Chapter Text
A haunting tune played in the ex-prima’s mind as she watched the train move at speeds her body was not used to. A flash of graceful steps as fluid as the gentle wind. The swaying of a loose knee length skirt and a pale yellow scarf. It was a memory worth remembering and a memory she had yet to revive in sweet nostalgia.
Lilia could never forget the day that Victor came forward and asked to skate to the piece she once danced to in her prime. It had been the first time he chose and had been involved in his own routine. It was his final year at the Junior skate division. And being able to witness Victor skate to that piece, the simple act of watching him go through all of those emotions, it had been a greater achievement than winning Gold that season and setting a world record that season.
It was the song from the movie Anastasia, Once upon a December, Victor's mother's favorite song. It was a little obvious and maybe common. But both the mother and son seem to have no problem with being obvious and wearing their hearts on their sleeves.
Skating to it made Vitya so happy. It was a liberating experience to see him, telling his mother's story on the ice. But Vitya was not a storyteller. But he showed the world perfectly, how his mother flew despite her broken wings.
“How are we going to reach this hot springs? And why a hot spring? Do we have anywhere to stay there?” The teenager asked his older companion, staring outside the train’s window in silent amazement.
“An old acquaintance of mine will be picking us up at the station. She will bring us to the hot springs, hopefully they have enough room to accommodate us.”
Her response may have not answered his question, but Yuri did not push it further, not wanting to anger the stoic ballerina who was busy looking out the window.
They arrived in Japan earlier than they originally had planned due to seat availability. Two days prior, Lilia had come to learn from an acquaintance that five passengers had cancelled their flights yesterday and Lilia had jumped at the opportunity to occupy their seats (posh as she may be, she didn’t mind the occasional economic flight) and fly a day ahead of schedule. The plan was to stay in Tokyo for two nights and three days for a bit of leisure time. But plans have changed more than once and Lilia had decided to ride a train going to the location of their next flight.
It was a rather beautiful and calming ride to be honest, albeit rather short. Yuri had no idea why he was dragged to Japan with her other than the fact that she would be training him in some Ballet before his senior debut that year. He had no idea who they were about to meet other than the fact that Lilia seemed to know the people they were meeting. And he has NO IDEA why did the ever impulsive Victor come to Japan, of all places, and leave the rink. Yakov was completely vague about the whole ordeal that left himself and the other Russian skaters in puzzlement.
Not being able to think of anything else to say, Yuri answered a gruff, “Well, I hope so.” to which the woman did not acknowledge.
The rest of the trip was silent after as both artists were left to their own thoughts
The trains in Japan were so different from the ones in Russia, as well as the nature that surrounds it, Lilia concluded. But they were different kind of beauty. Lilia sent a look at the wonder gazed child, silently thanking Yakov for convincing her in letting the fifteen year old accompany her during the trip.
The soft rays of the sun glistening from the train window reminded her of the sunlight window of her studio back in Russia. It reminded her of the innocent laughs and ballet shoes. She recalled the memories of a transitory period of an auspicious time in her life where everything was right where it should be. But now that time is but a fleeting memory that has drifted along like a snowflake under the winter peaks of the sun.
“Hey Lilia?” the younger grabbed the attention of the older Russian. “I don’t get it. Why are we here? Why did you bring me here? I don’t understand.” He asked in a modulated tone, finally letting out his confusion. Lilia, who did not notice that she had previously started to lean against the window, sat upright.
“Why do you need to know? Do you think that there is another reason why I brought you here?” The question does not phase the curious child who was now accustomed by the austere woman.
“Probably not. But it would be nice to know. I hate being left in the dark.” Yuri frowned.
“I know Yuratchka.” She replied, eyes softening by a fraction. “But you do not need to understand everything that happens around you in life, or you might get lost in your quest to find the answer.”
He hates it whenever she answers in this poetic and vague tone. And he hates it more when she is absolutely right. He was just confused as hell and she just sat there all nostalgic and moody as always. It irritated him inside, but he would rather keep his thoughts to himself lest the woman would unleash her wrath.
So he simply answered, “Whatever.” like the moody teenager he is.
Lilia cracked a small smile.
…..
Hiroko had no idea what was going on anymore. All she knew was that she was supposed to wake up her son that morning for his and Victor’s trip to Tokyo, and he was missing from his room. The room that was usually void of clutter had a few shirts lying down on the floor that may have spilled from his open wall cabinet, his alarm clock was not in its proper order and the cactus pot laid on the table, spilling the small rocks that Yuuri had piled on top of the soil claiming it was for aesthetic purposes. His favorite beanie, which she had knitted for him along with his scarf a long time ago, together with his coat was missing from its usual spot behind the door but his wallet and bag was still on his bed.
Did he go out to jog this early in the morning? But he usually jogs after six, not before, aside from his casual night jobs when he wants to clear up his mind. Either way, he does not bring a coat and a beanie to jog. He never forgets his phone and wallet. He knows how paranoid his mother gets.
Which is why Hiroko is panicking. She can't find Yuuri anywhere at the onsen. And nobody had seen him yet. Mari was not there, and she was always the one who could magically find Yuuri. She asked everyone around. Toshiya, her three other employees, Takeshi who just delivered several boxes of water bottles, oh… OH! She hadn’t asked Vicchan yet.
She rushed towards Victor’s door, her husband tailing behind her. She hastily knocked at the door, completely in a state of panic. Victor opened the door, fully garbed except for a pair of socks that were in his hands. He looked concerned at the couple’s recent disposition. “Ohayo. What---”
“Vicchan! Vicchan, have you seen Yuuri? Have you seen Yuuri at all this morning?”
Her heart sank when he answered no.
…..
“Hey Yuuri. Have you ever seen a crane in the winter?” Victor asked curiously as he popped his hand joints, feeling tired from playing the piano for a whole hour. They were almost done with the song by now. However, Yuuri, ever the perfectionist, has stated his dissatisfaction with the song more than once the past three hours they started the song for the day. “I heard that there are a lot here in Japan in the winter and… hey, I was asking something Yuuri.”
“Shh...There’s something missing, but I can’t point out what.” Yuuri narrowed his brows, ignoring the question while glaring at the black and white keys of the keyboard.
“I think it’s great so far.” Victor smiled, to which the raven haired replied with a frown.
