Chapter Text
After reaching the staff room Hitoshi and Shouto stayed outside while Hagakure and Yaoyorozu entered together, not only because ‘ladies first’ but because their business was comparatively straightforward and would take less time. Hitoshi briefly argued with Shouto over who should go next. Shouto won using cold logic and Capricorn obstinacy. It was only fair that a guy who only wanted to ask for individual training entered before Shouto, whose issue was a tangled mess that’d take who knows how long to explain, nevermind doing something constructive about.
“I expect you to ask properly for training instead of discussing some non-issue to later falsely claim that you asked but were rejected,” he said just in case. “If you do that, I will know.”
“I wasn’t planning on that,” Hitoshi rolled his eyes.
“Good.”
“Where do you even come up with this shit…” his friend muttered. Shouto politely ignored him and leaned on the wall. Much like Hitoshi he was nervous and on edge. His business was important, life-changing even… and though he’d decided to ask for help he hadn’t expected to be doing it so early in the year. But after Hitoshi said he’d give up training with his idol in favor of Shouto getting help it was like something had clicked inside. He was filled with warmth and determination to move things along in order to repay the kindness he received.
It was fortunate that their homeroom teacher was Eraserhead. Before school started Hitoshi had spoken of his favorite heroes and Eraserhead was among them so Shouto had gotten to know the man’s hero side. He was left with a positive impression. Eraserhead didn’t sound like someone who’d be easily influenced or bribed by Endeavor which was one of Shouto’s biggest concerns, plus he was an underground hero. Shouto admired All Might as much as the next person but he held underground heroes in special esteem - they were people who became heroes just to be heroes, not for rankings or fame. Unlike Endeavor who purposely made a loud spectacle of himself wherever he went, Eraserhead came across as a hero who’d do his job efficiently and thoroughly then move on to the next one without fanfare. Shouto already thought back then that Eraserhead was the kind of hero one could trust to do the right thing, but an underground hero wouldn’t have enough power to go against Endeavor. This was negated by him being a teacher at U.A., an influential, independent entity which actually could do it.
Shouto recognized that his anxiety was partially born out of fear of the unknown, and said fear would not go away until he actually tried asking and received an answer and had something concrete to mull over. The other part was doubt born from meeting people who pretended not to see anything or were bribed to keep silent or were so blinded by Endeavor’s status they dismissed any suspicions. He thought such doubt was reasonable, and to an extent it was, but then he met Hitoshi and learned of his friend’s quirk complex stemming from past mistreatment. He saw how hard it was for Hitoshi to move past it despite receiving evidence to the contrary, and recognized he’d fallen into a similar trap. Yes, there were people who wouldn’t believe him, but it didn’t mean nobody would. He just had to find the right person.
Was Eraserhead… Aizawa-sensei the right person? He could be… and Shouto would never know unless he took a chance and asked. He had to ask. And if, by chance, the man agreed to help, Shouto would have to reveal his condition. Mental illness could become a pretext for Endeavor’s lawyers to discredit him if the case got to court. Shouto’s research showed that independent psychiatric evaluation could prove a witness’ legitimacy but he’d prefer to hear a second opinion that didn’t come from the internet. Also, his homeroom teacher knowing about his condition and how it affected Shouto could be helpful if anything related came up at school. Coming clear was a logical choice, but… discounting his alter’s revelation to Hitoshi he’d never told anyone about it. He wasn’t sure how to start… back then it was Hitoshi who suspected something and asked first.
Daunting as it all was, Shouto couldn’t run away. He’d already declared he’d ask U.A. for help, he had support in Hitoshi and was going to speak with a hero his friend found trustworthy. The latter meant that he couldn’t imagine asking any other teacher… which seemed odd considering All Might was part of the staff, but also wasn’t odd at all. All Might was a great, trustworthy hero, but Shouto’s case would require discretion which… was not what came to mind when thinking of All Might. Plus, the man was so positive and optimistic, Shouto could imagine him going up to Endeavor and delivering a speech intended to make the man see the error of his ways and turn over a new leaf. Thinking about it made his blood boil… oh. His alter had surfaced.
