Chapter Text
The icy water of Sweetwater River seeps into her lungs as she screams; Jason Blossom’s cold, dead eyes staring deep into her soul.
She feels a hand gripping her thigh and hears the sound of a belt being unclipped as Nick St. Clair hovers above her.
“You disgust me with your deviance, Cheryl!” Penelope Blossom yells, as the belt strikes her back one, two, three times.
Cheryl wakes up with a violent scream, sweat soaking her body as the vivid nightmare comes to an end.
She lets her breathing regulate before she’s standing shakily and wrapping a robe around her body, grabbing her phone and putting it in her pocket. She doesn’t know that that simple action would save her a lot of pain as the night unfolds.
She pads down the stairs quietly, and as she goes into the kitchen to get a glass of water, she freezes in horror as her mother stands waiting for her.
“You woke me up, Cheryl,” Penelope says in a low voice, but it’s menacing instead of comforting.
Cheryl gulps.
“I’m sorry, mother, I had a nightmare. I didn’t mean to wake you.”
Penelope exhales through her nose, and it’s clear she’s furious.
She walks over to Cheryl and grabs her wrist tightly, dragging her through the house and out of the back door into the large estate where the barns were.
Cheryl has no choice but to follow, her mother’s grip around her wrist painfully tight, and her feet are aching by the time they get to the barn because she’s barefoot walking along the harsh ground.
Penelope pushes her into the first barn they get to, flicking the light on and giving her a deathly glare.
“You’ll stay in here for the night. Maybe this will give you time to reflect after disturbing me. You are such a disappointment, Cheryl,” she says coldly, and with that, she’s shutting the door of the barn and clicking the padlock shut, leaving Cheryl cold and alone, her only company being barrels of maple syrup.
Cheryl sinks down onto the dirty floor and leans back against one of the barrels, already shaking from how cold it was. She brings her knees up to her chest and lowers her head on top of them, desperately trying to fight the tears that were threatening to spill.
That’s when it hits her that she can’t breathe.
She was used to panic attacks, but this one pummels into her with full force, and before she knows it she’s hyperventilating and rocking back and forth, her mother calling her a disappointment ringing in her ears.
She tries to think of Archie, his red hair, his smile, his strong arms, the scar on his forehead, because that usually works to bring her out of the panic attack, but she finds herself drawn to completely different thoughts instead.
Toni. Her pink hair, her soft brown eyes, her plump lips that were oh so kissable, the harshness of her leather jacket, the way her brown skin shines in the sun, and the feeling of safety she had felt when they hugged.
She tries to push them away, to get rid of the “deviance” as her mother liked to call it, but the sad thing was it was working.
She feels the air enter her lungs and she takes a deep breath and wipes away her tears, leaning back even further into the wooden barrel behind her, her panic attack finally coming to its end.
Cheryl hates herself, to say the least. Why did her thoughts of Toni have to be the only thing that had kept her sane? She doesn’t even want to think about it, how she had grown closer to Toni in the last months, or how she had quickly seen that maybe the Southside wasn’t so bad after all.
She pushes all thoughts of a certain pink haired girl out of her mind, because as pathetic as she felt it was, if she did have feelings for Toni, she certainly couldn’t act on them, her mother would surely kill her.
So, Cheryl feels hopeless, her back aching as she sits on the cold ground of the barn, wondering just how long she would have to wait before Penelope let her out and she could sleep in her own bed again. This was one of her mother’s rarer punishments, she hadn’t been locked in here for a good few years, but what she doesn’t realise is that her torture wouldn’t last the whole night at all.
A vibration of her phone in her pocket is the first sign that maybe things were actually going to be okay.
It’s a pointless Instagram notification, but Cheryl gasps as she realises she wasn’t completely shut off from the outside world. She’s calling Toni’s number before she even has time to think about why she shouldn’t.
Toni picks up on the second ring.
“Hey, you’re calling late. Everything okay?”
“Toni, I-I need your help. My mother locked me in one of the barns and I’m only wearing a nightgown. I’m cold, TT, I’m so cold and...I’m scared,” Cheryl says, ending her sentence with a whisper.
