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Chapter Text

Dori had to admit with some bitterness that everything had changed.
Now that Ori had his brother's permission to be in Dwalin's company he hardly noticed Dori's existence. Dwalin was a constant presence alongside the little dwarf and on those rare times that Ori remembered Dori, Dwalin was always there as a menacing shadow watching and listening to everything related to Ori.

Having settled the family matters, Nori had completely dedicated himself to Bofur, who clearly showed that he enjoyed Nori's attention and reciprocated the interest. Dori couldn't understand why those two of him didn't stop spinning around like two butterflies and finally didn't start courting each other. He had noticed the same kind of thought passing over Bifur's face, but he hadn't wanted to get too involved in it.

And then there was Balin.
After giving Ori permission to become Balin’s apprentice and be courted by Dwalin, Dori expected Balin to walk away from him immediately. In short, there was no longer any reason to excuse Balin's interest in him, by now all the objectives had been achieved and he was no longer fundamental for anything.
Yet Balin hadn't stopped circling him, in fact he had redoubled his efforts.

As if the victory had given him more courage, now Balin was no longer limited to being a constant and discreet presence at his side but tried to interact with him. Often he would ask for opinions or try to start a conversation on trivial topics, or show Dori something he had found or seen, or even take him a seat next to him at the elf table.
Dori was more confused than ever.
Ori was settled now, what else did Balin want?

Whenever Balin was kind to him, Nori was always ready to throw a wink at his brother, who didn't take that joke well and always looked away annoyed, but the echo of Nori's laughter accompanied by sharp ones from Bofur followed him everywhere.
When Nori wasn't there to make fun of Dori, Ori would take over with strange and circumspect questions. On the rare times Ori remembered that he had a brother to pay attention to - Dori was so distressed by it - he never stopped talking about Balin by extolling his skills as a merchant or his noble lineage, or asking for opinions on the account. of him. Dori was always stunned by these strange speeches from Ori, he expected long monologues about Dwalin and how Ori adored him, instead it seemed as if Ori subjected him to a veiled interrogation to understand what he thought of Balin.
When Dori tried to ask him about it, Ori just chuckled and played down or changed the subject. Balin did not seem to be aware of the situation, while Dwalin was not particularly happy with those talks, but on the other hand Dwalin never seemed to be happy except with Ori around.

So when the company decided to hastily leave Rivendell to avoid being blocked by the White Council's decisions, Dori was more confused than ever.
Balin was leading the line with Thorin and Dori could hear a few words carried by the wind of the heavy speech they were making as they checked the path ahead. Balin occasionally turned to see the line following him, but Dori could swear his eyes lingered on him longer than they should.
Or was he just imagining all this due to the constant pressure from Ori's questions and Nori's games?

For as long as Balin had to lead the company, Dori remained silent listening to the chatter of the other dwarves. Sometimes he would participate in some discussion to say his critical thinking, which was often not very welcome, but the other dwarves were always very polite not to let it leak out.
Not too much at least.
This didn't bother Dori because he was used to that kind of treatment, he had spent most of his life on the sidelines rejecting everyone and being rejected in turn, but now something had changed. He felt like an emptiness inside, a small dull pain that didn't stop hurting even though he tried to ignore it and think about something else.
It was as if something was missing, and he attributed this feeling to Ori's sudden departure.

Suddenly his gaze met that of Balin who was looking back to talk to Fili. Balin's eyes softened and wrinkled the sides of his face as he smiled at him. Dori felt something strange and immensely hot suddenly arise in his chest, settle in his stomach and stay there without fading or disappearing. It seemed as if he had swallowed something with a very light consistency, but also voluminous, like a group of butterflies that moved in the air and changed shape depending on how they moved.
Butterflies in the stomach.

And finally Dori understood what was happening and almost lost his breath.
He blushed violently as he gasped for air, stopping suddenly and risking being overwhelmed by Gloin who walked right behind him.

“Mahal, what the hell is going on? Why did you stop?" Gloin asked furiously, but at the sight of Dori gasping red in the face, he stirred and immediately called Oin.

The others in the company stopped curiously as Oin rushed over to Dori and sat him down, feeling his forehead, throat and chest.

"I'm ... I'm fine, I just need ... some air!" Panted Dori trying to get air with the palm of his hand, but Oin did not believe him and continued to feel various parts of the body.