Unpleasant idea? He closed his eyes. The jumbled burst of emotions he received in response made him wince. It was like an emotional equivalent of static. It’s never going to happen, you know.
Good. The vicious tone startled him which his alter must have sensed because he elaborated. But imagine if it did.
I can’t. Imagination had its limits.
Gotcha, I can’t either. But if it did. A brief pause. If it did… so what?
Pardon?
If he changed so what, does it erase the past? Are we supposed to forget what he’s done? Pretend that he’s not a fucking criminal going unpunished? How long? For the rest of our lives? One big happy family with a former abuser in our midst but no one can know? Are you kidding me?
What… Shouto’s blood ran so hot it felt like he was about to use his fire quirk, impossible as it was. This felt different than the other times he’d spoken to Fire Shouto like this… it felt more like their conversations in their inner world, like he was close enough to touch if there wasn’t an ice wall between them. His alter’s emotions ran rampant, like he was finally releasing something he’d been keeping inside.
Could you do that? Act like everything’s hunky dory, wear a mask for the rest of our lives? Not just for the world but our family if you pretend to forgive him? Or can you actually forgive him? The last question, despite the heat running through Shouto’s body, caused a cold feeling to settle in his stomach. Forgiveness… he’d never thought about it. It felt like he couldn’t even begin to think about it because…
Because I can’t even begin to think about it. Fire Shouto went on, echoing his thoughts. Unless he goes through due process and people know what he’s done. When someone says he’s a hero because they don’t know I… it burns. And it won’t stop until it’s settled.
...I understand. Perhaps not the burning part, but it galled him when Endeavor was referred to as a hero. Especially because it was technically true and he couldn’t refute the statement without revealing his family situation… which he didn’t mind doing, but knew he shouldn’t do thoughtlessly. If there was a chance to put Endeavor on trial and come clean he wanted to take it. That’s why we’re here, aren’t we?
Yeah. The boiling of his blood simmered down. But here’s the thing, criminals who show remorse can get a lighter sentence. What if he’ll say in court how he’s so very sorry and wants to start over? Shouto winced at the throwback to the forgiveness talk.
Why are you poking that bear again?
What bear? I’m not saying he’ll mean it, I mean like, it’ll benefit him. Can you see him faking it for his benefit?
Yes. He did such things frequently.
And what, you gonna go along with it? If Shouto’s eyes weren’t closed he’d blink. There’s this shitty saying: everyone deserves a second chance.
That should not apply because he’s faking remorse.
It shouldn’t apply at all! I literally just said this saying’s shit… Okay, faking aside. If we enter some parallel dimension where pigs fly and that bastard means it, so what? Should we force ourselves to follow that shit saying and keep him around even if it hurts because that’s what he wants? Is Mom supposed to make nice with a wife beater? What about what it’ll do to her? What about what we want? I for one don’t ever wanna see him again! It doesn’t matter if he’s the sorriest person on the planet and cries me a river, I want him gone from our lives! I wanna be free of him! And someone who’s really sorry would get it’s not about him and if we want him to fuck off forever that’s what he should do! And I just wanna know… Shouto trailed off, quieting. Where do you stand on this?
Ah. He understood now. That’s what it’s really about.
We do share a body, yanno?
Shouto slowly breathed in, then out. The influx of emotionally charged information had left him feeling like he’d been outside in a hurricane and had just entered a shelter. Why did they always discuss such things in the stupidest of places? The train this morning, now a school corridor… Well, the train part was his fault, but still.
We have horrible timing. He felt Fire Shouto’s amusement bubble up, a welcome light feeling after a heavy topic. To be honest… if the option of never seeing him again is available, I’ll gladly take it. Regardless of his feelings on the matter. Being free of Endeavor was an impossible dream, but if it became possible? That would be… well, appreciating the idea was premature because nothing had been put in motion yet, but he liked it even so. The moral aspect of forgiveness and second chances could be debated another time… plus, as Fire Shouto said, a truly remorseful person should recognize when trying to fix a burned bridge will cause more harm than good. If they couldn’t put the ball in the victim’s court then they weren’t sorry, they were selfishly trying to get their way and make themselves feel better using their victims.