“Of course you think that way. It’s just, I can’t explain it. There’s… there’s something missing.” Yuuri says, placing a hand on his chin while the other holds the sheet music of the piece, humming and bobbing his head through the notes. Victor affectionately watched the slight furrowing and relaxing of Yuuri brows, the twitch of his fingers on his chin that became a series of unconscious movements that emulated a toneless piano playing.
“Maybe it’s the tempo? What if I add a few notes here...” Grabbing a nearby pen, Yuuri scribbled on the sheet music, never breaking eye contact, the three pieces of paper having his full attention. “Can you scoot over Victor? I need to check something out.”
Victor wordlessly stood up from his seat by the keyboard as Yuuri moved from his spot by the bed to the instrument. The Russian could only look at him in astonishment from the sheer dedication he was giving the piece. And it touched Victor in more ways than one. He made the right choice in coming to Yuuri, that was for sure.
This feeling of amazement was doubled by the time Yuuri had started playing the first notes of the music. Gone was the soothing soft and delicate aura of the piece. It’s hints of subtle nostalgia and longingness was now replaced with a feeling that had Victor reel back.
He could hear his mother in Yuuri's music.
While listening to Yuuri play the piano, Victor noticed, he barely played any fast pieces unlike when he plays the violin. The two instruments were played differently as if they came from two separate people instead of only one.
His violin is slightly aggressive, on point, in control and at times even erratic. However, they still had this touch of gentleness, like a stern parent guiding it’s child or sometimes it sounded like the winds of a breezy autumn day. It was always full of life.
His piano on the other hand, it always sounded like a mother’s caress, gentle and soft, slow and steady. When he played it felt like a winter stroll with the sun peaking through the frost bitten branches of the stagnant winter trees. It was always a gentle melody peaking through the halls of his childhood home. But sometimes, the beautiful melody sounded, to him at least, somewhat lifeless. It sounded like contentment and stillness, like someone watching from afar with a smile on his face.
Despite Yuuri laughing at him at first, he usually hears him playing Love’s Sorrow. But it was not how he usually heard it. It lacked the normal tempo and dynamics. He was brought back to the term “con rubato”, hearing it often from children who had just learned the term from their music teacher. He remembers it being translated to “stolen time”. This is when the musician gets to play a piece’s tempo at his own discretion, his own choice. And it was funny how such a freeing style could be called stolen. In a way, was it unfair to the music having his time stolen for the musician's freedom?
He thinks back to Yuuri and his rubato. You can’t help but be envious of the man sometimes, envious of how free Yuuri looks whenever he plays or skates. He looks like he is in another dimension, in charge of his own destiny. To Victor, he looked like the conductor of his own life. There were people who dedicated their whole life to a single craft, honing it to the best of their abilities and still being shadowed by others less talented than them despite all the hardships. Yuuri however, has no care for any of that. He plays because he wants to, he skates because he wants to. Victor himself is guilty of giving up music when he was young, learning only a few pieces and giving up because he was not up to par. He let his perfectionist side take over. In another world, Yuuri may have been the perfectionist, giving up when he sees that failure is due. But in this world, he is anything but. He is the master of his own life. He controls his music, he is in charge of his skate. But what he never knew was that those two were the only things that he could control.
The piece was unlike any of his previous playing. He was sure it was the exact same piece. He could hear the familiar notes wrapped up with a series of additional notes that made Victor feel energized all of a sudden.
It reminded him of himself. His past self that was left an empty shell as he skated, winning more and more, but losing himself in the raging storm of his success. It was the Victor that he was before.
Yuuri had mentioned in the past that his first love was the violin, being the first one he learned, and favored it over the piano because he has a hard time coordinating both of his hands at the same time. But he could hear no disorientation, no faltering from his fast playing. For what seemed like an hour to Victor, the song only stretched for a minute. Yuuri stopped, however, when he hit a wrong note.
“Oops. Sorry.” He laughed in embarrassment. But Victor was still looking at him with amazement in his eyes. “It’s not done. It still feels like something is missing. But do you like it so far?”
He was at a loss of words that he didn’t notice a tear escape his eye because he was sure he was only looking at Yuuri in awe. “Eh? Victor? Why are you crying?”
At that, Victor immediately looked away and wiped his eye in one swift and comical motion. “Hah? I’m crying? Where?”
Yuuri could only laugh at Victor’s action, feeling giddy in getting that kind of reaction form him. That feeling quickly went away when he felt a sudden pang in his chest. What had Victor gone through in life to be able to cry with a straight face? ---He thought, clutching his hand to his chest.
“I’m going to the restroom for a bit.” He said, standing up, not waiting for a reply. Which was alright, because Victor could not give out a reply anyway.
He sighed after the soft closing of the door and unceremoniously plopped down on the bed, placing an arm over his eyes. He contemplated on why he reacted that way. But when he couldn’t find an answer, he faced the piano once more. A familiar tune crossed his mind as his hands moved on its own to a familiar song.
He had skated to this piece before. He could remember the cold feeling of the ice on his skin as he narrated a story that only a few people knew.
They said that she was the palest shade of hair and the most striking eyes in the history of Russia. She was a beauty unlike any other, and it showed in her movements with anything she did. She was told to have been the embodiment of beauty and grace. She made her body into music as she danced her way through the stage. She made music into her body, telling a story with the steady yet gentle flicks of her wrists and fingers on the violin, a serene smile on her lips above the delicate instrument. She captivated the hearts of everyone around her with her kindness and beauty, making the world her stage, and everybody in it her audience.
She soared like a crane in the winter, her sleek and slender body blending in with the snow. But even a crane as elegant as her, could not brave the incoming storm.
She fell.
He was brought out of his thoughts by the sudden sliding of the door as he finished half of the song.
“Why did you stop? It was beautiful.”
Victor looked at him with sad eyes. “It felt like it was missing something.”
Yuuri’s eyes widened a fraction before smiling knowingly. He wordlessly took out his violin, positioning it in his hands while Victor watched him with wide eyes.
“I think I know what’s missing.” He smiled.
“With my playing or the song for the fs?”
“Both.”
On that day, Victor started to feel whole again, little by little, his broken wings healed.
…..
