Chapter Text
Cale remembers the wedding. He remembers all of it down to the little details. He remembers the whispers, the venomous words, and the stuffy atmosphere. He didn't want to but oddly, he remembered everything. He hated every minute of it. He was sat obediently on his chair the entire time with no one except Eric and Amiru who were the only one to talk to him. Those after the Henituse wealth was trying to curry favor to the noticeably pregnant future Countess. They had already tossed Cale aside just because he had lost his mother.
He had heard whispers on how he was the reason the wedding was pushed back until the final month or two of Violan's pregnancy. They were right, of course. After the meeting in the greenhouse, the couple decided to give Cale some more time out of consideration but the snakes around them were harsh and unkind with their words.
The guests also whispered on how the wedding was beautifully decorated but not even news of Cale's birthday reached them. Ron and Agatha, who stood behind Cale's chair, wanted to retaliate but they could not for they were only servants. Thankfully, their savior came in the form of two kids. "Cale!" Eric called out, waving a book. Eric Wheelsman was smart for his age. He knew how vile society could be and he knew how awful some adults were. He couldn't just stand back and watch Cale get targeted by them. "I came to return the book that I borrowed on your party," Eric cheerfully greeted. Amiru sensed what was going on and nodded, "By the way, Cale, dad isn't finish reading the story about the bear who went to the moon for me so the book I borrowed would have to wait!" Cale was startled but he offered them a smile. Amiru and Eric frowned at the lack of response but Ron had talked to them about it already. They could be patient.
The adults murmured amongst themselves. Now they were talking about how cheap Cale's party probably was. Ron took this chance to insert some remarks to shut down the people around them. "Ah, it seems that you both enjoyed the library more than the playroom installed in the greenhouse for young master Cale." Amiru quickly interjected, "Of course not! The playroom and the greenhouse was a much better place because the party was there." Eric nodded along befitting of a kid like him. "Uh huh! Even if we were just few as Cale wanted, I had lotsa lotsa fun!" Cale smiled softly at the two and reached out to Eric and Amiru. He took their hands and brought it up to his cheeks to which he nuzzled into. The two kids brightened and hugged Cale.
A suspicious silence enveloped the church, only interrupted by the orchestra playing a song for the bride.
Cale remembered all of the wedding and he hated every moment of it. He remembered the details in Violan's dress. He remembered the piercing stares of everyone around them as they watched Cale's every movement. He remembered how the flower petals fluttered on Violan's trail. He remembered his father's joyous smile, one he rarely see nowadays.
he remembered how much he wanted to flee
He also remembered how Ron stayed firm behind him. How Eric and Amiru accompanied him.
Then he saw his father smile again. Deruth smiled with his eyes lit up, the corners wrinkled with joy, mouth open with laughter. Cale's heavy heart felt lighter. Maybe it wasn't so bad after all.
papa is happy and that makes everything better
Basen was born on a sunny day. The screams of a woman in labor rang loud as servants flitted around with the Count pacing in front of the room where Violan was. The hours were agonizingly slow. Cale looked wide-eyed and frightened as another scream ripped through the air. His hand tightened around Beacrox's own who decided to stay by Cale. "Is- is Ms. Violan alright?" Cale voiced out. Deruth paused and turned towards Cale. Cale flinched at his father's intense stare. Deruth blinked and he relaxed. His eyes turned soft with a sigh accompanying it. Deruth kneeled in front of Cale and gently tucked in a loose strand of Cale's red hair. "She would be alright, Cale," Deruth assured him. Cale's eyes brightened and he leaned towards his father's hand. He nodded and muttered out a small "okay". He opened his mouth to ask another question when a baby's cry resounded. Cale's attention turned towards the door. When he looked back, his father was gone.
He watched as his father opened the door and entered without looking back at him.
Beacrox urged him forward to follow. Cale took a deep breathe in and entered the blindingly white room. Maids were cleaning up the room as the new family sat on the bed. Violan's hair was a mess, sweat clung to her body while Deruth sat beside her peering at a bundle in her arm. A small garble made Cale let go of Beacrox. He stepped forward to see the baby. Violan smiled tiredly at him but offered to show Basen either way, "Come here, Cale." Cale eagerly went beside her as she turned the baby towards Cale. "Cale meet Basen," she murmured with joy, "Basen meet your older brother." Basen's hand instinctively reached out and wrapped around Cale's finger.
