Chapter Text
I'm serious
Should I just give up?
I thought about it with eyes wide open for several nights
I can’t, I can’t
Because of you
My eyes can’t go anywhere else
Park Jaehyung
After lunch, the toll of the hanami preparations finally catch up to Jaehee. Seated on the couch, we let the music take over as she settles onto a peaceful quiet.
“Can I close my eyes for a bit?” Jaehee asks.
“Put your head on my shoulder,” I sing. I can hear her smile as she leans on to my left side.
“I also have a request,” I continue. She hums in response, sleepiness about to take over.
I hold her hands, scooping her palm onto mine. The laptop screen turns off, and I see her smirk before finally succumbing to drowsiness.
Moments like these are when I’m convinced that I can’t let her go, not just yet.
I wake an hour later, alone on the couch. I hear the keyboard and mouse clicking, the power nap seemed effective and she is in what we call the untouchable zone, her impeccable concentration unbreakable. I close the door to her bedroom and slip out of the apartment as quiet as I can, although she probably would not have noticed even if I was loud.
I return an hour later, bringing with me contents of our dorm’s fridge that will go bad soon. I set these on the kitchen counter and dining table, with a plan in mind for tonight’s dinner. Returning to the sofa, I pick up the guitar that I brought with me as well. Jaehee and I spent many afternoons like this, me playing the guitar and her reading handouts for school or a book or manga for leisure.
Jaehee emerges from the room, stretching her arms. “I need fresh air; do you mind continuing playing in the rooftop?” I stand up and extend my hand in response, “after you m’lady.”
The clear sky is painted vibrant pink and purple as the sun sets on the opposite side. “I was so immersed in taking notes for the interview on Monday, I almost missed this beautiful view,” Jaehee muses.
She leans on to the rooftop’s railing staring at the horizon. I provide the background music as I play, seated a few feet away from her.
“Temperature’s dropping, Jaehee, you can’t afford to get sick when you have a job interview and exam coming up,” I say over the plucking of my guitar.
“One more song and we’ll go, please?” she asks as she turns to me.
Of course I play that song again. She hides her surprise by turning around and taking photos of the sky.
Mid-song, I call for her, “sit beside me, Jaehee?” She obliges with a smile. I continue playing but instead of singing, I tell her, “I'm gonna take a line I read from somewhere in the recesses of the YouTube comments section—‘One day we'll be walking in different paths but for now let's take a walk down this street and just talk. Let's take a slow good walk, there's no need to rush.’"
“Jae…” She seems at a loss for words.
“That could totally be a song lyric, but I’m not sure. What I’m certain though, is that you’re leaving soon and I have limited time. And that I like you but I don’t want it to ruin what we have.”
Jaehee finally looks at me, meeting my eyes. “And so there’s no need to rush,” she completes for me.
“You don’t have to figure everything out right now. I’ll always be here, Jaehee-yah.”
Back at the apartment, I get busy in the kitchen while I convince her to just watch. “Rest a bit more. I did promise to cook for you.”
After dinner, we practice for her interview. She had questions and answers prepared. “And the goal is for me not to sound like a robot, alright Mister Human Resources?” she says as she once again goes over the exercise.
“Tell me about yourself, Ms. Lee,” I start. We start off giggling at the role play, but eventually she gets serious and I get immersed as well. After pointing out a few improvements, we call it a night earlier than usual. Since she’s supposed to receive her online exam early tomorrow, she’ll go over her notes again before retiring for the night.
I usually oversleep on Sundays because I’ve played until ungodly dawn hours, and this weekend was not an exception. (Although I did manage to text Jaehee good luck before drifting to sleep). It was lunch time when I wake up to Jaehee knocking on my bedroom door.
“Lunch, sir?” she asks.
I inquire as I sat up, “How did the exam go?”
She sits by the foot of my bed. “It was okay. I think I outdid myself. They also had an auto-reply that results will be out this week.”
I reach out to mess with her hair, “Good to hear, smartass.” She just shrugs exaggeratedly, stifling a smile.
Sitting beside her now, I ask, “You haven’t mentioned where you applied, right?”
“I don’t want to jinx it, I’ll just let you know when there are final decisions already.”
“Not sure about superstitions, but I do know that you’ll get offers from them all and that you’ll end up not knowing which to choose from.” Jaehee then sighs. I belatedly realize how she’s already in that kind of situation.
