Chapter Text
“Lena.”
“No!”
“You’re not getting out of this.”
“No!”
“Bean.”
“No! I’m not going!”
There was much to be said for having such a loud and proud nugget. Someone who stood their ground. Someone who was unafraid to speak up. Someone who was comfortable enough to fight for what they believed in. Someone who was just so damn stubborn.
And, unfortunately for Elsa, that came in the form of being incredibly defiant over doctor’s appointments.
She understood Lena’s fear. She would never demean or deny that. It was perfectly normal and relatable to be scared of doctors. Adding their history to the mix only worsened the discomfort.
Though, to be fair, Lena’s needle phobia wasn’t much help either.
Why did Elsa agree to take this time, again?
Oh, right.
Maren was food shopping.
Some things never changed, including the amount of time Maren spent in Oaken’s. It really was her second home, wasn’t it?
Well, that and it was preferable to Elsa going and being subjected to Nani’s throuple jokes about them.
Maren had taken Ciara on the errand with her, which served as a blessing and a curse. On the one hand, Ciara volunteering to help was fantastic. She was still cautious, and understandably so, but she had come a long way in such a short amount of time from the girl who stayed in her room and refused to say anything. She was developing a bond with Maren and that was truly something wonderful to watch. Of course, Maren being Maren would suggest that Ciara still gravitated towards Elsa. There was certainly something to be said for the moments that Elsa shared with Ciara. It was…introvert bonding, in a way. No pressure; no judgement; no force. Ciara seemed so at ease with Elsa. There were no words Elsa could use to describe that feeling except that it was an honor. But with Maren? There was a sense of protection there. She just had that aura about her. She had it when she was with Snow at the beginning and throughout her time at Oaken’s; and she had it with everyone they had the pleasure of meeting. Hell even when Joan was little, as much as she adored Elsa, Maren was the one she ran to when she had nightmares or wanted to check for monsters under the bed. Whenever Maren and Elsa would watch her, for about a week after those visits, Joan would beg Maren to come over because she didn’t trust her parents to scare the monsters away. Elsa didn’t have that gift. It wasn’t that she doubted anyone’s trust in her, not really. The trust she had was simply different from Maren’s. She could be trusted with peoples’ hearts and to listen to them. And while the same could be said for Maren, she could also be trusted with everyone’s protection. If anyone wanted to feel safe, Maren was the one to run to. Ciara was recognizing that about her.
But as wonderful as that was, it didn’t help that now Elsa was outnumbered two to one.
Ok, so Caissie was in her room. She was smart in avoiding this tantrum of Lena’s.
Still, Lena’s big voice made it quite easy to Elsa to feel outmatched.
She didn’t stand a chance.
“Lena, we have to go.”
“No!”
Lena darted around Elsa. They made their way into the kitchen and on the side of the island furthest from the entryway.
Elsa fought back a groan. “Please stop putting up such a fight. It’s just a shot.”
“I’m ten,” they deadpanned.
Fair point.
Lena had every ability to seem wiser beyond their years and could take on so much. But at the end of the day they were still a little kid. And that likely heightened their fear of shots. There was no talking them out of this.
Elsa approached the island. “We’ll be in and out. You won’t feel anything.”
“That’s what you said last time and you lied!” they argued.
“I didn’t realize someone other than the doctor was going to give you that vaccine or that it would take so many tries. I apologized for that. We’ll ask for him or someone different this time,” Elsa promised.
But it was not enough for Lena. “No! I’m not going!”
“It’s not a negotiation. We have to go.”
“No!”
“Bean.”
“No!”
Elsa shifted her body to move in one direction. Catching onto her movements, Lena slid in the other direction. Elsa’s weight shifted in an attempt to catch them. Age was on Lena’s side as they were quickly able to navigate in the original course. Elsa chased them around on the island with the two of them ending up on opposite sides. Lena leaned onto the island, eyeing Elsa’s movements. They took one step to the right. So did Elsa. Lena moved to the left. Elsa mimicked them. Right. Left. Right. Left. Squeaking, Lena turned on their heel and ran towards the table as if that were supposed to increase the distance between them. Elsa followed them, resulting in falling back to square one. Her at one side and Lena at the other, this time at the table in place of the island. It was starting to turn into a repetitive game of cat and mouse.
Or, as Lena would likely call it, Meowth and Pikachu.
“Bean.”
Elsa lowered her tone. It was the final warning, signifying just how much Lena was pushing their luck. Elsa did not want to resort to an actual punishment. And, if her last encounter with Caissie proved anything, she had no clue what to do when she did reach that limit. Elsa was not able to use someone’s full name against them like that.
Maren was obviously the exception and that was strictly for teasing purposes.
