Chapter Text
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Tommy was obviously not very comfortable with being alone with them. But it was for the best, whatever was going to be said would be very private, and honestly it wasn’t anyone else’s place to hear all of the family’s trauma. In the end, Tommy had agreed to speak with the three of them alone and everyone was right outside. Not to mention there was no way they could hurt him without Sam or Puffy or even Tubbo and Ranboo coming in and stopping them. So even though Tommy was uncomfortable and was maybe not really ready to deal with this, he would, because he knew there were people there for him, people who were ready to start wars for him. Not that he would let them because they had been through enough and another war was the last thing they needed at the moment, but it was the thought that counts.
“Are you okay?” Was probably not the first thing he expected to be said, and definitely not out of Techno’s mouth. Tommy pushed himself up a little bit more, letting the criminally soft blanket fall completely into his lap.
“I- um, I could be better but It’s not… I’m alive?” Tommy wasn’t quite sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing. He wanted to live, he wanted to hang out with Tubbo, he wanted to make fun of Ranboo, he wanted to play with Fran while Sam was working and he wanted to work with Puffy, get better. But he wasn’t sure if that was an option anymore, so was being here a good thing, or a bad thing? And was whatever his old family was going to say affect this for better or worse?
“You’re alive.” Wilbur muttered.
“So are you?” Tommy questioned. “Schlatt told me you had left shortly before I came and I actually spoke to Schlatt which was weird and awful in it’s own right… I got to see Mexican Dream again, up until then I wasn’t sure if he was a hallucination or a fever dream so that was.. Uh, nice.”
“Phil and Techno found a one time use revive book before you… before the prison and used it to revive me. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you in the void world. I know it would’ve been a hell of a lot easier to have someone you liked… or at least wasn’t Schlatt around to help.” Wilbur said softly.
“‘s not your fault…” Tommy trailed off for a moment. “Just unfortunate timing.”
“Tommy, we want to apologize.” Phil said after a long moment of silence. Tommy blinked. Had his hearing gone all wrong when he was revived? Because there was no way he had heard that right? They, the people who had threatened to kill him, who blew up his home on more than one occasion, who had threatened to give him back to his abuser, who had sided with his abuser, wanted to apologize? The ‘it was for your own good, one day you’ll see I was right’ people? Apparently Tommy’s confusion was written on his face.
“We were wrong.” Techno spoke up, surprising Tommy yet again. “I didn’t know, I should’ve. I should’ve pushed just a little, actually bothered to look at you and I didn’t. I ignored the signs because there were plenty. You trusted me and I betrayed that trust. I’m sorry Tommy.”
“I ignored you, I know I did and I can’t begin to tell you how bad I feel now that I know the truth. Tommy believe us when we say we’re sorry. I should’ve done better, we should’ve done better. It was shitty of us to just believe everything was okay when it was obviously not.” Phil told him. Tommy could only blink again. This was a lot to process, fuck was it a lot in general.
“I left you. This started with me and I was stupid enough to leave before it was over. The majority of this started with us and I left you to deal with the consequences by yourself. As much as you try to deny it, as much as we all tried to deny it, you are a child and you can’t burden all of this. I’m so sorry for leaving you, like that, to deal with all of this, everything. Tommy I’m so fucking sorry.”
“You don’t have to forgive us. Seriously after everything if you want to tell us to fuck off to the ends of the earth, or even leave here, you have every right. Honestly, I think we are comparable to… uh him at this point. We just wanted you to know.” Tommy stared at them. They were quiet as Tommy was taking in everything that was said to him. Tommy’s surprised, shocked, confused expression fell off his face into one of slight concern and boredom. The sudden shift worried the family, but they didn’t say anything as Tommy gripped the blanket and pulled his close to him.
“I’m obviously dreaming or hallucinating, so I will be leaving this shit. See you next mental breakdown.” He drawled, laying down and pulling the blanket over his head. They looked at each other in shock.
“Tommy, we’re real.” Phil laughed with no humor in his voice.
“Uh huh.” He replied, his eyes squeezed shut.
“We’re really here.” Wilbur said, as he put his hand on Tommy’s leg. Tommy shot up, before wincing at the pain in his ribs.
“Okay...that hurt, what the fuck.”
“We’re real. This- this isn’t some sort of a hallucination. It’s- Theseus- Tommy, we’re sorry. It wasn’t fair what we expected and what we did.” Tommy blinked a couple of times, dangerously quiet.
