Chapter Text
It was quiet for a Thursday afternoon. Even with the mid-November weather mild and sunny, there weren't many people out on the streets. Truth be told, that was exactly how Peter liked it. He had his hoodie pulled up shielding his face while he watched life go on from the rooftops of Queens.
He had been lying low for more than 3 months now. Sometimes, there were the small things that his senses picked up, helpful stuff he could do for people like a kid that lost his parents. Heavy grocery bags that had to be carried across the street. Anything he wouldn't need his suit for.
That, he wouldn't risk. Too many people knew his face now. Too many people could expose him and put May in danger. Ned and MJ. Maybe even Tony. No, Peter had to lay low. That had been one of the reasons why he had spent so much time upstate at Tony's new house. It removed the temptation. Out there in the woods in Tony's basement, his senses weren't tingling, calling for him to be more useful.
Well, that had worked well until two weeks ago. Until the event at the new Compound Tony had made him go to. He hadn't been able to hold back any longer. The senses he had been suppressing for months had been screaming at him to jump so he had.
If only, he had never gone to the stupid event.
He hadn't seen Tony in almost two weeks. Not since he had bolted. It had been stupid and impulsive but Peter hadn't been able to help it. He couldn't stay there with these people looking at him for another minute.
Goosebumps erupted on his arms. Frowning, he leaned a little forward-looking down into the street. Maybe it was just the memory of that day, of Rogers' hands on Tony that made his senses chime up.
No. When the hair on his neck stood up, there was no doubt. Slowly, he rose to his feet, tugging the sleeves of his hoodie a little further down to make sure that his web-shooters were well hidden.
"Hello, Peter."
He turned fast towards the voice. Rogers stood in the middle of the rooftop, right next to the stairway. Peter's pulse was throbbing in his ears. He was such a fool, should have never gone out without the suit.
Rogers' hands were in the air, his head inclined towards him. "I'm just here to talk..."
"I don't want to talk to you," Peter hissed.
"Yeah," he nodded. "And that's exactly why I think we should."
Peter had his arm still stretched out in Rogers' direction, trying to keep him away. "What's wrong with you?"
Roger's sighed, his shoulders slagging a little. "You don't have to be scared of me, Peter."
"Scared of you." He huffed out a dry laugh. "You think I'm scared of you? The last time we went toe-to-toe I was 14 and I almost beat you even then." He tried to keep his breathing in check, but his heart was racing. "I've only gotten stronger since then."
"I don't want to fight you." Rogers shook his head. "We're on the same team."
"No, we're not," Peter breathed.
His eyes narrowed, before his head moved up and down in a series of tiny nods, inching a little closer to where Peter was standing. "Right, because you're on Tony's team."
He didn't say it in a condescending tone, or any tone at all, really. Just a factual statement. Still, it spurred on Peter's irritation like a hot poker.
"I'll always be on Tony's team," he hissed.
Another step from Rogers had Peter retreat a little further toward the ledge behind him.
"That's my team too, Peter." As another show of surrender, Roger's arms were spread wide, the lines on his face deepening. "I understand how difficult it is to wake up and find things to be different from how they were before. Believe me, I'm the expert when it comes to that. But there's nothing anyone can do about that." Rogers tiled his head to the side, eyebrows knitted together in a display of concern. "Things are different. A lot happened while you were gone and we had to go through some deep shit together. I would never tell you not to look out for Tony. He's very lucky to have you in his corner, but we moved on. You can't be mad at him for that surely?"
"Moved on..." Peter shook his head. "That's really convenient for you, hm?"
Rogers' frown only deepened. "I think it's convenient for all of us, to be honest. We could only bring everyone back together. We could defeat Thanos only together, as a team. Mistakes were made. We know now what it took to win."
"Yeah," Peter huffed out a laugh. "I wonder how many of us didn't already know that before."
His shoulders pulled back, standing a little taller, Rogers studied him. "What do you want me to do, Peter? Do you want to have it out? Punch me in the face to get it out of your system?"
His heart gave a painful squeeze at the notion. At the very idea of his fist connecting with the sharp lines of Rogers' face. "I'm not gonna punch you," Peter growled, his breathing heavy.
"Then what? What can I do that will be enough?"
Peter's breathing hitched. He took another step back, even closer to the edge of the building.
Nothing.
He hadn't realized it until now, but there truly was nothing Rogers could do for Peter to ever trust him. He made his priorities clear, what was important to him. Who he would protect when push came to shove and Mr. Stark hadn't been good enough for him. How would Peter ever be?
"Peter, wait—"
Before Rogers could grab him, Peter had taken the last step, falling - maybe a little further than he should have. Reveling in the rush before he engaged the web-shooters and got the hell out of there.
