Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Armin almost crashed into Annie, his red eyes widened when he saw her behind the door. His mind exploded with a dozen questions, the first one was how long has she been standing here?

Annie opened her mouth to say anything, but her tongue tangled on itself and forgot how to form words, and her body wasn’t responding anymore.

“O-oh Annie,” Armin stuttered, his voice hoarse. He swallowed, “what are you doing here?” he almost bit his tongue when his voice cracked at the end.

“I was just passing by…”

“oh…” Armin cleared his throat, looked down, and saw that Annie’s hand was still stretched out, as if she was reaching for the door’s knob. He stepped aside and nudged his head towards the room and said: “there’s nothing much in this room, but it’s… uh, kinda quiet, if you, you know, want some time alone.”

Annie didn’t answer.

Armin could do anything to avoid turning this into an awkward conversation, so he took a precarious step down the hall: “I think I need to-”

Annie grabbed him from the rim of his sleeve, stopping him, then immediately dropped it. Her head tilting down, finding her feet interesting.

“I… can listen… if you want to…”

Armin was silent for a moment, he wanted to look at Annie's face, but her head was down and all he saw was a mob of golden locks.

He retreated his steps into the room, and opened the door wide for her.

It was dark inside the room. The soft moonlight filtering through the three small, circular windows, with thick metal frames around them. The air was chilly and cold.

Annie scouted the room with her eyes; it was empty, except for a wooden box discarded in the middle. She assumed that it was previously a storage room.

Armin sat on that box, while Annie gazed outside one of the three windows, her arms tangled across her chest.

She watched the quiet waves sway under the moonlight. The night was serene .

None knew from where to start, and none seemed to want to start.

But it wasn’t as awkward as Armin thought it might be, and for him, it felt normal, as if he was used to it…

“Why are you so quiet? Cat got your tongue?” Annie sarcastically inquired, contemplating Armin from the corner of her eye.

He chuckled; it sounded weak and forced. He leaned with his elbows on his knees, staring at a spot between his shoes: “What do you want me to say?”

Annie didn’t answer, but she swiveled her head towards him; his back hunched and his shoulders down.

Sometimes we should let others heal us, sometimes… we want them to.

With three strides, Annie was standing in front of him. He looked up, a soft smile on his face, eyes wilted with unspoken burden.

She crouched, then she was the one looking up at him.

The blue moonlight casted on his face, lighting one side of it, intensifying his features, but at the same time softening them. The blue in his eyes was put down, and even though his expression was blank, she could almost hear the thrashing of his thoughts in his mind.

Annie had so much to tell him, but she had no clue from where to start. Maybe she shouldn’t say anything in the first place.

A desire for soothing him swarmed in her chest; she wanted to talk to him, to let him talk to her like he used to for years , but this time she would respond, she wouldn’t be just a solid, lifeless rock. She would talk back to him.

She opened her mouth to say something and at the same moment, he did the same. 

Both ended up closing them, not saying a thing.

She tried once again to talk, but the longer their gaze lingered, the more her cheeks heated up. It wasn’t a good time to get nervous or blushy, she needed to use words, for once in her life she wanted to be able to talk openly with someone, no missions to be worried about, no devil to vanquish.

She couldn’t risk stuttering.

Annie lifted her hand up, swallowed, and rested it on his knee. She felt him stiffen underneath her touch, his eyes widened for a second, before they softened again. She rubbed small, mild circles with her thumb, easing his pain, all the while looking in his eyes.

“You know…” he started, and Annie nodded, denoting that she could hear him, that she would respond back to him too, “sometimes… I wonder what it would’ve been like if I… was born somewhere else… you know what I mean?” his question was in a small voice, not sure if he should ask or not.

“Yes, yes I know,” she retorted, you can ask, I’ll answer, I can answer.

Armin smiled softly, before he continued: “It’s… overwhelming, you know…”

“I know.”

“I just…”

Annie waited, giving him his time, not pressuring him to talk. The hand on his knees was firmer, assuring that she was listening, that she was all ears.

“I don’t know w-what to do… I just…” he didn’t finish his sentence; he turned his head away.

But Annie caught his eyes glistening. Something heavy plummeted to the bottom of her stomach, making her hands frigid, and her breathing quick.

She didn’t know what to do either; she could respond, react, but maybe she couldn’t really do it anyway. Maybe she’s only good at listening, and she should stick to that, and that only .

“I’m s-sorry, Annie, I’m not making any sense right now.”

“Don’t say that,” say something more, say something!

His lips parted, but he halted, before he shook his head and said: “It’s fine, really, we don’t have time for this, we should probably head back-”

The hand on his knee tightened, and he stopped talking, turning his head to her, and-

Her eyebrows were furrowed, she was focused, her eyes not wavering off of him. Armin blinked once, twice, before Annie scooted closer to him, her other hand reaching for his hands on his lap.

She slowly rested his palm onto hers, holding his gaze. His eyes widening when he felt his skin on hers. She rubbed his hand experimentally, the space between her eyebrows unwrinkling, and her touch became more steady.

Then she covered his hands with both hers, enveloping them. His warm hands inundated her cold ones, and she hated how she was gleaning out his warmth; she bit the inside of her cheek in guilt. But he wasn’t pulling back, he accepted her touch with widening eyes and a confused stare.