“Sam!” Tommy yelled, gripping his head. All three jumped at the sudden yelling and backed off as soon as they realized who he was calling for. Sam came bursting in, the rest of them hot on his heels.
“Tommy?” Sam asked.
“Sam!” Tommy gasped. “I’m hallucinating.... I’m hallucinating, I’m hallucinating, I’m hallucinating! Everything feels real and I can’t! I can’t I can’t I can’t!” Tommy managed between gasping breaths.
“Tommy, It’s okay. Just breathe. Can I touch you?” Sam asked. Tommy managed to nod jerkily. Sam reached out slowly, giving Tommy time to pull away if he changed his mind. He slightly grabbed Tommy’s wrist and pressed his hand against his own chest.
“Match my breathing.” Sam said, in a calm voice. Tommy was still struggling but what Sam had done seemed to be slowly helping him. Puffy made eye contact with the group and jerked her head towards the door.
“Outside.” She said lowly. “Boys you too.” She told Ranboo and Tubbo. They nodded, both looking considerably angry. The cold air should have been refreshing or at least slightly calming to the three, but they wanted to be inside with Tommy. The weather outside and the warmth inside mimicked a time when they were a family, it had been a long time since that was true.
“What did you do?” Puffy asked, her arms crossed, Ranboo and Tubbo standing slightly menacingly by her side.
“I don’t know.” Wilbur admitted. “I- we apologized and he thought he was having a mental breakdown and when we assured him that we were real he freaked out. I- we messed him up didn’t we?” Puffy sighed.
“Yeah. To be fair it wasn’t entirely your fault… maybe it was too much for him right away.” She answered. “We shouldn’t have sprung it on him.”
“Maybe we should talk to him.” Tubbo said. “We- He probably trusts us more, or at least me.”
“I- I know what happened. Not entirely, but Tommy wrote me letters when he was in exile. I think he’s at least partially okay with talking to me.” Ranboo answered fiddling with his fingers.
“Maybe that’s best.” Phil said. “Could we at least stay, here in Snowchester I mean. Until he’s good enough to talk to us, or real and understand what we mean?” Puffy hesitated.
“In the end, it’s up to Tubbo and Tommy. It’s Tubbo’s place and Tommy’s health we’re talking about here. Personally, as his therapist, I think It shouldn’t be too bad as long as you don’t have contact until he’s ready. Otherwise, staying should be okay.” The three looked to Tubbo. Tubbo looked at them then to Ranboo and then eventually sighed.
“Okay. You can stay until Tommy is ready. But if he says leave,”
“We’ll go before he can finish the sentence.” Techno told him. Tubbo took another breath.
“If anything goes wrong. If I suspect anything at all. I will not hesitate to kick you out. Or nuke you.” Tubbo threatened. The three nodded.
“Go then.” Puffy said, sighing. With that, they left, back to their temporary homes.
----
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Puffy asked. “You don’t have to talk to them if you aren’t ready. It has only been three days.” Three days since Tommy broke down in front of them. Three days since finally showed his old family how fucked up he really was, how fucked up they made him. That wasn’t entirely fair. To be entirely fair, most of the shit that happened wouldn’t have happened if it weren’t for Dream. Dream also caused about 50% of the trauma that contributed to his break down so yeah it wasn’t entirely his family’s fault.
“Yeah, I’m a big man. I can handle talking to them.” Tommy boasted loudly.
“You can barely walk.” Puffy deadpanned. “It’s okay to not be ready yet. They’ll wait as long as you want and that’s okay. Healing takes time Tommy. It’s not linear and it’s not easy. It’s okay to wait, even if it’s just another if that’s what you want. Don’t be afraid to listen to yourself.”
“Puffy, I went to the prison to get closure.” Tommy stated bluntly surprising her. Tommy hadn’t brought up the prison once, besides nightmares and the break down from earlier. “I need closure. As much as I try to heal I can’t without that closure. So whatever the fuck they have to say. Whatever the fuck I feel after they say it, no matter what I get that closure. It’s over then, I don’t have to worry about it anymore and I can actually start feeling better.” Tommy muttered to her. Puffy softened at him.
“You’re really mature and good for knowing that about yourself. I respect your decision Tommy, It’s okay to go see them now, I just wanted to make sure that you weren’t doing this just to do it.”
“No I- I need to do this.” Tommy answered confidently. Puffy smiled at him.
