Chapter Text
The days following the beach party, Jisu tried her best not to sit too close to anyone. Whenever she did, her skin burned with the memory of being in the water, holding tight to Jaeheon, laughing in the sunset. it made her shiver every time she thought of it.
It wasn’t until she was on her way to class, when she stopped outside the door. She was walking on instinct, but now she realized it was her religion class and she hesitated. She would pretend not to see him if he was there, it would be that simple. Just pretend like she didn’t know him... After all, they had gotten quite drunk that night.
She pushed her way into the class, her eyes unknowingly searching for tan skin and round glasses. She didn’t see him. Her head swiveled around as she scanned the whole room... no sign of him. She thought he would be the type to be early to class. Taking her seat, she ducked her head and tried to push any thoughts of him away. So what if he was late to class? That wasn’t any of her business.
After the class ended and they all shuffled out of the lecture hall, Jisu tried not to search the crowd for him. But she did it anyway, disappointed when he was nowhere to be found. had he not shown up? She felt guilt pang her chest as she wondered if it was because of her.
It was a little warmer out today, so everyone was on the campus grounds, enjoying the sun. she wandered outside, planning on walking across to the dining hall to find a snack, but she was distracted by a familiar face. It was Jaeheon’s friend Yujin, he was wielding some kind of long stick and was swinging it around like a sword. He was surprisingly good at it.
She walked closer, he was standing by a tree and as she approached, she could see behind the tree was a picnic table and sitting there was Jaeheon. She tried to ignore the way her heart lurched at the sight of him. He was laughing and clapping while watching his friend flip and swing his weapon.
Once she was close enough to get a good look at Jaeheon, she could see his swollen lip and bloodied jaw, the bruise there was vibrant and hard to miss. She wasn’t sure what she was initially planning on saying to him, but now she was distracted by seeing him injured.
Jaeheon saw her coming and immediately stood up from the table, looking around as if searching for an escape. The way she was marching towards him was intimidating and he looked ready to run away.
She reached him before he could do so and she grabbed his shirt collar, pulling him closer to her. “What’s this?” she demanded, the anger in her voice was given away as fake as a hand came up to tenderly brush against his bruise, not hard enough to hurt.
He flinched anyways, more so at feeling her touch his skin again and less so in pain. “I-it was an accident,” he stammered. “It’s fine, really.”
“Is this why you weren’t in class today?” she released his collar, giving him a little shove as she did so. He stumbled back, his eyes wide.
“You... Were you worried?” he huffed, almost amused but too scared of her right now to really laugh about it.
Yujin suddenly grew interested in someone he imagined in the distance and he excused himself, walking swiftly away from them. She could see Jaeheon curse him in his mind.
“No, I wasn't worried,” she insisted. “I was mad.”
“Mad?”
“You’re going to fail if you miss class.”
“I was in the nurse’s office, I had an excuse.”
She frowned at him, going to sit at the table, pulling him back down to sit next to her. She looked closely at his bruise, relieved to see that it wasn’t that deep, just a surface wound. “What happened?” she asked, her voice softer.
“I was in kumdo practice, my partner’s wood sword slipped out of their hand,” he explained. “It really was just an accident.”
She accepted this explanation. “Well... you should be more careful.”
“I will,” he promised, letting a smirk turn up the side of his mouth. Now that she was calm, he felt better about being amused now. “I don't have any more classes for the rest of the day.”
She frowned at him. “So what?”
“Do you want to go somewhere?”
“Where?”
“We could go get food and eat outside, it’s warmer today,” he put his hand palm up to feel the air, before turning to give her what could best be described as ‘puppy dog eyes’. She swallowed.
“No.”
His face instantly fell. “Oh.”
She smiled, despite herself. “Let’s go back to the beach.”
“Alright,” he agreed, brightening.
