Chapter Text
There’s a ringing sound in Sunghoon’s ears that has been overpowering the noise of the hospital and the harsh beats of his heart. He doesn’t know where the noise is coming from but it’s sending throbbing pain in his temples.
Did he hit his head somewhere while he was rushing to the hospital earlier? Sunghoon couldn’t be sure. He couldn’t even remember how he managed to drive himself there in one piece given he’s been too occupied by fear when he heard the news.
He slumps on the cold white chair, exhaling a long shaky breath as his shoulders sag, head hanging low. His dark fringe damp with sweat matted his forehead, covering his eyebrows and brushing his closed eyes.
Darkness.
All he could see is darkness. But the sound of Sunoo’s panicked-stricken voice before a loud crashing sound over the static of his cellphone reverberates loudly in his head as if he could see the actual image behind his eyelids like a slideshow of an ugly event. He can clearly imagine the way his husband’s face morphed into a look of horror as the headlights of another car zooming towards his direction blinded him, crashing his own car mercilessly like a tin can.
Sunoo must’ve been so terrified. He’s always been faint-hearted, after all. And Sunghoon wasn’t there to protect him, or hold his hand – he’s always not there when Sunoo needed him the most, anyway.
Sunghoon can feel his clasped hands shake in between his thighs, cold and clammy, eyes burning with tears.
It’s his fault. He’s the reason why his husband is now unconscious lying in the hospital bed of the emergency room fighting for his life. It’s all his fault.
There are rushed footsteps coming in his direction but he’s too tired to even open his eyes and move to see who they might be. But he doesn’t need to because two curled hands around the collar of his shirt forced him up to stand on his week legs, eyes cracking open just enough to see Heeseung’s face red in anger.
He’s expected this.
“Where’s Sunoo?!” Heeseung shouts as soon as they locked eyes, as if the ringing in his ears weren’t enough. Sunghoon tried to open his mouth but his throat closes up, clogging the words and pushing them back down to his hollow stomach. Heeseung shakes him harshly like a lifeless doll.
“Hyung, come on. Don’t do this in the hospital.” Sunghoon didn’t even notice Jungwon and the others around them, too focused on the rage running wild in Heeseung’s eyes.
“You—” Heeseung cuts himself off, teeth gritting as if choking in his next words. His eyes are bloodshot like Sunghoon’s, angry tears wetting his cheeks down his chin. He looks like a mess, not as bad as Sunghoon, but he still is. Like he’s rushed in the hospital without checking himself. He’s even in his creased pajama shirt under a bomber jacket.
Sunghoon has only seen the man this enraged twice in the whole span he has known the older, but this is the first time he experienced to be on the receiving end of it.
And he deserves it.
Heeseung pulls him closer by his collar, fist clenched so tight Sunghoon wouldn’t even be surprised if it torn his shirt, knuckles white and jaw clenched. The older looks at him in the eyes for a long stretch of cold silence before pushing him back unceremoniously, making him stumble on the chair.
At this point, he won’t even fight Heeseung if he ever throws a fist. He just doesn’t have the energy for that. The ache has seeped bone-deep now he’ll let them do whatever they want to do with him.
“I regret introducing you two,” Heeseung spits after a moment.
And it shouldn’t hurt because Sunghoon has expected it. He has seen it coming. All of this. But it still stings, like a knife being drilled in his heart. He hears Jungwon placate the eldest but it only fell on deaf ears as the latter continues to address Sunghoon with unblinking moist eyes.
“If I had known you’ll do this to him, to my best friend, I would’ve never let you anywhere near, Sunoo. If something happens to him—” he paused, voice broken and expression crumbling. Sunghoon sees the way his clenched fists shake beside him; maybe from fear or anger or both. “I will never forgive you.”
Jungwon tailed Heeseung to the other end of the hallway, so far from where he’s sitting, leaving him alone. He can feel the younger’s eyes on him, probably looking at him in pity or hatred, but he couldn’t care less.
He sucks a shuddering breath, eyes falling shut as he tips his head back, letting it fall softly against the white wall. The small thudding sound snaps his friends of their initial shock, moving to both his sides.
“Hoon.” It’s Jake, he’ll recognize that voice anywhere. It’s the same voice that has been by his side through his rough roads these past months. He feels a comforting hand on his right shoulder, just like always, tapping lightly.
