Chapter Text
Whenever Jeonghan needed help, he would often find himself wandering towards wherever a certain Hong Jisoo was staying. That had been his game plan since high school and also one that always worked since the other man was never too far away from his reach. However, now that Jisoo was the problem, he was left trying to figure out which one of his other friends he could count on instead.
Of course, it’s not like his other friends were useless; he just rarely felt like bothering them with his trivial life problems. Once, he voiced it out to Jisoo and even apologized for always bothering him, but the other was quick to assure him that he was never a bother. Hence, Jeonghan ran to Jisoo at any given moment, so it was extremely ironic that he now found himself running away from the other.
He found himself knocking on an apartment door shortly after aimlessly wandering the streets.
“Jeonghan?” Wen Junhui said, answering the door with a clearly confused expression on his face since the blonde hadn’t bothered to send a text or call to say that he was on the way. Not that Jeonghan wasn’t welcome though, as he stepped out of the way to allow the older man inside without questioning further. There was enough gloom written on his friend’s face that he could already tell something was wrong.
“Hey,” came the half-hearted reply as Jeonghan shuffled inside.
Another voice soon came from the living room, “you look terrible.”
“Thanks, Hao,” the blonde replied with a short chuckle directed towards Xu Minghao, the thin, cat-eyed man resting on the sofa. Jeonghan’s met Junhui’s boyfriend enough times that he was also a good friend of his, so there was no real negativity with the younger boy’s words. Instead, the dark-haired man mirrored the earlier worried expression on Junhui’s face as he examined their apartment’s guest take a seat on an empty chair.
Junhui took the seat next to his boyfriend, patiently waiting.
Truth be told, Jeonghan didn’t even know where to start. He had felt oddly suffocated in his own home, waking up to the scent of Jisoo all over his bed, to the sound of Jisoo laughing outside the door with his mother, to the reality that last night’s kiss was just a drunken mistake done in the haze of his long-ignored feelings and that he was stuck pretending to be in a relationship with his best friend.
“It’s about the fake relationship,” he finally said, staring at his clasped hands in front of him.
The silence from the other two was a sign that he should continue, but Jeonghan was still trying to figure out what to say.
“Well, actually, it’s about a little more than that.”
It was easier than he expected pouring his heart out to the other two men, who listened in silence except for moments where they would hum in acknowledgment. Jeonghan didn’t know how much he said, but he was sure that his words went along the lines of being in love with Hong Jisoo, regretting the moments where he was stuck wanting more from something that wasn’t real, and of course, the kiss that made his perfectly placed walls crumble down.
He was doing so well. They’ve cultivated years of friendship and a bond that made everybody else in awe or jealous. They worked well together, scarily well, and it always left Jeonghan clinging to what he can of their friendship and making sure he’ll never mess it up. He kept any shred of his feelings in check for so long. He was so confident that their plan would be nothing but fun and games, something to laugh about in the future once Evelyn Hong left.
Instead, he sat in the middle of Junhui and Minghao’s apartment, unable to laugh even a little.
“We’ll be honest, Jeonghan, we thought it would be Jisoo having this problem,” Minghao said, shortly after the blonde had announced that he was done ranting.
“Oh?” Jeonghan asked, feeling pathetic. “Why is that?”
There was a pause as Minghao and his boyfriend exchanged looks, with Junhui looking more worried and nervous as if the latter was walking on eggshells.
Thankfully, the dark-haired man was better at piecing together words for the both of them. It helped that he was just a tad bit closer to Jisoo despite being friends with them both. When Junhui had first mentioned the whole fake dating thing, shortly after he came home from their reunion dinner, Minghao had expressed the same sentiments. He paused to consider his next few words before he began to explain.
Where Yoon Jeonghan was bold and confident, Hong Jisoo was often the opposite. He was the new kid for so long, after all, the soft-spoken one hidden behind Jeonghan’s crazy antics. Although they had both grown since their previous high school and even college selves, it wasn’t like things were much different. Jeonghan was the one who often went on dates, received confessions, flaunted his looks and skills with a boyish charm and charismatic smile.
Meanwhile, even with his terrible dating history aside, Jisoo just wasn’t like that.
He was more serious, often dated just one person for a longer period of time, the type to really make things work. It felt a lot like he wore his heart on his sleeve. In the middle of Minghao’s explanations, Junhui finally found the words as he added in that he thought Jisoo was the one who would be dragged into the whirlwind of possible feelings and sweet words. He looked a little sheepish as he said so, quickly adding that it was because Jeonghan was always so sure of himself.
“I wish I was,” the blonde replied with a bitter chuckle.
“What do you want to happen?” Minghao asked, cutting straight to the chase.
“I don’t know,” Jeonghan answered, but even he felt like it was a lie the moment the words passed through his lips.
He wanted a real relationship. He wanted one where they could bicker in the morning about who would cook breakfast or who would buy groceries next but end up laughing their problems away just the same. He wanted someone he could come home to and cuddle with when he was feeling sad or even just playful. He wanted it to be Jisoo, for some stupid reason, since living with the brunette was already so comfortable and perfect.
He wanted, to put things simply.
Most of all, he wanted to go back to how things were with his best friend before he felt like jumping out of his skin at every contact.
Jeonghan sighed and shook his head, burying his face in his hands, “this is so hard.”
He felt a comforting hand on his knee that probably belonged to Junhui since the younger man was closer to him between the two.