The beach was indeed warmer today. It was sunny and there was a gentle breeze. it was just after 4pm so they had several hours before the sunset. They spent at least 2 of those hours skipping rocks across the water, trying to see who could get them father. Jisu was surprised by how much it felt like hanging out with a friend, despite only having known each other for a few days.
They ran down the shore, the sand sinking beneath them as the sun disappeared behind clouds. It was nearing 6pm and they still had a few hours of sun supposedly, but the sky was darkening. They were too wrapped up in each other to notice.
Jisu tried to wrestle Jaeheon into the water and ended up tumbling to the ground with him on top of her, the waves gently washed up around them. Her hair was splayed out underneath her and in the water it rushed and swarmed her shoulders only to be dragged out again, leaving a halo like sun rays around her head.
Breathless and staring into her eyes, a blush crept over Jaeheon’s cheeks. He was panting as he looked down at her, at a loss for words. They had been laughing so comfortably just moments before and now… now it felt like the air was being sucked out of his lungs.
She cleared her throat and pushed him off of her. She stared out at the water, watching it soak into her jeans. She wondered why she’d made him come back here with her. Was it because this was the first place she had experienced happiness in such a long time?
Or was it because she secretly wanted to see him in a wet t-shirt again?
She kicked herself for even entertaining that thought.
He apparently was more than happy to entertain that. He rose to his feet and started unbuckling his pants. Her eyes widened.
“Jaeheon! What are you doing?” she gawked.
He smirked as he removed his pants, leaving him in just his boxers. “Swimming.”
Just as before she watched him turn and run into the water, and just as before she thought he must be crazy. She didn’t follow this time, not at first. She watched him swim for a moment, content to just see him have a good time. When he emerged from the water, his t-shirt thoroughly soaked, clinging to every part of his torso… that was when she gave in.
The sun was completely gone by now, the clouds growing darker by the minute, but Jisu could only see him. She slipped her sweatpants down off of her hips, not embarrassed that she was also wearing boxers, and she stepped into the water. It was cold but she didn’t feel it, her whole body was burning from the inside out.
Jaeheon’s eyes had darkened as he watched her approach, when she got close enough she wrapped her arms around his waist and pressed her face into his wet chest. She breathed him in for a moment and then very gently, with all the force of a butterfly’s wing beat, she pressed a kiss to the center of his collarbone.
His breath audibly caught in his throat.
“Jisu,” he breathed.
“Don’t,” she whispered, reaching up to press her fingertip against his lips.
He leaned close, his breath was warm and washed over her like warm rain. That was until she realized it actually was warm rain that was starting to pour onto them. She gasped and pulled away, to look up at the clouds. He looked like he regretted ruining the moment. she started to pull away to go back to shore but he caught her elbow, gently pulling her back into his arms. She didn’t resist.
Hearing his heartbeat was one thing but feeling it against her own chest, feeling it pressed close to her own. She felt… alive. And that was worth a lot.
Now it wasn’t just him leaning in, she met him halfway. as he kissed her, his hand slid up and into her hair, his thumb moving to cup her jaw and hold her still. She not so much melted, but fell into the kiss, her lips moving effortlessly against his as they kissed over and over until she lost count.
The rain was coming down aggressively now and the waves started to rock against their knees, upsetting their balance. She gasped as the waves threw him forwards a bit, stumbling into her. She pressed her hand against his chest to steady him. They both laughed and he tugged her back towards the shore.
When they made it to the sand again, he didn’t race for the parking lot, he stopped and kissed her again. She grinned and let him kiss her, feeling how much passion he put into it when he was in control.
They were lost in the moment, so much so that he laid her out in the sand, kissing her tenderly. it was precisely the kind of impulsiveness that she supposed should be expected from Jaeheon. He was a little reckless and it excited her more than it should have.
Her arms wrapped tight around his neck, keeping him close. Kissing wasn’t a battle for them, it wasn’t a power grab moment either, it was a push and pull, equal effort being put in and equal pleasures being taken. They weren’t kissing to prove anything or get anywhere, they were just kissing because they wanted to and when they both moaned at the same time they realized that they were both enjoying it equally.
