Chapter Text
“Cass, sweetie? Can I talk to you?” It was getting close to nine, and the sky was just getting dark as Sarah approached her son, sitting at the edge of the family dock. He had perked up and gone back to his normal self once they got back to Paul & Darlene, grinning at Tommy and Carlos as AJ excitedly told the men about the matching shoes they had just bought. Still, Sarah couldn’t forget the odd behavior in her eldest son; he was normally incredibly polite and did well with strangers. David had actually called him little butterfly before he died, only stopping when Cass vehemently stressed that moths were cooler than butterflies. His reaction to James was out of character, and she couldn’t help but be worried.
“Sure, mom,” Cass replied easily, putting down the video game he was playing after a few seconds.
“Did you want to finish that? AJ always complains that he has to finish a level,” Sarah said fondly, sitting down next to her son and watching the brightly colored graphics move on the screen. She could see Cass roll his eyes from the corner of his vision.
“That’s because AJ isn’t as nearly as good as I am,” he said, grinning when Sarah gave him a look. “You asked!”
“I asked to talk, not tease your brother,” Sarah sighed, thinking of Superintendent Thibeault’s conversation. Cass and AJ had a good relationship despite the frequent bickering, but they could definitely be a little snarky with each other, especially when it came to their competitiveness. It was mostly gentle teasing, nothing too bad to handle, but she could only imagine what would happen if AJ was going to be moved up a grade or two. If he skipped two grades, he’d literally be in the same year as Cass.
It made her head hurt to think about.
“So what did you want to talk about, mom?” Cass asked, turning towards her and looking at her curiously. Sarah pulled her braids up into a ponytail, trying to fight the heat pressing against her body as she contemplated how exactly to bring this up to him.
“It’s about this afternoon,” she started, turning towards him with what she hoped was both a serious and open expression on her face. “With Mr. Barnes. Do you know what I’m talking about?” Cass clearly did, though all he did was shrug and look out at the water as a sullen look appeared on his face. “Cass, yes or no, please.”
“Yeah, I remember,” he muttered, fiddling with the laces on his purple shoes. Normally, Sarah was a firm believer in saving back-to-school clothes for the first day of school, but it was a little harder when the boys literally couldn’t fit their feet in their old shoes.
“I wanted to know what was going on about that,” Sarah mentioned, hoping that Cass would take that as the hint to open up.
“Nothing,” Cass said, his voice short in a way that made Sarah’s eyebrows raise up. Cass clearly noticed it too, slumping forward and putting his head in his hands. “Sorry, mom.”
“Thank you, Cass. C’mon, honey, what’s going on?” Cass just shrugged his shoulders, looking stonily down into the water.
“Do I have to talk about it?” Now that Sarah was surprised about. She had tried hard to raise her sons with the knowledge that she wouldn’t force them to talk about something if they really didn’t want to, but Cass had always been very open with Sarah. In her opinion, the only person he’d been somewhat more open with had been David.
“Does not talking about it risk your safety in any way?” That was the one caveat Sarah had; if keeping a secret risked their safety, then Sarah would insist her sons tell her what was going on.
“No, not at all,” he said, looking at her. “It’s just–I don’t know, I just really don’t like his vibes, I guess. He was too friendly, y’know?” Sarah had to fight back a snort of disbelief at her son’s words, only halted by the serious look on his face. It was just––too friendly ? Cass was so off-put by James just because he’d been chatty with them?
“I mean, he was just being polite, Cass. He’s a newcomer in town, he’s probably just looking to get to know us all and feel some sense of belonging. Just like AJ was looking for some when he wanted those black shoes,” Sarah pointed out, nudging Cass’s shoulder with her own. Cass groaned, tipping his head back to look at her with thankfully some amusement in his eyes.
“Mom, AJ isn’t even eleven, and Mr. Barnes is old. He’s like, what, almost thirty-five or something?”
“Uh-uh, watch it,” she said, one eyebrow raised. “Both you and Mr. Hart are testing me today, trying to remind me that I’m not twenty-something anymore.” At that, Cass genuinely laughed, his mood clearly switched back to its earlier, happier state. “Point is, Cass, I do think Mr. Barnes was probably just trying to meet new people, and so even if you don't like his vibes, I still want you to try your best to be polite, alright?"
"Okay mom," Cass sighed, looking back at the water. No no, she didn't bring this up to get a repeat of what happened in the store.