She eyeballed their hands; both of her hands covering his, his fingers laid relaxed between her own. 

She tried to say something, but couldn’t.

She tilted her head up, she caught Armin already watching her, and with one look at his eyes, somehow, she knew exactly what was going through his mind.

you don’t have to say anything

That’s when she finally realized it…

She nodded, in a way telling him that he can say what he had on his mind, and that she’s here to listen. That was enough.

“I…” Armin tried to say, shaking his head, but Annie’s hand tightened around his, and the next thing he knew, words were flowing from him, “I don’t think I know what I’m doing…”

Annie nodded, slow, prudent.

“I never thought we would reach this point, I don’t know if this is how I want this to end…” he trailed off, his voice weakening.

“What do you mean?” She asked, in a small voice, craning her head to get a glimpse at his face.

He took a deep breath, swallowed, then stammered: “I don’t want to fight him, Annie, I don’t want that.”

Again, he was looking away.

Annie wanted to cup his face, turn it towards her, and look into his eyes, but at the same time she didn’t want to push him too far, she didn’t want to scare him away.

“What if it’s the only choice you have?” She asked.

A beat of silence.

The silence stretched into something longer, long enough to make Annie fight the urge to fidget in her spot.

But then Armin looked up at her, straight into her eyes. Her throat tightened when she saw the tears pooling in the corner of his eyes.

“I know him, at least I think I know him,” his voice cracked, “I know that he will fight back, I know that…” a sob escaped his mouth, and he zipped it closed, not daring to speak another word, uncertain how it would sound like.

Annie held his gaze, a knot traveling from her throat to her chest, like a grip on her throat, choking her, clasping her lungs in a vise-tight hold.

She cushioned Armin’s hands in hers, caressing the skin that looked brand new, but uncountable scars charred it for years, all was gone, the touchable proof of what he went through drifted like sand in the desert. From the first glance, no one would know that he saw things no human should see, tolerated years of pain that no one deserves to go through, that he didn’t deserve to.

Tears silently descended on his cheeks, gathering at the edge of his chin, before dripping onto Annie’s hands.

And then she was wiping away Armin's tears with one hand, then both hands were cupping his cheeks, drawing circles with her thumb, but it wasn’t enough to cease the tears. So she drew closer to him, sitting beside him on the wooden box, close enough to feel his body heat, and her hands rubbing his face, mildly; she barely touched the skin.

He watched her movement in silence. His vision of her blurry, but then her hands would wipe around his eyes, and momentarily he would get a clear view of her, how the moonlight lit her profile, her lips were pressed and her eyes focused, before his eyes blurred again.

Then he was trying to speak, he was saying things that came out too slurred for anyone to understand, but Annie understood him, she knew that he was scared to see his friends get hurt, that Eren might be the one to hurt them. That he was terrified of raising his sword against Eren.

“I-I don’t want to do that, I c-can’t do that, I don’t want to, I really don’t want to…”

Annie stroked his cheeks, his eyebrows, his forehead, then her hands tangled in his hair, brushing it lightly, before traveling back to his cheeks and wipe away more tears. He was shaking, his body quivering in front of her, and she wondered how courageous he was to be vulnerable around someone like her, to expose his emotions around a past enemy .

It wasn’t the first time she heard him cry. He cried a few times when he visited her crystal. Back then, she was frozen in midair, unable to move a limb, but now she could touch his fingers, look into his eyes, run her fingers through his hair, respond back to what he’s saying.

There was no barrier between them.

And once Annie realized that, she wrapped her arms around his shoulders, pressing her frame against his.

He didn’t hug back, and Annie was fine with it. For a moment she contemplated drawing back, but weak, trembling arms wrapped around her, lightly hanging around her body.

She stroked his shoulder’s blade, resting her chin on his shoulder. His heart beating against her, rapidly .

The closure washed content over her. She wanted him to feel the same way too, to give back what he was giving her.

So her fingers ran through his short hair, massaging his scalp, and this unlocked something in him; suddenly his arms around her tightened, his head buried in her shoulder, and he didn’t hold back any longer.

Sobs were freely ripping out from his mouth, ricocheting against the rooms’ steel walls. His arms hugged her tighter tighter tighter, and he didn’t want to ever let go.

All the stress of the past few weeks and the years-worth accumulated pain poured into that one moment. A cry after the other; each one held a hurtful story behind it. Each wail loosening a knot in his chest, and removing a brick off his back.

And when her arms around him rubbed circles on his back, he slackened his hold. His eyes stinging, but he didn’t pull back, he merely let his weight lean on her, nuzzling his head in her neck, as his sobs subsided, and his breathing slowed down.

He felt Annie swallow, and he would’ve pulled away, thinking he made her uncomfortable, but her grip on him was so tight, and a selfish side of him didn’t want to let her go anyway.

“It’s unfair,” she said against his ear, and he shivered, “but it’s… it’s gonna be alright.”

Once again, Annie didn’t know what to add, and she wished she didn’t say anything in the first place.

“Yeah…” he answered, closing his eyes, his hands hanging loose around her body, but not letting go.

She swallowed once again, before she whispered something in his ear, that made him stiffen for a moment, before the grip around her tightened, and he buried his face deeper into her neck.

Let me heal you too.

Before they knew it, others were looking for them, and as they stepped outside the room, something had changed within them, deep inside, something shifted, expanded, then shrunk, before it settled, unmoving.

