Chapter Text
October 3, 2005.
That was the date written on the top of the Math test. Damien’s hand was still as his mind was clouded not by equations and formulas, but rather the shocking news and unsavory events of the Friday before.
Even though he did drive himself and Mary to school today, he would give anything in order to skip today, but his parents said that playing off everything as if nothing had happened was the best course of action. Considering how 2005 has shown itself to not necessarily be the most groundbreaking year for trans people to exist unashamed and without repercussions, he wanted to avoid having this mishap be spread around. Not everyone knew about his trans identity. In fact, only Mary, Joseph, and Logan knew along with some key staff members that had to acknowledge the name and gender marker change before he was allowed to enter the high school.
He was actually supposed to automatically get moved into the high school that his elementary and middle school classmates all funnel into, however, considering how he was starting his transition and would best not experience it with everyone making a spectacle of it, him and his family agreed a new high school was the best course of action.
But that all might have been for nothing at this rate. What would Logan do? Would he end up spreading blatantly untrue rumors about him without him noticing? Would he tell everyone that he was trans? His mind continued to spiral as he fell into the rabbit hole of anxiety.
“15 minutes left!” his teacher called out from her desk.
He looked up at her for a moment, and she made direct eye contact. It was rather inevitable since he did have a front row seat. In front of her desk.
His focus returned to his test.
No questions answered.
Just a name and date at the top of the paper.
He could feel sweat forming on his forehead. This was definitely not gonna look good for him. It was now or never to get points on the test, so he managed to push away all of the thoughts that plagued him and started on the first question.
Find the circumference of a circle with the radius of 3.4cm.
Not that one.
Selecting from answers A-D, find what is a simplified form of 3(5x-10)^2 = 7,500
Yup, he was most definitely going to be a dead duck.
He heard the teacher get up from her desk and walk in his direction. He brought his lips into his mouth and bit down since there was no other way for him to curl into a ball and hide from her. It’s not that she scared him, but he was going to fail this test. He didn’t want her to see one of her best students failing a test that he should technically be able to ace. Wow, he really was going to let her down today.
She casually placed a folded sticky note on his desk as she continued walking down the aisles of desks.
“...”
Isn’t sharing notes not allowed? He hoped this wasn’t her testing his ability to follow the rules. He’s always done a good job of following the rules, except for that one time he ditched class. But that was only because Mary needed help patching up her scrapes after she was running from a dog on her way to school. The dog really tore through her jeans, but at least it was a fashion statement now.
Well, maybe it wouldn’t hurt to read the note.
He quietly unfolded the sticky note and read it as sneakily as he could.
I noticed you’re having trouble with the test. You can talk with me after class if you’d like.
He couldn’t tell if she was going to get him in trouble or not. He really didn’t want to deal with getting sent to detention. Do they even send people to detention for failing tests? He sure didn’t want to find out.
“Time’s up! Go ahead and turn in your tests to my desk and then you can pack up your bags. Be sure to stay inside the classroom until the bell rings. I can’t afford to ruin my reputation as a good teacher by letting you all scurry about the halls doing lord knows what. Principal Anderson nearly spotted one of you leaving the class early, but luckily he didn’t notice.” Half of the students already handed in their tests by the time she was finished with her mini monologue.
Damien was basically glued to his seat. He didn’t really know how to react to failing the test and how she would discipline him.
He really needed to try some anti-anxiety medications because this was getting out of control.
The bell rang, and the students all left like the day was already over. It was only first period.
Damien slowly stood up, put on his backpack, and avoided making eye contact as he walked up to her desk and handed his test to her. In a low voice, clearly riddled with shame, he said, “I’m sorry I didn’t finish the test. I wasn’t able to focus at all.”
“That’s alright, Damien. I’m more worried about why you weren’t able to focus.” She sat at her desk with a look of concern. “I’ve noticed that you have already struggled with focus before, and you’ve already talked with me about your autism, but this seems different. I know that I’m not a school psychologist, but just know that if you ever want or need to talk to an adult about something, I’m here to help, alright?”
Damien still avoided eye contact by looking at the desk instead. He didn’t really know how to respond.
“You can take the test tomorrow or the day after if that’ll ease your stress. I know you and this was most likely a fluke, so I’m not going to hold it against you, okay?”
“Yes Miss Beserra.”
There was a tense silence. He really wanted to tell someone else about it , but would it even be worth it?
Maybe he could be cryptic about it.
He took in a deep breath, exhaled, and then said, “What would you do in the event if, lets say, a really close friend of yours got pregnant? Well, specifically a teen pregnancy. I-I’m sure you’re not friends with any teenagers considering that you’re a teacher and all, but… I don’t know, what would your advice be?” He finally raised up his eyes, looking for any trace of positive feedback.
