Chapter Text
Raido remembered many times when he just stopped in his tracks and wished for a bit of quiet to his life. Peace and space, respite from people demanding information, answers, amusement.
Up till now it never occurred to him just how empty the peace could feel.
The realization came with too many pancakes for his breakfast, with forgetting to get a coffee in the morning, with seeing the leaves of his banana plant droop.
Raido felt a bit like that plant, too. Drooping. Not enough water, sun, love. It felt a lot like the plant hated him now, refusing to get better no matter how much he watered it or stroked its spotty leaves like he had seen Genma do so many times. It was because it knew this whole thing was Raido's fault.
Whatever it was that had finally pushed the kid away, it was something Raido had done. Perhaps Genma had just finally tired of chasing after him and offering enough words on his own to sustain a whole conversation on those days when Raido didn't want to speak. Or perhaps he had seen the wariness in Raido's eyes during their last mission together - last, for ever maybe - and mistook it for fear. Or he noticed the shock and took it for disgust, not understanding that Radio wasn't angry at him for being a killer, but at the world for making him so. Raido was one, too, but he wasn't a child.
***
Raido went on a mission with Anko and young Hatake, in no hurry to finish it now that there was nothing waiting for him back home.
It took him way too long, namely a whole week, before he figured that the easiest way to get that little piece of happiness back into his life was to apologize.
***
He spent a whole day teaching academy brats wall-walk, catching them when they fell.
Surely Genma wouldn't shove him down the stairs for trying to explain. No, Genma wasn't like that. Or was he, though? The previous months, the period of time that felt both like a century and like a fleeting second, he had only seen what Genma had shown him. He had seen the light side of the kid, the carer and joker and a flirt.
Up till the mission he hadn't seen the shinobi and hadn't looked for it; his own fault. Out of all flaws, Raido never thought he would develop naivety.
But still, Genma would listen to him even if it was purely for the reason of having Raido show a weakness.
***
Raido left to deliver a scroll to a village close to the south boards, he returned back and everything was still the same.
With the realization that Genma had gone to such great lengths just to have Raido dismiss him, many, many times, that he might actually even appreciate Raido returning the favour and going to him for a change, came the thought that.. the biggest obstacle Raido had wasn't even the kid.
It was his own pride.
***
Raido took an S mission just to get out of the stifling heat of the village, returning a week later to realize that it has been over a month.
He didn't know where Genma lived so he couldn't very well go find him-
-but he knew where the kid worked, all the haunts where he hoarded gossip for Hokage's inscrutable reasons.
And maybe Genma didn't even want to see him. Maybe not ever again-
-but Raido could survive the rejection. He owed the kid enough, he could bite his tongue and suffer through a 'no'.
So what if Genma didn't care for an apology? Perhaps he wouldn't even accept it-
-but this wasn't supposed to be for Raido's peace of mind. If him saying the words would take off at least a bit of the weight of the world from the kid's shoulders, then it would be a success.
It was easier said than done, though, sometimes.
***
Raido spent the whole day babysitting a gennin team, following them around Konoha while they walked dogs and chased cats. Afterwards he stayed perched on the Hokage monument, seeking elevation like that could help him sort through his issues easier.
It was with the memory of Genma's laugh, the one that started with a startled snort and ended with the kid tossing his head back and giggling helplessly, eyes wide, that Raido lost track of time. The sun set and the streets emptied, the air was thick and sweet with summer night and he remembered the soft smile that he once saw when he looked up from a book, finding Genma watching him.
There was a motion to his left and he jerked, the sudden appearance not accompanied by any sound at all.
"Lost in thoughts..?" came the soft, honey sweet voice that had been missing from his life for so long and- what? What?
"Genma!" Raido swiveled his head to stare at him and then did a double take- the kid looked terrible.
He was pale even in the poor light, his skin stretched tight over his cheekbones, eyes sunken like he hadn't slept in weeks.
Raido's hand shot forward and it hovered there, sort of fluttering just short of touching. The whole left side of Genma's face was yellow and blue, a healing bruise.
None of that stopped the kid from grinning at him and god, it really shouldn't look as good as it did. A wrecked beauty, sun shining at burnt ground.
Fingers wrapped around his hand and guided it to frame a hot cheek, it couldn't be comfortable, the warmth of his palm on the bruise.
"Yeah, it was supposed to be an easy one." the kid said and Raido's world just sort of.. shifted. Like he had just turned a line of Rubik's cube and suddenly it was a completely different shape.