Well, glad we settled that. Fire Shouto’s cheerful tone made it seem like his previous outburst never happened. Pretty sure Mom’ll agree. Touya and Natsuo might wanna kick him a few times before cutting him off but I think they’ll agree too. And Fuyumi… As his alter trailed off, Shouto could feel another Gordian knot of emotions tying itself in his stomach. What was his issue with Fuyumi? Actually, he could guess from the context, but…
Could we please have one emotional crisis at a time?
Okay. Anyway Fuyumi’s an adult, she can do what she wants. The quick dismissal didn’t match what he could feel from his alter. Fuyumi was their sister, she took care of them after Mom was gone. She loved them and they loved her and it was hard to think she might be the only Todoroki willing to give Endeavor a second chance, but out of them all she was the most tolerant of the man and disliked conflict. The choice was hers, but he selfishly wanted his sister to be on their side and it wouldn’t feel that way unless she openly rejected Endeavor. He felt ungrateful for thinking this way but couldn’t help it. At least Fire Shouto seemed to be in the same boat so he wasn’t alone.
We’ll cross that bridge when it comes to it. They could make predictions all they wanted, but they wouldn’t know what Fuyumi’s reaction might be until they asked her. I’d rather think about how to convince Aizawa-sensei we’re not pulling his leg.
You think he won’t believe us about Endeavor. It wasn’t even a question... it couldn’t be with their past experiences. But it also wasn’t what Shouto was thinking of. Hitoshi did say teachers were trained to recognize abuse. The main problem was Endeavor's status, but Eraserhead truly didn't seem like a person who'd allow that to obfuscate the truth.
No, I think he might not believe us about our condition. He corrected. I wouldn’t blame him, it does sound outlandish. But it’s important he does believe us. Do you have any ideas? Apart from showing him articles online...
Seriously? A brief pause. Shit, you’re serious. You really got nothing? Nothing at all?
If you have an idea how about you share it instead of taunting me?
Icy, seriously… it’s simple. You said he might not believe us. I think if it’s us he will, but if it’s you he might not.
What do you mean? He had an idea, but...
I’m saying we switch in front of him. Fire Shouto confirmed it. After we switched in front of Hitoshi he got with the program on his own, I just had to explain.
You want us to go in there, switch in front of him and see how he reacts? That was a poor plan. Some time had passed since their last switch so there shouldn’t be any problems on that front, but to hinge everything upon Aizawa’s reaction to seeing that…
No, dammit, I’m saying we tell him then switch for proof! What’s wrong with you today… Fire Shouto grouched. I know I’m less serious but I’m not gonna fuck this up if I take over. It’s important!
I didn’t think you would. He’d never thought of his alter as incompetent. Less concerned with his image, maybe. It’s just… I know we essentially switch on schedule at school but it’s a new arrangement, and this is not quite like that…
Hah. Fire Shouto scoffed but sounded happy. Okay, I’ll put it that way: I’m offering to come out if it looks like he doesn’t believe you. Or if you think it’s easier if he meets both of us. We’re in this together so we should tackle this together and… He trailed off. Actually, that’s why I’d like to talk to him too. As a separate person.
A separate person… Fire Shouto was right, that was what they were. They might have started out as one being but at this point they were two people who shared a body and quirk. Fire Shouto felt at once like another him and a… twin? That wasn’t quite right, they were closer than twins. It was the oddest thing, to have someone who was a part of you but was also another person but also wasn’t. Trying to figure it out gave him a headache so he tended to think of them as two people in a symbiotic relationship, even if that wasn’t right either.
I understand. This concerns both of us, so both of us should have a chance to speak.
Exactly! Fire Shouto's enthusiasm confirmed it. In the end, he just wanted to get a chance to speak to Aizawa too. And he deserved this chance so Shouto would not prevent it.