But none spoke about it.

Armin left, as Annie sat on the deck of the harbor, staring at the dark blue water. The stars reflected on it in hazy, disorientated sparks, moving up and down with every small wave, feigning exhales and inhales, as if the ocean was alive and breathing. 

She watched him, as he talked to the engineers, following instructions and giving them. Her eyes tracking his movements, she wasn’t sure if he was aware of her wandering eyes, but if he was aware and pretended as if he wasn't, then he was doing a great job at it.

Annie swallowed, averting her eyes up to the sky,

Her hands entwined on her lap, the cold metal ring pressing against her skin. This ring that was a part of her life for so long, a ring that her father made by his own hands.

A simple, circular metal. A humble ring, that looked harmless.

But when her fingers flick its thorn, and with one scratch… that was when disasters occured.

It was her last memory of her father… this ring that she was planning on never using it ever again...

Footsteps echoed, and Annie didn’t notice them at first, but the footsteps halted a few feet from her.

She glanced to the side, and saw Mikasa.

Annie didn’t feel like inciting any kind of conversation.

But Mikasa seemed to have something on her mind, or so thought Annie.

At first, Mikasa tried to talk Annie into joining their fight, but Annie refused, she had enough of fights, had enough of battles, and had enough of blood being shed.

She had enough of faded scars.

She had only two or three years left before she dies, she wanted to spend them in peace .

Annie wasn’t aware that her eyes caught Armin when she mentioned peace, her peace, and when she noticed her act, it was too late.

Mikasa already followed her eyes, and figured out who Annie was gazing at.

Fire was lit in Annie’s cheeks. She wanted to vanish, right there and then. She wasn’t trying to be that obvious, and she blamed Mikasa for having a sharp mind. She wrapped one arm around herself, hiding from Mikasa’s confused face. If it was a different circumstance, Annie would’ve probably laughed at Mikasa’s funny expression.

“When did this start?” Mikasa started, and Annie tensed.

“What?” Annie retorted, not looking at Mikasa.

“...no, okay…” Annie could no longer feel Mikasa’s eyes on her, and for a second, she thought that Mikasa finally decided to leave her alone, but Mikasa continued: “I get it…”

Annie’s wrapped-arm tightened around herself, her jaw clenching, “When’d what start?!” even though she tended for her tone to be nonchalant, it came out incensed. She wished she could take it back.

“It’s fine, you don’t need to keep suffering,” Mikasa ignored Annie’s question.

Annie’s curious eyes peeked at Mikasa, as her arm loosened and she held it against her chest, gazing perplexedly at Mikasa’s calm, uncharastically-dreamy expression.

“But Armin’s coming with us on the flying boat,” Mikasa added, and Annie’s jaw, for some reason, relaxed for a fleeting second, maybe she was relieved that someone understood her, or maybe she was glad that Mikasa wasn’t going to ask her anymore questions, “we’re all heading to where Eren is.”

A beat of silence tranpassed between the two girls, before Annie turned her head to look back into the bottomless, mirror-like water.

The silence was punctuated with distanced voices of others preparing the flying boat, the quiet waves of the ocean harmonizing with them.

Annie took a deep breath.

“...I know,” Annie did know, she was well aware that this might be the last hours of being in the same place as him, and she knew that she can’t stop him; no one could. She conceded to brush away that thought, inquiring about the first thing that came to her mind: “so… what is it you want to do? Are you going to kill Eren in order to save humanity?”

“I’m not killing him…” Mikasa started to walk away from Annie, and Annie felt how heavy Mikasa's steps were, the burden on her shoulders pinning her to the ground, but she stood tall, her chin up, “Eren’s somewhere far away from us now, all I’m doing… is bringing him back…”

Mikasa stopped in her tracks, as if waiting for Annie to throw a comment or two at how lame her wording was, or at how far fetched that goal seemed to be, but Annie didn’t. Whether she decided to ignore it or not, Mikasa couldn’t decide, but Annie did ask about something else: “By the way, do you not wear that scarf any longer?”

Mikasa swallowed and counted to three in her mind, before she started walking again, and without looking back, she answered Annie’s question: “I have it… but I’m not wearing it right now.”

And with that, Mikasa left Annie to her thoughts, undaring to look back at her; there was nothing more to add anyway.

Mikasa walked to where the others were, everyone in a blurry rush fetching tools or discussing engineering stuff that Mikasa wasn’t exactly an expert at. Armin was the center of the conversation, commanding this and that, writing on paper before rushing to Hange, his hands flailing as he talked.

The proud-sister tumor inflated in Mikasa’s chest, even though it probably wasn’t the right time for it. She was proud of him, he learnt all that he knows now in the few years they were opened up to the rest of the world. He did deserve the knowledge because he worked hard for it, restless nights and tiring mornings.

Mikasa couldn’t help but think how things would’ve been if Armin wasn’t a soldier. He would probably be a well respected engineer or doctor, or maybe both. He would’ve published several books before he turned thirty, and he might’ve also settled down with a wife and had children…

It wasn’t foriegn for soldiers to dream about a perfect, happy life, away from ammunation and explosions, far from gun clickes and blood. They were all just dreams after all, and nothing is wrong with concocting these scenarios.