“Give me fifteen minutes,” Toni replies, and the call ends, leaving Cheryl alone once more.
She doesn’t know if Toni will actually come, but she texts her to tell her there’s a spare key under a rock by the back gate and that she’s in the barn nearest the house.
Soon enough, she hears a loud crack as the padlock is broken and she looks up in surprise to see the barn door swinging open, Toni Topaz standing in front of her, a crowbar in her hands.
She’s on her feet and rushing towards the pink haired girl, embracing her tightly before Toni can even speak.
“You came,” Cheryl whispers into her shoulder.
“Of course I did, Cher, I told you I would,” Toni says, and it’s only then that she realises Cheryl is shivering against her. “Jesus, you’re freezing, here, I brought you some clothes.”
They break apart, and Toni reaches into her backpack and pulls out a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie. Cheryl’s heart flutters at the kindness the shorter girl is giving her, as she takes the clothes and puts them on, disregarding her robe in favour of the warm hoodie.
“You wanna get outta here?” Toni asks, extending her hand for Cheryl to take.
Cheryl looks at Toni’s hand apprehensively, because she knows the only place she could possibly take her is her trailer on the Southside. Toni seems to just know what’s going through the redhead’s mind, because she keeps her hand extended and takes a step closer.
“Do you trust me?” Toni asks softly, and Cheryl’s berating herself as she nods, because she really, really shouldn’t be thinking about following a Southsider who she’d grown to like, but what choice does she have? She can’t stay in this freezing barn all night, she’d surely go mad before the sun came up.
“Come on then, Blossom, follow me.”
They sneak out of the barn, checking that all the lights of Thornhill were off and that Penelope wasn’t awake, and walk through the back gate, Sweet Pea’s truck parked across from them.
This is yet another thing that makes Cheryl’s heart melt, the thought that Toni had chosen to not bring her motorcycle in case Cheryl would be too scared to ride it. She thinks she’d only mentioned her fear of them to Toni once, and still, she had taken the time to remember that.
Toni drives away from Thornhill, the buildings slowly becoming more dilapidated as they make their way across the divide between the North and Southside.
They make it to Sunnyside Trailer Park, and Toni gets out of the driver’s seat and makes her way around the truck to the passenger side, holding out her hand for Cheryl to take as she opens the door.
Cheryl obliges, and finds herself standing outside one of the trailers, her nervousness increasing with every step.
“Is your uncle home?” she asks shyly, dreading to think what the older man would say if he saw a Blossom enter his home.
Toni nods.
“Yeah, but he won’t hear us, I’m pretty sure a tank could come through the trailer and he still wouldn’t wake up,” Toni says with a light laugh.
Cheryl nods as she makes her way up the steps of the trailer, still hand in hand with Toni, and enters the small space.
It’s about the size of her bedroom, honestly, but it feels homely, more warmth radiating from it than Thornhill could ever dream of.
Toni beckons her into a room down the hall, and she enters, looking around curiously. There’s a double bed taking up most of the space, and a dresser next to it, but what catches Cheryl’s eye is the copious amount of pictures plastered to the walls. There’s a lot of Sweet Pea and Fangs, some with Toni in, some without, and there are pictures of other members of the Serpents too, their leather jackets hanging proudly around their shoulders. There are also pictures of their small town, a particularly beautiful shot of Pop’s neon lights grabbing her attention, and Cheryl stares in awe at how clearly talented Toni was. She simply has to make Toni aware of her thoughts.
“Your pictures are stunning, TT,” she says, and Toni smiles at her in response.
“They’re okay, I guess, it’s just a hobby right now.”
“Don’t you think it could be something more?” Cheryl asks, moving over to lie down on the bed as Toni beckons her to join her.
Toni shrugs.
“Maybe one day.”
They’re laying face to face now, and Toni feels her heart beat erratically as Cheryl looks into her eyes. She decides to just ask her what happened instead of avoiding the subject, knowing that talking about it would provide some comfort.
“Why did your mom put you in the barn, Cheryl?”
Cheryl swallows thickly.