Can you... How to put this. Stay close to the surface? So I can let you know, or you can let me know when to switch without using our quirks. In the past, Shouto trying to use fire was the main reason why his alter would come out - he could try to use fire but he couldn't actually use it and whenever he tried Fire Shouto would be pulled to the front. The opposite was also true, this was how they'd switched during the entrance exam. After learning he wasn't alone in his body and how him trying to use fire affected his alter Shouto was more conscious and careful about his quirk usage, and the same was true for Fire Shouto. However, they had other triggers than quirks, some of which they'd figured out and some they were still discovering. The details and boundaries were murky at times. For example, Endeavor's presence. Shouto had thought his tendency to use ice to cool himself down around the man was the reason Fire Shouto never fronted with him around, but after discussing it it turned out his alter had the same tendency. He didn't want to be around the man and before they could meet he would try to use ice as a defence, to cool down the heat running through his body and his flaming temper before it could cause something irreversible. And whenever he tried to use ice they'd switch and Shouto would continue using ice for pretty much the same reasons.
"That man makes my blood boil so I gotta put myself on ice for a while," as his alter had phrased it. Shouto blamed Hitoshi's father for introducing them to puns.
Course I can. Fire Shouto answered. They'd figured out by now that it was possible for both of them to be conscious. Doing this meant that the memories of the alter who wasn't in control would be clearer afterwards that they'd be if he'd been dormant, but it also tired them out if they abused the possibility and co-fronted in excess. The human mind probably couldn't handle supporting two consciousnesses at once all that well, even if they were originally one. Shouto was already used to his quirk being an energy drain so this side effect was not overly bothersome, he'd just have to eat more and rest.
All right. It was time to finish this conversation, at least for now. It's settled then. Stay alert after we enter and we'll find an opportune moment to switch so we can both speak with Aizawa.
Cool. The whisper of relieved happiness belied the nonchalance. But first we gotta keep our fingers crossed for Hitoshi.
True. Even if it meant bombarding their homeroom teacher with requests he wanted Hagakure and Yaoyorozu to get new, better costumes and Hitoshi to get training. He opened his eyes and glanced at his friend... who'd been watching him.
"Done talking?" He asked. Shouto was filled with appreciation for Hitoshi who not only guessed what's been happening but did not interfere even when their inner talk dragged on.
"Yes." Before they could say anything else the door opened and the girls came out.
"Success!" Hagakure cheered before either of them could ask. "Sensei gave us forms to fill and we did and it went super fast cause we already knew what to write. Then Sensei said he'd pass them on and we should get our costumes soon. I don't know what soon means, he didn't say, but he had this scary glint in his eyes when he said 'soon' so I think soon really means soon this time!" Yaoyorozu opened her mouth, then closed it and nodded. Most likely she realized Hagakure's summary was sufficient.
"Congratulations," he said.
"I'm glad it worked out," Hitoshi scratched his head. "My turn, I guess?" He glanced at Shouto questioningly.
"Aizawa-sensei told us to ask the next person to come in," Yaoyorozu said.
"Yes, go on," Shouto waved him towards the door. Hitoshi rolled his eyes. He stood still for a moment, visibly breathing in then out.
"Okay... wish me luck." Squaring his shoulders, he went in. Yaoyorozu shifted in place, as if she was uncertain what to do now. Hagakure solved her problem by filling the silence with chatter about what she thought Hitoshi's training might look like, what her and Yaoyorozu's new costumes might be like compared to the old ones, speculation on a U.A. student Aizawa mentioned who also had a costume made out of hair. She avoided mentioning Shouto's reason for seeing Aizawa in any way and instead started in on Lunch Rush's lunches once the previous topics ran out. Shouto didn't know if the subject change was conscious or not but was grateful to her all the same. He liked Hagakure and Yaoyorozu but this tangled affair wasn't something he felt comfortable discussing at the time. His alter was the exception, and perhaps Hitoshi if he'd had more time to put his thoughts together, but right now he mostly wanted to speak to Aizawa and get this over with. For now he waited for an opportune moment and mentioned Hitoshi's homemade cat lunches to give them something to talk about if they wanted to wait outside for him after Hitoshi was done. He rather hoped they wouldn't - nothing against the girls but he truly had no idea how long he might take and wasn't sure what state he'd be in afterwards so it would be better if they went home, for their own sake and his. He wasn't overly concerned though - Hitoshi likely knew what was going through his mind and would encourage the girls not to waste their afternoon standing around in the hallway but phrasing it more diplomatically.
It was nice to have someone he could depend on. Fire Shouto, Hitoshi... after today he hoped he'd be able to add his homeroom teacher to the group.