#
The Compound still gave Tony the creeps. I just looked so similar, basically the same as it had a few months ago. Almost like nothing had happened at all, no battle, no Thanos. Inside, things got even weirder. It was eerie to walk through the hallways and see them bustling with life. Not like it had before the un-Snapping or even the initial Snap. No, there was so much going on, Tony could easily pretend that it was still 2015 as people walked by and greeted him on his way to his lab.
The lab. Not his anymore. Bruce's in fact.
"Ah, there's the doc that I've been looking for," Tony called out as he stepped into the room.
"Tony! Hello, hi! Come on in..." Bruce waved him over, then shook his head. "Not like you need an invitation of course. I mean it's your lab and all, always will be. Thank you again for the opportunity—"
"At ease, buddy." Tony held up his arms to stop him. "I'm just here to help. I have a PO box for fan mail."
Bruce laughed and waved him closer to the workbench. Working with Bruce had always come easy to him. They understood each other on a level that was different from the other Avengers. From anyone really except the kid. Tony pressed his eyes shut for a moment before he blinked, trying to focus on the piece of hardware in his hands again.
Peter had been avoiding him for almost two weeks now. It was the longest Tony had gone without seeing him since they had brought everyone back. It brought up memories that Tony didn't particularly want to remember.
He had screwed up. He should have listened. Peter had been absolutely clear that he hadn't wanted to go.
This could have all been avoided if he would have just paid better attention. Now, the shit had hit the fan and Tony didn't even know where to begin to smooth things over. The panic on Peter's face, that had been too real.
He should have paid more attention.
"Sir, Captain Rogers is here to see you."
Tony hissed a painful curse through his teeth after his hand slipped and he hit his knuckles on the edge of the workbench.
Bruce, who had ignored his mishap, simply blinked up toward the ceiling. "So, FRIDAY's back?"
His knuckles pressed against his lips, Tony cringed. "Just for today's field trip. Let him in, FRI."
Rogers had his eyebrows raised as he walked up to them. "So, FRIDAY's back?"
Refusing the urge to roll his eyes up at her, Tony dropped his hand. "You know how cranky I get without an assistant."
"Yeah, about that. Listen..." Rogers' face was uncharacteristically unreadable. "I went to see Peter yesterday."
"You went—" Tony almost swallowed his tongue. "You did what?"
Rogers tilted his head at him like Tony was the one being unreasonable. "I went to see him because I thought if we just talked—"
"Jeezes, Rogers. Didn't I specifically tell you to stay out of it?"
"And how am I supposed to do that? I'm supposed to be in charge of this team. How can I do that if we can't—"
"I told you!" Tony pointed towards the lawn outside the building. "We stood right out there and I told you that the kid needs space. That he needs time. That I needed you to back off!"
"Yeah, well that's what I gave you once before," Rogers hissed back. "I gave you all the space you wanted. I'm not making that mistake again."
"Oh please, that's hardly the same, Steve. It's been two weeks not--"
"We're vulnerable as a team, Tony." Steve's shoulders sagged with a sigh. "Listen, I understand, okay. Peter's yours, but he's also Spider-Man. He's also going to be an Avenger, but--"
"Excuse me," Tony crossed his arms. "Going to be? Do I have to re-tell the story where the kid fought Thanos on--"
"No." Steve held a hand out to stop him. "I'm not trying to diminish his bravery and his sacrifice. But if he wants to be part of this team, we need to come to an understanding."
Tony gnawed on the inside of his lip. Unfortunately, the Capsicle had a point. Their feud had already cost them enough. It was over with. They had needed to move on to win, to bring everyone back and they couldn't fall back into old patterns now.
"Maybe you were right that he needed some space from me," Rogers admitted begrudgingly. "But then you need to go and talk to him. He trusts you, Tony."
His face scrunched up, Tony's eyes shot over at Bruce.
"It's fine, Tony." Bruce waved him off. "I understand you want to take care of your kid. You do that. I'll just be here, okay? When you got some time?"
He grimaced apologetically. "I'll be back when I can."
With a short nod at Rogers, Tony walked out of the lab. He had a trip to the city to make.
When he showed up in Queens, May let him into the apartment. The kid wasn't home.
"He's been out a lot. I mean, after the... you know." She sighed. "I do think that getting back to his old routine, that's good for him. Getting back out there and feeling useful."
"Right," Tony breathed.
Peter hadn't spent as much as a minute out there in the suit. Not since the last battle. But that wasn't something May needed to worry about, not yet.
"I'm off to work in like 10 minutes, but you're welcome to wait for him," May said while she was collecting things like her phone, keys, and glasses from different places around the apartment.
"I would actually," Tony said. "If you don't mind."
"Not at all," she waved off the idea that it could bother her. "Just help yourself to whatever you find edible in the kitchen."
"I'm good, May. Thanks."