The other dwarves crowded close to the two as Ori and Nori approached concerned. Dori forced a smile trying to soothe them, then saw Balin behind them. He looked out of breath and very agitated, his worried gaze fixed on him. Dori blushed again and whirled around not to look at him as awareness flooded him and confusion left room for realization.

“You only have a small tachycardia, perhaps due to too much effort, but nothing to worry about. When we stop to rest, I'll make you an infusion, okay?"

Dori thanked the healer and got to his feet wiping his sweaty forehead. Ori and Nori made sure he was okay, then they decided to share Dori's luggage in their backpacks. Dori tried to oppose strongly but it was all in vain. Nori had to do a lot of fiddling with his backpack to make room, which made Dori suspicious because none of them had bags so full of stuff, while Dwalin decided to carry the load for Ori. Eventually, Dori continued the march with an empty backpack while his two brothers walked by and chatted with him to distract him. Balin would turn to check that he was okay every few minutes, and once he nearly stumbled, infuriating Dwalin who walked behind him, making poor Dori blush every time.

When Thorin finally decided it was time to stop and rest, Dori immediately sat on the sidelines and tried to regain control of himself.

Dear Mahal, what the hell happened? Oh Gods, I can't believe it, not me, not now!

The others looked at him with apprehension as they prepared the camp for the night, who was in charge of the fire, who was in charge of the wood and who was cooking. After lighting the fire, Oin visited Dori again confirming his first diagnosis and gave him some ground leaves to infuse in water to drink before sleeping. Soon after, Ori and Nori joined him and wanted to ascertain his condition.

“Are you okay, Dori?”

"Don't worry Ori, Dori is just pretending because he's been feeling lonely and abandoned since you have been in courtship with Dwalin!"

"Dori, are you really-"

“Ah, shut up Nori, you just talk nonsense. Don't believe him Ori, I'm fine. It was just a failure!"

"Or something else... or someone else…"

Dori glared at Nori who was giggling while Ori didn't quite understand the allusions just made. Dori took a proud stance and straightened his back as he avoided looking at them.

“I don't know what you are talking about. I only had a slight faint, but it has already passed. Have you got nothing to do but stay here with me? The camp does not set up alone!"

“Look at him well Ori, this is the typical dwarf who has noticed that he has fallen in love with someone but struggles to admit it because of his immense pride. Observe him, he could serve you as the protagonist of some of your novels"

“WHAT???”

Dori screamed at the top of his lungs in disbelief and embarrassment as Ori widened his eyes and opened his mouth in amazement, then snapped it shut to give way to a big smile. Everyone turned to look at the Ri brothers and then went back to their chores shaking their heads.
Nori was laughing like a madman now as he looked at the distraught, ruddy face of his shocked brother.

“Dear brother, you really are a desperate case! Come Ori, let's leave him to his discoveries!"

“Dori, I'm so happy for you. You're finally opening yourself up to others” Ori exclaimed standing up and following his brother.

"I don't... you two... I..." He stammered inconsistently caught off guard, but now the two brothers were too far away to hear him.

He stared at the other dwarves working with his mouth open and dazed eyes for a very long time, then he decided to recover and reflect on what had happened.

Was he in love? With Balin? Him, an adult dwarf completely devoted to his brothers and to work? He who had never loved anyone in his life but his family, his work and himself?
It was not possible.
Yet Nori was right, and he too understood it, but it didn't make any sense anyway.

Why Balin?
Was it because he was the only one who laughed at his sour jokes and listened to his complaints without getting irritated? Or maybe because his constant presence, his veiled concern, his smiles and his kindness had broken through Dori's thick armor? Adding also his elegance, his intelligence, his noble bearing, his care for aesthetics, Dori had no doubt: he had fallen under the enemy's attacks.

Perhaps that was why Balin had continued to stand by him all this time, had tried to interact with him and had taken his brother as his apprentice. Maybe that was why he looked at him all the time, he smiled sweetly at him and was kind to him.
Perhaps because Balin felt something about him too, for much longer than Dori knew.
This thought made Dori blush again and his heart pounding. Was Balin trying to figure out if he could woo him without receiving a resounding refusal? Maybe he was slowly scratching his armor and then giving it the final thrust and smashing it to pieces.