They parted for a moment to catch their breath, Jaeheon’s lips spreading into a grin. He looked like he’d just won the lottery. She giggled and kissed him again, feeling him still smiling against her lips.
His elbows were on either side of her, his knee pressed into the sand to keep from putting any of his weight on top of her. She used her hands to tug his waist down to meet hers, so she could push up into his body, making him groan gently against her mouth. The rain poured around them, soaking their shirts and their abandoned pants and they didn’t even seem to notice.
It wasn’t until a wave washed up and over them, nearly dragging Jaeheon back into the water, that they decided this might not have been the best place for this. She laughed as she held him tight, to make sure he didn’t slip away. He was laughing and pushing into the sand to pull himself upright. He helped her up too.
“Jisu,” he spoke again, a little louder to be heard over the pouring rain and he took her in his arms, resting his chin on top of her head. She nuzzled in close. “Come on,” he started to pull her back to his car.
“Wait, our pants!”
“Leave them!” he laughed.
Dripping wet, they climbed into his car, sitting for a moment to wring out their hair. They were out of breath and sat for a moment in silence. It would feel wrong almost to talk at this point, there didn’t seem to be much left to talk about.
“Jisu-”
“Jae heon-”
They both started at once, her lips clamping shut as she stared up at him and he bit his tongue, eyes wide. “You go first,” he smiled.
“I wasn’t going to say anything...”
“Neither was I...”
He leaned over the center console and kissed her again, a bit less gentle this time, there was a sense of desperation to taste each other once more. Her hands immediately went to grip his wet hair, tugging harsher than he was used to, causing him to let out a surprised squeak.
Pulling back, she looked at him with wide eyes. “Are you okay?”
“Yes.”
“That was kind of cute,” she smirked.
He closed his eyes briefly and swallowed. “Please, do it again,” he whispered.
She grinned and pulled him back to her mouth via his hair, earning a low sigh from him. He was clearly enjoying it more than he anticipated and she was too. She was going to go crazy if he kept making all those little sounds, especially with the knowledge that it was because of her.
They made out until their lips were chapped and the rain had slowed down to a light sprinkle. When they finally managed to pry themselves apart, out of breath and both flustered, she went out to retrieve their pants from the sand. When she climbed back into the car, he was staring out the window, as if he was trying to gain some mental control back. It was obvious how hard he was in just his boxers and wet t-shirt, and she had to admit she was feeling more than a little turned on.
But there was no rush or need to do more than they had just done. She handed him his pants with a sheepish grin and then struggled to put her own back on. When they were both fully dressed again, he started the car and drove them back to campus. They barely spoke the whole time, both unsure what words were even appropriate to be used at this point.
She saw her dorm building come into view and felt a little pang in her heart knowing that they’d have to part now. She almost wanted to invite him up to her dorm so that she could just be with him, but that seemed to imply a little more than she was ready for. So she said a quiet goodbye and started to get out of his car.
“Jisu,” he reached out and grasped her elbow gently. She looked back at him and found him watching her with a warm smile. “Thank you for coming with me today.”
She leaned in to kiss him once more, savoring the moment, the warmth of his breath, how soft his skin was and most especially, the breathy moan he softly let out as she pulled away. She grinned at him. “Bye, Jaeheon.”
- -
Jaeheon had set up camp in his apartment, he had given her the bed and offered to sleep on the couch, but she didn’t feel safe being in the room alone, so he made up a sleep mat on the floor next to the bed. She thought back to that day, the way his lips had felt on hers. She was tempted to roll down onto the floor and see if he tasted the same.
She wondered if there were times when he thought of those days, when he thought back to what it was like to touch and love each other without shame. Without whatever guilt he was carrying with himself now, misplaced regret for simply being young and doing what he wanted. She rolled over to squint down at him in the dark, she expected to see him curled up asleep but what she saw struck her as quite sad.