She was cheerful enough when she left and Tony did his best to plaster a smile on his face so she wouldn't get suspicious. If May still thought that Peter went out there in the suit, he hadn't shared whatever was bothering him and Tony wouldn't risk maneuvering himself even further on the kid's bad side by setting May onto his trail.
Instead, he got himself a few cookies from the kitchen, a glass of water and made his way to Peter's room. The great thing about retirement, he had all the time in the world to just sit this one out. Even if the kid somehow sensed that Tony was waiting for him, he wouldn't stay out all night. The nights were getting a little chilly for that and Tony knew for a fact that Peter still wasn't wearing his suit when he went out there.
Turned out, Peter didn't sense him. In fact, he almost doubled over in surprise when Tony spoke up as Peter was sliding the window to his room shut.
"Little late to be out there without your parachute."
"Fuck's sake..." One of his hands was stretched out toward Tony, the web-shooter armed and ready. The other was clutching his heart after he had recognized Tony just before he had fired his first web. "Have you ever heard of knocking?"
"Er, I did knock," Tony pointed out. "In fact, that's the very strategy I used to get in here."
Peter scrunched up his nose before he pulled his hoodie over his head and flung it onto the bed. "May let you in?"
"Yeah, you know if you want to strategically avoid me, you should at least clue her in enough not to let me through the door like that."
"I'm not strategically avoiding you." The top of Peter's ears were pink, so were his cheeks, either from the cold or from the bold-faced lie he just told. Maybe a little bit of both.
"I heard you had another visitor."
The kid's arms were crossed tightly across his chest where he stood across the room as far away from Tony as possible. "What's it to you?"
"What's it to me?" Tony's eyebrows shot up. "Okay, time out. Could you at least fill me in at what point of all of this I became the bad guy?"
Peter blew out a long breath, eyes on the floor. "You're not the bad guy."
"Really? Cause I could have sworn that you didn't just avoid seeing my face you also dodged my calls and didn't respond to my txts for the past two weeks."
Peter groaned."It's not about you, okay?"
"No." Tony blew out a sigh. "It's about Rogers."
Arms still tightly held in front of his body, Peter leaned against the wall. He was doing what he could to avoid Tony's eyes but there was nothing he could do to hide the truth written so clearly on his face.
"Pete, you know I love you for your spirit, but..." Tony pursed his lips, watching as the kid hid away from him with every passing word. "It's time to just let this go."
The words shot out of him like he had been waiting to say it for two weeks straight. "Well, I don't want to let this go."
"Pete...."
"No. No, I'm not okay with this." He pointed towards the window like he was pointing to the bunker in Siberia. "He left you to die!"
"Buddy, that was 7 years ago... I moved on. I had to."
"I don't care if it was 70 years ago!" His voice was shaking with emotion. "He was okay with you dying out there."
Tony blew out a breath, trying to reign in his own emotions. "Pete, I think you're being a little dramatic."
"Yeah? Dramatic?" Peter huffed out a humorless laugh. "Well, why don't you take off your shirt and say that again?"
Tony's mouth popped open in shock. "Wh-what?"
He pointed at him, his eyes glassy. "I've seen the scars, Tony."
Slowly, Tony's hand rose to his chest, clasping onto the fabric of his shirt. He had been so careful. He had always been careful to keep those hidden for almost a decade now.
Peter's face was red with fury. "You think I could ever trust anyone who did that to you?"
"But..." Tony shook his head, letting go of his shirt like it was burning metal. "Steve didn't do that."
Like someone had turned up the thermostat, the color on Peter's face deepened. "Why are you lying for him?"
"I'm not, I..." Going for the worst course of action, Tony pulled up his shirt. "You mean these?"
Peter backed up a few steps, eyes wide, a couple of tears falling from his lashes onto his own shirt while he refused to blink.
"Jeezes, kid..." Tony dropped the hem of the shirt and ran the hand that had been holding it up over his face instead. "Rogers didn't do that. It's from the arc. When... when I had them take it out."
"But, no..." Peter's eyes were still fixed on the spot of his chest, now covered by his shirt again. "No, I saw the suit," he mumbled. "I saw it. He... he struck you right there. Right on your chest where..." Peter's hand shot up, covering his mouth, as he spun away.
With a few hurried steps, Tony was across the room. Clasping Peter by the shoulders, he turned him back around, back towards him. It was all the kid needed to latch onto him, his arms tightly wrapped around him, like he had to make sure that Tony was still there.
"I'm fine now, buddy. It..." Tony pressed his eyes shut. Rogers sure had left a few scars on him but Tomy had been through worse than that. "It was a shit time and... and I should have never gotten you involved in that mess. It wasn't fair to you."
Peter shook his head. "Stop saying that it's your fault. It's not your fault."
"Shh, it's okay." He held him closely pressed against his chest like that would wipe away the memories, all of this was bringing up.