Armin was no different, he surely had his own dreams, had his own fantasies of creating a family, to spend the rest of his life with someone, in peace… but what makes Armin different is that he already found that someone, and that someone found him too.

It made sense, Mikasa thought, Armin did vanish sometimes without warning, and when he came back he wouldn’t tell where he had been, or he would try some lame lie that Mikasa would easily see through. She never pushed him to confess.

But now she knew.

He was in a dim-lit basement, surrounded by cold, mute walls, as he watched a girl, for hours on end.

The look in Annie’s eyes flashed at the front of Mikasa’s mind; the fondness, the dreamy-gaze, and something else swarming her blue eyes, a storm twirling inside her that was going to overflow out her eyes, pouring into similar blue eyes, with an identical storm behind blue orbs.

Unexplainable sensations flurried in Mikasa’s chest, she couldn’t pinpoint if they were pity or guilt, maybe it was a mix of both.

Armin, out of all people, who would’ve thought that he would have something for Annie? The girl he ratted out four years ago? Maybe Mikasa shouldn’t be as surprised as she was; something was majestic yet bewildering about these two.

Annie and Armin…

A match made in heaven, or hell, she couldn’t tell.

Mikasa deposited the equipment she was carrying in their designated place, before she turned around to look at Armin once again; he was in mid discussion with Reiner and an engineer standing beside them -she deemed that he was giving some sort of instructions for Reiner while using aid from that engineer- before they nodded at each other and separated paths, Reiner joining Jean and the rest, and that Engineer hurrying to write something down.

While Armin stood there for a second longer, glancing at the girl sitting by the water.

And Mikasa wanted to wipe off that expression on his face; a mixture of sadness, hopelessness, and straight up sickness in love. 

She looked back and forth between Armin and Annie, as if her glances alone would create a magnetic field between them and draw them together. She was determined to make it happen.

There was no guarantee what this night would lead them to, and Mikasa didn’t want Armin to live in regret. She wanted him to let out whatever he had in his mind, talk to Annie, and maybe spend a few minutes with her.

Maybe it wasn’t the best time for it, but there was a high chance that it was their last opportunity too.

Mikasa glanced one more time between them, before she walked up to Armin and put an arm on his shoulder: “Armin… I think you should see something…” 

Mikasa beckoned Armin away from the harbor, ignoring the fact that his cheeks were tinted with the slightest hue of pink. And with a questioning yet concerned look, Armin followed along Mikasa, unaware of her shooting a glance at Annie, accompanied with a wink.

They walked away from the plane and the others, and Armin didn’t complain or question it, because if Mikasa said there was something urgent, then he must follow up with her, even if she was taking him away from the task he was supposed to be involved in. One eye on the path in front of him, and the other one glancing at the blonde behind his back.

He kept glancing back at that girl’s figure, but she wasn’t looking back at him.

He turned his head, and watched his feet drag him behind Mikasa.

On their left was the ocean, a reflective mirror of the stars-adorned sky. On their right was a row of alleys divided by vacant buildings. Each alley a portal to an unpredictable darkness, an endless black that seemed to stretch on and on.

“There’s something that I think you should probably see, it’s… uh, important” Mikasa said after they had been walking for a few minutes. The flying boat was as big as a melon from their place, and Armin kept looking at it over his shoulder, as if the flying boat and everyone else could disappear at any second.

“Uh… Mikasa is everything ok?”

“Not really.”

“Oh…” Armin eyed his feet, “can you… tell me?”

“No.”

Armin was silent for a second. They don’t have any spare time to waste, and Mikasa is one step ahead of him, her feet steady and not hesitant. 

“I will not tell you,” Mikasa said, as she suddenly stopped, she swieveled her head to the right, staring down at a dark, abandoned alley, a swift smile pulled on her lips, “I will show you.”

She stepped into the alley, diving into it, until her dark silhouette was one with the darkness. The line of her black silky hair blending with dark-shadowed bricks of the narrow place.

Armin stood a bit longer outside, a sudden rush of loneliness sneaked into his veins, and he wasn’t sure what was going on, or what was yet to come. He glanced one more time at the flying boat, then beside it, only to notice that the small figure that he was watching earlier was nowhere to be seen. Armin sighed, straightened his shoulders, before he walked into the alley, his petite frame plunged into darkness.

A few alleys behind, a nervous girl was leaning against the wall, her heart racing in her chest; not only because she was sprinting just a second ago, but also because she didn’t believe that she was doing this.

She rubbed her head through her blond locks, trying to calm down her breathing. She wasn’t supposed to be nervous, there was nothing to be nervous about.

Yeah, there was nothing to be nervous about.

Inhale

Exhale 

She took one step towards the exit of the alley, but halted when she heard voices.

“Mikasa.... It’s been some time, are you gonna tell me what’s going on?”

A beat of silence.

“Five more minutes.”

A very loud sigh.

“Mikasa we don’t have time…”

Annie swallowed, the sound of her gulping so loud, it deafened the ambiance.

She took a deep breath, not any longer sure if this was a good or a bad idea… she could just turn around and leave, and once Mikasa waits for too long, she’ll leave with Armin, make up some excuse, and that would be it…

A Hint of guilt weighed down at the bit of her stomach; Mikasa did all of this for her, despite it being too sudden and not discussed before, but that wink that Mikasa threw at Annie was enough explanation for Annie on what to do. 