“Okay then. Are you ready?” Puffy asked, holding out her arm so that Tommy could use her as a crutch. He nodded.
“Yeah, I think I am.” He replied.
The walk to the temp home that housed Tommy’s family was not a long one. But it was cold and hard because of the ice. In the end, he was half carried by Puffy and Sam as Tubbo and Ranboo trailed behind them, chattering about anything and everything, just trying to put Tommy at ease. His time in the prison hadn’t only affected him mentally but physically, walking was very hard for him, even after his three days of recovery. He was pretty sure Dream broke his legs, maybe it was after death but he could occasionally feel the phantom splinter of his bones. Not to mention the burning headaches that came with the fact his head had been completely bashed in. Scars were nothing new to Tommy, just taking one look at Tubbo and it would be clear. However, he had never been more glad in his life that his hair covered this scar. He wasn’t sure he’d be able to look at it without going back to the prison and reliving what happened. He was thankful for Tubbo and Ranboo’s distraction from his own mind. To mention it was assuming to watch Sam try to figure what the hell the two of them were saying.
Three knocks on the door altered the broken family that their youngest was at the door. Probably with everyone else in tow. They expected nothing less. In fact, the more Phil thought about it, the more he liked that Tommy had the four people as his friends. While it made things harder for him, it made things better for Tommy’s sake. Honestly, he had put his own sake over his youngest sons’ for way too long now. It was time for him to do something for Tommy. If it meant leaving him in the care of someone else, he was glad it was those four. They obviously cared a lot for him. He would at least have Wilbur and Techno, both of whom were not ready to lose their younger brother. Phil wasn’t either but he accepted the possibility. It might as well be the best thing he could do for Tommy as his father. Although he desperately hoped it wouldn’t come to that. They had practiced and been over what they were going to say to Tommy a million times over. No matter what he said, they would respect him and his choices in this matter. Techno managed to get to the door before Wilbur could, opening it and letting in Tommy, who was almost cradled between Sam and Puffy.
“I’m good.” He heard Tommy mutter to the older two, as they let him go. Tommy slowly staggered over to the armchair closest to the door. Phil knew Tommy would probably prefer to be able to be facing the door but also knew Tommy didn’t want help and needed to sit before his legs gave out. He would forever be grateful to Ranboo for his, albeit reluctant, updates on Tommy for the past three days.
“We’ll be right outside. Don’t hesitate to call if you need to.” Sam told him. Tommy nodded at him, as Sam eyed the family carefully. Puffy gave a sad and slightly strained smile.
“You’re going to be fine Tommy.” She whispered to him before following Sam out. Tubbo lingered in the doorway for a second but Ranboo lightly nudged him through the door. They were alone again.
“Are you okay?” Wilbur asked first. Tommy shrugged.
“I’m better.” Tommy answered. “Better than I was. Not great or anything.”
“We wouldn’t expect you to be.” Techno told him. “You went through something more than traumatic.” Tommy scoffed lightly.
“Wouldn’t be the first time.” He replied. They flinched at the statement.
“Can we apologize?” Phil asked, after a small uncomfortable silence. Tommy raised an eyebrow.
“Can you?” Tommy snarked. Phil smiled, though distantly.
“May we?” Phil asked again. “We want to but we don’t want to make you upset again.” Tommy thought for a moment.
“Do you know why you’re apologizing and what you’re apologizing for?” Tommy answered. “Puffy told me awhile ago that if someone apologizes without knowing why or what they’re apologizing for it’s not really an apology. And things are bound to repeat themselves.”
“She’s a smart woman.” Techno answered. Wilbur elbowed Techno in reply.
“Tommy, we are apologizing because we’ve wronged you. We hurt you and you didn’t deserve it. It wasn’t right of us and we shouldn’t have done what we did. What we did and what happened to you because of our actions is our fault. We’re so sorry.” Wilbur managed.
“He’s right. We never meant to hurt you, at least not this much. You’re our family and we never actually wanted to hurt you. And no matter what we said in the heat of the moment or at any time really, we never wanted you gone.” Techno told him. “And I am so sorry we made you think otherwise. We never should have done that. And It shouldn’t have taken losing you for us to realize that.”