Victor did not choose the song Once upon a December just because of his mother, no matter how much he explains it to the press. His world record-breaking piece. It was both freedom and it was a sense of flying straight into a storm of confusion. It was his declaration of wanting to know what happened to his mother. And his performance of Stammi Viccino solidified his desire and led Yakov to finally give in and let him travel to Japan. What he didn’t know was that he would be able to finally meet the pinal pieces of the puzzle his mother left for him.
And now that he was in Japan, he could see just how complex that puzzle was. The most puzzling piece being Yuuri. How does he fit into the puzzle? Why was he such a huge factor? He couldn’t understand. But whenever he looks at Yuuri’s eyes, he can see his mother.
The first thing he hears when he arrives at the hospital is a child asking how long he had been out of remission for his leukemia. Yuuri sat on one of the beds, a sandwich in his left hand and an IV on the other. He could not hear his answer, but he saw the little bald girl with a knitted headband’s eyes shine as she flailed her arms in her little wheelchair.
“Wow! I hope I can grow up and get to do my dreams like you Katsuki-sensei! You’re so cool!” Despite it being said in pure Japanese, he understood what it meant. After all, those who have been stolen from by life have the same wish, to be able to live a life where they can reach what they want to reach.
Yuuri knows that he is blessed. He’s blessed with an understanding family, he is blessed with supportive friends and he is blessed with the talent to do what he wants. So was it selfish of him to think that he is actually not in control of his own life? Was it fair to think of himself as one of the people who have been robbed of something? He fought and won countless times in his life. But why was nothing enough for him? Why did he feel like he lost more than he had ever won? He didn’t deserve to be sad, he didn’t deserve to be blessed, he didn’t deserve to be alive. There are so many more people who died who would be alive instead of him.
No, he should stop thinking like that. He knows that it’s wrong to compare his struggles to others, but he just can’t help it. He can’t help that life is unfair to everyone. You can’t just start thinking that life would be alright. You can’t just look in the mirror and tell yourself that tomorrow will be a new day. Could he be considered weak if he can't be like those people who make those inspirational speeches? Because he’s sorry if he can’t make himself love himself. He can’t see his disease as a blessing because it’s not. It’s really not.
The romanticization of being inspiring just because you have a hard life. He hates it. Just because you, someone who had suffered so much, was able to survive means that you are an inspiration to others. Because being an inspiration also means you may discredit others who have been struggling and were not able to succeed. He did not want to be used as someone who could make normal people feel useless because someone sick made it far, so why did a normal person like him become so useless. So he kept his diagnosis as a Leukemia survivor a secret.
It wasn’t because he was ashamed of it. No, he was proud of himself for surviving two remissions and a radiation therapy gone wrong. He was ashamed of himself because he can’t inspire himself. He loves the ice. To him, it numbs all the pain he’s received, it makes himself feel like soaring and taking control. He loves music because it calms him and gives him more ways to share a story without needing to speak.
“I know you will.” He reassures the child, smiling gently at her excited figure despite being minutes into starting her fourth chemo session. “Because you’ve already started fighting.”
The Russian skater could not help but stare at Yuuri as he watched the little girl get wheeled away, leaving himself to his own IV drip and sandwich. He watches while Yuuri re-wraps his sandwich, half eaten, and puts it aside. He watches Yuuri stare at the half empty IV drip with a nostalgic stare, a familiar gaze that he could only wish no one will have. He watched Yuuri squirm uncomfortably when he noticed Victor staring at him through the glass doors of the emergency room, until he couldn’t watch anymore.
Victor tried to calm himself as he walked towards the other man, his eyes glued to his small frame.
“Do you need anything else?” Victor asked with more force than he intended which made the other flinch. He put down Yuuri’s pouch that contained his phone and wallet.
“No, thank you for coming here.” He meekly replied, refusing to make eye contact with Victor.
Victor could not think of anything else to say even though a million questions raced through his head. Why didn’t Yuuri ask for anyone's help? Why did he admit himself to the hospital? Their truck was still there, his bike was still there. Did he run? Didn't he get tired? He had to be in pain if he's like this.
With Yuuri being so secretive with his visit to the hospital, does that mean this is serious? Is that why he left Celestino? Is that why he asked Victor to calm down his parents and asked him to tell them that he was buying something to give to Mari before they left for Tokyo but he forgot his phone and wallet?
But instead Victor simply asked, “So where did the sandwich come from if you didn’t have your wallet?”
“Oh, I had some money left from the train ride. I normally put money in my pant pockets in case I forget my wallet. I kind of asked the nurse who lent me her phone to call you to buy me a sandwich because I needed to eat before I drank my meds.”
“Oh that’s good.” That was really good, for once Yuuri asked for help instead of being an idiot.
But after that, he could not think of anything to say again. So they just awkwardly sat there in silence. Surprisingly, it was Yuuri who broke the ice.
“Aren’t you going to say anything else?”
“Do you want me to say something?” He started, but Yuuri did not answer. “It’s not my place to ask those kinds of questions, Yuuri. You called me for a reason. So I’ll just stay here with you and give you the support you need. But, you have to know when to draw the line. You have to speak with your family after this. Do you understand?”
Victor looks at Yuuri’s crestfallen face. He looks like he can’t decide whether he should be grateful for Victor’s words or be anxious about telling his parents. Nevertheless, Yuuri nods his head and leans on Victor’s shoulders. He snuggles to his side and inhales deeply and sighed.
“I know. Thank you Victor.”
Victor smiles fondly at Yuuri and gently places a hand over Yuuri’s, clasping the smaller one in his own. “I promised to look after you, Yuuri. From now on. I always will.”
Yuuri still doesn't look at Victor, keeping his head down low, now clutching Victor’s hands tighter and tighter, his hand trembling in Victor's as his sobs grew louder, failing to hold it in. His voice breaks.
“I'm so scared Victor. I’m so sorry. I don’t know what to do.”
Victor could hear his heart break at the same time as Yuuri cracked. This was it, Yuuri had finally opened up. Yuuri was finally ready to let someone in the tiny walled space he had built around himself. But he can’t feel happy about that fact. The dam had now broken. He didn’t care if the people around them had started to notice the two of them. He didn’t care about the judging looks of the older generation. But he was glad for that one nurse who decided to close the curtains to give them privacy.
“Don’t…" His voice is calm as he speaks. Don’t you ever say sorry about this yuuri. It isn’t your fault. None of this is your fault.