She can’t do this, she doesn’t want to do this. After some thought, she decided that she’ll hide in this alley until Mikasa and Armin leave. She took two heavy steps deeper into the alley, encompassing herself within pitchblack darkness-

She heard sounds.

“Armin, I know, it’s ok…”

“Mikasa…?”

“I know it… it’s just…”

Annie heard shuffling, then footsteps, before Armin’s voice was heard once again.

“Hey hey Mikasa where are you going?”

“You just stay there for five more minutes, if nothing happens, get back to the flying boat.”

“Hey! You can’t just leave like that!”

Annie heard footsteps trying to catch up, then right at the exit of the alley, she saw Mikasa.

“Mikasa wait,” Armin’s voice rose again, and this time it was much more closer than before, and Annie instinctively tiptoed further down the alley, before she pushed her back against the wall.

“Wait, Mikasa.”

Annie watched as a hand held Mikasa from her wrist, halting her. Mikasa looked around, her glance towards Annie lingered a bit longer, even though Annie was sure she was immersed in the darkness and couldn’t be seen, but she still held her breath, and felt so stupid for doing so.

“Armin, trust me,” Mikasa said, a beat of stillness followed, before Armin let go of her, and retreated his steps. Mikasa glanced one last time at where Annie was hiding, before hastily rushing back to the flying boat.

Annie heard Armin sigh, then the echo of his steps as he walked back to the alley Mikasa told him to stay in.

Once his footsteps were out of earshot, Annie let out a breath that almost suffocated her lungs, and once again she was left in silence.

Annie slanted back against the brick wall, the jagged stone digging into her skin, her jaw clenching and her teeth gritting. She closed her eyes, tried to take a deep breath, but air was blocked halfway through her windpipe. She gave up on relaxing her nerves, so she opened her eyes, and stared at the far, dark sky, lit with those mesmerizing, marginal lights, twinkling on and off in harmony. 

Armin had his hands in his pockets, for the night was growing strangely cold, and he kept shifting his weight from one feet to the other, clicking his tongue, and trying to make these five minutes pass faster.

But they were going slow.

Excruciatingly slow.

After one minute, Armin debated the idea whether he should leave already. Nothing was happening, and probably nothing would.

But then, it got to his mind, that… well, if nothing was happening, and he had to spend these five minutes here anyway, then why shouldn’t he… maybe take them as a break…

But you don’t have time to waste.

Just five minutes and I’ll go back to them.

You could do many things in those five minutes.

Yes but I also can take a break.

You’re not taking a break.

I am! 

No, you’re overthinking, that’s not how breaks work.

But-

Just go back to work.

Armin sighed, kicked the heel of his foot at the wall, before he pushed himself off of it, and walked to the exit of the alley. However, something unexplainable made him stop, and some sort of an interior calling made him tilt his head up, his eyes gazing at the sky.

For a second, all the thoughts that were swarming his mind departed, and he was left alone in what felt like an endless moment of silence, an undisturbed stillness that he could get used to, with nothing to be worried about, with nothing crowding his head.

He found that, after all, he wanted to spend those five minutes -or whatever was left of them- in this stillness.

And he did, just looking up, gazing at each star for some time, before another star glistened brighter and caught his eye.

He didn’t connect shapes out of the stars’ order, nor did he think of anything. Strangely, he found each star to be an individual. Each one has its own space and its own way of shining, not more or less glamorous but just different .

And even when he tried to connect these together, he just couldn’t, each diamond was a thing of its own, and Armin found an incomprehensible satisfaction in it.

And the five minutes passed faster than he would like.

Armin realized that it was enough.

He started walking to the exit of the alley. A tiny bit of weight was left off his shoulders, and with every breath he took, his lungs were filled and the blood in his veins was pumping with renewed hope into his body.

This time, nothing was holding him back from going back to his task.

Nothing.

Nothing at all.

And the moment he stepped foot outside the alley, he was startled to find out that he wasn’t alone.