“You deserve an apology, even though you deserve much more than that and we can’t give you much else, which is our problem and I want to apologize for that too. I should have done something, as the actual adult and your father I shouldn’t have been the way I was. Tommy for the love of the gods I am so sorry. If there is anything, anything in the world that I can do, please tell me and I’ll do it for you. I want to make this right and I want you back. If that’s not what you want, that’s okay as well. We don’t deserve to have you back, we didn’t care for you when we had you and that’s shitty of us and no matter what we do we’ll never be able to make up for it. I am so sorry.” Phil told him. Well they certainly knew why they were apologizing… and what they were apologizing for. So it was genuine. That much Tommy could tell. They were being serious.
Oh god they were being serious. That means that Tommy had to say something. He didn’t have to forgive them. Everyone, including them, made that clear to him. He never had to accept the apology, but it kind of sucked. He wanted to but at the same time part of him was so fucking afraid that history would just repeat itself and he would be stuck at rock bottom again . Luckily, this time he would be able to fall back on Sam, Puffy, Tubbo and Ranboo but it didn’t make things hurt any less. It would certainly be shit if he lost his family and got hurt yet again. Not to mention he would lose them for good because they were probably be nuked and killed. He didn’t want them dead… that was shit experience and only wished it on Dream.
“I- I don’t know.” Tommy finally answered. “I want to… but I don’t know how I can handle much else.”
“You don’t have, Tommy. God, Tommy, the shit we’ve done to you doesn’t give us any room to be forgiven. You don’t have to forgive us, god knows nobody else would.” Wilbur cried. “But we hurt you and we wanted to at least let you know that we’re sorry.”
“It doesn’t change anything. It doesn’t change what we did or what happened. It never will and we can’t change that. If I could I would but I can’t and hate that. I’m sorry and I couldn’t live with myself if I let history repeat.” Techno told him, his stony expression and monotone voice (which had been cracking with emotion) made it clear he was being serious. Tommy took a breath and ran his fingers through his hair, carefully avoiding the scar on his head.
“I think- I think I’m willing to try.” Tommy answered quietly. “But only if you are too. That means therapy for you guys as well. I think Ponk mentioned something about joining Puffy in the therapy business. So she won’t be overwhelmed. To be honest you’ve been through traumatic shit too. Working out your issues with Puffy or Ponk would probably be helpful. It would make me feel better about everything.” Tommy muttered.
“If that’s what you want.” Phil told him. “If we can try again and be with you again I’ll go to therapy. It’s barely a price to pay.”
“I probably should regardless. I think dying does a number on your brain. I’m sure to feel the side effects once the adrenaline finally leaves me.” Wilbur joked.
“Eh, it’s probably something I should’ve gotten around to a while ago.” Techno said. “Voices and shit.” Tommy snorted. Things were looking hopeful.
“I’m going to try. There’s no guarantee.” Tommy told him.
“That's all we ask.”
----
Puffy was 100% right when she said healing wasn’t linear. While Tommy knew that due to his previous healing attempts, this was a lot harder and that statement was more evident now. Tommy was going to biweekly therapist appointments with Puffy and occasionally heading to Ponk when things got double booked or something. Puffy was Tommy’s main therapist as well as Techno’s, Jack’s, and Ranboo’s. While Ponk took on Phil, Wilbur and Tubbo. All in all, they were healing together.
There were ups and downs, as anybody recovering from that much trauma would have. Sometimes the healing felt more like struggling, but things were getting better, albeit slowly. Tommy got his hotel back and busied himself with that when he could. He also rehired Jack, once Puffy assured him that Jack was no longer homicidal to Tommy. They started a tentative friendship with each other over shared trauma. Tubbo and Ranboo were around more often, and Tommy finally moved into Snowchester. His own little house was slightly different from the others around it, but it made the place more… Tommy. Wilbur lived with Techno and Philza, in Ranboo’s old house. He had long since moved out in favor of living with Tubbo and Michael in Snowchester.
They made a couple of trips to Tommy’s new screaming area, far off in the nether. He wasn’t allowed there alone and while Tommy could take care of himself, he knew why they wanted to stay with him. He didn’t mind all that much. Although, when things got to be overwhelming, when life felt more shitty than normal, his screams in the nether could rival the ghasts’ cries. He always felt better afterwards, even if his voice was always a little horse by the time he got back to the overworld. No one ever mentioned it though.
Healing was not linear, but all in all, he was still going up. And that’s what mattered. Tommy was… happy. For the first time in a while, Tommy was truly happy. He felt safe, protected and actually happy. While life wasn’t great all the time, the good times outweighed the bad and peace fell over the server.
Finally.