“How’s Sunoo?” Jay asks from his other side, voice as calm as ever. He’s probably the only sane here at the moment. “Is there any news? How long has he been in the emergency room?”
Sunghoon can’t remember. He doesn’t have a grasp of time from the moment a police officer called him and told him his husband was involved in a huge road accident. How long has it been? He doesn’t know.
He makes a grunting noise at the back of his throat, because his mouth feels too dry to speak, hoping it was enough for his friends to know his answer.
The rest of the night feels colder than usual.
After 3 hours of operation, Sunoo was finally moved in a private room to recover. Doctor and nurses check on him every hour but they said his husband is yet to show any sign of waking up anytime soon. So the group decided to camp on the lone small couch to wait while Sunghoon sits on a stool beside Sunoo’s bed.
But that was 4 hours ago, and now the others have fallen asleep except for him.
Sunghoon reaches for his husband’s hand, the one with no needles and tubes, holding it in both his hands. The skin feels cold against his, opposite to how he last remembers. He rubs a thumb over the expanse of his knuckles, wondering when was the last time they held hands. He didn’t even notice how thin and pale Sunoo’s fingers have gotten.
There’s a ball lodge in his throat when he looks up at his husband’s face, whose complexion was once a beautiful sun-kissed but now ashen. His full chubby and rosy cheeks have sunken so much it reveals the sharpness of his cheekbone in itself even when not smiling.
His usually glossy pink lips are now dry and chapped. There are wounds and bruises scattered here and there – purple, green and ugly. He knows Sunoo will throw a fit when he sees his skin like this. His husband takes beauty regimen seriously more than anyone.
At the thought, Sunghoon finds himself smiling a little even through the quiver of his lips. He sucks on the bottom, teeth digging into the flesh as he blinks the tears away. His chest feels heavy, so, so heavy; constricting, like something is trying to squash his lungs until he couldn’t breathe anymore. It must be his punishment. Or maybe, it’s just the guilt in his system eating him alive.
It’s him who puts his husband in this situation. If only he had listened to Sunoo; if only he had agreed to his last request; if only he came to Sunoo that night. This wouldn’t have happened.
“Let’s fall in love for the last time.” The words still play in his head like a broken record, over and over, haunting. When his husband said ‘for the last time’ he didn’t expect it to be this way.
“I’m sorry.” Was the only thing he could say as he pressed their joined hands on his forehead, mumbling the words with his rough voice under his breath, closing his eyes and letting the tear he’d been trying to hold back finally roll down his face.
Sunghoon not a religious person, but if deities are true and they could hear his prayer, all he wants is for his husband to finally wake up.
He even didn’t realize he has fallen asleep in a very uncomfortable position with his neck twisted and head pillowed on their still clasped hands until someone taps his shoulder lightly. He shifts slightly, groaning at the ache on the side of his neck shooting down the expanse of his back. The sound of the breathing machine rising and falling in time with Sunoo’s chest and the beep of heart monitor breaching his ears like an alarm clock.
“Hoonie, wake up.”
Jake’s concerned face greets him as soon as he opens his eyes, the natural light filtering the hospital room blinding him for a short moment. He grunts as he tries to sit up properly, rolling his shoulders in an attempt to relieve the knots in his muscles.
“What happened?” he rasped; voice raw.
Jake informs him about the doctor’s observation of Sunoo while he was asleep. Just like hours ago, his husband still hasn’t shown any sign of being conscious. A heavy feeling drops to Sunghoon’s toes, stomach churning as his eyes shift back to his unconscious husband, hands unknowingly tightening its hold around Sunoo’s.
“We should be patient,” Sunghoon hears Jay says from somewhere behind him.
“How patient?” Is Heeseung’s sharp response to that. Sunghoon whips around to look at his friends standing in front of each other, leveling gazes. Heeseung’s jaw are clenched, eyes burning with anger. “It’s so easy for you to talk like that because it’s not your family that was lying there with no certainty of waking up—” the eldest cuts himself, heaving a deep breath. Jungwon moves beside him, holding him by an arm. “Just… don’t even try. Don’t even try because none of your words will make the situation any less painful.”
Sunghoon licks his lips, eyes moving back and forth his friends. Heeseung walks back to his corner, leaning against a wall and away from them. Jay only sighs, shaking his head before heading for the door.
Every single relationship Sunghoon has is now broken.