Chapter Text
By now it had become common for Izuku and Katsuki to be seen together, common enough that they could sit together in the common room and not have one or both of their friend groups(or "squads" as Mina insisted on calling them) try and turn it into some kind of hour-long event. They weren't really doing much-Katsuki was reading an article on his phone while Izuku was just staring out the window-but they didn't need to. It had been a long day, and they just needed some time to unwind.
Izuku had just been thinking about how he could do something special for Eri without them having to leave campus when his thoughts were interrupted by a spluttering cough. Turning, he saw Katsuki drop the water bottle he'd been holding, his cough growing in intensity. To his horror, Katsuki began to grasp at his throat, desperate to inhale even as his cough got louder. But before Izuku could even ask what was wrong the blonde pounded his chest, took a deep breath, and then picked his phone and water bottle back up as if nothing had happened. Izuku's panic turned to a more focused concern, and he eyed Katsuki with his best Look, the one his mom always used whenever he was hesitant to say something important. It was a testament to how close they'd gotten that it only took a few seconds for Katsuki to break under his gaze.
"........'s fine."
"That's not a 'fine' reaction to swallowing too quickly Kacchan."
Katsuki's eyes quickly darted around the room, confirming that they were alone. "I ain't good with inhalin' shit that ain't air. Haven't been since...y'know,that day in middle school. My brain flipped out, but it's fine. I can breathe again so there's no problem."
Izuku's face fell. "Oh, yeah. That felt pretty awful-I get why you'd react like that." Katsuki froze, his eyes slowly meeting Izuku's as his expression regained nearly all of the fear it'd had just moments ago. "What?"
The greenette began to panic, even as he knew there was no way he could stave off the confrontation with half-truths and assurances. "Well, I mean I just figured that that'd be a really awful thing to go through and that you-"
"Yeah. It was awful. I was being fucking suffocated by a quirk that probably doesn't have alotta other stuff like it. So why the fuck did you just say you know what it was like?"
Izuku's head drooped-he knew there was no way out of this. "Ok. So the first time I met All Might wasn't actually when I tried to save you."
Izuku related the story of the worst/best day of his life as quickly as he could without doing anything that could be seen as lying by omission. Katsuki already knew he'd been hiding something-the worst thing he could do was to try and do it again. "And then after you thanked me, at least I think that's what you were doing, All Might told me he could pass down his quirk to me and that I could become a hero. Please Kacchan, I know you're mad and I understand why but I'm so sor-"
The rest of his sentence was cut off as his face was forced into the older boy's shoulder through what had to be the most bone-crushing hug of his entire life. He attempted to talk but his mumbled words only prompted a further tightening of his rival's grip.
"If you say the word 'sorry' I will throw you out that window and then explode you into the fucking stratosphere."
Undaunted, Izuku kept trying to speak, both to explain himself and also ask what exactly was happening right now. After it became clear that the muffled mumbling wouldn't stop, Katsuki swapped his vice-grip of a hug in favor of clamping his hands onto Izuku's shoulders, their faces mere inches apart.
"I-"
"Don't. You don't get to talk right now." The few parts of Izuku's mind that weren't awash with confusion dimly realized that this may have been the angriest he'd ever seen his old friend. "I've seen some fucked-up shit since that day, but this takes the fucking cake. So I'm gonna ask you a question and you're gonna explain yourself-why in the absolute hell are you apologizing to me for almost getting killed!!?"
"I-I don't-..." Izuku's mind was whirling-had Katsuki even been listening? "I'm the reason you got attacked! If I hadn't grabbed onto All Might he wouldn't've dropped the bottles holding that villain and you wouldn't have had that happen to you. That felt so awful, and he only had me for a few seconds-I can't imagine how bad it was for you. I'm-"
"Finish that sentence and you die." The ash blond's glare intensified even further. "Let's break this shit down. You got attacked by a villain. Then you risked your life to ask All Might a question because you're a fucking fanboy. Then that villain decided trying to drown one kid wasn't enough and went for me. Then your quirkless ass came to try and help, and then All Might beat the shit outta him. What the fuck kind of fantasy world are you living in where you're somehow to blame for any of this?"