He was lying flat on his back, his sword was clenched in his hands across his chest and despite not wearing his glasses, his eyes were wide and alert. He did not even look tired, if anything he looked... afraid.
Jisu acted on instinct, unable to resist before her body slid off of the bed, feeling his eyes shift in the dark to look at her. She grabbed ahold of the blanket over him and slid under it, turning on her side to press into him. She pressed her cheek into his chest, feeling his heartbeat against her ear and her hand came over him to hold tight.
The way his body stiffened at first made her feel like she’d made a mistake, but then he slowly slowly lowered his sword and set it aside, relaxing under her touch. She knew that he couldn’t fight instinct for long. It was as if it was ingrained in their skin to react to each other. To trust each other.
It was with this trust that they were both able to get a little bit of sleep.
- -
It had been nearly a week and she still hadn’t seen Jaeheon , ever since he’d dropped her at her dorm that day it was raining, she hadn’t been able to stop thinking about him. It was driving her crazy, just thinking about the sounds he made when she had kissed him, the way his hands had shook a little as he grasped her waist. He was so timid and kind and she wanted to ruin him.
She had woken up in a sweat after dreaming of having him trembling underneath her, his thighs quivering as she rode him, one grip in his hair. The image was stuck in her head and she couldn’t get rid of it. It followed her to class, to lunch with her friends, to busking gigs, and then back home again. The whole time she kept an eye out for him.
It wasn’t until two weeks after the day at the beach that she finally saw him again. It was raining again. She was sitting in her dorm, by the window, watching people in the courtyard. She wasn’t sure who it was at first, but she saw a group of boys skateboarding and dancing around in the rain. She spotted Yujin first, he was easily identifiable as he was one of the few boys on the campus who had facial hair.
She squinted down at the group of boys and spotted who she was looking for. He was wearing a rain jacket and was currently playing with the boys, swinging around sticks to play fight with. She smirked, even young adult men turned into boys when it came to playing in the rain.
Snatching up a hoodie, she grabbed her sneakers and ran down the hall to the stairs. She skipped down the steps until she got to the ground level. The group of boys had started to move further across the courtyard, but she ran carefully through the rain to catch up with them. Yujin spotted her and skateboarded over to her.
“Hey, it’s Jisu,” he greeted as he approached her. She smirked and gave him a salute. “What are you doing out here? You could catch a cold.”
She saw Jaeheon dueling with one of the boys, but he stopped when he noticed her. He almost looked guilty as he slowly lowered his stick. She nodded in his direction as an answer to Yujin.
“Ahh,” Yujin smirked and then leaned in a little closer. “Be careful with him. He's my best friend and he gets hurt easily.”
She looked at Yujin, surprised to see how genuine he looked. She nodded. “I promise.”
Yujin grinned. “I knew I could count on you.”
Jaeheon was walking up to them now, he gave Jisu a shy smile and she went to greet him. Despite the rain that was now soaking through her hoodie, she still wrapped her arms around him, grateful that he didn’t pull away.
“Hey,” he murmured.
When she pulled away, she hit him playfully in the chest. “Have you been avoiding me?” she insisted.
He glanced over at Yujin, who turned to walk back to the group of boys, waving them all on to walk away from them. Some of them looked like they were going to start teasing Jaeheon, but Yujin ushered them onwards.
“No,” Jaeheon frowned and then bit his lip. His eyes were shifty and it was making Jisu suspicious. “Not really. I just... didn’t want to be too forward.”
“What are you talking about?”
Jaeheon looked at her again, seemingly finding a little bit more confidence. “I like you, Jisu. A lot. I didn't want to get too close in case you didn’t feel the same.”
“I- uhm,” Jisu cleared her throat. She liked him too, didn’t she? Her thoughts drifted to Haerang. His sweet innocent face, so much like Jaeheon’s, yet so much more haunted. She had blamed herself for so long, she wondered if Jaeheon’s face would look like that too after being with her. She scolded herself. It wasn’t your fault, it wasn’t your fault.
