Chapter Text
Sunlight streamed in from the alchemy workshop’s windows, illuminating the many glass beakers and bottles spread across the room. The lively chirps of the birds outside floated about the workshop, accompanied by sounds of the occasional clinks of glass and pencil on paper. Albedo stood at a wooden table, bone shards of various qualities and sizes scattered on the surface. His sketchbook and journal were open, showing detailed drawings and notes of the bones. Behind him, Sucrose was inspecting whopperflower nectars at a table, working with intense concentration.
Such a peaceful atmosphere was perfect for working, yet Albedo’s mind couldn’t help but wander elsewhere. Memories of his night with Kaeya kept popping up when he tried to focus. He just couldn’t get his brain to stop thinking about that stupid knight and his stupidly silky blue hair and that stupid shining blue eye in the moonlight and that stupid smile of his that made Albedo’s mind blank. It was ridiculous how he felt so happy and entertained at the tavern with him. But even if all he could think of was Kaeya, he couldn’t understand why. The man was the epitome of all the things he disliked: popular, loud, and cocky. Yet he couldn’t help but feel drawn to him. Why did he feel that way with Kaeya? And why was he not leaving his thoughts? He never felt this way about any of his other test subjects, so why was Kaeya so different?
Memories from the previous night kept replaying in his brain, which just made him even more confused. Why was Kaeya acting like that around him, all flirty and teasing? Or was that just his regular personality? Albedo wanted to chalk it up to Kaeya being Kaeya, he didn’t like to consider the implications of Kaeya only being flirty with him in particular.
And what should he call their relationship? They’d interacted multiple times before thanks to their positions in the Knights of Favonius, but the previous night was the first time they truly interacted as themselves, and he enjoyed it. Were they acquaintances? Maybe friends? Well, Albedo sure hoped to be friends with Kaeya someday. Not only for the sake of his research, but also because Kaeya was interesting and funny and charming and…
The alchemist shook his head before he let his mind drift off too far. Friendship, right. Albedo was familiar with friendship, at least. He wasn’t so antisocial that he didn’t have any friends. But with Kaeya, it just didn’t feel like the same. He recalled how he’d felt when Kaeya walked him home. That certainly wasn’t a familiar feeling to him and he’d never felt it with any of his friends.
Albedo sighed, he was getting nowhere trying to speculate on his and Kaeya’s relationship. But maybe he needed someone else’s input. In his experience as an alchemist, it was always better to get a second perspective.
“Sucrose, I have a bit of an odd question for you. It’s not related to alchemy at all,” he said, breaking the silence.
She flinched at the sudden noise, her attention drawing to her mentor. “Ah, of course, Albedo. What is it?”
Albedo hesitated. He couldn’t believe he was doing this. He normally had a lot more pride than to ask such random questions, especially to his students, but he was getting desperate to shove his thoughts of Kaeya back into the depths of his brain. Surrendering, he asked, “You used to have close friends when you were younger, right?” Sucrose slowly nodded, a bit confused at Albedo’s sudden inquiry. “So would you say you have experience in friendships?”
“Um… yes?” Sucrose responded. She was looking at him in concerned confusion.
He turned his head away from her, not wanting to feel more ashamed than he already was. “I know this isn’t in our usual field of… research, but you’re one of the only people I can ask. Before I say anything, can you promise not to tell anyone about what I’m going to say?” He glanced over his shoulder to see her nod her head before going on. Shoving down his pride, he asked, “How are you supposed to feel around your friends?”
Sucrose’s eyes widened, which made Albedo cringe even more at his question. She seemed to genuinely think about it though, since she didn’t outright laugh at him as he’d feared. “It’s been a while, so I can’t exactly remember,” she began, “But it felt really nice. Around them, I was happy. We’d do everything together and I had a lot of fun with them.” Happiness and fun, huh? Albedo definitely felt those emotions with Kaeya yesterday, but they weren’t the only emotions. As much as he enjoyed spending time with him, there was always an accompanying feeling of anxiety that came with it.
“Have you ever felt... nervous around them?
“Well, I’ve always been a bit nervous around people my whole life, so whenever I felt nervous around them, it was nothing out of the ordinary.” Albedo frowned. He was familiar with the type of anxiety Sucrose experienced, but it wasn’t the same as what he felt with Kaeya. With Kaeya, no matter how nervous or shy he became in his presence, he couldn’t help but desire more of his attention. It was nothing like the normal feeling of anxiety that just ate and ate away at his body, taking everything and giving nothing.
“What about a different type of anxiety?”
Sucrose looked at him with a puzzled expression. “What do you mean by that?”
“It feels like… your chest starts pounding, your face heats up, and you can’t help but focus your attention on one thing. It’s almost as if you’re elated yet anxious at the same time.”
She looked at him with narrowed, knowing eyes. “I’m sorry Albedo, I don’t believe I’ve ever experienced that with any of my friends.”
His shoulders slumped with slight disappointment. “Ah, okay. Thank you for your input. Sorry for interrupting, you can go back to your work now.” Sucrose nodded and turned back to the various bottles of whopperflower nectar on her desk.
Albedo sighed, at least he had some kind of confirmation with Sucrose’s response. Maybe Kaeya and him weren’t friends at the moment, which is why Albedo felt the way he did. Surely it would all disappear once he actually befriended Kaeya. Regardless, it still didn’t explain why he felt it in the first place. The man was a mystery, which unfortunately made Albedo interested in him even more. He put his head in his hands and groaned. Everything about Kaeya was just so overwhelming.
Perhaps he should search for another perspective? Maybe find someone more experienced than Sucrose in relationships? Thankfully, he had just the person in mind, Lisa. Lisa was not only extremely smart and knowledgeable with relationships, but she was also the one who had sparked his interest in emotions in the first place. Perfect! If Lisa were to clear up his confusion, then he’d be able to pursue his research, work-related and personal, with a clear head. He turned his attention back to his notes and forced all thoughts of Kaeya to the back of his mind, feeling more satisfied than before.