Nonetheless, she smiles and looks at me. “I’ll cross the bridge when I get there, Jae, and maybe drag you with me as I spiral into madness. If that happens,” she laughs.
“I’ll go anywhere with you, Jaehee, you know that,” I wink for good measure.
She scoffs at the immediate turn in the conversation. “Well you better get up now, the ramyeon I cooked will be soggy real soon.”
I once again volunteer to do house chores, this time I wash the dishes. Jaehee is beside me leaning on the kitchen counter.
“Hey Jae?” she calls. I hum in response.
“Want to go out this afternoon?” she asks.
I turn off the faucet to check if I heard her correctly. “Are you asking me out on a date, Jaehee?”
She rolls her eyes and clarifies, “I’m going out, are you coming with me?”
I feign thinking about it and then finally reply, “Alright, how about this -- Would you like to go out with me this afternoon, Jaehee?”
Jaehee raises an eyebrow, a playful smile almost visible, “Are you—“
“Yes, I’m asking you out on a date, m’lady.”
She pauses as I anticipate an awkward response. But instead she says, “Okay,” as I try to backtrack with, “It’s okay if you don’t want to call it that – Wait what?”
Jaehee releases a laugh. “Jae, look. Just because you’re not rushing me, means I’m not thinking about it. So yes, let’s label this one a date. It’ll distract me from the big interview tomorrow and let me face this nagging issue. It’s a win-win for me.”
“So it’s triple win because it’s an advantage for me too?”
“I guess so.”
That was a pleasant surprise. “Alright. But we’ll go home after dinner. You need to prepare and rest for tomorrow.”
“Aye, aye, Sir!”
Lee Jaehee
I’m not really sure if I’m doing life right when I distract myself when something overwhelms me. But hey, some of them come full circle, so I guess there’s wisdom in that coping mechanism? Tomorrow’s interview is for a dream job, and while I am fully prepared, I’m pretty sure that I will be a nervous wreck if don’t focus on something else. Then out loud, I say to the walls in my room, “And thus I have a date with Jae.” I look at myself in the mirror, checking today’s outfit, “Lee Jaehee, what the hell are you thinking?”
Jaehyung is stunning as I open the door and see him waiting by the corridor. I suddenly remember how I did find him attractive in the first few days we met, wondering when that melted away, and realizing why. I was probably staring because I barely hear him say, “You look great, Jaehee. Ready to go?” I shake away the thoughts and compliment him as well, “Not looking bad yourself, Jae. I’m craving for crepes, should we take Takeshita street?”
The thing about a reliable, good friend turned handsome guy who is apparently attracted to me – there is a blurred line between friends having fun and a couple on a date. Recognizing that in the midst of everything does not help, of course, and I feel my heart beating weird.
Endless teasing at one stupid thing or another.
Buying me crepes, the exact way I wanted them.
Laughing at the stupidest things, and a hand always ready to catch me when I inevitably stumble from my own two feet.
Subtly walking on the side of the crowd, even while crisscrossing from one store to another.
Having heat packs ready as the day settled into another cold spring afternoon.
And then being the one to remind me of going home to rest for the interview tomorrow.
Lee Jaehee, what have you gotten yourself into?
We go home and have a quiet dinner, and I can’t help but acknowledge the comfortable atmosphere that he always brings with him. It’s warm and yes, I finally see it -- loving.
After the dishes are taken care of, Jae’s at the door, about to leave. He turns around, a blush evident on his cheeks.
“Good luck tomorrow, Jaehee. I know you’ll do great, but just in case, here, come a bit closer.”
I tilt my head in confusion but I walk towards him anyway. “What is it Jae?” I ask.
He searches for my eyes and exhales, then in one huge motion, sweeps me onto his arms. Jae was quiet for a few seconds into the embrace when he finally says, “You’re the smartest girl I’ve ever met. It’s their loss if they don’t choose you. You’re gonna ace this.” Then he pulls away and grins, “Good luck, Jaehee!” I couldn’t help but smile at the sweet gesture, and then stifle a laugh at his embarrassed face. He stands there watching me, and after a few awkward seconds, he runs out the door.
The only way I was able to sleep that night was because the nervousness for tomorrow finally took over.
The next morning, I ran early to calm myself down, and I emerge into my living room with an asleep Park Jaehyung on the couch and a simple breakfast prepared in the kitchen. He’s such a catch, his future girlfriend would be very lucky, whoever that will be.