Dori buried his face in his hands as a strong feeling of satisfaction and arousal spread throughout his body. So this was how he felt when someone took a real interest in you and started wooing you. Dori had never experienced such a thing even though he had been the subject of many courts, which often ended after a short time.

The thought of all the poor dwarves rejected by him brought him back down to earth.
He had always had a bad temper and from an early age everyone had badly tolerated his attitude. There was not a single dwarf who had managed to stay close to him more than he should, bored and irritated to death by his constant complaints and criticisms of him. His pessimism crowned an attitude that was nothing short of heavy that he himself recognized as extremely difficult to bear.
Dori knew what he was and he accepted it, but Balin?

Balin had had a glimpse of the worst sides of his behavior also by Dori's will, hoping that he would immediately walk away like the others, but Balin hadn't. Now Dori was scared that Balin didn't understand what trouble he was getting into, what kind of dwarf he was trying to bond with.
But most of all Dori was afraid that Balin would break his heart, that he would become attached to the old dwarf and then be alone and desperate.

Too many questions with no answers.
Dori's mind was so confused and full of questions that he soon had a strong headache and he had to stop ruminating on everything that had happened, just staring at the industrious dwarves who were finishing up setting up the camp for the night.
Bombur called everyone for dinner and Dori got up reluctantly to join them and get a bowl of soup before Bombur ate it all.

As he suspected, as soon as he turned to look for a seat Balin caught his attention and pointed to an edge of the blanket where he was sitting. Dori didn't have the energy to resist that situation and pretend to be a proud, lonely grumpy dwarf, so he walked over to the old dwarf and snuggled up on the blanket.

“How do you feel? You seem to be doing better since we camped"

"Yes, Oin helped me by giving me some herbs for the infusion. I hope to feel better tomorrow so as not to delay the march"

Balin smiled softly at him and ate a spoonful of soup.

"Don't worry about that, you just think about getting well"

Dori felt his cheeks blush and concentrated his attention totally on the soup, eating it with large spoonfuls, but trying to maintain a certain attitude and not stain his beautiful travel tunic. They remained silent eating their dinner calmly, listening to the general chatter of the other dwarves.

Fili and Kili were squabbling over which of the two was braver in the escape from the orcs, trying to make a good impression on Thorin's bored eyes. Bilbo, on the other hand, was talking amiably with Bofur while Nori watched them irritably, unable to attract the attention of his partner.
Suddenly Balin sighed and pointed briefly with a spoon to the other side of the field.

“Aren't they cute together? Look at them, who would have thought so, the rude warrior and the sweet scribe. They couldn't be more different than that, yet they seem to complement each other”

Dori looked up from the now nearly empty bowl and looked over the crackling fire at two figures sitting on a small stone. Ori chatted non-stop leaning on Dwalin's muscular shoulder, who was totally focused on listening to his companion and smiled at his words. From time to time Ori laid a hand on him and Dwalin took it to cover it with quick little kisses, which made Ori giggle with happiness.
That scene warmed Dori's heart who felt flooded with a strong joy for his little brother and smiled openly.

“Yes, yes I am. I am so glad that Ori has found the right person for himself, even if I never imagined that he was a warrior like Dwalin!"

"Yeah, it would seem that opposites work very well in relationships…"

Dori shifted his astonished gaze to Balin waiting for him to finish the sentence, but the other dwarf just held his gaze and smiled, obviously omitting much of what he really meant. Dori blushed like a tomato and looked away focusing again on his bowl, eating the last bite while he nodded and tried to stop his mad heart. He heard Balin chuckle softly and say something, but the words were soon interrupted by Thorin's thundering command ordering everyone to go straight to sleep for the next day's march, which would be longer and more exhausting to make up for the time lost that day.

Dori felt guilty and hunched his back tired, but Balin tried to cheer him up by placing a hand on his shoulder and smiling at him. The touch of that hand felt like liquid lava on Dori's skin and clothes, so he quickly took his leave and hurried to reach his bed.
Before going to sleep, Dori took the infusion that Oin had prepared for him and looked for a long time at the dark area where he knew that Balin was sleeping while he sipped the steaming tea from his cup.
He felt he had gotten himself into a lot of trouble.

*

Dori clung to the wizard's staff with all his might, as if his life depended on it.
Indeed, his life was depending on it, and not just his.