Her face changed from standard concern to very intense concern. Otherwise, she maintained a calm exterior. “Have you spoken with your friend about it in depth?”
“Y-yeah,” he looked away again, “The problem is that, well, when the news was revealed, um, he- th-the boyfriend… um…” he began wringing his hands, “W-well… he broke up with the girl- um… yeah, girlfriend and he doesn’t want anything to do with hi- her anymore. It hurts seeing my friend go through this, but I really want her to be able to stay strong through it,” his eyes were starting to form tears, “So… are teachers even allowed to give advice on this?”
She thought for a couple of moments, trying to make sure she didn’t word anything in a way that would be negatively misinterpreted. She finally stated, “Well, if you want to have a teacher’s opinion, I can answer now. However, if you want to have a normal adult’s opinion, you can talk with me after school when I’m off the clock. The teacher liability doesn’t really hold up the same after hours, you know?”
Damien nodded while anxiously rubbing his neck. “The sooner the advice, the better I guess.”
Miss Beserra looked at the door, no students coming anytime too soon, at least for now. She leaned forward and said in a low voice, “I’ll give my normal adult opinion now since no other students are here, but if you can give the girlfriend support, then that’s going to be the best thing you can do. I know that abortions are a dodgy subject, but that’s technically still an option, but don’t push that on anyone. Well, don’t push any options too hard. This is a very emotionally vulnerable time, so give her time to think on things. If she’s firm on what she wants to do, then as a friend, it’s good for you to support her. Otherwise, if she needs to let the school know that she’s going to continue on with the pregnancy, then be prepared for her to get transferred out to one of the lower quality public schools, which is a travesty all on its own, or she might have to be home schooled until the baby is born or until she graduates. Is it alright if I ask how far along she is?”
“No more than a week.”
She breathed a sigh of relief. “That’s good. Since she’s not showing yet, she has more time to think on things. Just remember that support is the biggest thing that she needs right now. I trust that you’ll be there for her, though.” She smiled that kind of smile that you give when you’re comforting someone during the lowest points in their life.
Kind of like right now.
“Th-thank you. Is it alright if I come back in the future for more advice? It’s kind of a big deal. The friend is like a… well like a sister to me. I-I don’t have any siblings, but it’s- she’s very important and I would hate to see her get hurt from this.” It took him until now for him to notice that his legs were shaking. Hopefully she wouldn’t be able to pick up on the fact that he was the one who was pregnant.
She leaned back, opening her arms as she said, “My door is always open, Damien!” She returned her hands to her desk, looking at the door as the first batch of students began walking in. “Just remember what I said: teacher advice vs normal adult opinions. I’ll stay a little longer after school just in case you ever want to talk about it, is that okay?”
He nodded his head and gave a small bow. “Thank you, I really appreciate it,” and he gave a crooked smile, still filled with anxiety. “H-have a good one,” he said with a wave as he walked out of the classroom. He didn’t look to see if she waved back since he had a class to be at.
If only the end of the school day came sooner.
Did speaking with Miss Beserra quell his anxieties?
No.
Did it help him feel more cared for given his current state of affairs, even though he wasn’t telling the complete truth to her?
A bit.
By the time he snapped out of his trance, the bell had already rung for class to be excused. He looked at his surroundings and the students were just starting to pack up their bags, so he wasn’t absurdly late to get out of the classroom.
He looked down at his English notes. Some notes are better than none, at least. As long as he did the reading for To Kill a Mockingbird at home, he should be fine.
The only real roadblock was if his mental state would allow him to focus on anything except for his… situation. Mentally, he crossed his fingers and left the classroom with his belongings. Now, time to find Mary.
“Dames! Get over here quickly!”
Looks like she found him first. The problem was he couldn’t see her in the sea of students quickly trying to flood themselves out of the crammed halls and get into the cafeteria for lunch.
He let out a yelp as a familiar hand gripped his wrist and managed to direct him safely through the crowd that would trample him if he slowed down. It took a few seconds for the initial shock to subside, especially considering how Mary wasn’t going to put him in any risk of danger.
However, one thing did confuse him.
They were moving away from where the crowd was headed.
Oh no.
“Okay, I think this is a good spot,” Mary stopped the both of them by a door that would lead them to the outdoor part of the campus. Why she didn’t go outside was something he couldn’t guess, but there was something very obviously important going on. He just wasn’t sure if he wanted to hear it since it would most likely be about Logan.
“It’s about Logan.”
Yup, this wasn’t going to be fun for him.
He let out a sigh and anxiously wrapped his arms around his stomach. “Did you talk to him earlier?”