“...Annie?”

~~~~~

A minute earlier, when Annie was debating whether or not she should go on with this unforeseen ‘plan’, she would’ve been grateful if the darkness swallowed her whole, just one big bite, vanishing from this world.

But she found her feet taking her to where Armin was, her mind detached from her body, and her legs grew their own set of brains, walking on their own.

The coldness of the night crawling under her skin, sending shivers down to the tips of her toes.

And after a suffocated exhale left her lungs, she was face to face with him.

The chilly, crisp night froze her in the spot. Her legs’ brains evaporated into nothing, and her mind took control, but it only screamed at her, telling her that she was an idiot for doing this, it was pointless and embarrassing and awkward-

“Armin,” she blurted his name out, barely recognizing her own voice.

“Yes, Annie,”

She was jealous of how steady his voice was, even though she emerged from the unexpected, but he was still composed, and she couldn’t help but think how their roles were switched at this moment; the flustered is galant, and the prosaic is fidgety.

“I… uh…” Annie was searching for anything to say, literally anything , but when she noticed the way the stars were reflected in his eyes, it was identical to when she was watching their reflection in the ocean, endless, limitless .

Armin tilted his head, beckoning her to continue, and all she got out was “do you have a moment?”

Armin looked right and left, as if he was checking if Annie was alone or not, but Annie misinterpreted that he was in a rush and was searching for an excuse to reject her question. Out of defence, she took a step back and held a hand against her chest: “It’s ok nevermind you’re obviously busy, nevermind really, I’m sorry, I’ll just head back-”

“Annie,” Armin reached out for her hand, letting the tips of his fingers touch it, not strong enough to hold it, but enough to catch her attention, “yes, I do have a moment.”

Annie’s eyes widened, and involuntary, her hand flinched away from his, and she immediately regretted it when a flash of disappointment and bewilderment crossed Armin’s face. She didn’t understand why she had such a reaction, however, Armin smiled, half a smile, but still a smile nonetheless, and asked what she was doing here.

“I was looking for you.”

Armin wondered Annie’s face, and for a fleeting second, he wanted to ask how she, out of all places, came to look for him there , but the way Annie was avoiding his eyes made him stop. Instead, he said: “Yeah, I mean…” What was he trying to say?

“I just wanted to, um, tell you something,” Annie continued, not waiting for Armin to finish his thought. He was still for a second, but that second stretched into a longer pause.

Annie shifted her weight from one foot to the other, her arms crossing, rubbing up and down her biceps, before she cleared her throat and said, shaking her head: “You know you really don’t have to wait any longer,” she took a step backwards, “I’m sorry, I won’t hold you back any longer-”

“No no wait!” Armin reached for her for the second time, and he cursed himself for making this awkward for both of them, his hand froze mid way, stretching to touch her wrist, “I think I need a word with you too.”

A beat of silence.

Annie let her hand fall by her side. She opened her mouth to say something, but she ended up only nodding her head twice.

And then, both of them were leaning against the building, watching the dark horizon, and a bright, fluorescent spot of luminous light far from them, where the others were in the midst of getting the flying boat ready. Annie’s hand crossing her chest, and Armin’s were in his pockets.

Armin realized that Annie won’t start any kind of conversation, so he kicked the heel of his foot once against the wall, before he cleared his throat, glanced at Annie and started: “I’m sorry.”

Annie swiveled her head towards him, her eyebrows furrowed, uncertain if she heard correctly. She tilted her head questionably to the side.

“Um…” Armin licked his lips, “about earlier, in the storage room, I was… somewhat… all over the place.”

Annie’s mouth shaped in an O, recalling what he was talking about. She blinked once, twice, before she said: “There’s nothing to apologize for.”

Armin chuckled and scratched the nape of his neck: “Well, I just… I thought I probably should.”

Annie hummed, not knowing how to respond to that, and her mind already at the next destination; to commence what she was here for in the first place. She took in a silent, shaky breath: “Armin.”

In response, Armin looked at her.

And she was, again, under the spell of his eyes, his blue eyes, that were a darker shade of blue in the darkness of the night. A part of her wondered if he was aware of what his eyes do to her, how they hypnotized her in an endless loop, a trance that she was cloistered within.

She wasn’t aware that he was as lost in her eyes as she was in his.

Annie looked to the side, breaking the spell, a cold wave washing over her chest, as if calling out Armin’s name drained her of all the courage that she had a minute ago, she inhaled, exhaled, and decided to just get over with it.

“I’m not coming with you.” She said.

Silence. 

“I don’t wanna fight, I don’t want to go on the flying boat.”

“Oh..” Armin couldn’t hide the disappointment in his voice, he was, in fact, counting on her; Annie was irreplaceable.

“It’s… it’s not what you’re thinking,” Annie looked at him, “it’s not that I don’t believe in the plan, there are no other plans anyway, but... it’s me, I’ve had enough of fighting.”

“Annie…”

“And I’m sick of doing this, and I can’t find a reason to shed blood anymore,”

“Annie.”

“And I don’t know if this is the right thing to do or not, but I just…”

Armin put his hand on her shoulders, and Annie’s breath caught in her throat. For a split second, she forgot what she was saying, before she shook her head and caught back on from where she left: “I want to live the rest of my life in peace.”

She watched his face, waiting for him to leave, to walk away and leave her alone by herself, to tell her that she chickened out at the last moment, that she disappointed him.

But he didn’t.

He put his other hand on her shoulders, looking her straight in the eyes, and with a sad smile in his voice, he said: “You don’t have to explain yourself, it’s fine, I understand,” his hand traveled from her shoulder, up until it caressed her cheeks.

And Annie didn’t flinch back, nor did she react in any way. Time and space stopped, and she was suspended mid air, warm wind thrashing all over her body. She glanced at his hands, wondering how this simple gesture made heat tingle her skin, and she was warm warm .