“You could always just tell him what you feel and everything you told us,” came the red-haired man’s soft voice, a timid suggestion; Junhui just wanted what was best for his two friends, after all, but he didn’t know Jeonghan the same way that Jisoo did and vice versa. Still, he didn’t want Jeonghan to feel like he shouldn’t have opened up about his feelings. Junhui squeezed the other’s leg, “who knows, it might go well!”
“Always so positive,” Jeonghan replied with a small, honest smile.
Meanwhile, Minghao was still silently thinking about the right words to say. His lower lip jutted out in concentration as he stared at the blonde man, who looked so small and tired on their sofa chair, a vast contrast from how Yoon Jeonghan often presented himself. As much as he appreciated his boyfriend’s optimistic thinking, Minghao knew it wasn’t what Jeonghan wanted to hear, simply because the latter wouldn’t allow himself to believe in it.
So instead, when Minghao spoke again, he gave the other side of the coin.
“Just wait till Jisoo’s mother leaves,” he said simply, catching Jeonghan’s eye as the older man glanced up to look at him. “It’s in a few days, right? You can keep up the act until then. Once she leaves, you can drop everything and go back to how things were.”
How things were, Jeonghan’s mind supplied, would be how they were as best friends. Jisoo would move back to his bedroom and it would be almost as if nothing even happened. They could find some things to laugh about. They never have to bring up the kiss ever again; at least, Jeonghan had no plans to talk about it for as long as he could. It could go back to how things were before. He could close the doors of his heart once more and everything should be fine.
He repeated it to himself over and over, but why didn’t it feel like the right thing to do?
But, his mind argued back, there was nothing else he could do.
Jeonghan definitely didn’t consider confessing an option.
Soon he left the apartment feeling like nothing much has changed, honestly, but he was grateful for the other two nonetheless. There was a small weight lifted off his shoulders since he was able to tell somebody about his feelings, at least, but it wasn’t much comfort as he began to walk back to his own home. He didn’t even find it in himself to eat lunch, but Jeonghan didn’t forget about the grocery trip that served as his initial alibi.
He picked out some of the food he liked eating, his stash of milk, along with snacks that he knew Jisoo’s mother enjoyed as well. His hand hovered over some of Jisoo’s favourites, before deciding that it would be weird and a little petty if he decided not to buy some for his best friend. Jeonghan found himself repeating it to himself almost like mantra the whole way back: they were best friends, they will stay best friends, he is not fucking everything up further.
When he reached home, it was to the sight of Jisoo sitting in the living room, aimlessly watching a TV show that Jeonghan knew the other didn’t even really enjoy.
“Darling, I’m home,” Jeonghan greeted with a cheeky grin.
He ignored the way Jisoo looked back at him so quickly it was like his neck was going to break.
The brunette stood up to help him with the groceries, immediately taking one of the bags from the other boy and setting it on their makeshift kitchen counter.
“Have you eaten lunch?” Jisoo asked casually as he shifted through the items.
“Yeah,” the blonde lied, beginning to do the same. “Where’s your mother?”
“Taking a nap. She said her bones aren’t what they used to be,” the other replied with a chuckle. He brought out one of his favourite bags of chips from the grocery bag and grinned at the sight before placing it inside one of their snack cabinets. After a pause, he spoke again, “you know, you still owe me 30 bags of these from that bet we made in sophomore year.”
Jeonghan scoffed, “no, last time I checked, you owe me ice cream after we made another bet to cancel that one out.”
“You cheated during that one, it doesn’t count.”
“It absolutely counts,” the other grinned, getting a little giddy. “We shook hands and everything, Hong Jisoo, plus cheating wasn’t in the contract.”
It was Jisoo's turn to scoff in disbelief, “you mean the one you wrote on the back of a paper napkin?”
“That’s the one,” Jeonghan replied, his grin still in place as they finished setting the groceries in the right spots. They didn’t even need to discuss who did what, moving around the kitchen smoothly, working together in a way that was unique to only them. It was comforting to the blonde, who finally decided that he was going to ignore his feelings, that they were still the same. Nothing had to change despite the kiss.
Until Jisoo ended up right next to him, nearly pressing him towards the open fridge.
“If you still have it, I’ll honour my end of the bet, but I bet you don’t,” the brunette said teasingly. He had one arm casually on the fridge door, essentially trapping Jeonghan there, as the latter was in the process of replacing the old carton of milk for a bunch of new ones.
His first mistake was that Jeonghan looked up at the other man way too quickly. His second was not realizing their proximity until it was too late; their faces were only a few centimeters away from each other, close enough that he could almost count Jisoo’s eyelashes and the way it framed his doe-shaped eyes. Close enough that if he leaned in by just a fraction, Jeonghan could have a repeat of what happened the night before.
Immediately, he pushed the brunette away, hard.
“Sorry, I have to use the bathroom real quick,” Jeonghan said, realizing his mistake the moment he saw the surprise on his friend’s face.
He told himself that he imagined the flash of hurt on Jisoo’s face as he escaped towards his bedroom. The blonde knew it wasn’t going to do much since they shared the room now, but he also knew that Jisoo would probably continue to stay in the living room. At least, Jeonghan knew that if he told the brunette he wanted space, the other man would easily comply. But that would also open up more questions and concerns he didn’t want to deal with.
Still, he allowed the other man to feel confused and decided it was the best course of action as Jeonghan sat on the floor, in front of his locked bedroom door. He felt like a useless teenager with a first heartbreak all over again. He counted down in his head and breathed deeply, in and out. Just a few more days, Jeonghan reminded himself. Just a few more days till everything can go back to normal.