She nodded, a nervous look beginning to form on her face. “I guess it’s just a matter of whether or not you’re ready to hear it.”
Another sigh, but after swallowing in an attempt to get rid of the lump forming there, albeit it was in vain, he nodded. “It’s now or never. Besides, it’s not like I’m in a relationship with him anymore. Now… what did he say on the matter?”
She wasn’t excited to deliver the information, however she was more than willing to tell the truth rather than sugar coat an already bitter event.
“Well… Okay, wait, one thing that confused and angered the hell out of me was that he was accusing me of sleeping with you. I mean, you’re basically like a brother to me, so, no. Also, I’m already dating Joseph and we have promise rings, which to him, are basically celibacy rings. Not anything bad necessarily, but still, no, I’m not sleeping with you.” She looked at him to see how he was reacting to things so far, and she was confused to see that his reaction looked like he’s already heard this before, but she continued onward. “Anyways, aside from that and him implying that I’m trans even though that’s not true either, he… Oh God, how do I say this...”
Damien removed his arms from his stomach and instead placed a hand on her shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “I know you’re telling me this for a reason. I believe in you. After all, you make nonstop promises to protect me from whatever it is that the world throws at me, so I trust you.” He gave a smile, but it was one still filled with nervousness.
She nodded and finally opened her mouth.
“He took the condom off sometime during the middle of you both… well, you know.”
She could feel his hand tense, and she observed his body, trying to get a read of how to react. He was frozen solid and she could tell that he was losing color to his already pale skin.
“Dames, I-”
“N-no… i-it’s… I’m... “ He slowly took his now shaky hand off of her shoulder and took a couple of clumsy steps backwards. “I-I… Oh gods… This… I…” He stopped trying to form any coherent sentences and instead just plopped to the floor, face buried into his hands and he brought his knees to his chest.
Mary’s heart broke when Damien let out the first couple of sobs. Was he going to be alright? She shook her head. Of course he wasn’t going to be okay. I think this news was probably worse than him realizing that he accidentally got pregnant. All she could do was sit down beside him and rub small circles on his back with her thumb.
She didn’t expect him to have an appetite for lunch, but she already had some snacks for him so he could nibble on something between classes. For now though, she was just going to sit there, waiting until he had no more tears left to cry.
Fifteen minutes.
Luckily Damien carried tissues in his backpack, so he didn’t have a mess on his face aside from the tears he was still wiping away. Were there spots on his glasses from his tears? Yes. He wasn’t all too worried about that at the moment, though.
Finally, Mary softly and cautiously spoke, “Do you need to leave school early? I know your parents are at work right now, at least, I think they are, but they might be able to call you out of school so you have time to cool off.”
She stopped rubbing circles into his back once he stood himself up. The offer was more than temping. He could use the time for recovery, considering the recent developments. He didn’t want to overextend himself any further than he already did. Another day of things going more than amiss and he was having a hard time keeping up with things.
What a week.
He went to reach into his pocket, but he stopped.
“I have a teacher to speak with after school. I can’t miss that.” He had an apparent look of urgency on his face.
This was most definitely not overlooked by his dearest friend.
“Did something happen in one of your classes?” She didn’t want to push anything, but she was curious, especially considering the look he had on his face.
He rubbed the back of his neck as he came up with an answer on the fly, “I actually wasn’t able to do my math test today. It was… interesting to say the least. I didn’t answer a single one since my brain was too focused on… well, this situation. Miss Beserra said she’d be able to work something out for me though, so she said she’d be available after school to work things out with me.”
He wasn’t necessarily lying. If anything, it was a white lie. Nothing harmful, but it did hurt his heart a little just knowing that he didn’t tell the entire truth to her. She didn’t seem to pick up on it, though.
She nodded and stood up with him, patting his shoulder. “I hope it all goes well Dames. And remember, you’re doing the best you can right now. Try not to beat yourself up too hard right now. I’m here to support you whenever you need me to, alright?”
He nodded and cracked a genuine smile. “Thank you Mary, I really do appreciate your kind words and support. They are helping a lot more than you know.” He held her hands, letting out a sigh, then laughing. “You truly are a friend. You’ve seen me through all of my highs and my lows. While this is most definitely one of the lowest moments of my life, if not, my lowest of all, you have truly stood by my side and I couldn’t ask for any more from you.”
Mary began tearing up. She wasn’t used to this kind of appreciation. Considering her home life, this was one of the biggest compliments that she had ever received. It just sucked how the compliment was born from a situation as intense as this. She was more than willing to accept the compliment anyways. “Trust me, I’m always down to help you through anything and everything you ask me to. Even though life is an entire roller coaster at the moment, you’ve seen me of all people experience tons of detentions, borderline suspensions, getting called to the principal’s office for so many things, and even witnessed me punch a guy square in the jaw and kick him in the balls. Safe to say, we’re both in this together.” She brought him into a hug, making sure to whisper in his ear in case any staff were nearby, “In the event that you do go through with the pregnancy, just know that I’d be more than willing to be Aunt Mary and co-parent whenever you need me to, okay?”