Suspended in the air and clinging to Gandalf's magic staff that miraculously was supporting his weight and that of Ori who was trying not to slip by clinging to one of his boots, Dori was invoking all the deities he knew so as not to fall into the void and carry the his beloved little brother.

Everything had degenerated that morning, when they had decided to undertake the journey even with the pouring rain that made the small mountain pass slippery. They had been involved in the struggle between two stone giants, they had camped in a cave that turned out to be a trap, they had been captured and beaten by the goblins, then they had fled their rotten city, and now they were desperately trying to save themselves from the ambush of the orcs.

The branch on which Dori had perched and where he had dragged a frightened Ori had not supported their weight and was broken. They would have fallen into the void crashing to the ground had it not been for the quick reflexes of the wizard and of Dori himself, who had grabbed the end of his staff and now clung to it with all his strength.
No one had noticed the little tragedy that was happening behind them, they were too busy to worry about the fate of their king who was defeated and torn apart by the enemy.

Dori felt his grip become slippery on the polished wood as he tried to bend his foot to keep his boot and his brother with him. They were in a desperate situation, they were looking death in the face and Dori didn't know whether to cry or scream or both.
This wasn't how he wanted his life and his brother's to end, not after all the sacrifices he had made, not after Ori finally found happiness, not after seeing Nori fall in love with a respectable dwarf, not after that he himself had finally discovered what love outside of the family was.

He closed his eyes and squeezed them as he struggled to pull himself up not to lose his grip, but his hands too sweaty from the effort and fear made him lose another precious centimeters sliding painfully.
Below him he heard Ori's strangled moan swinging his legs desperately in hopes of finding a foothold that didn't exist, followed by a horror-laden whisper.

"I don't want to die!"

Dori's eyes began to moisten as he screamed in his mind that he didn't want to die there in that horrible way either, with the orcs slowly killing their king as the other dwarves watched helplessly knowing that they would be next.
He opened his eyes now swollen with tears and looked up at the burning trees. Dwalin hung on a nearly detached branch and screamed like a wounded animal as he watched in anguish as the wargs bit a now exhausted and unconscious Thorin. Dori felt tears roll down his cheeks as he watched Dwalin's pain of not being able to help his king and longtime friend.

Bilbo was trying to get to his feet to run to help Thorin, and Dori thought he was crazy. The other dwarves watched the scene in amazement, except one.
Balin had turned to look at them as he reached out of his dead branch in hopes of reaching another branch to get closer. Dori's eyes widened when he saw that Balin was screaming his name and trying to reach him without success, his face completely twisted with fear and terror.

Dori closed his eyes squeezing them tightly as he heard Balin calling him desperately and his grip slipped again, bringing him terribly close to the end of the stick.

"MR GANDALF!" He screamed in despair, but that wasn't the name that bounced bully in his mind and that he wanted so much to scream.

He looked again at Balin as he tried to pull himself up onto another branch. His beard had caught on a twig but he ignored it and yanked hard at the hair, tearing off a few strands without batting an eye as he frantically tried to reach the next branch.
It was all in vain, Dori knew, he was about to die, his hold wouldn't last much longer, but Balin continued to advance without stopping.

“Dori, hold on, please Dori, don't give up. Hold on!" He screamed like a mantra.

Dori's vision blurred with tears as he thought how foolish it was to doubt Balin, how foolish it was to be so proud that he couldn't accept his feelings for him, how he would never have a chance to talk or love him.

Suddenly Gandalf sighed in relief and tilted his cane and Dori lost his grip and fell into space. He heard Ori's terrified edges as he plunged into space, accompanied by Balin's heartbreaking screams, and then he heard his voice too and was amazed at how shrill it was. He felt a hollow form in his stomach and his dizziness made him dizzy as sheer terror took hold of him.

I'm dying. Mahal be kind to me, I'm about to die!

Then he saw her and his breath caught in his throat.
A giant eagle was aiming straight at them, clawed legs spreading out ready to grab them. It was not a soft rescue, Dori was sure he would have a lot of bruises the next day, but dear Mahal, he would also have the next day!

The eagle that had caught them made them circle in the air to the great fear of both, then another eagle caught them in flight making them land on its back. Dori clung with all his strength to the plumage of the bird while with one hand he held tightly to Ori's robes to keep him close to him.

He heard a riot of screams of amazement, terror, victory and anger as they walked away from the cliff, then Dori buried his face in the soft feathers of the eagle and concentrated only on his breathing.