“I had a nightmare and woke her up.”
And it really was as simple as that. Her mother had punished her for something completely out of her control.
“I’m so sorry,” Toni says, shaking her head in disbelief.
That’s all she needs to say before she’s pulling Cheryl into her arms and holding her close, the girl's head resting on her chest. It’s intimate, but Cheryl’s fear that someone would walk in on them is drowned out by just how safe she felt in Toni’s arms.
They fall asleep soon after, Toni running her fingers through Cheryl’s hair as she drifts off under the warmth of the covers.
They had decided that Toni would take Cheryl back before her mother woke up, so her alarm rings at 5:45, and Toni groans as she wipes the tiredness out of her eyes and moves to turn it off. It provides somewhat difficult, because she’s still tangled together with Cheryl, and Toni feels her heart soar as she realises Cheryl felt safe enough to lay with her while they slept. She also thinks this is probably the first time the redhead has ever cuddled anyone in bed, and she feels honoured that she could be that person. She tries to push away just how fast her feelings for Cheryl were growing, because the thought of spending every morning like this with her, safe in each other’s arms, quickly pops into Toni’s mind, but she brushes it away, because she knows that’s just not an option.
She detaches herself from Cheryl carefully, making her way to the bathroom, and when she’s done, she finds her sitting up in bed, looking slightly out of place in sweatpants that were too short and a hoodie that wasn’t branded.
“Hey,” Toni says simply, leaning against the door frame.
Cheryl can’t help but roam her eyes over Toni’s body, her tan legs exposed underneath the shorts she was wearing, and her abs peeking out under her top. Toni doesn’t miss it, simply smirks as she waits for Cheryl to reply.
“Hey, yourself,” Cheryl says with a yawn.
“I really don’t want to take you back to that awful place, Cher,” Toni says sadly.
“I’m afraid we have no choice, TT. But I’ll be okay. You’re a text away, right?” Cheryl asks hopefully.
Toni nods immediately, a smile on her face.
“You know it, Blossom.”
They end up getting back to Thornhill just before the clock hits 6AM, and Toni escorts Cheryl back to the barn, taking the hoodie and sweatpants from her as Cheryl slips her robe back on.
They hug again in the doorway of the barn and bid each other goodbye, Toni promising to see her at school in a few hours, before she leaves, her heart heavy at the thought of Cheryl all alone in the cold.
They can’t do anything about the broken padlock, and Cheryl’s hoping desperately that her mother won’t care enough to notice that it had been broken, and thankfully, after about half an hour of waiting, Penelope opens the door with no comment, just stalks back to the house leaving Cheryl to follow in silent surprise and relief.
As soon as she’s back in her room she showers, the hot water feeling glorious on her cold skin, and as she puts some clothes on to prepare for the school day, she can’t help but wish she was back on the Southside, cosy and warm in Toni’s bed.
Oh, how things change. Cheryl Blossom would never have thought that a pink haired girl from the Southside of Riverdale would come into her life and turn her world upside down.
—
They don’t tell Archie what happened. Cheryl would honestly rather die than admit to her best friend that her mother was abusing her, and it makes her heart ache that she’s keeping such a secret from him, so he stays oblivious as ever, but still being a driving force in Cheryl's life that was keeping her together. But now, Toni had entered the equation, too.
She doesn’t know when she first started to like her, maybe it was as early as their conversation in Pop’s, but Cheryl was done lying to herself and had accepted that her feelings for Toni were more than just platonic. She could only hope that the other girl felt the same way, but in reality, it didn’t matter, because her mother’s looming presence in her life would put a stop to anything before it had even started.
At the same time, Archie was still pining, and truthfully, he was feeling a little left out these days. Toni was pretty much always waiting for Cheryl at her locker after class if she wasn’t with Sweet Pea and Fangs, and he was slowly realising that what was once a duo, had now turned into a trio. He likes Toni, he does, but he can’t help but feel a little jealous every time Cheryl chooses to spend time with her instead of him. They had even started hugging as a greeting now, though when that first started he didn’t know, and to say the rest of the school body were surprised to see Cheryl Blossom hugging a Southsider would be an understatement. Her and Archie still walk the halls hand in hand, but it’s not for as long now, because as soon as she sees Toni she’s letting go and standing by her side instead.
