Chapter Text
" - eyama , you have to wake up now. "
"huh?"
" come on sleepy head, you missed breakfast already. Get up before you miss lunch too."
Kageyama tried sit up on his bed, but as soon as he registered the intensely painful sensation in his head he laid back down on the bed, a pained grunt leaving his mouth. ' huh? bed? When did he..?? wha?? '
" Kageyama , you okay? "
Kageyama turned his head to the side to see Bokuto , concern flashing on his face.
" Do you want some water? Should I call the coach? Or a doctor? How is your head feeling? Does it hurt? I'll -"
" It's like a high heel is jabbing in to my brain" Kageyama muttered under his breath.
Bokuto's loud laughter filled his ears worsening the throbbing feeling inside his head. Kageyama rolled on to his other side covering his ears, just to be face to face with a silently chuckling Ushijima.
" keep it down, Bokuto, You're making it worse. " Ushijima tried to stop the buffy owl who was rolling on the floor . After another minute of laughing on the floor Bokuto composed himself and sat back on a chair beside the bed.
" I just didn't know you had it in you, kags" Bokuto said with a cheery voice.
"Don't call me that" Kageyama snapped back.
" Anyway, are you alright? Is there anything wrong? besides the headache? " Ushijima interrupted before bokuto could tease kageyama more.
" No, just the headache " Kageyama reassured.
Kageyama still couldn't remember how did he end up in a bed all of a sudden with two of his teammates hovering over him like mother hens. One of his teammates, to be exact. The other one is being a rude elder brother. The last thing he could remember was ... Nevermind, nothing came to his mind. The pain he felt earlier inside his head was subdued by a little. They went to the olympics, lost in the match against the argentinan team and came back to Japan. They had some interviews. It's all blurred after that. He could recognize the room he was currently in as his room in the hotel they were staying
" What happened? Aren't we supposed to be in a interview?" Kageyama asked bokuto who was getting something from a bag on the night stand. He stopped what he was doing and turned to look at Kageyama as he had grown another head.
" You don't remember?" Bokuto asked bewildered.
"uh, no?"
" You don't remember? yesterday? "
"what? I can't remember. "
" 21st. It was June 21st yesterday"
Bokuto said the date like it physically pained him to say it. A deep frown on his usually cheery face. Was it someone's birthday? That's not it. Bokuto would have been happy if it was a birthday. Then a death anniversary? But it's not like he knows everyone bokuto knows. Bokuto is a social butterfly like hin- What was the date again ? June 21st . Death anniversary. All the memories of the day before, and the few last years came crashing down to his head. He wouldn't have minded if he forgot it entirely.
"oh"
" yeah." Bokuto confirmed his doubt.
Ushijima cleared his throat to gain the attention of the two.
" we should go downstairs to get lunch. You specially , Kageyama. You missed your breakfast already. Others might be waiting for us."
" I don't feel like eating at the moment, Ushijima san. Both of you should go ahead and eat." Kageyama lost his appetite just by thinking about yesterday.
" me neither. I'll stay with kageyama."
" bu-" Ushijima tried to reason with them, but was interrupted by a very serious bokuto.
" I'm staying"
"Okay then." Ushijima sighed. " Should I ask the room service to bring your lunch to your room?" Ushijima asked standing up from the chair he was sitting.
"No, Don't worry. We'll come downstairs in a bit . Don't wait for us." Bokuto reassured.
When ushijima was about to leave the room kageyama spoke up.
" I'm sorry for the trouble I caused yesterday, Ushijima san , and , um... Thank you for helping me back there "
" It wasn't trouble at all, Kageyama. I'm glad I could help you" Ushijima said with a pleased smile on his lips and left.
Bokuto and kageyama both stayed silent for a minute before Kageyama broke the silence.
" You should go too, Bokuto san. I , um.. I want to be alone. please"
" I know you want to, but I have some things I want to put through this thick head of yours" Bokuto said with a serious expression that made Kageyama shut his mouth"
Bokuto sighed and sat by his bed. Kageyama also sat up on his bed.
