Chapter Text
"This is the last time" that's what Jo keeps saying to herself while putting back her clothes.
Her body covered in marks, each one telling a story of what happened in the last few hours. It is always like that with them, first desperate and hungry, bruising, marking, as if they're reminding their bodies who they belong to. And then it becomes slow, sweet, soothing every bruise, kissing every mark, reconnecting more than their bodies, reconnecting their souls.
It feels good, Jo isn't going to lie, it feels heavenly, like it did the first time. That cold night, Jo being forced to leave the comfort and warmth of her couch to open the door to one breathless and crazed Kate Fleming. The exhaustion so plainly written in her face, the tears flowing freely for so long her entire face was wet, she looked more defeated than Jo had ever seen her.
Kate Fleming knocking on her door, months after Jo being shipped to witness protection wasn't something the former DCI had ever dared dreaming but she isn’t about to complain. Not when her dreams are full of beaming smiles and blue eyes, not when she could still feel the softness of Kate’s hand holding hers, the strength and comfort of Kate’s hug, keeping her close and protected.
And so, their little…. thing, began. It is a risk, Kate going up there almost every month, staying for a few days and then leaving. It isn’t ideal, especially with so many connections to Tommy Hunter and the OCG roaming free, desperate to get their hands on Jo Davidson, make her pay for spilling everything to the police. It is also a risk to Kate herself, her job and, more importantly, her son. But neither cares, not when bodies fit together so perfectly, like they were made for each other. Not when they can feel more alive than ever with each sigh, breath, touch, moan. Not when Jo can feel her soul being restored, piece by piece, with every time Kate says her name like it is a prayer.
They don’t talk much about the case, they don’t talk about how Kate managed to find Jo and how she decided it was worth risking everything to see her. They only share the basics and proceed to enjoy every moment they can, together.
Until the night ends and the daylight interrupts their dreams and Jo is forced to face reality. Reality being this can’t go on. Kate is putting too much on the line for a few orgasms, because that’s what this is, they can’t be anything more, and it doesn’t matter how good those orgasms are, it’s not worth having a kid grow up without his mother. She already put Kate's life at risk once, she wasn't about to do it again, and certainly not to Kate's child. This has to be the end.
But how is she supposed to live? How is she supposed to lie in that bed every night and deal with the space left by Kate? How is she supposed to go about her day knowing Kate is not coming back, ever again? How is she suppose to move forward after having a taste of what life could be like? How is she going to breathe again, how is she going to shut her heart when its started to beat for the first time after a long time? This pain, this earthshattering hurt she’s feeling is something she never felt before, and the worst part is still to come.
Jo hid the hoodie, at least she will have something to wrap herself with, surrounded by Kate's scent, even if it will never feel like Kate's embrace. Something to help sleep at night, fool her brain even if she would never be able to fool her heart.
Jo sits on the edge of the bed, looking at Kate sleeping peacefully, her face so relaxed it makes Jo smile, for a second. This is it, it is time. Her heart will never belong to another, she is sure of it, and Kate is going to put up a fight, but hopefully this will be temporary. Jo hopes she will be strong enough not to cry, she has to because she knows Kate, despite all her bravery, will not be able to hold back the tears, and if they both start crying then Jo will eventually cave and they will go back to bed and nothing will ever be done, until it’s too late. Jo looks up, asking for strength and help to do what’s right, what she knows deep in her heart it’s what must be done, no matter if it breaks her.
Softly, Jo starts kissing Kate's shoulder, then her neck, she whispers Kate's name in her ear, waking her up slowly but surely. Nuzzling sweetly Kate’s neck and face, letting herself feel that soft skin and scent for a bit longer, committing to memory the warmth and feel of having Kate naked in her bed, bare of all responsibilities and duties, just Kate. Her Kate.
Here it goes, she thinks. It is for Kate's safety more than anything, Jo will do anything for Kate's safety, no matter what it does to herself. Maybe she still feels guilty for the lorry park and for everything that happened with Operation Lighthouse, maybe she’s also doing this as atonement for all her sins, maybe this is how she cleans her soul, and maybe, hopefully, after this they can start again. Jo prays, not sure to which deity, probably all of them, that Kate survives this investigation. Jo prays she herself survives this pain too because the way the woman she loves more than life itself is looking at her right now isn’t something Jo will forget anytime soon. This will be her new nightmare for the foreseeable future, Kate angry, Kate sad, Kate crying and begging her not to do it. Kate dressing up and leaving her, a soft, whispered I love you the only thing she leaves behind.