What happens two days after the barn incident only makes him feel worse.
They had been in the student lounge, talking about homework or something that Archie wasn’t really paying attention to, when Toni asks Cheryl a question.
“Cher,” she starts, and there’s that use of the nickname again, the one that had been reserved for Archie before she came along, “are you free tonight?”
“I am, TT, why do you ask?” Cheryl responds curiously.
“There’s a new movie that just came out at the Bijou, it’s called Love, Simon. Wanna go see it?” Toni asks, and she won’t admit that her heart races at the thought of spending some alone time with Cheryl.
“Sure, why not? Arch, are you in?”
Archie’s about to say yes, but he stops when Toni grimaces and bites her lip.
“Um, I was actually thinking it could just be me and you. You know, like a girls’ night,” Toni says quietly, somewhat afraid of being rejected.
Archie feels his heart sink, but doesn’t comment on it. Instead, he just smiles weakly.
“Right. Of course. You girls have fun, and don’t miss me too much, Cher.”
Cheryl scoffs.
“I always miss you, Arch, you’re my best friend, dummy,” she says, and her words should feel nice, but Archie is still craving something more than a best friendship, which is unfortunately something that he’ll never get. Not that he knows the reason why.
“In response to your question, Toni, I’d love to go to the movies with you,” Cheryl says with a genuine smile.
“Great! Meet me after class?” Toni asks as the bell rings signalling it was time for them to part ways.
They meet at Cheryl’s car when school is over, and as they drive to the Bijou, Toni finds herself almost squirming as the temptation to reach across the console and rest her hand on Cheryl’s becomes almost too much to bear. She didn’t know that Cheryl was feeling the exact same thing.
As they go to purchase tickets and popcorn for the movie, Toni feels her heart almost ache with longing that this could be something more than just two friends watching a movie. It was so cliché, wishing this could be their first date, but she settles for what it is, because Cheryl had told her she was straight, though she was starting to think that wasn’t entirely true. If she wasn’t, then it would explain why she had pushed Archie away all this time, and also the way she’s been acting around Toni recently. The longing looks, the little touches, the hugs, even the nicknames were all luring Toni into feeling that maybe what she felt for Cheryl wasn’t completely one-sided.
Halfway through the movie, Cheryl starts silently crying at something Simon’s mom had said, and Toni swallows her fear and reaches over to interlace her hand with Cheryl’s.
They look at each other for a brief second, eyes locking in hesitation, before they turn back to the movie, and part of Toni pretends that it’s just them in the theatre, that this is their hundredth date and they can go back to a house that didn’t have an abusive mother and a senile old lady living in it.
They spend the rest of the movie holding hands, neither commenting on it, just letting it be, and by the time it’s over, it feels wrong for their hands to be empty as they let go.
Cheryl seems to have found some confidence after their hand holding, because as they get back to her car, she asks Toni a question that has her almost gobsmacked.
“Come back to mine?” Cheryl asks, trying to put on a brave face as they sit across from each other.
“What about your mom?” Toni asks in response, because the last time she’d been there she hadn’t exactly been met with a warm welcome.
“She’s away for a few days. Something about salvaging the reputation of the family company. Come on, TT, I don’t want this day to end just yet,” Cheryl says, and Toni must have gone soft because she finds herself agreeing almost immediately.
Cheryl beams as she drives back to Thornhill, and as they get into the house, they quietly walk past Nana Rose and her nurse in the living room, not wanting either of them to report back to Penelope that there was a Southside Serpent in her home.
They get to Cheryl’s room, and Toni is impressed, to say the least. She lets out a low whistle as she walks in, taking in the queen sized bed and the artwork on the walls. They’re all old paintings that she doesn’t recognise, but they match the gothic tone of the house, giving off a slightly creepy vibe. If she’s honest, it felt cold. There were no personal pictures, not even of Jason, and Toni wonders if Penelope was so controlling that she even had a say in what went in Cheryl’s bedroom or not. Something about that thought makes her wish she could get Cheryl her own trailer so she could decorate it how she wanted.