"You were on a mission?" Raido blurted out before he could think twice about it. Instead of anger or that ice Raido had been having nightmares about for the past weeks, Genma's eyes only showed bewilderment. The fingers around Raido's hand squeezed and let go and god, god godgod, he was still a coward and let his arm drop.
"Yes..? We haven't talked in ages." Genma's voice was warm and teasing and that was so wrong; a month ago Raido had gotten to see behind his masks and now he knew better. Now he noticed the strain around his eyes and knew that the kid was hiding something. Vulnerability, probably.
Raido wanted it, he wanted all of Genma's weaknesses, all of his flaws and his whole pain. "I know that," he said immediately and even rolled his eyes, quick enough to hopefully chase away whatever shadow he had painted. "I just didn't know that you were away."
Alright yes, that didn't sound any better and he didn't need Genma's raised eyebrow to bring that point home.
Before the kid could interrupt or Raido could lose his courage, he continued: "I thought you were angry at me." There it was, the whole issue summarised. For how huge it had seemed, threatening to swallow Raido's world, now spoken aloud it seemed tiny enough to fit into his hand.
They were both quiet for a moment, Genma possibly thinking, calculating, Raido just.. dreading.
"You thought I was angry at you." Genma finally spoke up in a quiet voice, almost inaudible but so perfectly even and controlled that Raido wanted to call bullshit, wanted to shake the kid and scream in his face to stop it! Stop playing and just fucking show him what he felt! He had no right, though. Already Genma had fearlessly showed him one piece of his heart and Raido failed to answer; he wasn't owed honesty until he learnt how to give it, too.
"Yes." he agreed just as quietly, chancing a look at the kid's face, even if it meant finding accusation and disappointment in his eyes. He needn't have worried, Genma wasn't even looking his way. "I was.. trying to find a way to apologise and I was just.." Raido swallowed, giving a mirthless chuckle, "I'm sorry."
"No, that's.. that's okay." Genma said and they both knew it was a lie, but which of them was brave enough to call it? Certainly not Raido. "A month."
Raido felt like cursing or crying- no, he felt like Genma should be cursing or crying. "I thought you were done with me, after the mission." he admitted at last.
That, finally, was enough for Genma to turn his head, eyes boring into Raido's. Whatever he was looking for in them, Raido hoped Genma could find. "Not yet, it seems." the kid said, softly.
"That's fair." Raido nodded his head slowly. The forgiveness was a gift, it seemed. A blessing, maybe. He raised his hand again and gently stroked his knuckles over the swollen skin of Genma's cheek, the kid's breath stuttered and his eyes fluttered closed and suddenly Raido's heart was beating way too fast in his chest, like it was trying to hammer its way out. "I'm glad you're home, Gen."
***
Later, he laid on his back in his bed and replayed that moment over and over again.
How Genma had looked at him through his lashes and how Raido had tilted his head closer, how Genma's lips turned up in a sad smile when the kid instead pulled back.
How he had squeezed the too thin shoulder afterwards and they both got up, how Genma had let him walk him home, how the kid stumbled and leaned into his side out of sheer exhaustion.
How Raido had stood there on the street until the window above turned dark. And then some.
Later, he laid on his back and stared at the ceiling and realized that they hadn't really talked about anything at all.
***
Genma didn't seem to share his doubts about anything, back to his cheeky grins right the next morning. The left side of his face was still tender and way too colourful and the kid was refusing to wear anything that wouldn't cover him down to his wrists and ankles, but otherwise it seemed they were.. fine.
"Good morning." Raido told the cup of coffee that was getting shoved into his face, more assuming than seeing the presence of his kid behind it.
"Sure." Genma agreed easily and sidestepped him into Raido's apartment and okay, fine, it wasn't like he had any plans that he couldn't cancel.
Raido flailed in the doorway for a bit and when he turned to go back in, Genma was already barefoot and inspecting Raido's plant.
"Ugh." Raido explained eloquently, really deserving that cutting look that he got for it. "I think it missed you, too."
That was the right thing to say, because instead of poking mournfully at the limp leaves Genma turned to give him one of those sweet smiles that warmed up his eyes, making them seem like amber in sunlight. "Of course that's the reason," the kid grinned, eyes crinkling, "And not the ocean worth of water that you decided to leave it standing in. How about I save Mr. Banana and you feed me..?"
Well, that sounded like a good enough battle plan.
***
The next day his plant already looked so much better and Raido felt lighter, feeling like he could finally breathe free.