"Look, at the end of the day, it’s not like we’re going to be seeing him all too often,” she said, hoping it would improve his mood. It did the trick; Cass definitely seemed to perk up at that.
“Oh? So you’re not going to the opening of his flower shop?” The question wasn’t accusatory, and Cass seemed perfectly innocent, but there was something almost too knowing in Cass’s eyes. Sarah had learned to trust her instincts when it came to the boys acting suspiciously well-behaved. (The last time had ended in finding out the boys had let a live lobster loose in the house. She had not been pleased to find it in her bed.)
Thankfully, he wasn’t the only one who knew how to play that game.
“No, we probably wouldn’t have the time to stop by,” Sarah said nonchalantly. “You know how it is this time of year, everybody wants to hold a party to celebrate the end of summer. We’ll have our work cut out for this. Why, did you want to go?” Cass quickly shook his head, and Sarah laughed, wrapping an arm around his shoulder and looking up at the stars.
She wasn’t sure if she was imagining it, but by the night’s light, Cass looked almost relieved.
Sarah stuck to her word, ignoring the grand opening of Winifred’s Flowers the next week, even though most of her friends decided to go and check it out. The end of summer parties she had talked about were no exaggeration, and she and the boys, along with Tommy and Carlos, found themselves incredibly busy. Fishing was more than just catching the fish; they obviously had to clean them, check for illness or disease, log where they had fished, observe any irregularities in the water, and weigh their catch. Then they had to separate the fish into three different categories: what would be sold to the local market, what they would use for the meals they sold, and finally a few pieces for their own personal households. And of course, there was all the upkeep of Paul & Darlene––Sam had managed to fix her up, but that didn’t mean there weren’t the occasional issues or maintenance Sarah needed to take care of. Plus, they had to keep the boat clean, clean their gear and tools, make sure the nets weren’t ripped; the list went on and on.
Sarah threw herself into the work more than usual, using the movement of the waves under her feet and the almost methodical nature of throwing and pulling in the nets to forget the blue eyes that kept trying to push into the forefront of her mind. There was no need to feel guilty over not going to the grand opening. She didn't know James, and after all, Cass didn't want to go. Still, that didn't stop those eyes from popping into her head.
After a few days though, it wasn’t that hard to ignore it, because her focus had turned solely on AJ.
She knew it wasn’t a great move on her part, but she hadn’t talked to him yet about the possibility of moving up a grade. It wasn’t that she hadn’t wanted to talk to him! After all, it wasn’t as if this was something that she and AJ could take all the time in the world deciding. The beginning of the school year was close, and after the call with Superintendent Thibeault, it seemed to be moving even faster towards the Wilson family.
She had tried! She had tried probably a dozen times since she had been called, but it was a lot easier to think of what she was going to say in her mind, and much harder to sit down with AJ and talk about it. She knew it was stupid, but, well, it was like there was this emptiness , something stopping her and keeping her mouth shut.
It was a David-shaped emptiness.
It was just that David had always loved the first day of school. He had been the librarian for the high school, and it always excited him to start the year and see old and new students alike. He always made the boys take dozens of photos before they inevitably had to rush in and avoid being late, and he always thanked Sarah for the notes that she put in all of their lunches. David had been apprehensive about AJ skipping grades, but he’d been beyond proud to see that both of his sons were so smart. So making this decision without him? AJ making this big step without his father there to see it?
It hurt, plain and simple.
Sometimes, she thought she was done grieving. After all, she had managed after the first anniversary of David’s death to start taking the first day of school photos again, and she always put notes in the boys’ lunches. But then the moments when she tried to talk to AJ about school, or when she wrote David a note for his lunch out of habit, or when she unthinkingly grabbed four plates for the table instead of three, that just made her freeze.
So no, she wasn’t done grieving. But god, she wished she was. She loved AJ and Cass so much it hurt, and she just wanted to be a good mom. It felt like she was failing when she was frozen in one of those moments, stuck in the past and unable to reach her children in the present.
Before she knew it, it was the week before classes would start, and she still hadn’t talked to AJ about Superintendent Thibeault’s offer. She didn’t have the time to wait anymore, to get stopped by David’s absence. Making up her mind, she decided to bring it up to him after dinner that day.
Of course, nothing was ever that easy. She was finishing up dinner while the boys set the table, and naturally as she was making all of their plates AJ decided to speak up.
