Chapter Text
I was thinking about Ancheim when I finished packing. Out of all regions, Ancheim's climate was especially harsh on me. I had grown up in a place where it was perpetually cold and snowy; Ancheim was hot and dry and sand tended to cling to everything which tended to be a problem if you wanted to show a bit of skin. Because of that, I made sure to pack loose, light clothing that covered most of my body. I also decided to forgo my spell fencing costume; the only one in our group who had shown any sort of affinity to it had been Tiz which was strange. I was an expert at the blade and bow, and my black magic skills were probably the best among the four of us, but if I put them together it ended up being a disaster. I fondly looked back at the times where I accidentally ended up shooting a poison arrow at Ringabel.
Ringabel...
The few times I had worn it, it had been to see Ringabel's expression. I confess, I was selfishly addicted to rendering him speechless. It was always amusing to see Ringabel shocked, but shocked to silence by me invoked the deepest feeling of self-worth and satisfaction.
It was useless now; the spell fencer's costume only reminded me of him more than ever. It had been why I ultimately left it behind. I also wanted to leave behind the Bravo Bikini, but Mother asked me to take it with me. "You never know what Florem Beauty Contests you could win with this." Despite my protests, she ended up putting it in my suitcase anyway with a wink.
I knew she meant it for the best; though she never really brought up the subject of Ringabel, I suspected that she knew how much I cared about him and how I felt about him. She never let on, but I sometimes caught her looking at me when she thought I wasn't aware of her. The looks she gave me were pitying, which was why I chose to ignore them; I hated when people pitied me. It was probably why these past few weeks we'd been together, she had spent with me, choosing to skip on her medical examinations as much as possible. We'd spent a lot of time together which was really nice, and put my mind off Ringabel admittedly, but when night came and I was alone in my room, my thoughts always tended to drift back to him. I was relieved when the day finally arrived where it was time to set a course for Ancheim.
Now everybody was ready to board the ship. Father had allowed us a Sky Ship which I had named The Eschalot. And why not? He had taken the old one.
I gripped the railing of the ship, watching my new crew bustle about. I couldn't help but think about Ominas Crowe. He had been with me last time I made this journey; now he was dead. I pressed my lips together tightly and tried not to think too much about him. It was true that out of all the people I'd killed that I knew, his was one of the few I'd felt least guilty about; in all the worlds, he never seemed sympathetic, only crazier and crazier.
But from time to time, he still managed to creep into my thoughts. I shoved him aside for a minute to appreciate the view.
"Edea," I heard Father say. "Everything seems to be coming along well. I don't think I need to stress to you how important this mission is."
I turned around, and had to crane my neck to look at his face. His towering height cast a shadow over my entire body. Everything about Father was intimidating; he was like a wall that was impossible to get through. Ever since Tiz, Agnès, Ringabel and I had injured him, he needed to rely on a walking stick but it didn't make him any less formidable. "I understand. I'll do my best. But, um, why are you here, if I may ask?"
Father looked surprised. "I wanted to see you off."
Now I was surprised. He wanted to see me off? That was... new. I was still trying to get used to his sudden interest in me. For a moment, I didn't know what to say and I didn't even know if I could; my throat had suddenly seized up. "Father..." I said, and was ashamed when my voice cracked.
He suddenly seemed embarrassed as well. "Well, goodbye then. I expect I will see you soon after the year is over."
Oh, yeah. I'd almost forgotten that our excursion would take about a year, if all went well. I felt like I'd only just seen him again for a short while and now I was leaving him again. How had I gone from living my whole life in Eternia, to traveling to different regions in different dimensions? "I will return, Father. And when I do, I hope I can be somebody you can be proud of. I will accomplish my mission." I was strongly reminded of my first promises to Father, and how I'd broken that last promise.
His expression was unusually gentle as he regarded me. Maybe he was thinking back to the same memory that I was. "I know."
I felt the words flare up, heating the very core of my soul. It was Father's faith in me that reignited my purpose here; I discovered that I really needed to hear those simple few words to make my self-confidence go up.
"Edea, I'm sorry I haven't told you how much I lo-"
"Lord Marshal!" a voice crisply addressed Father, as if through a heavy helmet, interrupting what he had been just about to say.
The damn nerve! I thought heatedly, looking for the perpetrator. Because I was pretty sure he'd interrupted Father when he'd just been about to say he loved me. I couldn't even remember a time dear ol' Dad used that word on me.
My glare settled on a Dark Knight, and my heart momentarily skidded to a halt.
Alternis Dim.
I couldn't tell what he was thinking. That damnable helm of his blocked his face, of course. Perhaps it was for the best. I didn't think I was ready to see how angry he was at me.
"What is it, Alternis?" Father asked, once Alternis reached us and performed a perfect bow. Despite myself, I couldn't help but internally groan. Alternis Dim was always such a suck up to Father which annoyed me since Father seemed to pay far more attention to him than me. I know I shouldn't, but I'd always felt a sort of distant jealousy towards Alternis when I actually thought about him, which was honestly, not that much.
His tone seemed normal as he talked. "Your Council meeting is about to start and I was asked to find you. As it is, we are ready to take off soon so I apologize but your good byes with your daughter should probably be wrapped up soon."
"Thank you," Father told him, before turning to me, his expression no longer gentle, but back to normal. "Goodbye then. See you next year."
And with that, he turned around and was gone. I watched his massive frame get smaller and smaller and for one horrible minute, I almost lost my nerve and wanted to scream at him to come back, to stay with me, that Ineeded him. But I swallowed these words at the last possible second, swallowed all my tears. I hated being so needy. I had to stop being so emotional towards everybody. This was a problem with Ringabel and now it's a problem with Father! Get your grip together!
I turned away from the boarding dock, steeling myself to throw on a face of leadership, a face that inspired confidence, a face that was looking directly at...