He was alive, Ori was alive, they were safe!

*

When they finally got off the Carrock, Thorin immediately ordered a makeshift camp to be set up to rest with whatever they could find. The whole company was exhausted, dirty and in pain, but happy to still be alive at and all together. Oin and Gloin set about lighting a small fire with the little wood they found, while Nori and Bofur were dispatched to look for more wood. Dwalin and Kili went hunting while Bombur gathered water from the river to make a meager stew of whatever they would bring. Thorin sat by the fire resting while Gandalf scolded him harshly about practically everything he had done since he left Rivendell. Bifur was busy recovering some edible herb to throw in the stew. The others were busy removing all the stones around the bonfire to make the place where they were supposed to sleep more comfortable.

Dori wiped his sweaty forehead as he sat up in the corner, his hands smeared with dirt that had penetrated his nails. He was still upset by everything that had happened that morning, but now that they were safe, especially Ori, he was calmer. He watched his brother chat amiably with Fili and decided that he could get away briefly into the forest.

He walked into the trees surrounding the Carrock and hid behind one of them to pee. He thanked Mahal for not having made it through all the hustle and bustle of that day, well aware that no one would have laughed at him for such a thing in that particular situation, but it would be nothing short of unpleasant to have the stench of urine on him for the rest of travel.

When he had finished he stretched and came out of his hiding place trying to see the small bright dot of the fire in the trees so as not to get lost. As he walked through the vegetation, he heard the sharp crack of a broken branch coming from behind some trees. Intrigued, he walked over and peered behind the log without being seen.
Balin was crouched on the ground while digging with a stick around the base of a large cream-colored mushroom, evidently with the intention of picking it up. In the hem of his tunic he carried other mushrooms of various colors, at first sight all edible.

Dori watched for a moment as Balin fumbled with the mushroom, his mind returning to the moment when he was about to fall off the cliff and Balin was trying in every way to reach him. He vividly remembered his gaze full of terror and despair, the almost crazy desire to reach him, to save him, and how he had sacrificed locks of his beard to go from one branch to another.
At a quick glance Balin's beard looked intact, he probably had found a way to arrange it in such a way as to hide the small wound.

Dori braced himself and stepped out into the open. When Balin saw him, he smiled softly as usual and pulled the mushroom off the ground, showing it to Dori.

"I'm picking mushrooms for Bombur stew, in the hope it doesn't come out too bland" Then he stood up putting the booty on the ground and wiping the dirt off his tunic "It seems you’re fine"

"The fright has passed"

“Yes, it wasn't nice” Balin admitted, looking down. “I think I've lost a few years of my life on that cliff. It was terrible, but now we're all fine and that's the important thing, isn't it?"

He smiled again, one of those sweet and friendly smiles that the old dwarf often reserved only for Dori. Dori's heart melted, and so did all the tension and fear he had felt that day. All the doubts, the uncertainties, the fussiness, everything slipped away like water on stone while he gave way to the strong will to live.
Dori spent a moment to hug Balin and sink his face into his soft, fragrant beard.

“Balin, I…”

“Oh lad, don't worry. We're all upset, you don't have to be embarrassed” His tone of voice was as reassuring as his hand rhythmically stroking Dori's back.
Dori took advantage of that moment and stayed for a few moments to be lulled into that embrace, then moved slightly away to look Balin in his eyes.

"Goes better?" The old dwarf  asked smiling, and Dori gave in under that tender gaze.

He moved quickly and pressed his lips to Balin's in a tender kiss. The white dwarf was shocked by that sudden gesture, and Dori immediately walked away blushing to the tips of his ears. Balin smiled again and rested his forehead on Dori's.

"You don't know how long I hoped this moment would come"

“I have a bad temper” Dori began carefully avoiding Balin's gaze “I am whiny, cynical and critical. I'm very pessimistic..."

"I know" Balin chuckled as he hugged him.

“… and I hate many things. And I'm also very pretentious. And I love refined things..."

“I know”

“… and I'm very grumpy, with everyone. And I tend to hate everyone. And…"

Balin hugged Dori and gave him a little kiss on the lips, silencing him.

"I know. I know everything, you have a bad temper and that's why I like you, I chose you for this, for your character!"

Dori sighed in relief and surrendered to his embrace.
And he finally had a reason not to hate his temper.

The end