As soon as the workshop was clean from their experimentation, Albedo bid Sucrose a short goodbye and made his way to the library. He quietly opened the door and stepped inside, finding Lisa sitting at her desk reading a book. She closed it once she noticed his presence and smiled. “Well hello, Albedo. What brings you back to the library so early? Looking for the sequel to that book perhaps?”
There was a sequel? Interesting, but he was here for something else. “Sorry, I don’t need to check out any books today, I just need your input on something.”
Lisa sat up straighter, her eyes sparkling with interest. “Oh? And what is that?”
Albedo took a deep breath to calm himself. He had such great respect for Lisa, he didn’t want to ruin her image of him by asking her something that she might regard as common knowledge, but he needed closure. Hesitantly, he said, “I need some help figuring out some of my emotions. I already asked Sucrose, but she wasn’t much help. You seemed like my next best choice.”
The librarian raised an eyebrow. “Emotions? I’m glad to help, but I need you to elaborate.”
“I went out with… someone yesterday and around them, I felt things I’ve rarely experienced before. It’s confusing because I don’t know how to handle these emotions. I was extremely flustered and a little embarrassed when I was with them, but it didn’t necessarily feel horrible. I also loved talking to them and generally being in their company, and when we finally parted ways, I couldn’t help but want them to stay by my side for a little while longer. I don’t know why I feel like this or what it is, which is why I’m asking you.”
Lisa blinked at him incredulously a few times before devolving into a fit of giggles. Albedo’s face heated up. “What’s so funny? What did I say?”
Her giggling eventually stopped but she still looked extremely amused. “Albedo, sweetie,” she said with her hand over her heart, “You’ve got a crush.”
Now it was Albedo’s turn to look incredulous. A crush? Him? Surely that wasn’t it. He didn’t have the time or understanding to be romantically invested in someone else like that. And why would he ever want Kaeya? It was ridiculous. Looking at it logically, they would never go well in a relationship together.
He calmed himself down before responding in a civilized tone, “What makes you say that?”
Lisa’s expression softened. “I’ve had many crushes before and you just described exactly how they felt like. The yearning, the affection, the slight embarrassment around them, it’s all there. And I see the look on your face, Albedo. No one talks platonically about someone else like that with a blush like yours. It’s normal to have a crush. It’s nothing you need to be ashamed of.”
Albedo tore his eyes from Lisa’s gaze, shaking his head. “I’m not ashamed,” he half-lied. “I just don’t understand why. Why would I ever have a crush on him?”
Lisa suddenly leaned forward on her desk with renewed interest. “Him? Who’s the lucky person that’s gotten the attention of our Chief Alchemist?” she excitedly questioned. “Of course, you only need to tell me if you’re comfortable.”
Albedo’s eyebrows furrowed in thought. If he were to tell Lisa, then she’d be able to better guide him through his emotions in specific to Kaeya. However, that would also mean she would know he liked Kaeya. Of course, there wasn’t anything wrong with Kaeya as a person, but Albedo and Kaeya as a pair? Surely she’d laugh him out of the library, it was so preposterous. But Albedo had already revealed he harbored a crush, so perhaps it wouldn’t hurt to say who.
“It’s Kaeya,” he confessed softly.
In his peripheral vision, he saw her eyes widen with disbelief and her hand flew to cover her mouth as it went agape. Of course, he internally groaned.
“I don’t mean to offend, but Kaeya? My, I never would’ve guessed our shy little alchemist had a crush Kaeya Alberich. You know, you never fail to impress me, Albedo.” The shock had faded by now, but was replaced with teasing. Albedo awkwardly crossed his arms in front of his chest, his face reddening. Lisa noticed and changed her tone. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to come off like that. I’m just a little surprised. You two have such opposing personalities, I never would’ve guessed. But I also can’t blame you. He’s popular in Mondstadt for a reason.”
“That’s why I don’t understand it either. We’re just so different,” he said, tiredness evident in his voice.
“That’s part of the appeal, I suppose,” she giggled. “Are you going to do something about it?”
Albedo contemplated her words. What would happen if he were to pursue Kaeya? It wouldn’t be much different than what he was already doing. Romance involved or not, he’d still be observing him the same way. “I’ll consider it,” he said.
“Well, I wish you luck with him, then. Is that all for me?”
Albedo nodded. “Yes, thank you. And please don’t tell anyone else about this. I’d prefer if this was kept a secret.”
“Of course! This is a matter private to you, so no one else needs to hear about it.” She gave him a reassuring smile.
His body relaxed with relief. “Thank you, Lisa. You don’t know how much this means to me.” He walked to the exit of the library, waving his hand at Lisa. “I’ll be seeing you then. Goodbye, Lisa.” She returned his goodbye with a warm smile and a wave as he left.
As he made his way back to his house, he pondered over Lisa’s words again. Was she right? Did he actually have a crush on Kaeya? He still couldn’t believe he’d ever be attracted to him. He had never bothered with being social before, so why would someone like Kaeya make him change his mind? Maybe Lisa had just said that in hopes of pushing Albedo to finally consider his love life. Surely he couldn’t actually be interested in him beyond research.
He also considered the other part of Lisa’s input. Pursuing Kaeya further, romantically or not, would be in his best interest. Albedo was finally beginning to understand his emotions about Kaeya, so his research would become much more engaging. He’d be able to observe not only Kaeya’s emotions, but his own as well. It would add more variety to his analysis and he’d be able to study the cause and effects of such emotions. With more confidence, he reached a decision. It wouldn’t hurt to seek Kaeya’s company further.