And just like that, Cale's breath hitched. His hands trembled and his brain replayed the word over and over again.
brotherbrotherbrotherbrotherbrotherbrotherbrother
He was not Basen's brother. He could not accept him.
Because to Cale, accepting Basen is accepting Violan as his mother. To him, it was the same as forgetting his mother. Replacing her. And finding a new family without her. He could not do that.
He could accept them as part of the Henituse household but he couldn't accept them as family. Cale stepped back and forced a smile on his face. Violan awaited a response, hoping to hear Cale's voice again. Cale rarely spoke to her and she had heard that the young master only spoke to a few people. Cale nodded instead with a smile.
Violan's smile faltered but she still gave Cale a warm gaze before turning back to Deruth. Cale watched the three from the side. He saw how he did not fit in the image. He alone had the fiery red hair and pale pale skin. He could not find his place with them.
Cale's chest burned. A sensation of something hollow broke his heart and his stomach churned with unease. His eyes stung with tears that threatened to come. Beacrox quickly took note so he bowed to the trio who was trapped in their own world. "Please excuse us, masters. We will leave you to rest." Beacrox informed them politely while he placed a comforting hand behind Cale's back. Cale bowed as well, forced another smile as they were dismissed.
As soon as they had reached Cale's bedroom, Cale's shoulders shook. A choked sob escaped his lips that was caught between his teeth. Beacrox knelt in front of him and opened his arms. Cale instantly wrapped his own tiny arms around Beacrox's neck as he cried openly in the older's arm. No words were exchanged between the two. Beacrox said nothing even as he moved to carry Cale. He sat down on a couch with Cale on his lap, still latched around him as he wept. "Shh, young master, it would be alright," Beacrox murmured lowly while running his hand through Cale's hair. Ron entered after a while and exited as soon as he saw the scene to advise the other servants to not disturb the master as he had fallen asleep. Thus, that afternoon was spent reading fairytales and in the comfort of two Molans.
After the wedding, Cale had dinner alone on most nights. Sometimes, he would join the new countess and his father.
When Basen was born, he rarely showed up for dinner. Instead, he went down to the servant's dining area and ate with Ron and the others. He said nothing but everyone immediately accepted him. He was welcomed there. He was not forgotten nor was he placed aside. When asked, Cale said it was lonely to eat alone but Ron knew better. This young master of his had eaten dinner alone for so many days, why would he claim he was lonely now? Ron knew Cale needed reassurance. After the sudden changes, Cale needed the familiar faces and he needed the familiarity the servants brought. Their young master was just three after all. He was still a kid wary of strangers and clingy to people he knew.
Dinner was always a noisy affair with the servants delighted to dine with Cale. However, the star of the night was mostly silent. Ever since that day the new countess arrived, Cale had curled in on himself again. He became silent once more just like when he was two. Cale did not eat much, no matter how much Ron urged. The butler even decided to spoon feed the young master on most days but he still refused. This made the servants worried but they did not let it show and continued to eat just like normal. They were walking on eggshells once more.
They were cautious, knowing that one day, their young master would break. If that day comes, damned be the etiquette. They will be there for him. They would care for him because they were scared that his own family would not.
It did not take long before Cale's body gave up.
"Young master, it's time to wake up," Ron knocked on the doors just as usual. Then he gently entered before pushing the curtains open for the sunlight to filter through. Ron sighed and smiled at the beautiful garden below.
A whimper caught his attention and he turned to see Cale squirming in discomfort under the covers. "Oh dear," Ron murmured, "it happened." He knew this was bound to happen sooner or later. With all the stress and sudden changes, it was only normal for Cale's frail body to collapse under it all.
"Ron," Cale cried out. He wiggled and reached out his small arms. "Ron," he whimpered pitifully, "I don't feel so good." Ron quickly approached Cale and skillfully checked his condition. "Stay here, young master as this Ron requests a bowl of warm soup and a basin of water for you," he bowed as he stood up. Cale whimpered again and feebly clutched at Ron. Teary reddish brown eyes peered up at the skilled butler in front of him. "Don't leave."
