Chapter Text
Hyunjin pulled his phone out with shaking hands. “How do I even tell them?” He sniffed, before he remembered again just what had happened.
Jeongin was safe. He was sitting in the couch, wrapped up in a blanket as Hyunjin sat beside him, right arm around and phone in the opposite hand. He sniffed and carefully removed and arm from Jeongin’s shoulders, using it to hold against his face.
”What the fuck do I do now?” He muttered to himself, tears falling silently. He didn’t wanna wake the boy up, so he bit his lip until it broke and wiped his tears, calling the most recent number on his history.
-
Changbin sighed, looking around the restaurant one more time, before his phone rang.
Hyunjin ❤️ is calling..
He scrambled, quickly pressing the answer button. “Hyunjin? Where are you-“ His confused tone turned to concern when he heard the sniffles coming from the other line. “Hyunjin? What’s wrong? Are you okay? What happe-“
“H-Hyung…he was going to do it. He was going to do it.”
”Who? Do what Jinnie?”
”I-Innie.”
Changbin’s eyes blew wide.
”He-he had the rope…and a ch-“ Inhale. “-chair set up, he was going to do it Binnie.”
Click.
“A-and I don’t know what to do now, I got him down and he’s asleep but I can’t go back in that room. I can’t I can-“
”Woah woah woah. Slow down baby, okay, can you repeat that? Actually, no-we’re gonna come back to the house and we can talk okay?”
Sniff. “O-okay.”
“Okay, do you want to stay on the line?”
“No just, p-please.”
”Okay, just breathe. We’ll be home soon.”
Changbin rushed back to the table. Chan immediately looked up along with Felix, who was leaning against his shoulder. “What’s wrong?” He asked. Changbin hung up the phone and spoke, “Hyunjin called, Innie tried to do something, I’m not completely sure the full story, but he talked about a rope and bringing him down, and he’s not doing so well.” Changbin rushed, grabbing his jacket. “Wait-what? Is innie okay?” Minho piped in, as Seungmin rushed over to the front desk to cancel their orders.
“I don’t know, I think so. He said that Innie was okay and asleep now, but I don’t like what’s being implied. We need to get home now.” Chan quickly nodded, “We need to go then.” Jisung nodded, grabbing his jacket. “Get your stuff, guys.” Felix and Minho nodded, standing up.
-
“Hyunjin?” A voice called as the door beeped open. “Changbin?” Hyunjin called, eyes wide and he had to stop himself from jumping so Jeongin wouldn’t wake up. Changbin and Chan immediately rushed over, the rest of the boys close behind.
“What happened? Are you okay?” Felix asked, and Hyunjin almost let out a sob. He quickly placed Jeongin’s head on a pillow, away from his shoulder and jumped onto nearest person, which happened to be Jisung. Jisung immediately wrapped his arms around the older as Hyunjin broke down.“Woah woah woah, you’re okay. What happened?” Jisung asked.
”He-he..” Hyunjin stuttered. “He-he tried to…” Sniff. Chan looked around the room, eyes landing on Jeongin who was fast asleep, blanket covering his body, visible tear tracks. Oh. Fuck.
He started to walk over to the Jeongin’s room, wanting to see, finding the door closed. “D-don’t go in there!” Hyunjin shouted, eyes wide before placing a hand over his mouth. “It’s…you don’t wanna see it.” Chan nodded slowly. “I-I’m sorry. I can speak now.” Hyunjin sighed.
”You don't have to speak if you can’t Jinnie, we can wait a bit until Innie gets up. Felix replied. Jisung and Minho nodding in agreement. Hyunjin quickly shook his head. “No, I have to get it out.”
”Okay, take your time. Breathe and tell us slowly.”
-
They we’re now sitting around the living room table, Jeongin still fast asleep on the couch. Hyunjin still very close to him. He hadn’t said anything yet, eyes peeking at Jeongin very couple seconds, as if he would disappear.
Felix was holding his hand, mumbling comforting words and Hyunjin spoke.
“I..” He closed his eyes, breathing deeply. “I came back to the house to look for my phone. And, I looked for it. I was assuming Jeongin was asleep. So, I didn’t bother him. I found it, and when I checked my notifications, their was a message from the group chat.” Hyunjin bit his lip when it started to wobble. “It said that he hoped we would forgive him, and that he was sorry. And that he loved us.” Hyunjin sniffed, breathing in shakily. Felix look of concern switched to one of horror as he gripped the black haired boy’s hand tighter.
Chan nodded, as if to say, ‘continue when your ready.’ Hyunjin looked at Chan, and then at his shaking hand. He inhaled deeply, “I knew it didn’t sound right. So I went to check on him. And that’s when I found him.” Silence. “He-he, was on the chair. It was..it..was tied up to the new ceiling fan we installed last month.” Jisung was tearing up now too, and Seungmin’s mouth hung open a little. Minho’s fist was clenched as he looked at Hyunjin in horror. Changbin kept his eyes on the carpet.
