Chapter Text
Setting sun.
The rays piercing through the room were the only thing he could remember, vivid and animated, frozen in time by his memory. And the only reason he was able to do so were those eyes. Blood red, extension of the solar entity itself, they dug into his very mind, ridden of any sincerity and warmth, perfect irony opposing the scenery behind them. The extended hand kept singularity as the ice cold made contact with the boy's burning face. Almost too tenderly, he brought student's head up and smiled, crooked and menacing, not even hiding his ill intent at this point. "Hey, look at me. Humans make mistakes, they learn and grow from them. They are allowed to move on.''
Strength and agility. Were they just supposed to sprout back up after those words rolled down his tongue? Was it supposed to be a cure for his shaken pride? Perhaps a blessing in disguise?
"With that lack of response, you fail to improve, refusing to grow even in the slightest. Despite my biggest efforts, you seem to fall deeper each time. I am afraid all my methods have been but a fruitless attempt. Such a shame. Looks like you are no longer human, Dazai."
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"Dazai? Oi, Dazai? DAZAI?"
His eyes snapped open, chilling sensation still present in his bones, mind clouded with the remains of the fiery portrait beyond the window and those lustful, bloody irises. "For fuck's sake, look at me!"
He could hear the voice, clear as day, echoing in his skull, bouncing off the walls, giving him a headache, but no matter how hard he tried, his vision just wouldn't leave Mori and that sardonic smile of his.
"Are you even listening??? Dazai! Look. At. Me!" Finally, the person in the portrait fell silent. Dazai cherished the peace, trying to wave off the memory that still lingered profoundly right in front of him, taunting him, corrupting his mind. The rest, however, was not long lived.
Blinding pain overtook his senses and pierced right through his brain, ridding it of the tainted image as a much warmer face emerged from the ruins of the previous sight. Sky-like orbits stared into him, shining in hidden concern, much better tucked into frustrated or even agitated demeanor.
The brunet brought his palm to the cheek that had been stinging, already able to tell it was going to ache for the rest of the day, maybe even throughout the next. But that was good. He could use it as a hook, something to lead him away from the haunting images born from the depths of his psyche.
"Well, that's a rather violent way to wake a person up, Chibi. Do you want to go outside that bad? I thought I trained you well. Tsk, how rude..." he took his sweet time stretching out, while blinking away the last remains of the bad dream, finally able to fully focus on Chuuya's face.
Strangely enough, his partner hadn't spoken a single word from the moment he snapped Dazai back to reality. The lack of insults flooding the space between them, with fists high up in the air following close behind, was anything but normal. Instead, Chuuya had just stared at him the entire time. In complete and utter silence. It enveloped them both, just like the darkness surging throughout the room and plunging into their minds, in Dazai's case at the very least.
Hadn't it been for the fiery locks framing Chuuya's face like a halo, he would have long submerged into the endless void fully. Like a black whole pulling him in day by day, contradicted only by sheer gravity of a much bigger and mightier star.
"Awe, cat get your tongue? What's the matter shrimp? Did you get worried?" the shift in his expression was immediate. The skin around Chuuya's eyes wrinkled as his eyes narrowed, eyebrows almost meeting one another, creating a singular line. Dense, black clouds overtook the skies, flickering in rage, like lighting piercing through the night.
At last, a reaction he deserved. Chuuya's anger was reaching a boiling point and only within a few seconds! How fascinating that was. With a mere usage of words, the ginger could be tipped off so easily, it would have been sad if it wasn't so comical. "So you admit to it Chu? You got worried for good ol' Dazai? How cute"
He received a low growl as a response, before his partner went all out, "Of course not! Why the fuck would I be worried about you, Mackerel? Your yelps woke me up and it annoyed me to no end. That's all!"
“So cute! It’s almost like you expect me to believe you! Come now, Chibikko, we both know how heavy of a sleeper you are!" As dangerous as it was, Dazai brought his slender finger up, gently touching the tip of the other's nose, his smile growing at the same rate as ginger's temper, "I'd dare say you wouldn't notice a bomb ticking right in front of your ugly face, let alone budge an inch!"
Was he really that restless? Chuuya’s senses were definitely sharp enough to detect any disturbance when he was awake, but to be able to feel them even when he had long succumbed to the waves of comforting slumber… Dazai truly must have been unbearable.
How utterly embarrassing it was, letting his thoughts get to him in such a way like that of a sad, defenseless child rather than a skilled mafioso. What would have Mori said if he were to see him like this? Unlike his partner, mistakes weren't an option to him, even in his sleep. Vulnerability of any kind was never an excuse. Not in his book.
"You know I'm never wrong, Chuuya," truth to be told, he rarely ever was. He knew that, Chuuya knew that, the whole mafia did for that matter. No wonder the words stung.
"Just shut the fuck up," the other sibilated, as he turned away and flopped back onto the mattress, "shitty Dazai, telling me what I can and cannot do..."
Mumbles kept pouring out like Kaji's lemons during an unforeseen raid, just as explosive as the silly bombs were. Chuuya seemed to know his curses well, seeing as he went on and on for minutes, making each second feel like an eternity and a half. He did live on the streets most of his life, so it only made sense that he was gifted in this particular field, rivaling even his combat skills.
Slowly, the venomous whispers died out as the ginger's posture relaxed, making way for even breaths that the unconscious state of mind brought.
And Dazai?
He simply observed the scene unfolding, from start to finish in all it's executive glory.
Who would have thought that this childish, sensitive, reckless excuse for a human, would make it as far as he did? It was amusing watching him squirm his way up, realising that he was too far in a moment too late. And it was strangely endearing to watch him create connections, make this place feel like home, only for everything to burn the second he looked away.