I went through my morning routine with him sound asleep, and by the time my interview was finished, he already ordered in lunch.
“I already knew it was a panel interview, but my goodness, my palms were sweating throughout the whole thing,” I narrate as he slices the tonkatsu and lays it back on my plate.
“But was it okay, overall?” he asks, handing me the cabbage salad.
“I think I did great. I was so focused, the tension eventually went away.”
“See, I told you you’re gonna do great!”
Last night’s hug flashed through my mind, and it seems through his as well. He coughs as I bring him a glass of water, laughing at the clumsiness.
“Are you okay, Jae?”
|
“I’m fine, I’m fine. The hug definitely worked its magic, didn’t it?”
It was my turn to lightly choke on my food, good thing a glass of water was already within reach. Once I calmed down, he was apologetic. “I’m sorry Jaehee, are you okay?”
I squint my eyes at him, “you owe me ice cream for this,” I tease him.
“I’ll gladly oblige if you admit that the hug did help, Ms. Lee,” he teases me back.
The laptop rings right there and then, a video call from Wonpil coming through. Jae stands up and takes it to the kitchen, placing it in front of us, then clicks on answer.
“Jaehee!” Wonpil exclaims, “I wish you were here!” They looked like they’re having lunch as well.
“Hey Pil, did you get to do it yet?” I grin at the camera for good measure.
Younghyun appears and answers on behalf of his brother, “I have an idea what that is, but nope he has not done it yet.” He then laughs. “How did the interview go, Jaehee?” he asks.
“It was okay, I think I did great,” I reply.
“You’re smiling, you must be glad to see me?” he heartily laughs again. “I’m just kidding, don’t miss me too much, okay? Here’s Wonpil back.”
“Jaehee! Let’s go back here with you, okay? We miss you!”
A deep voice comes through though not seen in the camera, “Jae-hyung, we miss you too! But do your best there while we’re gone okay!”
“Here’s Sungjin-hyung, Jaehee,” Wonpil says as he passes his phone.
Sungjin appears with a spoon in mid-air. He puts it down as he greets, “Hey Jaehee and Jae, what’s up?”
Jae answers this time, “You will be proud of me because I’ve cooked at least three meals for Jaehee so far.” Once again, Dowoon quips off-screen, “Wow, we said to win her over, not kill her.” The group laughs while Jae reprimands him, “I heard that, dear maknae. You better bring me good merch!”
The phone is then passed on to the girls. Nara starts, “Jaehee, we miss you!” Haejin also greets, “Oh hey Jaehee and Jae, I forgot you weren’t here with us.”
The call ends a few minutes and more chaos later, with Wonpil saying, “Lee Jaehee, you better not have fallen for Jae yet, okay! Bye!”
After the call, Jae looks at me, “you haven’t yet?”
I raise an eyebrow, “what?”
“Fallen for me, you haven’t yet?”
Speechless at the sudden attack, Jae laughs out loud, “I’m just kidding, you should’ve seen the look on your face!”
I end up laughing as well. “I hate you, Jae!”
“Oh I know you don’t!” he says with a wink as he gets up to clear the table and wash the dishes.
We decide to take the rest of the day off, in which I nap and he games until early evening. We see each other the next day, for lunch, when another call rings from my laptop. It was a Skype ringtone, meaning that it’s either from the university or from my application. I brisk walk to the living room and answer the call, earphones in.
“Thank you very much!” I say as I end the call. Jae is now standing in front of me, waiting for the news.
I clutch at my proverbial heart, exhaling a breath I was apparently holding in. I take a look at Jae then, and with a big grin, runs to embrace him. “I got the internship at UNICEF, Jae! I got it!”
Jae hugs me tighter as he announces, “I knew you’d get it! Congratulations, Jaehee!”
Just then, the apartment doors open, and Jae keeps me in the embrace as they all enter. I tap his back and he lets me go, after which I run to greet each of them, hugging them welcome.
When they all settled in the living room, I make the announcement. “I got accepted for an internship in UNICEF, guys!” A wave of congratulatory wishes run through the room. Then Younghyun asks, “Where in Seoul is it located?”
"Oh." I pause because it hit me there and then, what it means to have bridges and crossing them when I get there.
"It’s here, in Tokyo.”