Chapter Text
Do you know that feeling as if you’re hovering outside your body and whatever is happening isn’t happening to you? Yea, well, you sure did memorize it when the glass shattered in front of you. All it took was spending a day with Hange for you to be lost to her forever.
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“Hange! Hange please are you out there? Come back to me” you choke on your tears, screaming for help, for her, for anything. You grabbed onto the pieces of the shattered mirror crushing them against your skin until your hands were covered in bright red. You squeezed harder, more blood, now crimson seeped onto the futon and your knees. It doesn’t hurt, you thought and looked down at your trembling hands. Tears begin falling down your face and rippling the blood. “I should have kissed you! I love you, please, Hange. Come back to me and tell me you love me too.” Your voice sank, realizing how big your demand was for someone who isn’t even real. Or was not supposed to be.
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How would you even begin to describe what happened to you? Was it just maladaptive daydreaming? Was it real? Maladaptive daydreaming usually included more imagination and the touches wouldn’t be as strong and adamant. At times it even felt as if she was trying to ground herself with you. Hang on to reality, or your reality. It seemed like it wasn’t for you to know. All you can do is hang on to what you had, seeping in self-pity and regret.
If Hange is real, why does she deserve to vanish and I don’t? You quietly made your way down through the mansion, relieved that no one is home to witness the blood dripping from your hands. You were still holding onto the pieces, maybe, some way, these pieces will get her back to you. You didn’t know, but you knew you had to try.
You held onto them tightly while you ran to Alex’s apartment and collapsed.
******
Alex had a good day. They did some cleaning around the apartment and started working on a few new sketches for class. Their theme was personal struggles so they decided to roll with the cages people give themselves or put themselves in. As much as Alex wants to say that they’re okay all the time, that is not the whole truth.
They were just watching Chopped on the Food Network in their oversized Spears shirt. It was the second round and all the chefs were shitty. Alex began to does off when they heard a loud knock on the front door, followed by a thud. Someone or rather, something fell. Curiosity got the best of Alex. They got up to unlock the door. It was y/n! Why the fuck is she covered in… blood? Oh, shit shit shit!
They quickly got to their feet and carried her to their coach examining y/n’s hands. She was carrying shards of some mirror and it looks like she cut herself pretty badly. You took the glass pieces out of her hands and Alex thought they saw her muscle spasm. “y/n you with me?”, Alex was insanely worried and freaked out. She mumbled something that sounded like “Hange”. They shook their head, huffing a breath; Idiot bleeding out and still thinking about Hange. This is getting unhealthy . Their friend is the “goody-two-shoes," but something happened since they last saw each other and Alex needs to get to the bottom of that, after taking care of y/n’s wounds.
After placing the glass on a paper plate they ran to the bathroom for a first aid kit. At this point, they didn’t care if she would bleed onto their floor or she’d get shit onto the carpet, her wellbeing mattered more. Luckily, Alex is trained in taking care of cuts, even cuts that deep. They started with hydrogen peroxide and held pressure on the hand to stop the bleeding. Damn y/n is going to be in pain, the friend thought and continued by wrapping y/n’s hands in bandages.
Later that night Alex carried y/n to their bed and took the couch themselves. Neck craned uncomfortably, they had too much space to think about what she had done. Those wounds wouldn’t be that deep unless she pushed at them further. The glass means something to y/n. Alex got up to find the shards stacked on a plate next to the door and stumbled to the kitchen to wash them. They seemed to be extra delicate, especially stained with their best friend’s blood. Finding a tiny container, Alex carefully wiped down the pieces and places them into a tiny container. That’s when they heard the calm breathing from the bed become shuffled noises.
*****
You awoke on Alex’s couch. Last night? One big blur. All you can remember is blood, cold fingertips, solid ground under your feet, stairs, and… it fades out there.
You try to rub your palms into your eyes but you get surprised by the presence of bandages. You squint in the faint light trying to figure out where you are when someone turns on the light. Alex was standing there, looking relieved, as though they’re glad you’re alright. After a few moments, you raise your eyebrows and gesture to your hands.
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“Does it hurt?”, their voice squeaked, you shook your head. No, it didn’t hurt, it should hurt so why doesn’t it? Wanting to feel it you bend your fingers and squeeze your hands tightly into knuckles. There it is. Just as the tingling warm sensation of the blood seeps into you Alex runs up to you and starts slapping at your hands yelling at you to stop, you reluctantly do.
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“Asshole now I have to change your dressings again.” That is all they say and go back to the kitchen, most likely to pull out the first aid kit. Again.
You get pulled from your thoughts by a staggering rush of guilt. Alex saw you hurt yourself, it probably alarmed them. Alex gestured for you to come to the kitchen sink and they redressed your wounds. The even sound of water lulled you into deep thought.
Those who we fall in love with act like a mirror to us. They show us what we can be, what we want to be, what we want to improve, and everything we cherish in ourselves that is brought forward by our person. But… what about me? She was my mirror. She mirrored my soul and found my truths in the crevices of my being and I never even got to repay her. Research says people look in mirrors for an average of 56 minutes a day and they try to find themselves when they do. All you see is her staring back at you, so you don’t look in the mirror at all . Because when I try I hate what I see.