Chapter Text
August 6, 2017
Dear Goro,
There is glitter everywhere. Like. Actually everywhere. It’s in my bag and in my pockets and I even found a piece in my mouth last night. It was my idea to do crafts yesterday as something to fill the afternoon and keep both kids busy while Yumiko spent some time in her art room doing…. Uh. whatever artists do? Paint? Find their artistic inspiration? Envision... things? I might have to ask Yusuke more about that one.
Anyway - I thought “Alright Akira, kids like to imitate their parents, and crafts are fun for older kids too. Why not do some crafts?” Yeah, no. Nope. Never again. I’m going to be sweating sparkles out all my pores for the next week.
It was fun for the first hour! Then I made the mistake of getting out the glitter. I turned my back for less than a minute - not even! Maybe ten seconds max, but no more than that. And then poof. Glitter everywhere.
I don’t know. Sousuke said Chiharu dropped the canister or something? Chiharu just pointed back at him and said it was his fault for throwing it at her. They were both adamant that it was the other’s fault, and I didn’t see, so I don’t know what actually happened so I don’t know. But I suspect it was neither. Or both. I have no idea. I just cleaned up the glitter as best as I could and tried to get it back in the can. I think there might still be some speckles stuck in the carpet though.
I found a clump of it, mixed in with some hardened glue. In. My. Jeans. Pocket.
No more glitter for me. Sorry, Ann. Once was enough.
Now that it’s been a few days, things have started to calm down here. The kids are getting used to me, so they aren’t vying for my attention in the role of “cool, older cousin” as much. I’m not cool anyway. Far from it, actually, as I’m sure you’d be quick to point out if you were here . Too nerdy and meek and willing to let others walk on me - your hypothetical words, not mine.
It’s been fun, though. I like spending time with them.
It’s weird, you know, to have this sort of interaction with family. Not that it’s weird weird, as in bad weird. There’s nothing wrong with it, I guess. I’m just not used to it. I don’t know how to feel.
I want to be here. I know, objectively, that I do want this. I want to have a family that cares about me. My parents don’t care. Okay, that’s not really fair: dad doesn’t care. I think mom might, but it’s hard to tell. And more than that… I don’t know if I want them to care about me. I want them to care. I want them to leave me alone.
Last year when they sent me to Tokyo, it broke something.
I don’t know if I care about them, either, and the part of me that does care wishes that it didn’t.
I don’t want to go back to Inaba. I want this year to end, then I want to pack my things and leave and never go back.
I don’t want to think about this anymore. Sorry. I shouldn’t have written it down. I keep telling myself not to dwell on it, but writing to you is just too easy. It’s like last year when Sojiro made us go to the bathhouse together. Sometimes these things just slip out despite our best intentions.
Aside from over-glorified babysitting, I haven’t done too much. It’s been years since I was last in Nagoya, but even so, it wasn’t so long ago that I’ve forgotten the city. I’ve already been to most of the tourist traps, and I can’t really see myself dragging the kids out there to see them (besides maybe LegoLand), and (while I feel it goes without saying; I’m talking to you, so I’ll say it anyway) it’s no fun to go alone.
I might go next week, though. I’ve still been texting with the friends I made at school (along with, but separately from, the former phantom thieves). Iiki actually suggested coming to visit next week for a day trip - her parents are going camping for the weekend and left her a car, and she has her license so she could drive up for the day. It's not that far, maybe an hour each way? A few months ago I wouldn’t have even entertained the idea, but I think I might actually make plans with her.
She’s never been to Nagoya, so I could show her around. I was thinking I could take her to see the Nagoya Castle, or maybe Korankei, even though it’s not the right season yet. The Nagashima Resort is also pretty cool, and it would be easier to get there using “her” car than it would be on public transport.
There’s a few museums here too, but I have a feeling that those might be more up your alley than hers. Call it a hunch.
Have you ever been to Nagoya? Have you even left Tokyo before? It bothers me that I never asked you.
Fuck. I need to stop writing things like that.
Maybe if I had asked, maybe if I had tried harder to get to know you, I would have seen the way you were hurting.
Stop it, Akira. You aren’t helping anyone with stupid shit like this. He isn’t coming back, and it’s your fault.
It’s not your fault. Stop saying that.
It’s definitely your fault.
Bye for now,
Akira