Unfortunately the younger was having none of it. Huffing, they spun around and dashed out of the kitchen. Elsa followed, though quickly realizing she would not get too far. Almost as soon as she entered the living room, a pillow narrowly made contact with her face. Thankfully Lena’s aim was not always on par and the pillow slammed against the wall just to Elsa’s left. It was becoming increasingly difficult not to drop the full name, though Elsa could still not allow it to fully leave her lips.
“Lena!”
The child spun around, making a mad dash for the staircase. But before they could reach it, they came into contact with Caissie. The teen stepped down the last of the steps, barely moving as Lena headbutted against them. Lena attempted to force their way around their foster sibling only for Caissie to grab the edge of their hoodie. Lena nearly fell over but quickly regained their balance. It took them a moment to realize that they were not going anywhere. Suddenly, squeal after squeal escaped them. Lena struggled to free themself from Caissie’s hold but the teen would not budge.
“Letmegoletmegoletmegoletmegoletmego!”
Elsa bit her lip.
She was unsure what she was more nervous about anticipating – Lena’s continuing battles or the comments that would surely follow from Caissie.
The teen’s head snapped in Elsa’s direction. “The hell is going on here?”
I can’t control my own child, Elsa thought helplessly.
Countdown until Caissie would rub it in her face.
Elsa sighed in defeat, running her fingers through her hair. There was no point in hiding it. Or that she was about to take five more steps back with Caissie. “They do this every time we have a doctor’s appointment. Even something as simple as a shot.”
Caissie raised an eyebrow and glanced at the youngest. “That’s it? The fuck are you afraid of? It’s just a damn pinch.”
Was the cursing really necessary?
“I’m ten!” Lena fought back.
Caissie scoffed. “Pretty big baby for a ten-year-old.”
“Hey!” they gasped.
“I’d rather get a shot then have to put up with a twerp like you anyway,” Caissie argued.
“So why don’t you? Not like you care anyway!” Lena countered.
“You’re right. I don’t,” Caissie snapped.
She released Lena’s hoodie, causing them to fall over. Lena tripped onto the stairs with an “oomph” and took a pause as if to register what just happened.
“Caissie,” Elsa scolded lightly.
Lena took the opportunity to run up the stairs. Moments later the slam of their bedroom door was heard.
“Lena…” Elsa sighed.
Caissie scoffed and made her way to the couch. She plopped herself down nonchalantly and seemed to revel in the temporary peace and quiet.
Crap, Elsa was definitely outnumbered.
Which one was she supposed to go after?
Sit and try to talk to Caissie?
Or make an attempt to go after Lena and magically calm them down before convincing them to go with her?
Except it wasn’t a choice.
Not when there was a time constraint.
Sighing, Elsa reluctantly made her way up the stairs. She stopped in front of Lena’s door, knocking on it lightly. “Lena…”
“Go away!”
Conceal, conceal, conceal.
“This isn’t a discussion. We have to go.”
“No! I’m not leaving and I’m not going anywhere with you!”
“Don’t use that tone with me.”
“Well I am! Tone tone tone tone!”
What a terrible time to imagine Maren laughing at Elsa’s epic fail and Lena’s comebacks.
Elsa shook her head.
“We don’t have a choice, Lena. We have to go.”
“No! You say I always have a choice! And I choose no!”
“And you usually do have that choice. But this is for your health so you don’t get sick.”
“I don’t care! I’m not going so shut the hell up!”
That did it.
“Yelena!”
Elsa flinched at Lena’s tone and choice of words. She tried to remind herself that Lena didn’t mean it. They were just fighting. They were scared. They went through this every time. Even if it were Maren’s turn she’d still be getting the same spiel. This was normal for them. But it didn’t make it hurt any less. If Lena were going to actually try to tell their mama to shut up then how soon would it be until they got to “I hate you”? Or worse – “why should I listen to you, you’re not my real mama anyway”? As much as Elsa knew that wasn’t true, it didn’t stop the anxiety from kicking in.
Nor did it stop her from feeling guilty. Even if she didn’t use Lena’s whole name, she still used it in a way that she and Maren tried so desperately to avoid. As a weapon. As a punishment. That’s what it felt like. And though Lena should very well be punished for talking back the way they were, this was not what it should come to. What Elsa should have said was, “one more argument and no video games for the week”. Or, perhaps at the very least, “no Oreos”. Instead she crossed the line. And not only was it going to make Lena fight more, it was going to hurt them. The one thing Elsa promised she would never do – she would never use her words as a weapon to hurt her kids the way her father did on her that morning. And she failed.
Letting out a quiet sigh, Elsa turned and leaned her back against the door. She slid down until she was on the floor and pulled her legs into her chest. She rested her chin on top of her knees and stared at the ground, taking a few precious extra moments to consider her words before she spoke again.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have raised my voice at you and it was wrong of me to snap at you like that. Just because you’re scared and angry, it doesn’t give me the right to act the same. I didn’t mean to use your name against you like that and I never want it to happen again. I’ll make certain that it never happens again.”