You’ve suffered so much my dear Yuuri. You’re so brave. So, so brave. You're so amazing and strong.
You kept it in for so long. I know you are hurting Yuuri, I know you are scared, so please, you have to let us be there for you. Let us care for you Yuuri, because we care about you a lot.”
Yuuri continued to cry as Victor removed his hand and put his arm around Yuuri who had both of his hands furiously wiping his tears to no avail. He pulled him in and whispered soft reassurances that he was there for him. He kisses Yuuri’s head and strokes his sides.
He relishes this intimate moment between them as he comforts Yuuri in his arms. Yuuri doesn’t shy away from Victor’s contact either. He just feels so tired. Tired of all the lies he’s spun until now, all the lies he made to his family and to himself. It was time to stop pretending.
He was running out of time.
“I’m tired Victor.” He admits, a tear escaping his eye.
“OK, I'll help you lay down so you can sleep while we want for the IV to finish.”
“No.” He pauses. “I’m dying Victor, I’m tired of all of this. I’m so glad that you came for me. I’m so glad that you didn’t immediately lash out like I expected. I’m so glad it's you who is beside me right now. And I’m so tired of always being disappointed at myself, for always being scared.
I don’t know why, but you make me feel braver Victor. You make me feel like I can do this. I don’t feel alone anymore. Thank you so much.”
Victor didn’t say anything for a few seconds. He couldn’t. A cold chill ran down his spine as things made a whole lot more sense. He just sat there, caressing Yuuri’s as he wept. Air escaped his lungs.
Yuuri was dying?
He wanted to scream, he wanted to cry, but he knew he needed to be strong for Yuuri. He tearfully gazed lovingly at the man beside him who was finally looking into his eyes.
“I didn’t want to get mad at you Yuuri. You’ve been through enough. So I’m glad that you feel that way with me. Thank you Yuuri, I know who the Victor I want to be now. I want to be your Victor. I want to be your strength. Will you let me Yuuri?”
Now he knew the real reason why fate had brought him here, why he had always wanted to come to japan. Now he knew, it wasn’t Japan that he needed to see. It wasn’t his mother’s last memory that brought him here. It was Yuuri. It was Yuuri all along.
Yuuri understood him, more than he did to himself. He had seen it. He always seemed to know when Victor needed a hug, letting himself be coddled. He knew when Victor felt uncomfortable, suggesting to do something else and making awkward jokes that made him laugh. He knew what to say and what to do. Even when he was running away from Victor. It was af if Yuuri wanted to make sure that Victor wanted him.
Yuuri was the one he needed all along.
He loved Yuuri. He loved him! Oh my God he loved the man in his arms. He doesn't understand why, but he loves him. So much.
"Yuuri. Thank you." His voice breaks. Thank you for making me feel this love.
"I love you Yuuri. I love you." Victor cries into his hair. He wraps him in both his arms and buries his face into his hair. He clings on to him as if he was going to disappear any moment. "I love you Yuuri."
To this, Yuuri sheds another round of tears and chokes up on his words so much that he sounded so pathetic. "I-I… I don't… Didn't you hear Victor? I'm---"
So pathetically happy.
"I don't care, Yuuri. I don't care." Victor trembles as he holds Yuuri desperately in his arms. "All I know is that I love you and I want to protect you. I have never wanted anything more in my life than to hold you, to love you. Will you let me? Yuuri, my brave and sweet Yuuri, my love."
"Victor." He calls his name, his voice cracking as he holds on tightly to Victor's shirt. "Is this real? This feels like a dream. Did I just die? Please God, tell me it isn't, because if it is, I never want to wake up."
"No. This is real. Very real. I love you Katsuki Yuuri. With all my heart."
"Victor, look at me." Yuuri holds on to the sides of his face and stares into the bright pools of his eyes, red and tear streaked. He studies the man's face. He just cried for him. Him. Insignificant and plain Yuuri. Victor Nikiforov loved him. God, he loved him back.
"I give up." He kisses Victor on the lips, letting go of everything else. Victor kisses back. Only they existed in the moment. It was a split moment, but it seemed to have lasted forever. Never in a million years could Yuuri have imagined to be in the arms of the man he loved most in this world. The man he admired for so many years. Thus man who wept for him, this man who is willing to love him even though his end is near. One day, Yuuri's heart will stop beating. But he knows, he will never, ever, stop loving this man. Never.
"I love you." Yuuri breathes out. He runs a thumb to wipe the other's tears away. "Thank you for loving me."
…..
The man sighed behind his glasses as he leaned closer towards the car window. Toshiya was tired from that morning’s commotion.
That morning, Toshiya sighed at his wife’s retreating figure. He may be concerned, but Hiroko had definitely acted a bit too extreme. Their son was an adult. He should know how to decide for his own life. This was the exact reason why Yuuri insisted on keeping his new diagnosis to himself.
Maybe, maybe it was time for others to know. But he was not the one who should be convincing his child. So he beckoned for Victor, muttering a phrase in broken Japanese.
“Come with me Victoru. I know where Yuuri is. Please come.”
Toshiya didn’t need his son to say anything. He knew by the new bottles of medicine he found lying in a hidden cabinet in the kitchen. He knew by his son’s increasing periods of fatigue and drowsiness that became more frequent than he had seen him last. Although it may have probably been because of depression, he noticed that Yuuri had been periodically taking his anxiety pills. But he knew the difference when he looked into his son’s eyes. A normal person may not see the difference, but he likes to believe that he can feel it. He was a father, these things are unexplainable.
Thankfully, Hiroko and Minako’s former friend had announced that they were arriving that day as well as Celestino and Yuuri’s rinkmate back in Detroit. So his wife had a lot of things to distract her at the moment. It would not be enough to calm her down completely. That was why he and Victor volunteered to look for the 23 year old. That was why he is currently sitting in the inn’s truck outside of Hasetsu’s hospital.
A little half past one in the afternoon, Victor came emerging with Yuuri from the hospital doors, an arm wrapped around the younger protectively. Yuuri had apparently fallen asleep after crying and the doctors had him stay for an additional five hours for observation after he stumbled in the er.