"Because the bottles holding the villain's body fell out of All Might's pockets, and that was only because I grabbed onto him. I-"
"I don't care." All at once, Katsuki's gaze became much less angry, though no less intense.
"H-huh?"
"You heard me. I don't care. You're not the reason why I flip out every time I swallow wrong-that sludge fucker is. So why do you think you need to apologize for it?"
"I-because..."
"Do you really think I want your apology? Honestly-do you actually believe that anyone would want you to apologize for something a villain did to them that you had no idea about and couldn't have known was gonna happen?"
"I...I don't know. But I have to say something-I'm the reason it happened." Izuku's voice had suddenly become very small.
"Deku, lemme tell you something you really need to hear." Katsuki leaned even closer towards the shorter boy. "The world. Doesn't. Revolve. Around your dumb ass."
"I...what?"
"You're acting like everything you're connected to happens because you're connected to it, that you having been involved makes you responsible for it. And maybe that's how it works for the heroes in trash-tier mangas and dumbass kids' shows where the writers are all idiots but that damn sure ain't how it works in the real world. You ain't the only one around who can make decisions, and because you wanna make this fucking villain attack all about you you're pretty much saying that you're the only one whose choices matter. Didja ever think that maybe All Might was to blame for not noticing those bottles were gone sooner? Y'know, cause he's the number one hero and that's his entire fucking job? How 'bout that villain-think he's at fault for being a fucking bastard? Noooo, that'd mean there'd be less blame for you."
"K-K-Kacchan..." Izuku's eyes were welling with tears.
Belatedly, Katsuki realized he'd forgotten to actually say why he was angry-it was clear that the nerd was so lost in this stupid guilt that the otherwise obvious indications wouldn't be enough. He swallowed and loosened his grip a tad. Here came the hard part...
"Don't fuckin' cry dumbass. I'm not mad at you like that. I'm mad because...fuck." He cut off, looking away for a moment, before a stifled sob snapped him out of his hesitancy. "I'm mad because you think the problem with you telling me that you almost died was that I'd blame you for something. I'm mad because you're so caught up in feeling bad about yourself that you're giving yourself more blame for this shit than the actual villain. I'm mad..."(c'mon you idiot, just say it. Not like you haven't said more embarrassing shit before.)"I'm mad because you think I'm the only one who's allowed to hurt from this."
Izuku's tears were falling now, but they did so in silence. He couldn't say anything-he didn't think there was anything he could say that could even begin to speak to any of that. He'd never even considered that this was going on, but maybe that was part of the point.
"You are allowed to hurt from bad shit. Someone else hurting doesn't change that. Nothing changes that, so don't you try and bullshit your way out like you did just now. Unless every last word you've said since Kamino was a lie, get over yourself and take this shit seriously."
Realizing he was getting close to just repeating himself out of frustration, Katsuki pre-empted anything embarrassing he might say(well, anything else embarrassing) by pulling Izuku into another hug. He'd never have told anyone, but he could've sworn that he actually felt the damn nerd smiling into his shoulder. And when he heard the younger boy's muffled voice, promising to try and stop this, he couldn't help but smile too.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Months had passed. The country had descended into anarchy following the Battle of Jaku Hospital and the subsequent prison breaks. And when the nation had needed him most, the hero-in-training Deku, inheritor of All-Might's power, had fucked off to God-knows-where without even saying goodbye. Katsuki had ripped through three training dummies the day he'd learned that the only one monitoring the damn nerd was All-Might, of all people. He'd been scared shitless that the glorified Symbol of Self-Neglect had been refusing to care about himself while he was constantly risking his life against villains, but now he knew that was the case. He'd been ready to fight his way through Four-Eyes and Icy-Hot and even Endeavor if that's what it took to get the nerd, but for once the extras had gotten on his level. Now, as they stared down the shadowy figure that barely even resembled the naive loser he'd once known, he found that he wasn't even mad. Obviously the problem was that shitty Deku hadn't listened the first time he'd told him to buck up and care. So all he had to do was tell him again, with his quirk if necessary, and keep on telling him until he decided to listen. And this time, he had all the help he could ask for.