Ron faltered before he sighed. He rang the bell and summoned Agatha to the room instead.
Cale looked up with bleary eyes when the once silent room turned noisy. He watched as Agatha and Ron peered worriedly at him. He opened his mouth to say that he was alright, he just felt a bit hot but he was just fine.
why do you look so worried?
He reached out his hand but soon his vision turned dark.
When Cale awoke again, his father sat by his side and a strange man with salt and pepper hair and brown eyes was standing up and reporting to him. Deruth clutched Cale's hand worriedly as he listened to the healer.
"I'm sorry, my lord. We can't do anything besides to wait for this to pass," Howard the healer informed them regretfully. "But he's burning up. Can't you administer anything to him?" Deruth asked worriedly. "There's nothing wrong with the young master. It's a fever brought on by stress. All we can do for him is give him the rest he needs." The professional continued on before catching sight of Cale blinking owlishly at him. "Hello, young master. Are you feeling better?" Howard offered a smile at Cale. Cale nodded shyly and gripped his father's hand tighter.
"Well, it looks like my job here is done," Howard picked up his briefcase and wore his hat, "Please contact me if the young master doesn't get better in a week." Deruth stood up to see him off but was stopped by Cale's hand. "Ron, if you would please escort the healer," Deruth ordered without looking back at Cale. Ron bowed and swiftly followed the healer.
"Papa," Cale muttered weakly. Deruth turned to Cale and gathered his child in his arms. "Oh, Cale, you scared me." Cale snuggled deeper into Deruth's arms as he looked up just to see his father who did not look at him, "I'm alright now." He wanted this to last. Even if his father wouldn't look at him, he just wants to stay like this forever. Just him and his papa with no one else to think about. Deruth settled in Cale's bed after taking his shoes off. He leaned against the headboard as he let Cale rest against him while he stared straight ahead at the wall. Cale tried his hardest to stay awake. It was rare for his father to do this nowadays, he wanted to cherish every moment. Deruth chuckled as he watched Cale's head sway before he jolted upright. "Shh, you can rest now," Deruth murmured into Cale's hair.
He sung a song that Cale used to hear from his mother.
"When this world is no more
The moon is all we'll see
I'll ask you to fly away with me
Until the stars all fall down
They empty from the sky
But I don't mind
If you're with me, then everything's alright"
It had been so long since Cale heard that song. Somehow, it felt like the world has faded away and it was just him and his father. Cale smiled contentedly and soon his eyes felt heavy. He did not want to sleep in fear that when he wakes up, his father was no longer by his side. But-
But it seems like everything would be just fine.
When Cale came to wake once more, he heard shuffling and it was still warm but not as warm as when his father held him. He sat up slowly just in time to watch his father disappear from his sight.
"Papa," Cale looked longingly at the door that slammed shut. Tears welled up in his eyes as he sniffled. The events came back to him.
"Papa, please look at me. Papa!" He was being left behind again. His papa was leaving. He wouldn't come back. His papa was gone.
hewasallalonealonealone
he was all alone under the rain and it was so so cold
"Papa!" Cale screamed out ripping off the covers and jumping off the bed. He wants his papa. "Young master!" Ron called out in alarm as Cale stumbled to stand up. "No!" Cale cried out as Ron held him back. He trashed in Ron's arms, screaming hysterically. "PAPA, COME BACK PLEASE I'LL BE GOOD! PAPA, PLEASE LOOK AT ME! PAPA, DON'T LEAVE ME! DON'T REPLACE ME! I'LL BE GOOD! I SWEAR!" Cale's gaze was glazed over as tears fell while he screamed until his voice was raw. He was frantic with panic, chasing after his father's back.
But he couldn't be heard through the mansion's thick walls.
"RON, LET ME GO!" Cale continued as Ron tried to calm him down. "Young master, please, you have to rest," Ron scooped Cale in his arms. He placed a warm hand on Cale's back to soothe the child. An ear-piercing wail escaped Cale's lips. "PAPA, PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME LIKE MAMA DID!"
Cale's fever ridden mind didn't allow him to think straight. All his fears bled through his facade. Someone was holding him tightly. It was warm but it wasn't his papa. He just wants his papa.