Annie sighed, her shoulders slumped, and not until then did she realize the tension that was pressing between her shoulders and her tensed neck.

“I wish I could not fight either,” Armin’s hands dropped, and he glanced at his feet, before he turned his eyes back to her, “I really wish so, but… I have no choice, my case is… different than yours.”

Annie eyed Armin’s face, his eyes dropping down at the corners, maybe he was tired, but most likely thinking of how he’s gonna face Eren with Mikasa and the others drained him of energy. She wondered if he was going to break down again, and imagined herself holding his weight within her arms again, running her fingers through his hair, and telling him that everything will be ok, that it will all be over soon.

Lies lies lies.

But they sounded good enough that they would believe them.

Annie swallowed, before she took a step closer to Armin.

He tilted his head to the side, his eyebrows barely rising, but then warmth engulfed Armin’s hand, and when he looked down, he saw Annie’s fingers holding his, her grip around his palm is firm yet soft, and he kept observing her, until he felt something warm slip around his finger.

His eyelids flickered in confused blinks. He locked wide eyes with Annie’s soft ones, whose eyebrows were furrowed together, her cheeks red even in the dark of the night, a strand of hair curtaining her forehead.

Annie let go of Armin’s hand, and he lift it up to sight’s level-

A shiny, silver ring was on his finger.

Armin flipped his hand over and over, inspecting the ring skeptically. His brain was suddenly clogged with thoughts and he was no longer sure what just happened.

“It’s,,, not much,” Annie said, her eyes at the ground, watching her feet and Armin’s, “but since I’m no longer fighting… you will need it more than I do.”

Armin's mouth opened and closed several times, before he took off the ring - Annie’s infamous ring- and held it on his palm as if it was fragile glass, he frantically said: “Annie no, I mean thanks but no, this is something from your father, it could be the only thing… I can’t take it, I can’t.”

“Can’t you just shut up for a second!” Annie bursted and Armin’s eyes widened, because her face was even redder than a second before, and her fists were clenched by her side and… 

“I know, ok? I KNOW, I know this ring is… it means a lot to me, it has done many things… and I just… I…” 

And Armin stood there, watching as Annie was trying to combine two words together to make a sentence, but failing again and again and again, and Armin, through her intangible tirade, understood what she’s trying to say; she wanted to contribute in some way. She’s not completely forgiving herself to leave them behind…

Annie was still looking down, so he put a finger under her chin, tilting it up, and without thinking about it,  he leaned closer, his eyelids fluttering closed, until he felt the warmth of her lips on his, soft and tightly closed together. He lingered for a second, before he pulled away, his eyes opening, meeting her vastly-opened ones.

“I get what you mean,” he whispered, his mind still not catching up on the fact that he just kissed Annie, and that he probably fucked up because she was frozen in her place, “Annie, I get what you mean…” and he leaned forward again, his forehead resting against hers. He heard Annie’s sharp inhale, and a marginal part at the back of his mind was shocked at how he himself was this… something .

Just a few hours ago, his face was flaming hot when he told her that he just wanted to see her …

“Annie…” he whispered her name, and his own voice sounded like it was miles away, but close and deafening loud at the same time. He felt as if he was soaring up with the clouds or maybe a hundred feet under water.

Annie swallowed, her mind fuzzy and her breath erratic. She couldn’t decide if Armin actually just kissed her. His lips felt like a feather against hers, and her stomach did flips and her skin was on fire, and she hated that all of this was because of a kiss, just one simple kiss .

She watched Armin’s eyes, only inches away from her own, his eyelids half lidded and he seemed as if he was in a trance. She liked the warmth from his forehead touching hers, his breath warm on her face. She rubbed their foreheads together, a smile pulled on his lips.

She found herself mirroring that smile.

Her heart was calming down in her chest, blood was flooding back to her legs and she felt like she could finally move, so she reached for Armin’s hand, and took the ring, slipping it once again on his finger, her movement indicating finality, and that everything was settled, Armin was not leaving without her ring, he was leaving with a piece of herself.

Armin smiled at the ring on his finger, and for some reason, it was satisfying to see it around his finger, he couldn’t pinpoint exactly why, but it was pleasing. He looked again at Annie, and in that moment, he realized something deep down inside him, something that he couldn’t find in anyone but Annie, something she was the only one who could make him feel.

And he leaned once again, meeting Annie’s lips in the middle.

His arms around her frame, and her hands on his shoulders, their embrace is getting tighter, their lips moving together. Shy, inexperienced pecks, their jaws moving in sync, lips connecting over and over and over again.

Each kiss ignited a candle in them, sending shivers rolling on their skin. Experiencing something new, exciting, but timid and intimate.

The sheepish kisses grew bolder.

Armin’s hand on Annie’s back started to roam, and her toes curled in her leather shoes, heat igniting in her chest. Something was bubbling in her stomach, a pleasing sense of bubbling, and she only kissed him harder, her kisses becoming short but harsh. He was taken aback first, but then returned her actions with similar passion. Her hand tracing his neck, up and down, until they tangled in his hair, while the other hand wandered to his cheek, cupping it gently, contrasting her bruising kisses.

Her fingers left fire in their trail, and his skin was hot and warm and he needed to take a breath but couldn’t pull himself back, away from her, away from her embrace, away from this feeling.

And it was her, she was the one who made him feel this way. He didn’t understand why, he didn’t get how a human could make another human feel this kind of way, that everything is gonna be alright, gives each other a reason to be alive. He wondered if he was made just to be in this moment, that his purpose of living is to be here, in her arms, with his frame pressed against her, feeling every curve and dip of her body against his own.

Both fitting each other perfectly, like two right pieces of a puzzle.

And soon they found themselves sneaking into the alleyway, far from any scrutinizing eyes, just him and her, focused on each other, hands running over each other's bodies, touching whatever they can with clothes as a barrier between them.