He could see the confusion and alarm in Yuuri’s face when he realized that his father was also there, but there was also relief in his eyes. His eyes looked puffy, obviously he had just awoken a few minutes prior. Actually, Victor’s eyes were puffy too. He understood, but he needed to know. He may have had a gist of Yuuri’s secret diagnosis, but he wanted to confirm it. He just hoped that his son trusted him enough.
“Hey, tou-san.”
“It’s okay Yuuri. But you had me worried.” He smiled tenderly at his son. “Get in son. You’ve been through enough already.”
Yuuri will tell them in his own time.
…..
Yuuri tried not to freeze at the doorway when he saw a very familiar suitcase, scratch that, make it two and a half familiar suitcases in the entrance when he got home, he really did. But the problem is, there is only one person in the world that he knew who would put an atrocious amount of stickers of airplane riding hamsters on an obnoxious neon green mini-suitcase with a larger one of the same quality, of not more.
"Oh no."
"Phichit is here."
"What's a Phichit?"
"Hi I'm the Phichit!" Someone yelled from behind the two skaters. “Yuuri! And wait is this VICTOR NIKIFOROV? What is he doing here Yuuri?!”
“I should ask the same! Why are you and Coach Celestino here?”
“That part is irrelevant! We have more pressing matters here!” He accidentally takes Yuuri by his bandages hand where the IV was inserted earlier. It didn’t hurt too much, but there was enough sting to make Yuuri yelp, which alarmed Phichit.
“Oh my god I’m sorry Yuuri did I hurt you? Wait, why do you have that kind of bandage.” Phichit could not be considered an overly observant person. He would rather wear his heart on his neck wrapped around his neck with a golden lace. But living with the older skater in their apartment (since dorms absolutely refused to let in pets, and Yuuri was searching for a roommate that time), the Thai learned how to somewhat read the Japanese who refuses to be open.
So yes, Phichit glared at the cotton taped with medical gauze on his friend’s hand. He smelled his own hand and there it was, the faint smell of antiseptic.
“Did you scrape yourself?” He accusingly interrogated.
Yuuri, who was in the middle of a rising panic attack thought that Phichit made the connection that he actually came from the hospital, sighed in relief that that was not the case.
“Uhh… yeah, I scratched it.” Yuuri lied through his teeth. Why did he forget to take the bandage off. Stupid. He seemed to forget a lot of things today. He thought that Phichit had enough questions and he would shove it aside. But no, the gossip side of Phichit has now taken over.
“When?”
“Uhmm… this morning?”
“From?”
“A sharp object?”
"Hah! Obviously."
Although the other was clearly shorter, Phichit showed dominance by glaring at Yuuri’s eyes, something that always made the other uncomfortable. He avoided his friend’s gaze and instead, looking at the exit, ready to bolt any time.
“Don’t play coy with me Yuuri. Your mom said you were missing this morning. Then your dad texted your mom earlier today to say where you’ve been. I know what you’ve been up to.” Phichit pressed further. And at this point, even Victor, who was beside Yuuri, had begun to sweat bullets.
“Do you have nothing to say for yourself?”
“I… Uhmm. Where is coach Celestino?”
Phchit however, still stared at him in a skeptical yet comical manner. "Whatever, he's in the dining hall. Probably with Minako or something."
"Minako-sensei is here?"
"Yeah. She said Mari didn't enter the competition. I don't know the details but something about being replaced by a squid."
Now, Yuuri still had no idea what was happening, but he didn't press any further, feeling a headache coming and he felt sleepier by the minute.
Yuuri unconsciously let out a yawn and muttered to himself, "I'm sleepy." despite having slept more than an hour prior.
Victor frowned at the statement. "Come on Yuuri we talked about this, right?" Meaning to say that he should not sleep after the long rest he had after his request. Now, when he first heard of this, Victor had initially refused, wanting Yuuri to get all the rest he needed.
But after Yuuri admitted that he didn't want to sleep so often, afraid that he might get used to sleeping, maybe too much. The implication did not escape Victor.
However, Yuuri may have picked up Victor's as a form of him reminding that he should talk to his family about his condition. But he was not nearly enough ready to tell everything, especially to his mother. He was glad that his father had been kind enough not to react much when he told the truth to them at in the truck earlier. Toshiya had been quiet, watching with unjudging eyes as his son stuttered through his confession before ultimately swore not to say a word to anyone else, even his own wife. He would be the one to lay it onto her.
He was a little disappointed by the lack of reaction his father had. And although he was easily the calmest person in his family, not often seen showing his emotions, he knew that it took everything in his father not to break down with them. But, deep inside, Yuuri might have wanted to see his father react.
Now, Phichit had developed a frown at his and Victor's sudden silence.
"Okay. Maybe later." Yuuri answered, although with a different meaning, still answered the Russian's inquiry.
Victor was supposed to follow the other's retreating figure before Phichit grabbed his arm.
"Uhmm…" The Thai skater started, unsure how to start the conversation.
Victor, ever the understanding one, just stood there patiently in silence. Waiting for the younger to speak. And despite his efforts to look approachable, Phichit was actually intimidated by the living legend.
He pushed his fears however, having another fear overpower the latter. That fear being left in the dark over his best friend's situation. The young skater was not a private person by a long shot, fueled by his insecurities and fears, he always strived for the truth and an explanation.
"Yuuri is dying isn't he?" Phichit bluntly said after looking around and making sure no one was near to listen, startling Victor. His eyes went wide and his mouth slightly opened.
"How did… "
"This wasn't the first time it happened. He admitted himself to the hospital right?"
Victor noded, not trusting his voice at the moment.
"This wasn't the first time he admitted himself to the hospital, nor was it the first time someone told him he may die. He always told me what was happening to him. He knows that I have an issue with being lied to, and that I get anxious whenever someone lies to me especially when I could easily tell when one is most likely lying. I pressed Ciao-ciao for answers until finally admitting it."
"What do you mean someone told him he may die?"
"Exactly what it is." Phichit released a heavy sigh
Truth is. Victor knew what it felt like being left alone in the dark, not knowing anything because they think he can’t handle the truth. And it pains Victor to be the source of this for another person.
“I’m sorry Phichit. I’m not the person who should be telling you this..”
“I know. But that doesn’t mean that I have to like it.”
Their conversation fell into an uncomfortable silence as Phichit let go of Victor’s arm. The Thai still refused to look at the taller man, looking at his feet, tapping the ground ever so slightly. Victor cou;d see the slight tremble of his hunched shoulders, he was definitely stopping himself from either breaking down or exploding in anger.