Jaeheon’s expression changed. He went from sheepish to unreadable. He looked like someone who had made his mind up. She opened her mouth to say something, but he spoke first.
“I'm sorry. I didn't want you to feel awkward because of me, I shouldn't have said anything,” he looked down.
“Shut up,” she scolded, annoyed that he hadn’t let her talk for a moment. “I'm not uncomfortable. Not with you. I just... don’t know if I'm ready for a relationship. I like what we have now. I like being comfortable with you, like this. If I like you too, what if we feel obligated towards each other? Won’t that make it uncomfortable? I don't want to change that just yet.”
He nodded slowly. “I understand,” his eyes shifted from looking at her to looking away and back again.
She reached up and ruffled his wet hair. “Don’t be sad. I want to be with you, but not as anything more than how we are right now.”
He shook his head. “I'm not sad. I just like you more and more every time I see you. Is it okay for me to say that?”
She bit back a smile and a blush. “You can say that. Only once a day. Just...” she tucked her hands into her sweatshirt pocket and turned side to side. “don’t expect me to say it back yet.”
“That's okay with me.”
“Go.”
He pouted a little and she waved her hands at him.
“Go, go play with your friends. Don’t stay in the rain too long.”
- -
The next morning, Jisu woke to the sound of screaming outside, not aware that the window had been left open. She stood and was going to go see what it was, but Jaeheon - who was already up - was going to shut the window. He pulled the curtain shut tight.
“It’s best you not look,” he assured her.
She nodded slowly and then took a moment to survey the apartment. There was something strange about being in his personal space, seeing his belongings, which were few and far between. The walls were scarce and there was little to no wall decor and there was a bookshelf that had an empty sword stand, a few rosaries and a bible on display and one singular family photo.
Jaeheon crossed the bedroom to the closet, opening it to grab a few articles of clothing, a black t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants. She slid out of the bed, taking note that he had neatly folded up the bed mat and she went to grab her backpack. She offered it to him to put his clothes in.
He took it gratefully and then went to the kitchen. She followed him there to see him grabbing snacks and foods with a long shelf life and tucking them into the bag as well. She moved to help him, but stopped when she saw the cabinet, it was sparse as was. She opened the fridge to take a glance inside. It was virtually empty, save some sparkling water, eggs and a few side dishes.
It was a bit sad to see, her heart twisting at the sight. The thought of Jaeheon, sitting at home with no food, struggling to live on a teacher’s salary. She knew that he was a humble man, but even that was too much, wasn’t it?
She shut the fridge quietly and went to sit at a stool by the kitchen counter. She noticed no table to sit and eat at, he must not have ever had any guests. And there was no couch, just two armchairs that were facing each other, with a small coffee table in front of them. It looked more like a psychiatrist's office than a living space.
The emptiness of the apartment was sad but at the same time it was comforting. Not because she liked the idea of him being alone, but because it wasn’t cluttered and it felt like a space you could take a deep breath in. You could relax here, there was no mess or dust anywhere and it smelled clean and warm. Most importantly, it was small and Jaeheon, tall and lean, filled the space with his presence. He made it feel safer. He made her feel safer.
As soon as he was satisfied with what he’d packed, he turned to find her staring at him. He was taller than he was in college, but while he was lean and childish in college, now he looked like an adult. He filled out his shoes but there was a gauntness to his face that wasn’t there before. He looked haunted.
Not in the way Haerang had been, the way she’d been afraid of, but in a different way. He didn’t look like he was battling demons in his head, telling him to do horrible things to himself, there was something else he was struggling with and she could almost see it if she looked close enough.
He caught her staring intensely at him and they both were startled into looking away. She nervously tapped her fingers on the counter and then looked back up at him. He was standing, holding her backpack.
“Are you ready?” he asked.
She nodded slowly and rose to her feet. They carefully opened the door to the apartment and started off down the hall, ready to face whatever was waiting outside.