Chapter Text
Simon was in the back of the choir; almost hidden behind another boy. His voice was echoing hauntingly beautifully through the church. Wilhelm saw his glossy eyes and the rigid tension in his body. He was not okay. The sopranos and altos joined in and complemented Simon’s solo. As the first refrain came up Simon’s shoulders loosened and slowly he immersed himself more in the music but Wilhelm saw that he wasn’t singing his heart out like usual. It was subtle but Wilhelm knew Simon well enough.
Simon was staring straight ahead; his eyes not once straying towards Wilhelm.
Wilhelm wanted him to look at him, to feel Simon’s heavy gaze on him, to feel him singing just for him. At first he hadn’t understood Simon’s rejection but the longer he had thought about it the more he realized that Simon was right. Not that understanding it made it any easier. The last few days he had felt the loss of the shared secret smiles and stolen kisses in empty classrooms acutely. Most of all he missed their talks, Simon was the only one he was able to be himself around. With Simon he could just be Wilhelm; he wasn’t “your royal highness”, “Crown Prince Wilhelm” or something that felt equally ridiculous, no, he was just Wilhelm, a more or less normal teenager. Had denying it been the right decision? He still wasn’t sure but it seemed more and more likely that either way would have gone badly.
Underneath the sadness boiled the anger. Why had August taken the tape in the first place? Why had he after all his speeches about “protecting the crown” published a sex tape of him? How could his mother not even tell him that it had been August? How could she let August go unpunished? How, how, HOW? On some level he understood the scandal that it would cause but this wasn’t a wrecked luxury car. It wasn’t a small misdemeanor either, it was a serious crime. It wasn’t fair or appropriate that a noble could get away with breaking the law like that . This was Wilhelm’s (and Simon’s) life and August had ruined it intentionally. It had taken a while to warm up to August but he had unconditionally trusted him. Trusted him with his doubts and fears about being the crown prince. He had thought that August understood him, understood how he struggled with coping with Erik’s death and his new role. Well, obviously August’s mask was a lot better than he’d given him credit for, he thought bitterly.
When the song faded the chapel became quiet once more. After a few moments of silence the priest got up and issued the blessing. Wilhelm couldn’t focus on it. Mechanically he followed the motions: standing up, sitting down, mumbling along the Lord’s Prayer. Then they were finally done and the outro music began to play. Wilhelm and his bodyguards were the last to leave. Outside the chapel all the personnel were standing in a row waiting there just to shake his hands. Oh god, how he hated being the crown prince. He wasn’t fit for the role; he didn’t have the social skills, the patience but most importantly the sense of duty required. Still, he had been raised as a prince and he knew how to fake the motions. He shook hands with everyone and smiled at them, making everyone feel seen and important. His grip was strong but not too tight and while his smile wasn’t real he knew that it was the better, more photogenic smile anyway. It looked more princely as his mother had put it. Finally the feelingly endless row of people ended and he was free.
He walked past the small groups of students chattering with each other and nodded towards a few as a way of greeting.
For a split moment he stared at August who was happily chatting with his friends. Then he just walked past him without a second glance and muttered silently under his breath: ‘He’s not worth it. Don’t cause another scene.’
Past the gate he saw Simon talking to a few friends. His heart stopped for a single moment as he took in how happy and carefree Simon looked. He never looked that way in school. Involuntarily his feet carried him over to the back of the group. Simon must have seen him because he immediately turned towards Wilhelm. For a moment they just stared at each other, the longing in their eyes clearly visible. Wilhelm was the first to break the silence his voice slightly rough,
“That was beautiful.”
“Thanks,”
Then Wilhelm surprised himself by pulling Simon in a tight hug. This was not a short goodbye hug, no, this was much more. This, Wilhelm knew, showed everyone gathered here how insincere his public statement had been. Only one would need to record it and the rumors would start anew. Wilhelm didn’t care anymore. His mother had shown so little regard for his wishes and happiness these past months that he couldn’t care less what she thought or wanted. Also for the first time in weeks he had Simon pressed up against him. Tears welled up in Wilhelm’s eyes and only sheer will stopped them from rolling down his cheeks. There were endless apologies, pleas for forgiveness and pleas for another chance stuck on his tongue but none of them left his mouth. Instead he mumbled a simple “I'm sorry,” in Simon’s shoulder and then almost as an afterthought “I love you,”. For a moment he tightened the hug even further. Wilhelm then let go of Simon and stepped back. He saw how Simon struggled with his words and it was fine that he couldn’t say it back. It was fine. It had to be fine. After they stared at each other for another few moments, Simon still visibly struggling, Simon finally broke the slightly awkward silence,
“Have a nice Christmas!”
Manners had been so ingrained in his behavior that the “thank you” was mostly a reflex. He wasn’t sure what else to say. There was another moment of awkward silence as they stared at each other before Wilhelm turned around and walked to the car. He only kept his composure through sheer will and after the car door had finally closed behind him, a small sob escaped him. It hurt. At the same time resolve settled deep in his gut: he would no longer be pushed around.