“He-he had it around his neck, n-not fully..” Hyunjin rushed to explain, and Seungmin let out a deep breath. “-he was going to do it. He wouldn’t come down, he wouldn’t come down.” Hyunjin rushed out, removing his hand from Felix’s, moving them up to cover his face. He sobbed quietly, biting his lip as Felix pulled him into his chest. “I-I thought I was gonna loose him.” Chan was crying now too, a long with Minho. “I’m so proud of you Jinnie.” Felix whispered into his ear. “That must’ve been so hard.” Hyunjin shook his head. Felix pulled him in closer.
“I-I had no idea..we..none of us had any idea he was feeling this wa-way.” He breathed in, gulping, he let a whine come out of his mouth. “Breath honey.” Felix said in English, Hyunjin could understand it but he couldn’t do it.
”I-If I didn’t realize I had left my phone..” Chan’s heart dropped. Hyunjin quickly sat up, his hands on both of Felix’s shoulders, despite his trembling hands, he was clutching Felix like he was a lifeline. His eyes were open wide, tears running down his cheeks. “If you didn’t ask for the time, Felix. I wouldn’t have gotten here in time. He would’ve been gone. Our..our Innie.”
Hyunjin put his face in his hands and by now all of the members were crying. Felix pulled him into his arms again and Changbin got up from his spot, to move over next to Hyunjin’s spot against the couch Jeongin was on. He grabbed Jeongin’s hand silently, biting his lip aswell now when the younger squeezed it subconsciously.
-
Jeongin new something wasn’t right. Why was he still breathing? He opened his eyes slowly, and blinked. Seungmin was laying on Felix’s chest, Jisung curled into Minho’s chest. His eyes burned wnd they were itchy, he was going to rub them when he realized there was another hand holding his. His eyes were still burning and he was still tired.
So he rubbed his thumb against the person’s fingers. He felt rings. Hyunjin. He removed his hand slowly, placing it on the empty couch space next to him as he readjusted himself. This was humiliating.
To fail. To not even get to try. To have Hyunjin save him. “Fuck.” He muttered, rubbing his face harshly with both hands. “Innie.” He flinched his hands away from his eyes, looking at the person with wide eyes. Hyunjin.
His eyes were swollen and his nose was red. He reached a hand out and Jeongin curled back in shame, bringing his knees up to his chest. “Please, don’t touch me.” He wouldn’t look at him. He wouldn’t see the look of heartbreak on Hyunjin’s face as he said that.
“That’s okay.” Jeongin lifted his head from his knees in shock to see Hyunjin staring back at him. He lifted his hand slightly, inviting. Jeongin uncurled himself and scooted over, meeting the boy on the floor. He was immediately pulled into the boy’s arms.
Jeongin tensed. “Please, just let me hug you this once.”
Jeongin relaxed. It’s the least he could do, he can’t even imagine how Hyunjin must feel. He was such an idiot, to do it like that. If they found him it would’ve been horrible. He told himself that if he ever tried again, he wouldn’t bare them such a horrible site.
”Stop thinking.”
Jeongin flinched. “I know your mind is racing, it must be telling you so many horrible things. Don’t listen to it.” Hyunjin held onto him tighter. “I never wanna loose you, Jeongin.” Ouch, lack of nickname. “None of us do.” Jeongin startled, along with Hyunjin at the sad voice of Minho, who was rubbing his eyes tiredly as he sat up. Jeongin turned away from the both of them as he tested up.
He bit his cheek, before 2 warm hands cradled his face, forcing his face up. When did Leeknow get so close? He saw now, Minho was crying. “Please, please. Talk to us.” Jeongin’s lip quivered and he closed his eyes, breathing in deep to try and stop his tears.
”Don’t you know…” Jeongin stopped, if he talked any longer he would burst into tears. “It’s okay to cry, honey.” Hyunjin said calmly. So, Jeongin cried. Little by little, he let his tears fall.
Minho pulled him in close before stopping, as Hyunjin patted his back. “I’m gonna hug you know, okay?” Minho whispered softly, as if he was trying not to break out into tears aswell. Jeongin nodded. Minho pushed him into his chest fully, stroking his hair like a child. Maybe that’s what Jeongin was. A lonely child. Trapped in a nightmare. A child with nobody to call to for help, because who takes a child seriously?
But he wasn’t. He chose not to reach out, even if the source of comfort was inches away from him. He saw the light at the end of the tunnel, but he stopped running. He stopped trying. He had a choice, and he made it. He almost, went through with that choice. Suffered the consequences of that choice. His members, his brothers, his friends, his family, they would’ve had to live with the weight of his choice forever.
How could he be so selfish?
It was embarrassing, not only to fail, but to be out in the open like this. To give himself up willingly. And as much as he tried to push it away, something tells him he should have stepped off the chair, to leave Hyunjin to witness the horror as his neck snapped.
He would try and push those thoughts down, but they would come back up. Over and over and over again. He tried to swim up from the bottom of the ocean, but every time he reached the surface another wave would crash down again, pushing him right back where he started, sometimes, even before he reached the surface, the meer pressure of the wave hitting the water would send him back down.
He was drowning. All alone, as cliche as it sounded.
And although he was still disappointed to be alive, disappointed and embarrassed, he could feel the waves settling.
Maybe it was finally getting that hug he wanted. Maybe it was finally being able to share how he felt.
He wasn’t better. He was still sad. And tired. And he still didn’t want to be here. But maybe there was some hope?
Or maybe not.