Chapter Text
Yamaguchi's POV
November 10, 2008
My birthday is today! Tsukki helped decorate my backyard while I chose the sweets I liked, Everything had to be PERFECT. My whole class was coming to my party because Tsukki was attending, but I understood that because I know how awesome Tsukki is! He can reach things I can't reach even when I'm on my tippy toes! I wish I was cool enough to get people to come to my parties for me instead of people like him.. But that's too much to ask for, I've accepted my fate already.
I went to the bathroom and cleaned myself up, I decided to wear what I usually wore, even though it was my special day it didn't bother me. All my classmates including Tsukki came in such nice clothing, it made me feel so out of place.
I gave them all a warm welcome and thought that it would ease any possible tension but I felt so ignored.. It was like they had no interest in me and my party, like they only came to see Tsukki.. I knew that as much as they did themselves, but did they really have to be so obvious about it..?
The music was playing loudly as the people at my party were laughing and eating with each other. It was all so overwhelming.. Out of curiosity I looked for Tsukki, I saw Tsukki surrounded by a bunch of our classmates, he doesn't even need to like them, they just go on ahead and bother him, why did everybody always give him that unwanted attention..?
I felt my heart beat loudly in my chest, was it hatred? Envy? Or just plain resentment, Even if I was confused about what I was feeling I knew one thing that I desperately wanted and it was to get out of here..
I was staring at him teary eyed, I didn't want him to notice me and my jealous antics so I ran into my house with my hands covering my face. Running up the stairs as silent as a mouse I rushed into my room, I was praying that my "Pity Party" would just end already.
I knew they'd eventually look for me inside, but I simply wanted to be alone... for a very long time. I felt like it'd be better if I ran away or something, it's not about pleasing anybody it's really just about me finding my purpose in this stupid world. Some people have these amazing things that they want in life, but all I truly want is attention.. It seems so pointless for me to keep on living like this ..
I didn't genuinely want to leave my home, I loved my family and I was thankful for Tsukki But I can't do this anymore, leaving my past behind is my only option or at least that's what I thought.
I thought of where the heck I was even going to go as I put some clothes and some snacks in my bag, when I was just about finished packing I saw Tsukki at my door way.. I froze, I felt miserable already why did he have to see me like this!? It's embarrassing you know! Me running away from my problems because I'm not "Worthy" Of attention? Just stupid... I can't even think properly! "Why are you here!" I said as my tears slowly but surely became more visible.
My voice sounded so shaky, Like I was mortified (Which I was!) I had already decided that I needed to get out of here!
He looked me in the eyes with some stern and unsympathetic face, It broke me, I sniffled as I felt myself begin to cry. I really was pathetic.. "Tsukki!! I-I don't know what to do anymore.." I cried as I rushed over and hugged him tightly I just couldn't.. Stop.. Crying, I was so done with all these negative emotions, I was simply crying to the point where I began to shake. The cold expression wasn't on his face anymore, he just looked at me with those golden eyes that appeared to be watering, I couldn't believe it..
He grabbed me by my face as he stared at me intently, then rested his hands on both my cheeks, he began to say "I love you Yamaguchi, and I know that it might be weird for me to be saying this but-", What on earth!? "G-Gross!" I shouted, pushing my self away from him. Why was he saying such things to me? I am a boy just like him! That's not normal at all. Did he really think that I was pathetic to the point where I can't even claim my own gender!?
At this point I felt dizzy with all these thoughts, what's going on? My so called bestfriend said that he "Loves" me, and there were also about 30 people waiting for Tsukki the guy they clearly favored, to come back to the backyard already. And news flash I need to hurry up escaping... Then yet again here's Tsukki just trying to interfere, I had to get rid of him first.
He looked so heartbroken.. But isn't Tsukki a little too perfect to be attracted to "Boys", after a while of thinking about something mean to say, (Only to get rid of him!) I said "I always thought you were normal, but here you are now claiming you like me even though I'm a boy." I choked back my tears as I said that, he probably knows that I want the amount of attention he gets or something so he just wanted me to feel "Loved" But I can't ever be interested in boys! That would make me like 100x weirder than before. But that's easy for me anyways I don't like boys like that anyway.
He was silent, no matter what I said or did to him, he probably still wouldn't have left that's probably the reason why I kept on crying. I didn't even truly care about the fact he possibly likes boys, I just needed him to hate me in order to make this separation easier for the both of us. And he already knows that I am not usually like this.. Is that why he is trying to confess?
Tsukki slowly started to cry saying things like, "I knew you wouldn't love me back.." and "Please, I don't want you to go.." he was crying to the point where he looked like he was going to throw up.. Did he really have to make me feel so bad..? I just wanted to be leave!!
And that's when I had enough.
I started screaming at him, "Y-YOU ARE JUST A WEIRDO THAT ACTS NORMAL IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE SCHOOL, BUT IN REALITY YOU ARE A JUST A BOY LOVING JERK!" I tried to catch my breath but I wasted all of my energy yelling at him.
Ugh... I felt nauseous and the room started looking so weird.. Like it was moving.. I felt really dizzy.
The room was spinning so much to the point I had to close my eyes to calm myself down, I knew I should've left s-sooner...
Drop.