He hugged her tighter when she said that. He didn’t deserve a friend this kind, yet he had the luck of having her in his life. Were it not for the fact that he was gay, he would most definitely be pushed to date Mary, were it not also for the fact that she was dating Joseph. Regardless, he really did appreciate her support.
“You know, that wouldn’t be a bad idea. You’d be a wonderful aunt, I know it.” He released Mary from the hug, and gave another smile. “I still haven’t made a decision yet, but when I do, you will for sure be the first to know, alright?”
She gave him a thumbs up. “You’ve got it! It’s definitely an honor, and like I’ve said before a million times, I’m not gonna push you in any direction. For now, I’d say we just hang out until next class and I’ll give you some snacks so you can eat something whenever you feel up to it, alright?”
With a silent nod from Damien, the both of them walked off to the cafeteria. Before they walked through the cafeteria doors, he stopped and turned to Mary. “Are my eyes or face still red?”
She quickly scanned what he asked for and nodded. “Your eyes are still a little puffy. I also think you should get the spots off of your glasses since it probably isn’t good for your eyes.”
Somehow the spots on his glasses completely went over his head. His memory really decided to act up on him today. Well, I guess in this instance, it was his observational skills. To be fair, he did just have a bit of a breakdown, so this was to be expected. “Would you mind if I went to the restroom to get myself fixed up?”
“No problemo. I’ll save you a spot in the cafeteria at our usual spot, okay? I’ll be sure to get Joseph to join us if you’re fine with that?”
“I wouldn’t mind at all Mary. I’ll be sure to find the both of you once I return. I’ll see you both really soon.” They both waved each other off, then Damien went into the nearest boys’ restroom.
Each time he entered any sort of men’s room, it never ceased to confuse him. While he was used to using these facilities, he was more used to the cleanliness of the women’s restrooms. Not only that, but they wouldn’t urinate standing next to someone else that could see your private parts.
The sense of privacy and different social etiquette was something that he wished would also carry over.
Then again, as long as people minded their business in the men’s room, a lot of this could be avoided.
It still didn’t quell his nerves.
After shaking the thoughts away, he got some paper towel squares, wet them with cold water, and hooked his glasses onto the neckline of his shirt so he could press the wet paper towels onto his eyes. Within minutes, his eyes lost their puffy appearance. He tossed the now-useless soggy paper towels into the trash and got to cleaning his glasses. Once that was complete, he left the restroom and made his way to the cafeteria.
It didn’t take long for him to find Mary and Joseph sitting at a far corner of the cafeteria, so he quickly walked to them and sat down, finally taking off his backpack and setting it down. It took until now for him to notice just how much weight the bag had. It felt like his back was lighter than air. Maybe he should go through his bag when he gets home just to make sure he wasn’t carrying anything unnecessary on him.
Joseph waved to Damien, which caught Damien’s attention. “Hi Damien, how’ve classes been for you so far today?”
Damien gave out a nervous laugh and began rubbing his neck again. “Heh, about that, I’ve been struggling all day. I’ve had quite a few things on my mind today. I just need to keep my head on straight and hopefully it will all work itself out with time.” He knew it wouldn’t be as simple as that, but in order to keep word of his pregnancy under control, he wanted to limit just how many people knew about this.
“Oh, well if you ever needed any help with studying, I could help you out. I’d be more than willing to spend time making sure you understand the material. Although, I don’t know how much help I’d be for your Honors English class.” He finished it off with a chuckle, trying to keep the atmosphere lighthearted. While he wasn’t aware of Damien’s pregnancy, he wasn’t blind to the uneasy atmosphere that Mary and Damien carried. He wasn’t going to insert himself into their business, however. He knew when to not involve himself into other peoples’ affairs.
Damien returned the chuckle. “I’ll be sure to keep that in mind whenever the need arises. I do appreciate your offer, however. Oh, I completely forgot, how much time do we have before sixth period starts?”
Joseph sneakily pulled out his cell phone to check the time. “Oh, we’ve got about fifteen minutes left. Did you have someplace to be?”
The other shook his head. “No, I just thought the next class was going to start right now. I guess I really am experiencing time blindness,” he said with a laugh. The other two joined in, the heaviness in the air starting to fade. It wasn’t entirely gone, but it was better than before.
All that was left was to speak to Miss Beserra after school.