Entertainment at its finest.
But Chuuya fought. He shed countless tears for his fallen peers. He screamed and grieved and punched, but he never stayed down for long. Just like out of a movie. Just like he was supposed to.
Just like a human.
How was it fair? How was it possible?
Just how did the most inhuman among them all seem to be the only thing he was not destined to be?
It was not logical. Not in the slightest.
"Oi slug, would you still love me if I were a… washing machine?"
For a while there wasn't a single sign indicating that the other was awake, silence surging through the room. Chuuya had most likely fallen asleep, then.
"I don't love you either way dimwit," a voice arose, "being a washing machine doesn't help you case either. You would just bang even louder."
"And if I were a peanut?"
"No, not even if you were a peanut. Leave me alone."
"How about a tea leaf?"
"It's three in the morning Makarel, shut the fuck up."
"A glass of wine?"
He could practically hear his partner's eye roll, preceded by a long, aggravated sigh,
"I'll consider it."
"Yaay, Chuuya loves me! This makes my day so much better!"
"Go to hell! Nothing has been decided! Ugh, you're such an ass."
"But you still love me?"
"Yea, yea, whatever. Goodnight."
"Chuuya?"
"JESUS FUCKING- WHAT?!"
"Do you want to sneak out with me on the rooftop and watch the stars?"
Chuuya prompted himself upwards, finally turning to face Dazai, his face bewildered in utter state of shock. Dazai asking for such an innocent and pure act? He most likely thought he was still dreaming.
"Well?"
Those oceans irises stared at him, full of wonder, clear as day even in the dark.
His eyes were so enticing and beautiful, like a peaceful lagoon or the endless sky on a sunny day. They were yet to fail at drawing Dazai's attention whenever the ginger spoke, as they were a good guide to Chuuya's mood and intentions, aside from just being generally enchanting. They were exactly the same as when he'd first met him.
If the saying 'eyes are the mirror of the soul', was true, then ginger's was fierce and fiery, but clear and just, maybe even kind, as much as a mafia executive could be.
When it dawned to him that Dazai had caught him off guard, again, Chuuya's demeanor changed immediately, annoyance meeting even his eyes and reflecting on his face.
"C'mon, be a good doggie and keep me company."
"Whatever, let's just get it over with. I need at least some rest."
"Delightful! Let's go right away!"
The ginger gave him a single nod as a response before they took off.
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"And that one is Mizar, right behind Alitoh," his hand gently pushed Chuuya's in the right direction, " And Durbe, should be the next one. Right there!"
"You know awfully lot about stars. Why?"
They had always made a breath-taking scenery. Cramped up so close together, they shone the light likes of which sun could never provide. Almost like they were sticking together for one another, showing each other their purity and guidance. That's what he believed as a child. He wanted to be their friend and be able to shine his light into the world. So he made sure that he learned their names and their positions. Then, maybe, he could truly be one of them, belong somewhere, hopefully.
It was only years later that he discovered that the solar entities were hundreds of thousands light years apart, alone, in the dark, tucked away the ever growing universe tearing them apart.
"I just had a lot of free time on my hands."
"Makes sense. I can't imagine your lazy ass doing anything but waste your time on random crap."
"You got me."
Both of them caved into a fit of giggles, perfectly synchronised, just as always. What they were even laughing about, only the gods knew. Sometimes there wasn't an exact reason as to why they succumbed to the silly illusion of happiness. They just did. Perhaps just shared those tiny rays across the gap that separated them years and years of light apart, stretching away with each waking day.
Chuuya was the first one to regain his serious demeanor and look back up.
Dazai quickly caught up and shut his mouth. The glint remained in the ginger's eyes only. Or were those stars?
"Hey, Dazai?", brunet felt the weight of his partner's hand on his, soft fabric of black gloves brushing against his skin gently, as Chuuya moved his thumb, peculiarly tender.
Shit, he was awaiting a response.
"Hm? What do you want slug?"
He didn't respond right away. As a matter of fact, silence dragged on for quite a while.
"Chuuya?"
"I don't know, Dazai. You are a fucking douche and I hate your guts. But…" he fidgeted with his fingers, avoiding Dazai's gaze at all costs.
Now, that got him curious.
"But?"
"But I feel I should take back what I've said earlier, you know?"
"About me being lazy?"
"No, about me not liking you as a glass of wine. I guess I do love you."
"Awee Chibiii, you should have said so earlier! We're getting married tomorrow!"
"YOU DIMWIT! IT'S PLAT-"
"Too late, I've already booked a venue! Get ready, little one!"
"No way! Especially not until you say it back! I can't trust you with anything bastard."
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The wine glass clinked softly when Dazai set it on the wooden stand right across from Chuuya. Blood red liquid spilled out of the cup, splattering all over the glass, droplets freezing on the surface almost instantly, creating quite a gruesome imagery.
Silence.
The mafioso cringed, but did nothing to remove it. It looked prettier, at the very least.
"It's been a while, hasn't it, Chuuya? I brought you some wine." He gestured to the glass next to them. "They didn't have your favourite, so I hope this will suffice."
Silence.
"Yea, I am quite busy these days, with the lack of executives and all. You wouldn't believe how much paperwork the Mafia can produce. It's crazy."
Silence.
"Kouyou sends her regards, says what I'm doing is foolish. Do you think so?"
Silence.
Just as always. Like every other time. What was he thinking?
"Hey Chuuya? I love you too…
...and you have to hear it, wouldn't want you making a liar out of me,
I will get you back."