The silence was broken by Yuuri shouting loudly from the distance, “OH MY GOD MAKKACHIN NOOO!!! THAT IS NOT FOOD!”
“Woof!”
For the life of him, Victor could not stop himself from giggling. And it seems his new companion couldn’t too. He wiped his invisible tears and put on a huge smile.
“That Yuuri” he sighed before continuing, “I saw you holding hands with Yuuri earlier. Hoo? What’s up with that?” He teased the taller man.
“To be honest? I don’t really know myself.” He admitted, slightly blushing, which the younger was shocked with. Never in his wildest dreams could he have thought that he would one day see the living legend blush. And because of his best friend nonetheless.
“It’s a recent development.”
From the amount of blushing the man was doing by the second, Phichit was sure that it wasn’t.
…..
Lilia and Yuri Plisetsky came that evening, much to the shock of Celestino, Phichit and Yuuri. Actually, there was a series of shocks that happened that momentarily pushed Yuuri’s imminent situation aside. And honestly, Phichit was just happy to be with his best friend. The amount of gossip and Instagram worthy news and shots just came with it.
Because apparently, Yuuri had not been telling him a LOT of things for the longest time. Like, the gravity and amount was so large that Phichit was sure his jaw dropped to the ground and would be staying that way for the next few hours. He’s almost convinced that some higher being had the shittiest day and decided to fuck his “life script” or something. Yuuri in all his anxiety and self-deprecation was actually surrounded with literal celebrities. And apparently, he could be considered a celebrity himself. He actually made a list of the facts that were bombed on him. Because holy shit, Celestino knew this?!
- Yuuri has met legendary Bolshoi Prima Ballerina Lilia Baranovskaya.
- His mother was acquaintances (oh they were definitely friends in Phichit’s headcanon mindspace) with said ballerina
- Yuuri was trained by also extraordinary ballerina, Minako Okukawa, and she had trained for the bolshoi for three years, again by said legendary ballerina.
- Victor was also trained by her, but she gave up on him, stating he was a giraffe.
- Oh and Yuuri apparently was rich after investing in a water bottle company with the money he got from starring in more than twenty advertisements when he was a kid.
"This is so fun it's kind of like a reunion. But a reunion where we didn't know we all knew each other till we met." Victor joked at his place by Yuuri's side during dinner. The Katsuki family closed shop earlier. The husband and wife, who usually eat separately, had joined the tables at the dining hall to create a long table, leaving only three vacant for any other occupants of the inn who would like to stay there.
"Leave me out of this old man, I don't know any of you aside from madam here." Yuri said in Russian from the other corner of the table beside Lilia, eyeing the bowl of Katsudon warrily.
"What do you mean you don't know any of us? You were the one who showed me Yuuri's YouTube before." Victor kindly answered back in English with a smile, all the while pointing proudly at a blushing Yuuri
Yuri made a garbled sound like a cross between a growling cat and a dying horse. "Ahh that's… Wait no way!"
"Oh my God why didn't you say anything about knowing that channel from my dark past!"
"What do you mean 'dark past'? I've seen Victor skate in his emo phase and I'm telling you that is no way dark!" Yuri exclaimed doing wild hand gestures to accentuate his point literally across the table. "I love how you literally look like the equivalent of a classical rock artist in your covers and look like a Prince in the rest!"
Yuuri buried his hands in his hands while Phichit, who was sitting on his other side next to a laughing Celestino, patted him on the back, laughing. "Oh look you have another fan Yuuri!"
"Shut up Phichit!"
Instead of doing as requested though, he turned to the youngest occupant of the room and flashed a devious grin. "Forgive this bundle of nerves. What he mean was he's flattered that you like his videos and that he's overjoyed that you showed it to Victor and now he gets to meet the object of all his wall pos---"
Before he could finish, Yuuri placed both of his hands on his friend's mouth.
Victor, who had known about them from Mari and accidentally seen the posters in Yuuri's room in one of their practice sessions looked away and tried not to hysterically laugh at the friends and the jumpy teenager sitting five seats away from them.
"Don't worry Yuuri, Victor knows about them already." Mari interjected, placing their bowls in front of them, laughing at her brother who was slowly turning into a tomato, burrying his face further into his arms with a dejected "nooooooo", which Victor found extremely cute.
"And who's the blond kid that looks like Takao-chan from my favorite band?" She whispered into Victor's ear, which was useless because the others could still hear her.
"The name's Yuri Plisetsky." The blond gruffly answered.
"That's too confusing! Ok from now on we'll call you Yurio!" She exclaimed excitedly to which Lilia had to physically hold his arm to prevent him from attacking the woman.
"Nice to see you're still lively Mari. Where is Minako?" Mari's eyebrow twitched as Lilia pronounced her name as Mary, but held everything else back, not wanting to talk back to Minako's old ballet instructor. And from the calls she had been receiving from the times she danced in the Bolshoi, she had thanked the Gods she decided to stick with pole dancing instead.
"Ahaha. She kind of went home today after we came back. She's either at her bar or her studio/apartment." She lied, because Minako definitely---
"She was definitely running away from Lilia." Victor stated as if he could read her thoughts. So much for trying to save her.
So Mari pinched Victor from behind. The Silver-haired Russian yelled from the sudden pain stimulation. "Mariii~"
"Victooooor~"
Beside the hurt man-baby, Yuuri let out a sweet laugh after recovering from the embarrassment.
"You're right Victor. But I personally think this is qlike a big family dinner."
And to every occupant of the table, it was.
"I still don't know most of you though. Not to disrespect." Yurio said, nodding respectfully towards the Japanese couple across from him.
After the introductions and dinner, the rest of the night was dedicated to catching up and mindless chatter. Yuri, at some point just laid down on the floor and started snoring, which prompted the gentle Japanese mother to accompany her Russian Guests and make sure they settle in. While the rest of the adults, excluding Yuuri, were a little tipsy by the end of the night.
Hiroko assisted her husband and daughter while Yuuri assisted his… Friend? Unofficial boyfriend? To his room, leaving a sulking Celestino and a giddy, totally not drunk and underage Phichit to their own devices, which may have proved to be a bad decision. Thankfully, the door(s) they bumped into was not made of paper.