" I, .... I'm not gonna tell you that I know what you're feeling at the moment. I don't want to even think about what I'll do if something like this happened to Akaashi. You and Hi- hinata had a very different relationship than ours. By ours I meant Hinata and me. I didn't knew him as much as you knew him. I couldn't even properly speak with him after I graduated. But anyone who knew him know that he didn't want you to be like this. Yes, you have come a very long way as a player. Heck, you are a olympian now. But anyone with eyes can tell what you are doing to yourself , Kageyama. You are better than this Kageyama. I ju- I just.."
Bokuto went silent for a while as he chose right words to express his thoughts. Kageyama just sat in his bed waiting for Bokuto to continue.
"Just tell me. Do you hate him?" Bokuto asked.
'what ? why? why would he hate him? he loved hina- shoyo. He loved his shoyo. No, he still love him.
" No, I, .. I d- don't hate him. How can I?"
" Do you blame him?"
" Wha? no! Why would I ?"
"Then are you blaming yourself for what happened?" Bokuto asked all of a sudden.
Kageyama went silent at that.
" Shit, I knew you'd think so. Why would you think that?"
Kageyama was at loss of words again. What can he possibly tell? He hadn't even talked about these things with yamaguchi or yachi. He don't know what made him listen to bokuto, maybe the similarity between his and bokuto's personalities. He's not certain about that, but talking with bokuto made him feel at ease. It's not like he didn't feel comfortable talking with his friends, but it's different.
Bokuto shook his shoulder to bring kageyama back out of his mind. Bokuto sent him a questioning glance waiting for answers.
" I could have done something. he- he - I could have helped him. I - I" a silent sob muffled the rest of his sentence.
Bokuto took Kageyama's hands in his hands.
" Kageyama, listen, we both know he doesn't blame you, no one does. He's just- he's just so - he cares about others more than himself, okay. he didn't want you to be sad, for anyone to be sad. He was a really brave boy. He kept it all to himself. He kept it all to himself for longer than he should. I'm pretty sure even he didn't know what was happening until he did it. Even if you knew something you couldn't have helped him. You can't blame yourself for that , Kageyama. " then Bokuto hugged him tightly.
Kageyama let out some of his frustration out as tears, all the feelings that was hidden deep inside his heart. He just let his tears fall freely without a care. He knew it wasn't appropriate to wish that it was hinata who was hugging him, not bokuto. But he let his mind deceit his body.
After crying out his frustrations Kageyama awkwardly pulled away from the hug.
" I'm sorry. "
" You have nothing to be sorry for"
" Thank you"
" I'm glad i could help you. and one more thing. " Bokuto left the bedside to get his bag.
" Here" Bokuto shoved a book in his face after returning.
" What's this? " Kageyama asked dumbfounded.
"It's a book , kageyama. A diary, actually"
"For what?"
" Kageyama, what do you think diaries are for? You write what you feel in this. I know you're stubborn and you won't probably talk with anyone about how you're feeling. So, this can be useful for a grump like you" Bokuto explained.
Kageyama didn't know what to say at the moment. Accept it? Reject it? He was , for a lack of a better word , emotionally constipated.
" okay then. You are keeping it. and don't even think about throwing it away. Let's go. Ushi mooshi must be worried. oh, and I gotta call akashi also. come on. move your lazy ass.!" Bokuto did a quick mood swing and turned back into his happy go lucky self.
" You go ahead, Bokuto san. I'll join you later. I, uhh.... I need some time to - to, uhh..." Kageyama wandered off unable to find the right words.
" It's ok , kageyama. I know. Take your time. I'll tell ushijima. " With that Bokuto turned to leave,
" Bokuto san, I'm sorry for the trouble, -"
" Kageyama, you're no-"
" and thank you for helping "
At that Bokuto gave him a smile like a proud dad and ruffled his hair.
" You can always talk to me, Kageyama. You're a good man. You deserve to be happy. Also, we can't tell what will happen exactly. But, I'm sure everything will be all right." Bokuto squeezed his hand and left.
Kageyama was glad he met all this wonderful friends and senpais , all thanks to his human tangerine, the love of his life , Hinata shouyou.