Chapter Text
Writing down her thoughts was hard, she had never been in a situation where it required her to do that and she had never stopped for a second to think about them. Was she feeling sad? Angry? Was it all bottled up emotions from past encounters with annoying customers? Or was it something else? She had to think about it.
"Hey blondie get dressed, we are going out for a walk."
It was her brother who was talking, she nodded in his direction and closed the journal she was given by her therapist the day prior. She was told that maybe if she couldn't talk about it, she could write it down sometime she felt like it, but she wanted to be able to speedrun that process as if it was another one of her videogames, but sadly that wasn't the way to do it.
She put on casual clothes, her favorite converse shoes and off she went to the nearest park with her brother, walking in silence towards it.
"What happened to your other friend? The blue haired one."
"She went back to China and she's blonde now."
"Oh."
A sigh escaped out of her lips, she didn't want to talk about it, the last time she talked to her it was before she went away and they had a heated conversation about why was she going back to a family that obviously didn't want her to be there. She had developed feelings for the older one and she really wanted her to stay but in the end, she had made a decision and she left the following day.
"You know, Siyeon called me the other day asking about you, you should at least reply to their texts, they miss you."
Her friends didn't know what was going on between them, only her brother knew. She knew she had to tell them eventually but with her already decaying mental health and her leaving was the last straw for her, she isolated herself after a breakdown and didn't reply to their texts for months now.
"I'll do it tomorrow."
He knew she wouldn't so instead, he sent a message to her friend to tell her she still needed some time.
Two weeks had passed since then and for a brief second, she thought about opening the texting app. She stood still looking at the icon for a couple of minutes, not letting the screen turn black before she decided to open it, scrolling down to the bottom.
Dongdong ❤️
I miss you
She pressed send and closed the app with a sigh. The journal was still open in her desk and for once, she had a clear mind and knew what she was going to write in it.
I feel trapped by my own thoughts, I don't want to escape them, I want to confront them but at the same time I also let myself get influenced by them. I don't know what this means or what it might mean for me in the future but I just wish I could be myself like the way I used to be.
A notification sound made her stop writing and freeze, her phone screen said she had replied but she couldn't see the message, not until she opened the notification.
Dongdong ❤️
I'm coming back next week, do you want to meet up? I think we need to talk.
Sure. Same place and time as we used to?
Sounds good to me, see you soon Yoohyeon :)