Chapter Text
Diluc couldn’t lie to himself: he hated children. They were smelly and noisy and dirty and he just could not tolerate them.
Sometimes, just sometimes, they could be kinda cute. But once they started crying, that was it. He was awkward and children were bleh, that’s all there was to it. So when Diluc was brought over to a mysterious island because of a more mysterious letter on a dragon, which terrorised the city only a few months ago, summoned by Venti, an even more mysterious bard with a suspiciously mysterious backstory, with his estranged brother, some chemist guy with really nice hair and a cryptid wolf boy he had seen wandering around the forest before, he would say that he had every right to be wary. Might he add, this all happened in the middle of the day, where everyone could see their Local Alcohol Supplier, Cavalry Captain, Chief Alchemist and Friendly Neighborhood Wolf Boy being kidnapped by a huge flying lizard. Was Venti even trying to hide his identity at this point?
Anyway, the point he was trying to make was that he didn’t like children (and that Venti had no shame or fear but everyone and their mother knew that). The universe really showed its hatred for him by leaving him on an island with one. One that was loud, energetic and spoke way more than any normal person should.
To be honest, he didn’t even know why he came. The letter was obviously sketchy and he would be surprised if he didn’t have a near death experience at least once when he went to this archipelago. But, of course, Kaeya was going, which meant he had a chance to be in said near death experiences and Diluc couldn’t have that happen. He still had to pay for Venti’s concerningly large tab at the bar. (He might also be slightly affected if Kaeya died, but no one needed to know that.)
Being stranded on an island with a child wasn’t his ideal vacation plan but the traveler was here so there was bound to be some sort of entertainment. Of course, being the socially awkward person that he was, as soon as they broke off to rest for a while, he immediately took a Waverider to a different island. According to the traveler, he should be west of Twinning Isle and north of Broken Isle. How the traveler knew all of this information and explored all the islands within a day of being here, Diluc would never know. Maybe he should hire her as an informant.
Diluc breathed out a shaky sigh, glad to be off that cursed boat. He detested every second spent on that monstrosity of a vehicle. Unfortunately, he didn’t have any other mode of transport, unlike Kaeya and his dumb ice bridges, which weren’t thick enough to take the heat radiated by him, and Albedo and… however he got around. He stood on one of the large stones in the ocean, taking in a deep breath and releasing it. It was rather nice to be able to go on a small getaway, even under the pretense of wanting to find and take out a faction of the Abyss Order. How relaxin-.
“WHOOOOOOOOO!”
The sound of a Waverider zooming by and three screeches, one thrilled, one full of fear and the last one monotone, filled the previously peaceful air, causing Diluc’s eyes to snap open. He could see the Waverider slowly becoming a small dot on the horizon.
...Should he be worried about Paimon’s safety?
Nah, they’d be fine. Probably.
Closing his eyes and soaking in the once more quiet atmosphere, Diluc let a contented smile rest on his face. Now, he could relax, no annoying children or brothers around. Just him and the sound of the waves washing up on the bea-.
“AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”
Diluc grumbled in annoyance as the Waverider rushed by again, this time followed by the muted sounds of bombs exploding in the distance. Goddamn, do they not know how to keep quiet? Why couldn’t they disturb Jean or something?
He counted to ten, trying to contain his temper. It was fine, they wouldn’t bother him anymore. He would be able to enjoy the cool sea breeze and the warm summer sun, with no one around to make noise.
…
For once, there actually was no one making a racket. He could finally rela-
The thud and impact from a heavy landing on the ground right beside Diluc startled him into jumping back, right into the sea. Bobbing to the surface, Diluc coughed and sputtered out a mouthful of sea water. Standing where he formerly stood was Lumine, Paimon and the child, Klee. Paimon’s face was alarmingly green and Klee was giggling like a madman, a bit too creepily for his liking.
“Don’t be such a wimp, Paimon, those speeds were nothing.”
“Yea, Paimon, don’t be such a loser.”
Without looking, the traveler stuck out her hand and Klee high-fived it, looking way too excited for a child who was celebrating making fun of someone probably much older than her. (What even was Paimon? Some sort of animal?)
Diluc climbed up onto the rock, muttering irritably about stupid children.
“Do you need me to dry you off, weird adult? I made a new bomb and it will dry you off super duper quickly!”
Klee’s too-innocent-to-be-true smile and the fact that she had called him a weird adult almost distracted him from the following “If you don’t kaboom into a million billion pieces first” murmured under her breath.
“What was that?” Diluc questioned, not quite believing his ears. Did a ten year old just threaten to cause him bodily harm?
“I didn’t say anything! Maybe you were hearing things? I heard from Big Brother Kaeya that old people like you hear things.”
…Where were this kid’s parents? Actually, nevermind, he took that back. Judging from literally anyone’s backstory, they were probably dead in a ditch somewhere (He himself couldn’t speak about that either). Why did anyone let Klee, a young impressionable child, hang around the traveler? Lumine was quite possibly one of the last few people you would want hanging around a kid with bombs. Why did the Knights of Favonius let a kid have bombs? Did someone lose the single brain cell that was shared among the Knights?
Anyhow, it seemed like his pleasant holiday had come to an end, RIP to his short-lived tranquility. All he could hope for now was to not be slit in the throat in the middle of the night by a child with an explosive. Maybe multiple.
That would be very embarrassing.
_______
Lumine made a sharp turn, before promptly stopping the boat and exiting in the middle of the ocean. Ignoring Paimon’s pleas to slow down, she glided up a Wind Current and let herself be pushed about by Anemo Rings. Klee’s maniacal laughter rang beside her as they landed straight onto where a red-haired guy was standing.
She had seen him a few times while driving around but decided to leave him to his emo brooding. Eventually, she got a bit bored of speeding around to make Paimon sick, but she had a kid with bombs accompanying her and an emo guy staring off into the distance and all she could think of was: why not?
Disappointingly, Red Head had only stared at her with a blank expression, like he was used to it. (That couldn’t be, Lumine had never met this man in her life.) That was rather dull. Perhaps she could throw Klee at him, to spice things up? But then, Klee would cry and complain and whine and then Jean would forbid her from cutting down the small trees in the city which means that she’d have to go to Dragonspine to get pine wood and that would suck and she might get hit by a giant boar and freeze to death all because a little girl couldn’t keep her mouth shut and just had to be intolerable.
God, Lumine hated children.