Chapter Text
Farewell! But if you only knew, down deep, what pains are fated to fill your cup before you reach that shore.”
Homer, The Odyssey
Barbara watched her husband move around swiftly, his excitement very evident in his movement even if he thought he was keeping his face under control. He was doing a very credible job with that, to be fair, and she knew that was partly for her sake.
She herself was wearing her own mask of happiness for him and seeing to further details of loading his luggage and food supplies. She had slipped in some little surprises for them all. Archie would deeply appreciate his favorite sherry while her husband would find the very latest volume of mathematics published from Cambridge.
Horatio had mentioned the conversation he and his officers had had that first night of Kennedy’s arrival and thus she had managed to slip in a beautifully bound volume of the Odyssey for William. It had been hers through her girlhood, but she was more than pleased to give it to Horatio’s reserved friend. It had delighted her to discover Bush’s love for the epic, and unfolded a little more of his character to her.
There were a few more gifts she had purchased as well and it warmed her heart to see them put to good use. Mr. Styles was catching her eye frequently to give her little nods of thanks for the warm brown gloves he was now wearing while he helped unload the officers’ supplies into the boat with Matthews and several other of the hands.
She had smiled discreetly when they arrived and she had watched the big man respectfully salute all of his officers, but he had clearly been studying William and frowned slightly at the bandaged hand.
“Respectfully sir, are you going to be all right with that, sir?” he’d asked, and Bush had turned a very lofty eyebrow on him indeed.
“Will I need to be using this hand right away, Styles? Please tell me that I won’t already have to strike the back of that thick head when we haven’t even begun the voyage yet!”
And the man had favored Bush with a hurt look, but William had surprised her by giving him a swift smile, before smoothing his features back to the stern first officer.
And somewhat inexplicably this made Styles abundantly cheerful through the rest of the loading.
Matthews was also sporting new gloves and his weathered face had split into a grin as he ducked his head at her.
“Oh thank your Ladyship. Most kind.”
“Thank you ,” she had told him. Horatio spoke often of the Bosun and they had served many years together. She had a soft spot in her heart for the man. “I appreciate all that you do for Captain Hornblower.”
“My pleasure, ma’am.”
And then it was time for them to embark. Archie just managed not to embrace her in one of his bear hugs, recalling their public situation, and grasped both her hands fervently instead as she kissed both his cheeks.
“Best of luck, Mr. Kennedy,” she told him with a smile. “Do keep them from too much introspection won’t you? And stay away from spars if you can manage that.”
He smiled broadly at her. “I’ll do my very utmost, Lady Barbara.”
Bush was next and she took his good hand in both of hers and looked into his now healed face. “You’re not the only one there who can keep them steady,” she said seriously. “I hope you know that, William.”
He gave her a small smile which became broader when she reached up to tuck the fly away ends of the blue scarf back into his greatcoat for him. She patted his chest when she finished.
“I’m so glad you three are together,” she said. “Please come back together.”
He touched his hat to her. “I’ll endeavor, Lady Barbara.”
And then Horatio was before her, brown eyes alight with the sea, and his ship, and his crew. She might wish he looked a little more remorseful at leaving her, but understood this husband of hers well.
“Please write as often as you can,” she told him. “I love to hear of your exploits.”
He quirked an eyebrow humorously at her and she loved it. He never would have done even that small gesture a mere year ago. “Archie will write you as well. And I know you write to William too and both of them are better with descriptives than I am.”
She laughed. “I know, but it wouldn’t be complete without your thoughts, my dear.”
“I shall, wife of mine. And you will be in my thoughts as well.” He kissed her cheek and she desperately wanted to hold him close. But she had done that already back at their residence and would not embarrass either of them with such a display in public.
And she knew that she would be in his thoughts, but his ship would come first. Such was the lot of a naval wife and she knew it well.
“I love you,” she said quietly and was rewarded with a swift moment of utterly open happiness on the face of her husband.
“And I you,” he replied seriously.
She watched from the dock as long as she could. The Sutherland was a big 74 and while Horatio had complained about her somewhat unwieldy build, she was still a ship of the line and she looked proud and graceful as she made her way out of harbor.
Barbara would not weep, at least not here, because she was made of finer stuff and rare were the times for tears. She was glad in her soul that the three of them were together on this voyage. It was right and good that they were. It helped her to know that her husband was so well supported in his endeavors. And yet…..
And yet, all three could also in a single blow be taken from her. Barbara did not quite know when she had decided all of them were hers in her mind, but if her husband saw the other two as brothers, she felt it was only right she lay that claim.
Her coachman did not question her as she stood there and she was grateful to the man. Her face was quite numb with cold but she ignored this, watching until the last tall mast disappeared over the horizon.
“Take courage my heart,” she whispered, “you have been through worse than this.” She would be Penelope to her husband’s Odysseus and she would wait.