“I’m not gonna lie, Cher, your house is pretty creepy. How do you sleep in a place like this?” Toni asks honestly.
Cheryl shrugs.
“I’ve lived here my whole life, I guess I’m used to it.”
“I guess so,” Toni mutters. “I’m sorry, this is just a bit weird for me. I’m so used to having pictures on my wall I can’t fathom anyone else not having any.”
“Can I show you something?” Cheryl asks.
Toni nods, and Cheryl reaches under her bed, pulling out what looks like a large scrapbook. She beckons Toni to come and sit with her on the bed and Toni obliges, sitting down on the bed that’s practically the same size as her whole room in her trailer.
She hands Toni the book, flipping open the first page, and Toni is greeted with four pictures of Cheryl and Archie staring up at her.
“This is what I’d put on my wall if my mother let me. She thinks photos ‘degrade’ the worth of the house or something stupid like that. I haven’t shown this to anyone before, not even Archie,” Cheryl whispers.
Toni thumbs through the pages, taking in what appeared to be the history of Cheryl Blossom’s life. There are a lot of pictures of her and Jason, especially when they were younger, but almost all of them included Archie. It seemed they really were inseparable since babies. There’s selfies, and candids, some just of Archie, some just of Cheryl and some of them both. But what sticks out to Toni the most is just how happy they looked. She’s always thought Cheryl’s smile was beautiful, and she was happy that Archie could bring it out of her so much. If only he knew what really went on in his best friend’s life. There’s also sketches that Cheryl has done, and Toni thinks she was just as talented as Cheryl had once called her about her photography.
“Why did you show me this, Cheryl? I mean it’s beautiful, but why me?” Toni finally asks, closing the book and placing it next to her on the bed.
Cheryl shrugs.
“I don’t know. I trust you, I guess. You’re one of the only people who doesn’t think I’m some cold, heartless monster, and I just wanted to prove that to you further.”
Toni smiles in response.
“Well, thanks. I trust you too, for the record. And I’m really happy you felt comfortable enough to show me your pictures. Since you did, I guess I could share something with you too.”
Cheryl raises an eyebrow as Toni pulls two photographs out of the inside pocket of her leather serpent jacket. She holds them out for Cheryl to see, and Cheryl looks at her in shock as a miniature Toni smiles up at her.
“That’s me when I was five,” she says, pointing to the first photograph. “And this,” she pulls out the second photo, “is my parents. Maria and Anthony Topaz,” Toni says proudly.
“Well I can see where you got your good looks from,” Cheryl says with a wink as Toni grins. “Tell me about them?” she asks as she sits against the headboard and pats the bed beside her, Toni moving to sit next to her.
“They were the best parents ever,” Toni sighs, leaning back against the headboard. “One thing I remember about my mom is just how funny she was. She always used to cheer me up and make me laugh whenever I hurt myself or was feeling down. And my dad, well, he was the biggest softie around, even being in a gang. He used to make us waffles and bacon every morning without fail, even if he’d been on a Serpent mission all night, and he used to kiss my forehead and tell me he loved me every day before I went to school.”
“You’re a credit to them both, Toni, please know that,” Cheryl says, a little emotional after what Toni had told her. Part of it was because she feels for the pink haired girl, having lost such loving parents at such a young age, and the other part was because she ached for her mother to treat her the same way, but she knows it’ll never happen.
“Thanks, Cher. Hey, what’s in that door over there?” Toni asks, pointing to the door in the corner of the room.
“That’s my closet, silly,” Cheryl says with a laugh.
“You have a whole room for your clothes?” Toni asks in disbelief. “Now this I need to see.”
Cheryl shakes her head with a smile as she gets up off the bed and walks over to her closet, opening the doors and walking in, gesturing for Toni to follow her. Toni walks in, mouth agape at just the sheer number of clothes Cheryl had, and the overwhelming amount of red in the space.