It had been a shit time after Siberia. He had been hurt, his body bruised but not as badly as his soul. Still, it was nothing compared to the pain that the friction in the team had cost him.
"I get that this is hard for you, buddy. Believe me, I get that. That pain you're holding onto." Tony swallowed hard, holding onto the kid a little tighter. "The thing is, I had to let it go because if I hadn't, you wouldn't be here. I had to trust him to help me bring you back and without him, you wouldn't be here right now."
Peter shook his head against Tony's chest, but only a stifled sob bubbled out of him.
"Maybe, if I hadn't held onto all that bullshit for so long, I would have never lost you in the first place." Tony blew out a breath and let go of Peter just enough to look into his red-rimmed eyes. "If you want to be an Avenger, then you need to move past this. You don't have to like it, but you'll have to work with them."
"How? What if... they all know who I am. They all know May, where I live. What if they tell people? What if--"
"Then we'll deal with it when the time comes."
Peter shook his head, eyes still swimming with tears. "I can't... I can't do it. I'll never trust him."
"Okay..." Tony swallowed hard. "Okay, then... well, you trust me though, right?"
Peter gave him a look like he was being insulting.
"So, if I came back to the team—"
"What? No..."
Tony shook his head. "If I came out of retirement, then you could trust me. Trust that I'll keep you safe. That someone on the team has you back."
Peter's hands had been clinging to his shirt, but he let go now. "No, Tony, I don't want that."
"Well, I don't really see any other option. You're unhappy with the situation. So I'm rectifying the situation."
Peter pushed himself away from him. "Fine," he snapped. "I got it, okay? I'll make it work."
"Buddy..."
"No, you don't have to blackmail me." He stalked away, out of the room towards the kitchen. "I get it. I'll... I'll move on. Work... work past this."
Tony was right on his heels. "Okay, stop. Come back here."
His back turned to Tony, Peter pulled open the fridge, staring into it like the solution to all his problems might be hidden between the butter and the cheese slices.
"Pete, I need you to be safe on the team, but I also need the team to be strong so all of us will stay safe."
"I get it, okay?" He slammed the fridge shut but didn't turn around, now staring at the pictures pinned on the outside of it. "I'll make it work."
"Can you maybe look at me?"
With a huff, Peter turned to face him, his eyes still red. "You're not coming out of retirement."
"Okay then." Tony frowned at him. He wouldn't deny that it had been a threat, but it hadn't been an empty one. He'd do what would be necessary to keep his family safe. Peter included. "I'll reserve the option to change my mind if you're struggling."
"I won't be."
Tony pointed a finger at him. "Not telling me about how much of a struggle it is for you is not an option."
Peter snorted. He turned his head away, the corners of his mouth twitching with some resemblance of humor.
"Sometimes I hate you, you know that?"
Eyes still on his kid, Tony studied him. "I wouldn't be doing a great job with all the mentoring if that wasn't true."
Peter shook his head, his smile growing a little wider until he swallowed hard. The smile disappeared and he was looking directly at Tony. "I hate this. I hate what they did. Rogers. All of them. I'll never forgive them."
In acknowledgment, Tony inclined his head in a soft nod. "That's not what I'm asking, bud. This isn't about forgiveness."
"Right. We're just..." He blinked a few times, eyes squinting to the side. "We're just moving on."
"Not 'just'..." Tony shook his head. "I'm not asking you to just flip a switch, Pete."
"Right," he breathed, looking back and forth between Tony and the wall, teeth gnawing on his lower lip like he was actually considering this at last.
"We'll just take it one day at a time," Tony offered. "I'll still be here for you."
"Here but just..." Peter hesitated, eying him suspiciously. "...just not too close to the action."
"As close to the action as you need me to be."
Peter dropped his arms to his side, no humor in his expression whatsoever. "Where I need you is back in the woods."
"Alright." Tony held up his hands in defeat. "As long as you know that I'm still here for you."
"I do. I know." He shuffled back and for on his feet. "It's okay. I can do it. I think. Move on."
His eyes were still red, the tears not quite dried on his cheeks. But as Tony studied him, there was honesty on his face, a true intention to try.
He narrowed his eyes on him, ready to test that newfound commitment. "We could start by moving on to the Compound right now? Where Bruce is waiting for some help with his nanotech project?"
"Nanotech at the Compound?" Peter scrunched up his nose. "Only if there's dinner."
Tony clutched his heart in affronted shock. "When did I ever not feed you?" He dropped his arms and waved Peter a little closer. "Come here, buddy."
Peter didn't hesitate. He stepped into Tony's arms, clinging to him tightly.
No... Tony pressed his eyes shut. Maybe the scars ran too deep for there to ever be true forgiveness. But that didn't mean they couldn't move on.