"Come on Victor don't sleep in your day clothes. Change into something else." Yuuri insisted to Victor who just went straight to his bed.
During weeks following his first entry to the room, Yuuri had now entered often. Sometimes he entered to wake him up (who knew waking Victor up would be hard that you sometimes need to pull him by the feet), sometimes just to hang out. But majority of the times he entered the room was when an idea strikes with their composition. He would literally barge in the room and jump on the bed, place earphones in Victor's ears then plays his idea on a piano app on his phone. To which Victor groggily nods to most of the time, and on some occasions, wakes up completely from the brilliance of the idea.
Yuuri was now familiar enough with the room to know where Victor keeps his clothes, so he hands out a shirt and some shorts to the slightly drunk man. Scratch that, he was ABOUT TO hand them before Victor was taking off his shirt before him.
"Haaah Victor what are you doing?!"
Victor looked innocently at Yuuri, not comprehending why was the man flustered. Surely he had seen him fully naked before. And fifty percent of the times he barged in the room, he was half naked too.
"I sleep shirtless, remember?" Victor in his drunken gaze didn't realize the implications of his words.
Yuuri turned another a heavy shade of red before he impromptu threw Victor's shorts in his face.
"Hey Yuuri can you hand me some underwear."
"GET IT YOURSELF! I'M LEAVING!" But as Yuuri was about to leave, however, Victor grabbed Yuuri by the hand.
"Wait. I'm just kidding. I… I need to… I need to kind of ask you something." He suggested meekly, not meeting the other's eye. "Please stay?"
Yuuri nodded, sitting on the edge of Victor's bed. He watched as Victor struggled to form words, his mouth opened and closed several times before promptly closing them and made a pouty face.
"Yes Victor? What do you want to tell me?"
Victor shyly looked in Yuuri's eyes as he stared right back as if when they would stare at each other, they would find the answer they were looking for.
"Yuuri… I… about earlier."
"Yes?"
"About earlier…" He looked away, a blush forming on his cheeks, seemingly not knowing what to do before saying, "Ah screw it." Then he pulled Yuuri in an embrace, wrapping his arms around his body.
Victor, however, chose not to say a word, only tightening his embrace, burying his face into Yuuri's hair.
"Just let me stay like this for a while. Please."
Who was Yuuri to say no. So Yuuri leaned in the embrace, he placed an ear on his chest, listening in to his heartbeat.
"Okay."
…..
The next few days were busy for all of them. The family was busy with managing the onsen for the following one week festival celebration with Yuuri alternating between helping his family and his fellow skaters, to which Phichit accused him of showing off his ballet prowess and beautiful step sequences. Between practicing ballet and skating, the two Russian skaters buried themselves with practice at the ice castle where Yuuko religiously observed her triplets popping in with her husband from time-to-time. And Celestino, taking advantage of having Minako nearby, had Phichit suffer the horrors and benefit from the beauty of ballet, far away from the eyes of the stern Prima, who was busy observing the other two's progress. Which was completely fine because apparently, Minako was more than enough.
"AN EPELEPTIC SEAL HAS MORE GRACE THAN YOU! MOVE THOSE FEET! SWAY THOSE HIPS! YOUR HANDS ARE NOT FLEXING ENOUGH! ARE YOU DANCING OR ARE YOU HAVING A SEIZURE?!"
Neither Yuri Nor Victor was safe either. Getting on a schedule with Minako and taking over her dance studio for three days a week working on their flexibility, which from time to time, even Victor had trouble with, resulting in impossible flexibility exercises that made his muscles sore. Now Yuri was actually very flexible. He is easily the most flexible one of the four skaters, but he had the emotional capacity of a fish.
That is why you would now see the four skaters currently relaxing in the Katsuki's living room, too exhausted from the past days.
Phichit cried into Yuuri's arm that night. "Yuuri! How did you survive her? She's horrible."
"Well, do you want to experience learning under her teacher? She's a whole nother level of horrible." Yuri whispered, burnt out from practice as well, lying against his back on the cold wooden floor.
“Do you want a blanket there Yuri? I don’t want you catching a cold.” Yuuri offered, preparing to get one but Yuri just gave a short thank you and shook him off.
“Hey, where were you during hell practice?” Victor askes, equally burned out and lying on the floor, his head on Yuuri’s lap. If Phichit noticed their position, he would have teased the two, but he was currently too tired to care.
“I was busy with stuff.”
“Did you get a cold? I heard your mom say you were in your room the whole time the other day.”
Yuuri shook his head as a no, combing victor hair with his fingers.
“Tell you what you three. I’ll talk with the coaches to let you come with me to the festival tomorrow night. Tomorrow is the last day of the night stalls.”
The two younger skaters brightened up at the idea, even Victor stood up from his relaxed state, beaming at Yuuri’s suggestion.
“You mean like the festivals that are seen in anime!? You’re taking us Yuuri?” Phichit rapid fired, fatigue long forgotten.
“If the coaches agree, then yes.” Facing the coaches are worth it.
Yuuri then told the three tired yet excited skaters to turn in for the night and get as much sleep as they can for tomorrow, to which they complied with little reluctance. After that, he went straight to the dining hall, where he was sure the coaches were currently at. And true to his speculation, the two were indeed there.
“Oh Yuuri, perfect timing. I just got hold of coach Yakov and told him that the JSF approved of your little project.” Celestino chirped, placing his phone down on the table. “Everything is all set for next week Yuuri. This is amazing.”
Lilia who was sitting across him with a cup of hot tea nodded approvingly. “I agree. This is nothing short of inspiring, what you are trying to do Katsuki.”
Yuuri sat beside the two and meekly nodded. “Not at all madam. I was given the opportunity. It would be wrong of me to refuse. I just wanted to help.”
“Perhaps. But it would also be wrong not to give credit where it’s due. This is a noble act that only a few of us could do. I am glad to be part of it.” Lilia smiled at the young man warmly. She felt a myriad of emotions overwhelm her. “I mean it Kasuki.”
Yuuri could only nod. Then he remembered the real reason he came to them that evening. “Oh, actually, I want to ask if you’d allow us to go to the festival tomorrow. Oh you’re also welcome to join us if you want. But only if you want to. I mean if you allow us too.”