Cheryl’s busy looking for a certain top she thought would look gorgeous on Toni, when she’s caught off guard by a question.
“Okay, so, if you had to date anyone, who would it be?” Toni asks as innocently as possible.
Cheryl stares at her.
“I don’t know, I never really think about that stuff.”
“Come on, Cher, not even one person? Okay, how about this. What do you look for in a partner?”
“Well, I suppose they would have to be kind, and loving. I’d want them to have a good set of morals, too. If they made me laugh then that would be an added bonus, and I’d like someone who cares about their education and has goals in life. Oh, and if I found them good looking then that’s just the icing on the cake,” Cheryl says, a bit nervously. Toni notes the pronouns used, but doesn’t mention it.
“Okay, now ask me,” she says, stepping one step closer to Cheryl in the small space of the closet.
“Alright, if I must. If you could date anyone, who would it be?” Cheryl asks.
What happens next makes the whole world turn on its axis.
“You,” Toni says bluntly, stepping even closer and taking Cheryl’s hand in hers.
“Wh-what did you say?” Cheryl whispers, because she was sure she had gone mad. Toni did not just say she wanted to date her, did she? Maybe she was in a coma after the incident at Sweetwater River and had imagined her very existence, and this was all some sort of dream, she thinks.
However, this was not fantasy, and Toni takes one final step towards Cheryl until there’s barely any space between them.
“I said, if I could date one person, then it would be you, Cheryl. And I think, or at least part of me hopes this is true, that you feel the same way. Do you think I haven’t noticed the way you look at me? For a straight girl, you’re very bad at hiding the fact that you’re into girls.”
Well, shit. She’d been caught. But was that such a bad thing? Here Toni was, standing not even an inch in front of her, confessing that she liked her as more than a friend. Who was she to deny such a thing? She doesn’t even have the chance to respond before Toni says three words that make her heart stop.
“Don’t freak out,” Toni whispers, before she cups her face with one hand and rests the other on her hip, leaning in to kiss her softly.
Cheryl almost groans at the feeling of their lips connecting, because she’s been dreaming of this moment probably since she’d first laid eyes on Toni, but she refrains, kissing her back just as softly, the kiss hesitant as they both explore the feeling for the first time.
It quickly gets heated however, as both girls realise this is what they’ve wanted for so long, and Toni squeezes Cheryl’s hip as she backs her up against the wall of the closet, attacking her lips hungrily. Cheryl revels in the feeling of Toni’s lips on hers, the pure passion that was radiating from them both, but things just don’t seem to go right for Cheryl Blossom, because she’s suddenly hearing her mother’s voice in her ear calling her deviant, and feeling the sting of her hand across her face.
She presses a hand against Toni’s chest, pushing her gently away from her, and they’re both panting as they break apart.
Toni goes to smile at Cheryl, but stops short when she sees a tear rolling down her cheek.
“What’s wrong?”
“We can’t do this,” Cheryl murmurs, and her heart is breaking as the words leave her mouth. “I don’t...I don’t like you like that, Toni.”
“What? You kissed me back, Cheryl, what are you talking about?” Toni asks in shock.
“It was a momentary lapse in sanity,” Cheryl lies. “I think you should go.”
“Right. I should’ve known. Never fall for a Blossom, huh, isn’t that what they say? Guess I was just another one of your straight girl fantasies. I’ll see you around, Cheryl. Or maybe I won’t,” Toni says angrily, but hurt at the same time too.
She walks out of the closet in a rage, stomping out of Cheryl’s room and down the stairs, and as soon as Cheryl hears the front door of Thornhill slam, she’s sliding down against the wall and sobbing into her hands. She stays like that for a long time, her heart shattered, because she really did like Toni and that kiss had been magical, but the fear of her mother finding out had been too much to bear.
Once she’s all cried out, and it takes a good hour of sitting in the closet all alone, she calls Archie, because he was the only person she wanted to talk to right now. She was lucky that they lived next door to each other because he’s in her room ten minutes later, walking in to find her sitting on the bed forlornly.
“Cher, what’s wrong?” he asks immediately, standing next to the bed.
