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He wasn't late for once. They said that they would facetime at 9pm and there were still a few minutes to wait before seeing her on the screen.
He was alone. He would call the others as soon as Helen would appear. But he was alone for now.
He missed her. He missed her more than everyone he lost and probably more than everyone he could lose. Well except for Emma. He missed her, every morning at breakfast when he tried to feed everyone with fresh fruits and healthy cereals. He missed her when he saw Livia growing up so fast while he couldn’t figure out who she needed him to be. He missed her when Dru and Tavvy did stupid things and he couldn’t bring himself to chastise them. He missed her every time Ty rejected him. He missed her when Emma was out, doing Raziel knows what and he wished he could follow her instead of staying in and keeping an eye on his siblings. He missed her at night when he wished he could share the heavy burden he could feel on his shoulders.
He missed her genuine smile, her singing laugh, her strength. He missed her beautiful face so much that sometimes he spent hours trying to paint it without succeeding.
He missed his older sister.
He missed Mark too of course, but he didn’t need him as much as he needed Helen. She had been with him forever. She had always been a calm reassuring force in this stormy life he had.
He checked the time, 8.59pm. Helen was always on time. He had to get hold of himself before she could see him like that. Because no matter how much he missed her, he knew that she was suffering as much as he was and probably feeling guilty not to be with them, even if they all knew she wasn’t the one to blame. And he couldn’t add to her suffering. He needed to keep everything to himself in order to protect the others.
And just as he was rummaging his hands through his hair, Helen’s call came in. “Smile, dickead” he murmured to himself before accepting the call.
“Hey there, how are you?” he asked cheerfully. Helen was already smiling. Her smile made him feel better even if it came from thousand miles away.
He called for the others to come in. They all arrived at once, a storm of dark brown hair kids, screaming of excitement.
Emma came in right after them. She went directly to Julian, smoothing the tension off of his shoulders instinctively.
“How are you all doing?” Helen’s voice matching the joy of the faces she knew so well and missed so much.