The narrow place was getting hotter, unbearably warm.

In that moment, even if it was a bubble of unrealistic-wishes, they felt like they were normal teenagers. Just a girl and a boy in love and doing what teenagers do. It was a desire that they longed for, but it was so far from their reach.

Armin pulled away with a gasp, his embrace around Annie tighter. He traced kisses along Annie’s jaw, then he dipped his head, and placed kisses on her neck.

She tugged at his hair, pulling their bodies even closer. Her mouth opened in a silent moan, as he nipped at her skin.

She wished she could stay here forever, only this moment, him and her, tangled together.

Armin wondered how things would’ve been if Annie didn’t crystalize herself for four years.

He wondered how things would’ve been if he didn’t tell on Annie, was it impossible if he found another way to solve that? Any other way? 

Armin didn’t blame Annie for betraying them, because she didn’t, she was never on their side to betray them from the first place.

She just wanted to go back home to her father, to compensate for all those lost years and live a normal life. And if Armin’s grandpa was still alive, Armin knew that he could do the impossible to be with him, to live the rest of his life in happiness with him.

“Armin…” she whispered his name, his hands and lips stopped their movements, and he opened his eyes.

Her hands reached for his cheeks, rubbing them, before she whispered, her voice out of breath: “Why are you crying?” 

At first Armin didn’t understand what she was referring to, not until his eyes got blurry. His hands wiped at his eyes; they were wet.

He stared confused at his hand, he didn’t know when he started crying, but after he was aware of it, his throat tightened, and more tears spilled from his eyes, however, no sounds left his mouth.

When he looked back at Annie, she had tears in her eyes too…

His hand wiped her tears, and she did the same to him.

Maybe they realized that this all was for nothing .

That it was already too late…

Their future in the next few hours was uncertain, and no one knew the end of it, or if it would end in the first place.

Annie’s chest tightened on her lungs, she was losing her breath, her exhales coming out as erratic blows of air, her eyes stinging, and she cursed herself, for this one moment, this one moment of peace had to be ruined by an avalanche of hopelessness, leaving her cold. She held Armin’s shoulders, and tried to clear her blurry sight, to look at his face, and memorize it forever, engrave it on her mind, so it stays in her memory for the rest of her days.

And he was doing the same, he brushed hair out of her face, and he wished he could always remember how soft it felt between his fingers, like a piece of the clouds, or at least this is what he imagined. Her eyes so blue like an ocean under the afternoon’s sun.

He wanted to wipe away that sad pout she had on her face, because he didn’t want this one special moment to go to waste, so he leaned down and kissed the pout away, a gentle kiss, long enough until he felt her lips relax against his and her arms once again wrapping around his neck.

Then Armin pulled away, looked in her eyes, before he whispered: “Thank you, Annie.”

“You better take care of the ring, and you better bring it back.”

He threw his head back and chuckled, then he cupped her cheeks, and said once again, this time his voice is clear and firm: “Thank you, Annie.”

Annie’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“Thank you,” he kissed her eyebrows, “for,” then kissed her nose, “not,” a kiss on her cheek, “giving up,” and he ended his route with a kiss on her forehead.

Annie stood there, looking in Armin’s blue eyes, perplexed, not knowing how to react or what to say, her cheeks were heating up, and she would appreciate cold water to be splashed at her face.

So she wrapped her arms around Armin, and buried her face in his neck, as his hands wrapped around her frame. They stood in each other’s embrace, wishing that they could stay like that forever, but eventually, they had to let go, and Armin had to head back.

With one final kiss, they were separated from each other.

Annie watched him walk away, every few steps he would glance back at her, with a sad smile on his face, before he turned to look at her one last time, he waved, then turned and kept walking, not glancing back anymore.

Annie was glad no one was around her, she certainly didn’t like to be seen while she was crying.

She watched the blurry reflection of the stars in the ocean, and closed her eyes. She wanted to sleep and wake up when all of this was over, but that was impossible, and if she wanted to be over with it, then she had to go through it, with all its pain and beauty, with all its ups and downs, she had to go through it, to fight through it, to get her peaceful life, the life she always longed for.

Annie ran her finger over where the ring used to be. Despite the tears, a small smile pulled at her lips, as she felt the smooth skin of her finger instead of a steel circular metal, her smile growing wider as she pictured that ring on Armin’s finger.

And at the flying boat, where everyone was rushing with tools and equipment, sometimes Armin would find himself staring at the ring, recalling Annie’s soft touch on his hand, his lips on hers, then when he’s awaken from his daydreaming, he would frantically look around as if he was caught red handed, to find that the only one who noticed his little blackout was no other than Mikasa, with a small smile on her face.

He would look away and busy himself with anything.

Soon afterwards, the sun creeped from behind the ocean, coloring the water with soft streaks of orange and pink, the sky was clear with no clouds, and it was a peaceful day so far, unfair to be this serene for what was yet to come.

And when everything was ready, and it was decided that Annie wouldn’t go along with them, she was trying so hard to avoid any sort of emotional moment with Armin, she wasn’t ready to let him go, but that didn’t matter, because he was leaving anyway.

So, she waved goodbye to everyone, her eyes lingering on Armin for a long second, his eyes weren’t shiny as they used to be. She ignored the feelings that started to inflate in her chest, turning away, walking as fast as she could from all of that.

And now she is leaning against the railing of the ship, seagulls cooing over her head, the blue sky adorned with spontaneous puffs of white cloud.

Peace...

She traced her ring finger, as she observes the ocean and the sky, wondering if he was still alive, wondering if he’ll keep his promise and come back with her ring…

And Annie waits.