“What’s wrong, mom?” AJ asked, looking at her with that inquisitive look in his eyes that was so much like David that it made her chest hurt.
“I’m fine, honey, I was just thinking about the school year,” she replied, wiping her hands on a dishtowel and hoping that he wouldn’t notice the guilty look on her face. It wasn’t a complete lie, she was thinking about the school year, but that didn’t make her feel any better. Looking back at AJ, who was wrinkling his eyebrows just the slightest bit, she decided to stop this whole reluctance of hers any further. This could be good for AJ. “Actually, I needed to talk to you about something school-related. Can I talk to you alone after we’re done eating?” Her voice was lowered, and AJ leaned in, curious. It wasn’t that she didn’t want Cass to know, because he certainly would find out if he walked into homeroom and saw AJ sitting there waiting, but this conversation was for her and AJ to have. She didn’t think Cass would dissuade him from moving up or staying in the sixth grade, but it needed to be AJ’s choice to make.
“Why do we need to be alone?” Thankfully, AJ seemed to realize the conversation was meant to stay between the two of them, and lowered his own voice into a whisper. Sarah wasn’t really sure how to answer that. Because Cass might be upset about his younger brother possibly being in the same grade as him? Because Cass might feel jealous or feel that his space was being invaded? Because Cass might doubt his own intelligence, considering he'd never been offered the chance to skip a grade or two?
“It just is,” Sarah whispered back, internally cringing at her words. She hated that excuse, and she hated using it on the boys. In her experience, it just made them annoyed that they didn’t know what was going on. But it was a lot harder to explain the difficulty in having this conversation in front of Cass when he was literally only a few feet away putting their forks down. “Here are both of your plates, do you have a drink already?” AJ frowned, but nodded as he took his and Cass’s plates to the table.
Thankfully, Cass didn’t seem to notice that anything was off, making small talk as they all started eating, but naturally, that didn’t last.
“So why can’t Cass be part of this conversation?” AJ asked, interrupting Cass as he was talking about Science Club. Goddamnit. Cass immediately stopped, looking at Sarah with confusion.
“What conversation?” Was it possible to freeze reality, take a nap and maybe have a glass of wine, and then unpause it?
“Mom said she wanted to talk to me about something school-related,” AJ said nonchalantly, taking a bite of his dinner without a care in the world. Sarah had the feeling that the universe was somehow laughing at her right now.
“Something that I also wanted us to talk about alone, AJ,” Sarah said pointedly, fixing a look on her youngest son that made him sit up straighter. Cass stared between the two of them, trying to act unbothered, but Sarah could read her children. He was hurt.
“If you can say it in front of AJ, why can’t you say it in front of me, mom?” He asked, putting his fork down. Sarah wasn’t sure what to say, speechless. She had planned this so much better––she and AJ would be doing the dishes, her washing, him drying, and she would bring it up casually to him. She’d have started off by asking him if he was excited to start middle school, and then go from there. She hadn’t meant for this.
God, David would have handled this so much better.
“Mom?” AJ asked, staring at her in concern. Sarah startled, looking at the kitchen clock and realizing she had been quiet for over a minute. Damn. She needed to rip off the bandaid.
“You remember how Principal Elyas was having a baby? Well, she had the baby so now she’s on maternity leave, so Superintendent Thibeault is covering for her. And he called to tell me that he thinks you should skip a grade,” Sarah said, “Or two.”
“What?!” Cass exclaimed, eyes wide. “Are you telling me that he’s going to be in my grade?”
“It’s a possibility–”
“No way! You can’t let him do that, mom!” Normally, Sarah would say something about interruptions, but the situation was already getting wildly out of hand.
“Cass, I’ll let AJ do what he thinks is right. This is AJ’s decision to make, and I think he would appreciate your support no matter what he decides,” Sarah said, looking at her younger son.
“If they move me up, would we be in the same classes?” AJ asked after a second, looking at his brother out of the corner of his eyes. Cass groaned, muttering under his breath angrily as Sarah answered.
“They might put you in the same homeroom, but they might not. They might want to keep you boys separate so you have some space to yourselves, after all. But there might be some overlap with classes.”
“Mom, if you let him do this I’m not going back to school,” Cass warned, glaring at his brother.
