t say so and neither did Winter.
He let himself be lulled by Tony’s calm voice planning, asking questions and suggesting actions to be taken.
When the Captain moved again, sometime later, Tony smiled down at him with a different smile than he had given all of the other people before. Winter started to learn that Tony had a lot of different expressions and smiles.
“Do you want to drink something?”
Winter moved before he knew what he was doing. He was already in the kitchen, searching for a glass. He took it back to Tony, handing it over, too uncomfortable to even look at the man that he had broken.
Tony helped the Captain to sit up, not mentioning how he leaned heavily on the smaller man and instead smiled up at Winter.
“Do you want to sit with us?” It was just a question, but the glint in his eyes told Winter he knew, that Winter felt lost.
He sat down beside Tony, not touching him, but close enough to feel his body heat. To hear his heartbeat, a little too fast, but strong. He glanced at the other man and saw the smile widen a little. He raised his eyebrow. Tony needed medication. And something to drink too. And someone had to look at his shoulder, and-
Tony shook his head. “I’m fine.”
Winter narrowed his eyes. Tony wasn’t fine. They both knew it. For now, Winter wouldn’t do anything but if this went on for much longer he would do something.
The voice informed them some time later that the Avengers would be arriving at the Tower in about thirty minutes and Tony exhaled, calmly.
“You’re with me, Steve?”
The Captain looked up, from where he had lain with closed eyes on Tony’s lap and nodded.
“The others will be back in about thirty minutes. Do you want to… freshen up?”
The other man shook his head hard, curling up closer to Tony, his arms tightening around Tony’s middle in a way that had Winter tense. If the Captain wasn’t careful he could seriously injure Tony with that grip.
Tony didn’t seem to care. He resumed the patting of the other man, talking to Winter about what they would do tonight. Tony had decided they should order Pizza and watch a movie and tried to find out what Winter would like to have for toppings and what he liked to watch.
Winter had no idea and thought there were more important things to think about. Tony disagreed, obviously, not caring in the slightest when Winter glared at him.
The Captain moved on Tony’s lap, turning his head to look up at Winter. As if he was searching for something but Winter didn’t know what that was. Who he was looking for.
“…Bucky.”
Winter stiffened, partly because of the name he didn’t know, but mostly because of the doomed hope and desperation behind it.
“Steve.” Tony places a hand on the other man’s cheek and forces him to look at him.
Winter, who hadn’t realized how much he had tensed, tried to relax, even a little, now that those lost eyes were no longer on him. He couldn’t.
“He is Winter. He is himself right now.” The words were warm and sad but also hard. Uncompromising. Even if pain was all over his expression he didn’t budge, didn’t give in the almost inaudible whimper of the Captain. Just held on.
One tear fell from the broken man’s blue eyes, rolling its way down the side of his face until Tony wiped it away.
Steve buried his face into Tony’s stomach again and Tony started to tell the Captain about what Winter had done (only the good things, not even hinting on all the times Winter had hurt Tony) and what he had learned so far.
While doing so, he held onto the blond man. Smiling at Winter. As if his heart didn’t bleed. His eyes dry. His shoulders loose and bleeding.
“And of course, when I try to teach someone to be honest said person, who, aside from his training, is as innocent as they can come, immediately picks up on avoiding lying with tricking me, me ! Into taking medicine! Can you believe it? But whenever I tell a white lie, he decides that the truth is back in fashion, glaring and growling until I admit what he wants to hear and the worst thing is, I listen to it!”
The wet chuckle from the Captain made Tony stop and look down at him.
He had calmed down again, a faint smile on his lips. “Bucky… had the same effect on me.”
Winter stiffened again, ready to… he didn’t know what to do, but he was ready to stand his ground because he was Winter. And Tony had said it was good that he was Winter.
The Captain exhaled, pushed himself into a sitting position and exhaled again. His hand was interlaced with Tony’s, but he wasn’t looking at him. He was looking at Winter. His eyes were still pained, still hollow. Still desperate. But there were also focused again, dry and firm.
“Thank you… Winter.” His voice was hoarse and he stumbled over the name. But he said it, not the other one. “Thank you. You protected Tony and… you brought him back to me. To us.”
Winter didn’t react. Because he didn’t know how to react to it. What was he supposed to do? What-
“That is so typical for you, Steve, I’m not a damsel in distress! It’s not like I did nothing!” Tony’s words were teasing, his tone too loud and over the top, even though he leaned closer to the Captain and reached out to Winter to squeeze his hand.
The other man chuckled, an exhausted smile whispering over his lips. “Of course not, Tony.”
“Damn straight!” Tony smiled a fake smile and then slumped down enough for Winter to almost reach out to him. He exhaled slowly and dread started to pool in Winter’s stomach. Tony glanced at Winter before meeting the Captain’s eyes, who got tense too.
“I understand if this is… it’s a lot. If you need time I will help you get another place or, or we figure something out, but I will help Winter. He doesn’t know yet what he wants to do or what we can do, but I will help him.” His voice was uncompromising again, with something else that almost sounded like a plea to Winter. A plea for what?
The Captain’s eyes hardened and he leaned forward, all of his focus on Tony. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m not going to leave yo- here.” He glanced at Winter, a shadow growing in the blue, before he looked back at Tony and his whole demeanour softened. “It will take time and I might need to go see a therapist after all, but I’m not going to leave.”
Tony relaxed, his body uncurling and losing most of his strength as he leaned back against the couch, his eyes closing for a moment before he exhaustedly smiled up at the Captain. “We might get a group discount because I think Winter and me should go, too.”
At that the Captain stiffened some, but Tony was already too out of it to realize it. His eyes wandered over to Winter with a mixture of mistrust and dread. Something in that statement had made him fear for Tony. That was bad.
Ten minutes later Jarvis announces the other Avengers, who entered the common room not two minutes later. The still unseen man must have warned them because they didn’t say a word about the state Tony and the Captain were in. Not even when they saw the blood and started to shoot glares at Winter.
Fifteen minutes later Peter and the nurse were back. Peter curled into Tony’s side again, obviously distressed. The nurse patched Tony up, not saying anything, but glaring at both Winter and Steve the whole time.
Tony was asleep when the Pizza arrived and the only reason he didn’t snap, or so Hawkeye said, was because they let Peter wake him up.
Peter stayed with Tony when Winter left the room to eat and use the bathroom. When he came back, he overheard the Avengers mumbling to themselves. Apparently, they had bet whether or not the Captain would tell Tony how he felt and they were disappointed (Thor), enraged (Hawkeye) and unsurprised (Dr. Banner and the Black Widow) that he hadn’t.
That didn’t make sense to Winter as they had talked about their damn feelings all day long.
Tony was already asleep, curled up between the Captain and Peter. Both looked at Winter when he sat down on his armchair again. The kid smiled tiredly. The Captain tried to. It looked pained.
They started a movie and Winter kept watch. Every one of them glanced suspiciously at him from time to time. Their worry for both the Captain, Tony and Peter was heavy, but no one said anything.
Winter leaned back in his seat, allowing himself some comfort. He might not trust them, but he did trust Tony and he knew that neither Peter nor the Captain would let harm come to Tony.
Glancing again over all of the people around him, he held back a sigh. This would take some serious getting used to.