Chapter Text
one punch maid
aether: yall ever think about just how much will to live people in horror movies possess
mona: honestly
xiao: to live is to suffer.
venti: angsty
xiao: i am not.
venti: hmm sure
diluc: hm.
kaeya: i think i would be first to die in a horror movie
lumine: couldn’t be me im the main character
aether: how come you’re the main character when i’m already the main character
childe: i would love 2 be in a horror movie
kaeya: just so you can fight?
childe: just so i can fight <33
jean: I think i would live up to mid/halfway and then die in a sacrifice
lisa: and i would live on mourning your death
lisa: as a sexy widow
amber: u can’t b a sexy widow in an apocalypse
lisa: watch me?
mona: i would idk
mona: i wouldnt even try
aether: ouch 💔
aether: but same
lumine: u wouldnt have to try
lumine: i’d slice anyone who comes near you
aether: <33 my sibling is the best
childe: so ur saying if i upset aether
childe: you’ll fight me ?
lumine: i’d do it in a way u wouldn’t like
lumine: u maso
kaeya: LMAO
mona: if he’s laughing 👁
amber: that means it’s true 👁
childe: ITS NOT TRUE
lisa: my my.. it’s not like this is anything new to me
lisa: quite a few drunkards come to me begging to get shocked
jean: Lisa.
lisa: of course i never do it ehe
lisa: only you jean
lisa: 🫀
venti: uhm 😀
jean: Moving on!
xiao: i wouldn’t die
xiao: i wish tho
venti: no ahaha don’t die ur so sexy 🥵
xiao: never dying
kaeya: wow
kaeya: has anyone seen my brother?
lumine: yea he’s been quiet? not here
venti: oh he’s w/ me right now !!
xiao: ew why
xiao: venti run away while you can
diluc: hi
venti: said he doesn’t wanna use his phone in front of me ehe
diluc: @xiao we’re on a date but ok
xiao: ??? 🔪🔪
venti: a consensual one !!
xiao: pain
amber: OwO?
childe: look at this development
venti: @xiao you’ll get one too !!
venti: only if u want ofc
xiao: i would drop everything for you
venti: hmm?? you mean you would date me in your free time and not waste opportunities just because of me
xiao: uuh
xiao: this feels like a trap
diluc: lol
kaeya: wow did he just
lumine: if childe’s a masochist
childe: WHICH IM NOT 😀
lumine: diluc’s def a sadist
diluc: the only person i enjoy seeing in pain is xiao
venti: aww :(
venti: too bad
xiao: i can do it for you
diluc: maybe i am a sadist
mona: i just wanna leave
amber: how did we go from zombies to this
lumine: why were u even talking abt zombies @aether
ather: me and my funeral parlor friend were watching scary movies
lumine: EXCUSE ME
childe: the funeral parlor friend who wanted to bury a child
aether: lol childe child
aether: but yes
aether: i’m not a 5 year old i can watch those yk
lumine: but you get scared :(
kaeya: sickening
kaeya: @diluc why aren’t you like that
diluc: your name is not venti
venti: ;p
amber: i think i would be like a secondary character who’s very good at first but then the movie progresses and i get infected and i die
mona: that’s oddly specific
aether: rip amber 😔
mona: rip amber but i’m built different
mona: i’d be the love interest <3
lumine: true you’re my love interest
amber: no mine
diluc: lol venti is obviously the love interest
xiao: mine he is yea
xiao: yours? in your dreams
diluc: well i intend to make my dreams come true
xiao: yea but i’ll fight you
venti: why can’t you just share 👁
venti: there’s plenty a venti to go around
aether: oh
lumine: worm?
mona: oh to have a harem like venti
diluc: i’ll.. think about it
xiao: me too
venti: now that those two are taken care of ( ≧ ◡≦ )
venti: since i am god
venti: i just wouldn’t allow it 🥵
venti: simply built different
childe: LMAO
lisa: the zombie apocalypse: hi
lisa: venti: no ❤️
venti: LOL
venti: exactly like that