“I had a fight with Toni,” Cheryl sniffs.
“What about?”
Cheryl shakes her head.
“I can’t tell you, Arch.”
“So you, what, called me over here because you wanted to talk but now you’re saying it’s a secret? I bet if you had a fight with me you’d tell Toni, though, wouldn’t you?” Archie asks, frustrated. He doesn’t realise just how much of a toll Cheryl’s new friendship was taking on him.
“What the hell are you talking about?” Cheryl asks in shock, standing so she’s opposite Archie and crossing her arms over her chest defensively.
“Just face it, Cher, ever since she came along, it’s different. We’re different. I feel like I’m losing you and it terrifies me,” Archie replies.
“You’re not losing me, Archie, don’t be absurd! Where is this coming from, are you jealous or something?” Cheryl asks, utterly confused as to how she had gone from kissing Toni, to crying, to fighting with Archie in the space of an hour.
“Of course I’m jealous!” Archie says, his voice cracking with emotion.
“What? Why?”
“Because I love you!” Archie yells, and then he freezes as the realisation of what he’s just said hits him.
Cheryl flinches at his raised voice and his words, and then stares at him in shock.
“I love you, Cher, I always have. But it’s becoming pretty clear to me that you don’t feel the same way,” Archie says sadly.
“Arch…I don’t know what to say. I wish I could tell you that I feel the same way, that a part of me has always wanted to feel what I’m supposed to feel when I’m with you, but I don’t. And I never will,” Cheryl says quietly, as she goes to sit down on the end of the bed.
Archie follows, sitting down next to her, and sighs, running his hand through his hair.
“How do you know that, though? Is it me? Did I do something wrong? We could be the perfect couple, Cheryl, but you’ve pushed me away my whole life and I’m begging you to tell me why.”
Cheryl bites her lip as she fiddles with the hem of her sleeve, something she always did when she was nervous.
“It’s not you, Arch, you’re perfect. It’s me, actually. There’s...there’s something wrong with me,” she whispers.
“What on earth do you mean?”
“I want to like you in that way, I do, but I can’t force something I don’t feel. I love you, Archie, I always will, but my feelings for you can never go beyond platonic because, well...because I’m gay,” Cheryl murmurs.
Archie feels the breath get knocked out of him as her words hit him straight in the chest.
“You...you’re gay?” he questions, almost reeling from the shock.
Cheryl nods as she wipes away a few tears that had spilled onto her cheeks.
“I get if you don’t want to be friends anymore. I know I’ve lied to you for so long and I can’t do anything to change that, but you don’t understand, Arch. My mother would kill me if she found out, and I mean that literally.”
“What? Why would I not want to be friends with you anymore? I mean, I’m shocked, and hurt too, because I’ve had a crush on you for so long, but it doesn’t change the fact that you’re still my best friend,” Archie says with a smile.
It all made sense to him now, why Cheryl had never been interested in him, or any boy really. That’s when he remembers the whole reason he came over here, and it dawns on him that Cheryl’s closeness with Toni could possibly be something more. His heart aches at the thought that Cheryl didn’t feel the same way, but he knows she can’t help her sexuality, and that it’s not a choice.
Cheryl rests her head on Archie’s shoulder and sighs, but she feels lighter after finally coming forward with the truth. They sit for a while, taking in what had just happened, and then Archie breaks the silence.
“So, Toni, huh?” he says, trying to be lighthearted even though he'd just had his heart broken.
Cheryl lifts her head and nods.
“Yeah. I really messed up, Arch.”
“What happened?” Archie asks, hoping Cheryl will tell him now that they’ve spoken.
“We kissed. And I pushed her away. I really like her, and I’ve ruined it all because I was a coward,” Cheryl says dejectedly.
Archie swallows down the jealousy and hurt that he feels after hearing Cheryl and Toni had kissed, and puts an arm around her to comfort her.
“Don’t lose hope, Cher. If you really like her you should go for it. Fuck what anyone else thinks, you know you have me no matter what, you always will,” he says proudly.
Cheryl nods again and ponders to herself. How could she let her mother get in the way of something that made her so happy?