But it was comforting.
There was a melody being sung and a warm hand stroked his hair. Cale slowly calmed down as he still continued to cry. He babbled incoherent words, fatigue suddenly settling in. Slowly, he finally fell asleep.
Ron sighed tiredly as he tucked Cale in with annoyance bubbling under his skin.
(If the guards noted how Ron looked more relaxed when exiting the Count's office as the Count himself looked pale, no one would know.)
A few weeks after his fever, Cale was back to normal. Well, as normal as he could be. Yet there was something wrong.
Cale furrowed his eyebrows in annoyance. He can't be sick again. He should be fine just as the doctor had said but why did it still hurt.
"Hey, Ron," he murmured one night voice small, "Am I dying?" Alarmed, Ron almost dropped the pillow he was fluffing up on the chaise. "What's wrong, young master?" The butler asked calmly. Cale rarely talked and now that he did, he was talking about death.
Cale scrunched up his nose as a pained expression took over. "It hurts," he simply said. "Where does it hurt?" Ron asked while putting down the pillow and sitting by the side of Cale's bed. "Here," Cale simply said as his small hand reached his heart.
"It's like something's breaking here. And it burns. And sometimes I wanna vomit," Cale admitted, still looking like a confused puppy. He admitted to the pain he felt because it hurts so much and he couldn't take it any longer.
Oh. Ron thought. Of course his young master would hurt. "Does it still hurt?" He asked softly, so unlike him. Cale nodded as tears started gathering in his eyes. "It hurts so much, Ron. Especially when I get near papa and Ms. Violan and Basen. That's why I avoid them because it hurts so much it feels like I'm dying." A tear slips past his right eye which Ron hurriedly and gently wiped away.
A sob broke past his trembling lips while he clutched at the soft white fabric near his heart. "I want it to stop hurting. I don't want it to hurt anymore. It hurts so much and it burns," Cale cried out. His eyes turned puffy as tears and snot fell. Ron took out a white handkerchief and gently wiped away all that he could. "You're not dying, young master and it's okay that it hurts," he whispered as he slowly lifted Cale from the bed to carry. Cale instantly wrapped his small arms around Ron's neck and his little legs around Ron's waist. "But I want it to stop hurting," Cale sobbed on the older man's shoulder. Ron gently stood up and started bouncing Cale while rubbing up and down the child's back. "I know. I know. It will take some time to stop hurting. It's because you're still grieving and what is happening in your life hurts you. And it's alright." Ron whispered lowly. "It's alright. I'm here, Cale. I'm here," he promised. He couldn't leave this child alone. Cale was not his own but he was there when Cale was born. Ron watched through the years as Cale took his first steps, said his first word, and reached out to him with a smile. He couldn't just leave Cale alone. Ron hugs Cale tighter, his throat tightened as an overwhelming emotion overcame him. "I'm here for you, Cale," he murmured reassuringly. Cale sobbed brokenly on his shoulder. "Daddy," he unknowingly called out to Ron while holding on tighter and burrowing his head to Ron's neck. Ron was here. He would stay. "Daddy," Cale called out once more as he continued to cry.
Cale called out and held on to who stayed. He held on to Ron who held him just as tight. Cale was afraid to let go but it was alright now. He had Ron and Beacrox. He was just fine.
i am not alone
i am not alone
Cale's sniffles slowly subsided as Ron walked around the room while reassuring the child with soft words and hummed lullabies.
Once Cale had calmed down, he was gently placed back on his bed by Ron. He sat on the edge as his legs dangled. Ron knelt in front of him, taking out another handkerchief from who knows where to wipe at any remaining tears and mess. "Do you want me to stay here tonight?" He asked gently. Cale nodded hesitantly. Then he played with his hands, mouth opening and closing as if he was scared to say something. "What is it, young master?" Ron coaxed.
"Can Beacrox-hyung sleep here as well?" Cale blurted out. Stunned at the sudden term and question, Ron was silent for a couple of minutes. "But if he can't, it's alright," Cale babbled on as his small right hand clenched over his left. Ron smiled a benign smile. "Of course he can. Let me call for him while you relax for a bit." Cale's face exploded with pure childish joy. Ron couldn't help but mimic the action.
It will be alright now.