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He stares at his gun. He holds it in his hands and loads a single bullet. He lifts it up to the roof of his mouth and stops, his phone heavy in his pocket.
He’s selfish. So selfish as he holds the phone in his hand trembling. He ignores the many missed calls and dials a familiar number.
“Bad! I’m so glad you called! I missed you so much!” Skeppy answers, voice full of relief.
“Hey Skeppy,” Bad whispers softly, he should just hang up.
“Where have you gone? I’ve been calling you for days. I’ve messaged you on everything and asked everyone I could and nobodies seen you. I was so worried something happened.” Skeppy babbles worriedly.
Bad is silent he breathes heavily into the phone trying to hold it all back. He loves this man so much he hates how worried Skeppy sounds. He hates to be a burden.
“Bad?” He says worry clearly in his voice.
“I can’t do it anymore” words come out even though he tries to stop them.
“Can’t do what?”
“Any of it”
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t wanna be this anymore. I can't be this anymore. I can’t keep being happy Skeppy,”
“Bad what are you talking about?”
“I’m using all my viewers. I'm using you! I make them feel like I actually care for them but I really can't. I'm just a guy on the internet, just a person I’ve never met yet they depend on me to make them happy. Me, who's just as sad and lonely as the rest of them. How can I make them happy? Why do they look up to me- I-I can’t do it anymore Skeppy.” Bad’s voice trembles “I just can’t”
“Bad you’re the most caring person I’ve ever met. You’re always there for me no matter what”
“I'M NOT, I’m not, I’m not, I’m not, Iimnotimnotimnotimnot” Bad repeats frantically “You only see what I want you to see. How can you say anything about me! How can you pretend you actually know me? How can you actually care for me? You never met me in real life! All you see of me is the persona I present!”
“Bad no-“
“NO SKEPPY! I am trash absolute trash why can’t you see that? I’m just” Bad flounders “I’m just, I’m just me I’m just horrible. Everything, everything I do, none of it is truly me. I don’t even know what really is anymore. All I am is a persona just fake.”
Skeppy is quiet as he listens to Bad’s heaving breaths through the microphone. He tries to find the words to say but comes up empty.
Skeppy whispers “I know you, you’re my best friend”
“Please Skeppy stop it. Please stop lying” Bad’s voice trembles.
“I'm not-“
“YOU ARE! Stop lying please please just stop it!” Bad screams voice shrill with emotion.
Skeppy’s mind races. He needed to say something, anything.
Skeppy breathes deeply
“You’re favorite food is muffins, you’re a competitive shooter, you’re incredibly caring, you put up with me even with all the dumb trolls and pranks and-“ Skeppy pauses for a second “and you’re my best friend and I love you more than anything in the world”
Bad can’t take it anymore. He breaks down. His breaths turn into wails and tears stain his cheeks as he hugs his phone to his check.
“Bad, Bad I’m here I’m here” Skeppy cradling the phone to his ear he hates this so fucking much. He just wants to hug his best friend. He wants him to know he isn’t alone yet they’re separated by hundreds of miles.
“Skeppy I don’t know who I am anymore.” Bad gasps through tears “I don’t want to be this persona. I want to be me but I don’t even know who I am anymore. The person you talked about I don’t know if they’re me or if they’re the persona. Skeppy, Skeppy, I don’t know, I don’t know who I am anymore.”
“You’re my best friend, Bad” Skeppy’s states “you’re my best friend in the whole entire world and don’t you ever fucking forget it.”
“How can you be best friends with a fake?” Bad whispers “the happy person you know, it’s a lie. I’m sad, just a sad and empty shell of a person when I’m not the persona.”
“Bad I love you. I love you even if you're sad. And I’m never going to leave you. Okay bad?”
“You promise Geppy? You promise? Truly promise?”
“Bad I love you I love you so much please please don’t go” Skeppy’s breath hitches “please whatever you’re thinking about stop it I’m here, I’m here I care about you!”
“I love you too.” Bad whispers.
“Please Bad I'm coming to get you. I bought a plane ticket. You won't be alone anymore. I'll be there soon. Please stop doing whatever you were doing. I'm on my way” Skeppy said hurriedly, rapidly tapping his phone picking the fastest flight to Bad’s ignoring the cost.
“Ok, Geppy”
“I’m going to stay on the phone with you now ok Bad? How about I tell you a story?”
“That’d be nice” Bad whispers, laying the shotgun by his side.
“Ok, ok once upon a time there were two little duckies named Bad and Skeppy. Now Skeppy was a very handsome duckie. He was also very strong and was never ever wrong.” Bad let out a quiet snort hearing Skeppy’s proud proclamation.
“Shhhh I’m telling a story! Ok so Bad had accidentally eaten a batch of very very bad muffins poisoned by a witch. So Skeppy had to look for the magic cure to free Bad from the muffin curse…”
Bad closes his eyes and lays down on his mattress listening to Skeppy’s ramblings. Tears trickle down Bad’s cheeks as he breaths letting Skeppy’s story fill his thoughts. He smiles softly as Skeppy let out a wild cackle in demonstration of the evil with’s laugh. His tears were no longer ones of despair but instead thankfulness to be loved by somebody so much.
Bad isn’t happy and that’s ok. He will be soon.