Laughing at Yuuri’s panicked expression, the two immediately said yes before explaining the terms they would need to impose however. But Yuuri thought it was completely fine. Because he was too excited himself. He was excited to create new memories.
…..
The past days may have been a blur, but it was all washed away, and his life was suddenly painted in high definition by the bright lights of the festival, the smoky and sweet scent of the clashing festival foods which half he can’t even eat, and the warm hand that was tightly holding his hand. The two had been separated from the entire group consisting of the foreigners and Mari with the Nishigori couple after exploring the whole festival with exuberant joy. Two hours in, Yuuri had requested to be left alone as he sat down on one of the benches available away from all the activity. Victor, who absolutely refused to leave Yuuri’s side, insisted that they continue enjoying without them, to which the rest of the group reluctantly agreed, sending worried glances to Yuuri who brushed them off with a warm smile.
“You want some water?” Victor asked in concern, wondering if someone nearby was selling bottled water.
“It’s alright. I don’t think anyone is selling bottled water around here anyway.”
“What? Why?”
“There’s a drinking fountain not far from here if you’re thirsty though. Come on, I'll bring you there.” Yuuri was hit by a dizzy spell as he stood up.
“Yuuri!” Victor was beside him in an instant before, holding him tightly. Yuuri held his head and closed his eyes to even out his sight. “Are you okay?”
“I’m alright. Just a dizzy spell, don’t worry.” Because he really was. Dizzy spells are not uncommon to him. “How can I not be okay? I haven’t been this happy in months.”
And it was true. That day in the hospital, Yuuri had thought a lot to think about his life, like the amount of things he would miss if he continued to let himself only feel miserable, lying and enclosing himself in his own safe bubble. Because when Victor came, suddenly, the future became bright. Suddenly, he found himself smiling more than usual. Victor’s antics, his laughs, the way he plays, the way he skates, the way he earnestly tries to learn everything he can even when he was at the point of being culturally shocked.
“Come on, I want to show you something.” Yuuri took Victor by the hand, clasping it tightly in his much smaller one.
Victor stared at Yuuri’s back as they walked. He was now painfully aware at how small the other man was. Hiroko had gathered a few Yukatas she could find and let all of them choose to wear for that evening. Victor had chosen one of Nishigori’s old Yukatas. It was a light green with a blue gradient at the end and was covered with camelia line arts. Yuuri Wore a dark blue Yukata with geometric flower patterns that seemed a little large for him. The unforgiving years of treatment and sacrifice had not been kind to him, and it was made evident to Victor’s own eyes. No wonder why the others had looked concerned.
The two continued to walk for a few more seconds before coming to a winding and well lit staircase that was surprisingly almost void of people.
“There’s a faucet atop this hill near the temple if you’re thirsty. I also want to show you the temple, come on.”
“Yuuri wait.” He grabbed Yuuri’s arm. “I wanted water for you. Not me. And no way will I let you walk that high up by yourself while you're tired, come on, I’ll carry you up.”
Yuuri sputtered in response, his face red and flustered by the embarrassing gesture.
“No way Victor, are you crazy?! Then you’ll be tired!”
“I’m an athlete, Yuuri. I can carry you. Besides, I always wanted to try it with my boyfriend.”
“Wha?! Boyfriend---”
“Come on! Hop on Yuuri!” A few seconds later, Yuuri found himself burying his face in Victor’s broad back in embarrassment as he carried him on his back up the hill.
“I’m walking by myself on the way down.” He proclaimed, the other laughing at him.
“You’re too cute Yuuri!”
“Ughh… shut up and walk!”
On their way up, Victor asked what kind of temple was sitting on top of the hill. Yuuri explained that it was a temple to the sea spirits that watched over the seas of Hasetsu, he also explained that the temple served a second purpose. He said that the temple was built on the exact same location as the first inhabitants of the island to which Victor surprised him by asking if it was about the fisherman and the sea spirit. Yuuri confirmed that it was much to Victor’s amazement.
“Were here Yuuri!” Victor exclaimed once they reached the top.
It was beautiful. They could see the stretching town of Hasetsu. They could see the base of the castle’s mountain, the onsen, the sea, and the market area. It was breathtaking. Victor closed his eyes, inhaling a huge breath of fresh air.
“It’s beautiful Yuuri. Thank you for showing me this. For showing me your world.” He reached for Yuuri’s hand once again, squeezing it as Yuuri leaned his head on his shoulder.
“I wish I could see yours though.” Yuuri sighed defeatedly. Victor bit his lip.
“I want to tell you something Victor. I actually planned a fundraiser a few months ago. I proposed it to the JSF and told them it would be my last act as a skater before retiring when they asked me if I wanted anything from them. I told them I’m tired and I just want help with being able to help others. I regret not winning any gold medals for the country in my senior year though.” He let out an airy laugh. “It’s going to be an ice show. The proceedd of the tickets are going to a children’s hospital that treats cancer patients. I wouldn't have thought about it without Celestino and the JSF’s help. So, I guess, what I’m saying is, can you take part in it? I already asked Lilia to ask coach Yakov for his approval, so now the decision is entirely up to you.”
“Yuuri! I’m honoured. Of course I will.‘‘ He whispered before facing Yuuri. He cupped his face and touched foreheads.
“You’re so amazing!" He praised Yuuri, overwhelmed with his now boyfriend's boundless kindness and thoughtfulness. He already had a lot to think recently, but he still wanted to do this on top of everything? When would he even have the time to practice? With the thought, Victor pulled away and raised a brow at Yuuri. “But wait, are you skating too?”
Yuuri looked down to his feet. “I’m not sure. I wish I can but---”
“Shhh… No negative thoughts. Yuuri, do you WANT to skate?” Victor starred in his eyes, encouraging a resolve in Yuuri.
The Japanese teared up as his lip trembled. “Yes. of course I do. With all my heart! I want to skate! But I can’t!”
“Is it because of your...”
“No, it’s not that. I just don’t think I can do it Victor.”
“Yes you can! If you want to skate then skate Yuuri. I’ll make sure you do even if I have to carry you on the ice.”
“But Victor I---”
“No buts. You’re doing this Yuuri. You can do it. I believe in you. And I am so proud of everything you do Yuuri. My love.”
Yuuri could not stop himself from giving Victor a hug, which he returned. “Thank you Victor.” He whispered. “Thank you.”
Four months left.