“That’s funny, because last time I checked you going to school was going to happen regardless,” Sarah said, her voice tightening. She didn’t want to get upset with Cass, she really didn’t, because she could understand why he didn’t want this. If it was her, she probably would have been acting the same way. But that didn’t make it any easier to handle, especially when this conversation had been so difficult for her to have in the first place.
“Not if he’s there,” Cass shot back, crossing his arms and turning the glare on Sarah this time.
“Cass Samuel Wilson, either stop it with the attitude or go to your room,” Sarah warned, thinking that at the very least, it would cause Cass to stop and breathe. To her surprise, Cass pushed his chair back from the table, stalking out of the room angrily without even pushing his chair back in. AJ looked from the abandoned plate of food to Sarah.
“If he’s going to be mad at me for moving up, I’m not sure I want to do that,” he said solemnly, pushing his glasses up his nose. Sarah sighed, putting her head in her hands and counting to ten. After she reached ten, she looked back up at AJ, hoping she appeared calm.
“AJ, honey, this decision, it’s up to you. Superintendent Thibeault said he won’t be upset if you stay in the sixth grade.”
“Why do they even want me to skip in the first place? No one’s ever offered that before,” AJ asked, wondering aloud.
“Actually, honey,” Sarah started, taking off her own glasses and setting them down, “your first-grade teacher, Ms. Honey? She brought it up to dad and me.”
“Really?” Sarah nodded, David’s absence feeling stronger than ever. “Then why didn’t I get moved up?”
“I didn’t think it was the right time after Dad passed away,” Sarah answered honestly, focusing on AJ to avoid the memories of David’s passing. Talking about him always brought them closer to the surface.
“Do you think it's the right time now?” AJ asked, looking so serious that Sarah leaned over and put her hand over his.
“I think it could be, honey. But it’s up to you. Superintendent Thibeault and your old teachers said they noticed that you seemed bored. This might help with that,” Sarah said, squeezing his hand lightly.
“Yeah, but then Cass is going to hate me.” The very reason she wanted to have this conversation between just the two of them.
“He won’t hate you. You’re his brother; he might be mad that you’re suddenly in the same grade as him, but he loves you. I know deep down he wants what’s best for you, even if right now he’s upset.” And that certainly wasn’t a lie. Cass had been upset, more upset than she’d seen him in quite a long time, but he adored AJ. Even with the bickering they did, he had always loved having a younger brother. He would just need to deal with any jealousy or affronts to his self-esteem over this situation before AJ could realize that.
“Well, what if the other kids don’t like me?” AJ was picking at his cuticles, a bad habit he had picked up from Cass.
“There’s no reason not to like you, honey. I can’t promise I know what’s going to happen, it might be a little weird for them to be around someone who’s younger and just as smart, if not smarter,” at that AJ grinned, “than them. But you’re a great kid, and you’ve always had lots of friends.”
“They’re my age, though,” AJ pointed out, and Sarah shrugged.
“I know, and that’s why I can’t promise you it’s going to be as easy to make friends as it has been in the past. But I know you will, AJ.” Still, AJ looked apprehensive; Sarah couldn’t blame him. It was a lot for a kid who wasn’t even eleven to consider being in a new environment with different kids and harder material, a week before school no less. A pang of guilt went through her at that. “AJ, honey, if you don’t want to do this, it’s okay, I promise. Everyone will understand.”
“No, I want to,” AJ said quickly, surprising Sarah. He sounded so sure of himself, despite the doubts he clearly had. “I don’t want to be bored anymore. I’m just kinda nervous. And I don’t want Cass to hate me. If everyone else did it would be fine, as long as he didn’t.” AJ was so earnest that it almost hurt.
“I can promise that he won’t, AJ,” she said quietly, giving him a small smile. “I’ll talk to him, alright?” AJ looked unsure but nodded, going back to his dinner before starting to talk about one of the books he had borrowed from his friend Jamie. Sarah sat back and listened, trying to look focused and engaged, but her mind couldn’t help but go back to Cass.
She would try her best to talk to Cass about this, but there was no guarantee that he would do the same. She didn’t think he would outright ignore her, but as their previous conversation about James showed, Cass wasn’t the same little boy anymore. If he didn’t want to talk, he wasn’t going to talk.
That fact was only later stressed when she stopped outside the boys’ doors a few hours later, wishing them goodnight before going to bed herself.
Cass stayed completely silent.