Alternis.
My fingers went cold, and my mind went blank momentarily. Why was he still standing there? I tried to mask the awkwardness I felt by adopting a neutral expression on my face. What was I supposed to say to a guy that I practically knocked to his death as he was proposing to me?
The truth was, I felt like Alternis was both a stranger and somebody I'd known my whole life. Yes, we'd grown up as children together. But he'd left at an early age, eager to train to become a Dark Knight and eventually ended up on the Council of Six. I? I'd been shipped off to Master Kamiizumi who didn't live nearby and trained in the higher mountains. I'd spent years there in solitude with Einheria, his pupils and him. When I returned, Alternis was already a Dark Knight and always kept that damn armor on, claiming that an attack on Father could always happen. I remember him keeping that helmet on dutifully, until he retired to his quarters.
And truthfully? Well, I never really thought of him as interesting as he had apparently found me. I mean, sure, when I was like, six, I probably had a crush on him. But my training in the mountains with Master Kamiizumi led me to forget about him, and by the time I returned he had turned into this duty-bound, boring guy who only seemed interested in climbing the ranks, and Father. And sure, he'd spoken to me, and I'd responded graciously as the daughter of the Lord Marshal is expected to do, but honestly? I didn't think he'd propose to me. I hadn't even seen his face in a long time! I mean, wouldn't you want to see a person's face before you married them?!
It was a question that Agnès had relentlessly pestered me with after we figured out that Alternis and Ringabel had the same face. "How couldn't you know Ringabel looks exactly like Alternis?"
And the stupid, dumb answer was that I hadn't seen Alternis's face in a long time. When he was a boy, his hair had been more golden, than silver. His skin color back then was also more tanned, a result of living homeless in Florem whose climate was more tropical. Eternia had chilled his features, he had lost the baby fat, and had become far leaner and taller. He had completely changed in looks.
If only I'd paid more attention to Alternis, I thought now, staring at his armor. If I'd told him to take that stupid helmet off, we could have saved our worlds a lot easier. I mean, if we puzzled it out that Ringabel was actually Alternis, we could have saved a lot of time, I bet.
And yeah, I felt guilty too. All of Alternis's troubles lately had to have been because of me. I'd rejected him multiple times without thinking how intensely he must have felt towards me, I'd kicked him off a ship that was airborne thousands of feet, and now he was forced to be with me. I needed to start showing him more respect.
The only way to do that was to apologize and get this whole awkward business out of the way. And since I was Edea, this was going to be hard. Edea Lee, asking for forgiveness to somebody who wasn't Agnès or her own parents? That never happened.
I took a deep breath. "Alternis, um, I wanted to..." I wanted to what? Apologize? I felt really stupid. "Um, I wanted to talk about... well, what happened on that-"
"This is for you," he said in a curt voice, interrupting me. He jabbed his hand out to me and I saw an envelope in his armored hands. Mother's loopy handwriting was on the front and she'd written my name. It was probably a note apologizing for not being here to see me off. I had insisted she stay in the hospital; her health had taken a turn for the worse after skipping all her medical examinations.
Hesitantly, I took it, taking care not to brush my fingers against his, which was ridiculous as I was wearing gloves and he was wearing his usual gauntlets. "Um, thank you." I said, my cheeks burning at his interruption. I decided to begin anew. "So ah, um, as I was saying earlier, I wanted to talk about what happened on Grandship."
"Can it wait?" he asked, the same curtness in his voice. His damn helmet made it impossible to know what he was thinking, but I suspected he wasn't very pleased to see me. And why would he? He was probably very angry. "I've got a ship to fly."
He turned away, without waiting to be dismissed, his metal armor making clanking sounds against the wooden plank. Bewildered, I stared after him a moment, shocked that he'd left.
Then I grew angry. How dare he ignore me?! I slammed my boots against the wooden planks as I hurried after him to catch up.
"No, it can't," I said, as we walked. Once I caught up with him, was it my imagination or had he started to pick up the pace? Was he avoiding me? Annoyed, I matched his pace. "I wanted to talk about Grandship and I wanted to apologize for pushing you off."
He grabbed the helm of the ship. "You don't have to apologize for that. I stumbled off on my own." Which was sort of the truth. The ship was shaking as bad as it was, and Alternis had been leaning against the railing when he fell.
"Yes, but..."
He finally faced me, his helmet making it impossible to read him. "Edea, you're bothering me. I can't fly this ship with you prattling on about things I really could not care less about. Please leave."
He said it in a carefully guarded voice that bordered on slight frostiness. Between the rush of the sea and the rest of the crew that was bustling about, I didn't think anybody heard him rebuff me in such a way, but I still felt like everything stilled at his words. Shame crept up, boiling hot up my wrists to my neck and my face. I couldn't believe this... I couldn't believe he was shutting me out!
Alternis never shut me out!
I expected the enormity of my shock to eventually give way to anger; that was usually how I reacted to everything, after all. Anger, recklessness, that was usually how everybody described me if they wanted to be less than charitable.
I didn't expect hurt. But that's what I felt immediately, and it didn't feel good at all. I wasn't about to let him see that his reply hurt me a lot more than I'd expected it to. "Okay, sure," I said, trying to inject nonchalance into my voice. "Sorry, I didn't realize you were busy flying the ship. Maybe we can catch up another time? See you later." I said it all in a rush, and quickly bounded away from him before I could crumble.
By the time I reached my cabin, the Eschalot had just started to rise into the air. Normally, I would have loved to watch the take-off. To feel the wind comb and caress my hair and to laugh at the freedom I felt in the open skies. But instead, I'd holed myself up in my cabin and felt a wave of loneliness, deep and terrible wash over me.
I began to count the minutes until I could see Agnès again.