Chapter Text
Kara’s in a warehouse [somewhere] using a Hummer as a punching bag when she receives the signal. She stops punching, but she doesn’t move. Somehow, she knows.
She knows it’s not an emergency, but the question remains. Should she go? She wants to be mad that Lena is reaching out to her - she had hoped that ‘reaching out’ through her new job would be enough, she’d move away, and it would all be over.
It’s been six months. It happened in December, and it’s May now.
She thinks about how maybe, she wants forgiveness from Lena.
It’s all simple, really. She can live without Lena, she did before. But it’s so damn hard to love without her.
It’s all stupid, really. Kara thinks that maybe she’s just stubborn. Maybe she overreacted and should apologize, and everything will be okay again. But Lena threatened her so easily.
And Kara left her. She didn’t let her explain. She cut her out entirely. That’s what Kara feels bad about. She knows that Lena built her social life around her, and there’s no way Lena’s not feeling isolated again.
But it’s not her problem.
But it still feels like it is.
After all, she can’t imagine anyone else holding Lena’s heart, nor letting anyone else hold hers.
Okay, so maybe she should go to Lena.
But what will she say?
Kara lands on the balcony of Lena’s office.
Lena sits at her desk, not moving. She looks straight ahead as she hears the door open. It’s strangely familiar for obvious reasons, but she doesn’t move.
Kara, on the other hand, doesn’t look at Lena either. Oh, the tension.
They both start laughing at the same time. What Lena wants to ask is, “does this mean you forgive me, even though you’re moving away?” but it ends up coming out as:
“I fucking hate you.”
“I want to talk about it. Then never bring it up again.” Kara is sure of herself, but both women haven’t looked at each other yet.
“We don’t have to ever talk again.” Lena fails at hiding the sadness in her voice.
“What did you tell them about me?” Kara tries to change the subject.
“The truth.”
Kara walks slowly in front of Lena until they catch eyes. “It’s okay that you hate me. I shouldn’t have listed you as a reference. I wasn’t thinking. It’s just that - you know me. They asked for people who know me.”
Lena sighs. “I just spent the last thirty minutes getting grilled about you and our past, after you disappeared for six months. I know I deserve it, but still, Kara.”
“I’m sorry.” It’s not forgiveness, but it’s true. “Why did you call me here?”
“I wanted to know what it means.”
“I don’t know.” Instead of pacing, Kara flies around a couple of inches off the ground.
“Did you know what would happen? That they’d call, and make me talk about you? Why me? Nobody’s heard from you, then suddenly this?” Lena’s upset. Not particularly at Kara, even. Supergirl goes to work. Kara Danvers hasn’t been seen or heard from in a while.
“I didn’t want Alex to know.” In the last six months, Kara’s done a lot of thinking. Why was Lena outing her such a big deal? Why was that where she drew her line? Did it have to be? Was it even the secret identity reveal that bothered her, or just that she’d be exposed as a liar?
So she settled with a job at the FBI. She didn’t even want it that badly, but it was away from National City, and maybe Kara Danvers doesn't have to be adorkable, and clumsy. She and her broken heart disappeared because she was embarrassed - that she was wrong to trust Lena like that. After everything, she was wrong. And here she is, standing in front of Lena, and she’s completely unraveled, ready to do it all over again.
She never told them what happened, but they all know it had something to do with Lena. It’s a little confusing for everyone involved, and not involved.
“I didn’t mean it.” Lena says. “It” being “I will go full Luthor on you, and reveal your identity to the world” - the unforgivable phrase.
Kara stops and almost cries. “I know.”
“Do you think you can ever forgive me?” Kara shakes her head. She wants to, but she can’t stop thinking about the hurt, and anger she still feels.
There’s a moment of silence. Lena breaks it with an honest question: “So what are we going to do?”
Kara settles in the chair in front of Lena’s desk. “Why did you say it?”
“Kara, you know why. I know you do,” Lena explains, “because I’d take you hating me, but alive and well over you liking me but in danger, any day. My point is, I understand and hate that you hate me, and that you left me, but it hurts. It’s okay, Kara. I don’t need anything from you. I wish I could take it back, and that I wasn’t the kind of person who would say that, even if it wasn’t true, but I am that person, and I can’t take it back.”
“I understand that. I understand that I should have communicated better. I shouldn’t have left you like that---” Kara buries her head in her hands, overwhelmed. “I unraveled everything, Lena.” Kara cries into her hands. Lena gets up and moves to stand behind her. She rubs Kara’s shoulders in an attempt to comfort her. Kara doesn’t react, but doesn't pull away. “Nothing is the same, anymore, and everyone hates you.”
“Thanks.” Lena’s almost teasing her.
“I’m serious.” Kara looks up, all the way, at Lena.
“I’m well aware. You know I notice stuff like that and then pretend not to.” Lena smiles a fake smile. Sore subject, still.
Kara touches Lena’s hand, and asks, “What are we going to do?”
“Well, fuck if I know, Kara. Do you still hate me?” Lena’s dead serious. “Are you done talking about it?” Kara lets Lena work through all of her questions. “Have you been happy?”
A pause. Kara shakes her head. Lena continues, “Do you still hate me?”
“I still love you.”
The shock causes Lena to pull away. Kara laughs. “You’re surprised?”
Lena nods. “Well, I still love you. So, what are we going to do?”
Kara sighs. “Fuck me.”
Lena gives her a look. When did she start saying that?
Kara understands the look. “I say it now, I have no idea.”
“Oh, so you say that to everyone now?” Lena’s joking, but immediately realizes it’s too intimate. “Sorry.”
“It’s okay. We’ll get there, one day.” Kara says, hopefully.
“Are we really going to just never talk about it again? Do you think that we’ve really processed it?” Lena wants to be absolutely sure she understands, and that they’re on the same page.
“I don’t want to ever talk about it again after this conversation.” Kara adds, “if you’re okay with that.”
Lena nods, “We can try that.”
“But while we’re on the subject..." Kara stands and turns to face Lena. She takes Lena's hands and guides her into a hug, and Lena lets her. "...I forgive you.”