Though she highly doubted that would be enough.
“Heh…. You’re stubborn just like your Momma, you know. You really are so much like her. She’s terrified of needles, too.”
Elsa took a pause and leaned her head back in thought. “You remember those stories we used to tell you? About how there was a really bad sickness that went around while we were both working at Oaken’s? It made people act scared and fight a lot, too, because they had no idea what to expect. Momma and I were lucky; we didn’t get that sickness and we didn’t know anyone who did. But we heard plenty of stories. And they could get really bad. So when a vaccine came out to give us a chance to fight it in case we did get sick, we both knew there was no choice but to get it. Momma was pretty scared, though. But she did it anyway, so she could be healthy. So she knew she could be around for Ryder, for me, for Joan, and now for you. She did that for us. And she didn’t do it alone. She and Snow went in together. They held each other’s hands the entire time. I’d like to do that for you, too, if you’ll let me. And maybe when we’re done we can get some Italian Ices. It always cheered me up, anyway. Maybe you could try it, too?”
She wasn’t sure what she was expecting. Hell, she wasn’t even sure if Lena would understand. How could they anyway? Comparing the vaccine of a practically eradicated disease to that of two vaccines in the middle of a pandemic? It must have seemed so farfetched to anyone who didn’t live through it. But it was still so clear in Elsa’s mind. It was almost scary how recent it was. And yet people still denied that it happened or didn’t want to believe anything could be that serious. She wasn’t going to take the chance of something like that happening again, and especially not to her nugget. If she’d have to call the doctor to reschedule then so be it. But Elsa would not be surprised if nothing she said got through to Lena. If they wanted to stay locked in their room for the better part of the day. Maybe she should just quit while she was behind. Go down to the basement and see if she could finally finish that commission. Give Lena the space to cool off.
“You’re ridiculous, you know.”
Elsa blinked.
What was…?
She turned her head to the side, revealing Caissie leaning back against the wall. Her eyes were closed and her arms were folded, but not as though she was blocking herself off for once. There was something a bit different about her presence this time. The cool, calm, and collected attitude. The almost mysterious aura about her. It was as if she were planning something. Or like she had been secretly listening in, waiting for just the right time to reveal herself. But that would make no sense. What reason did Caissie have to eavesdrop on them? She made it no secret that she barely tolerated Elsa, if that. Why would she make an effort to actually listen to anything she had to say?
“Not that I actually care, but I guess someone’s gotta tell you.”
Not that she actually cared.
Yet there she was.
A pause followed.
“Tell me what…?” Lena asked tentatively from behind their closed door.
Elsa tilted her head. Oh…. A response. She blinked at the sound of her child’s voice. Then she glanced back towards Caissie. What was this girl planning…? What possibly persuaded her to actually speak up…?
“Why you gotta get these damn shots in the first place.”
Lena huffed. “Cause Mama hates me.”
That stung. And it couldn’t have been further from the truth. Elsa opened her mouth, prepared to respond, when Caissie beat her to the punch.
“If this is what hate looks like then you’re pretty damn lucky.”
Pause.
What….
The way she said it....
It was almost hesitant and quiet.
And hurt.
Elsa’s brows furrowed in concern.
What did she mean by that…?
Caissie brushed it off with a scoff. “Aren’t you supposed to get a Pokémon or something when you turn ten?”
Pause.
“Yes…?” Lena responded, more confused than anything.
“And did you?”
“For my birthday. A shiny Charmander plushie.”
“And after that?”
Another pause.
“No….”
Because a Pokémon game obviously didn’t count at all.
Nor did it matter how hard it was to find a shiny Charmander plushie in the first place.
But those probably weren’t the points.
Caissie scoffed. “No wonder when you put up a fight like that.”
“Hey!”
“What, you think they just let any twerp run off with a Pokémon?”
“Maybe…?”
“Well joke’s on you. I didn’t get a shot when I was ten. Know what I got instead of a Pokémon then? Sick for two weeks.”
Another pause followed.
The doorknob clicked and Elsa felt it shift behind her. She tilted her head behind her, noticing Lena open it the slightest bit. It…. It was working? Caissie was…. Actually helping? And Lena was responding to her…?
“Why’re you telling me this?” they asked suspiciously.
Caissie shrugged. “You want your mom to get in trouble?”
Lena gasped and looked at Elsa. “You could get in trouble?”
Wait, what?
How was she supposed to answer that?
Just…. Lie to Lena?
Elsa’s jaw dropped slightly.
She had to come up with something.
Elsa glanced to Caissie.
The teen stood firm, opening an eye and making contact with Elsa’s.
She kept her stance, standing almost as still as a statue.
Barely blinking.
Yet she maintained that eye contact with Elsa.
She….
She was trying to help.
She overheard the fight….
Overheard what Elsa said to Lena….
And she was trying to help.
“Uh….”
Great response, Elsa.
Not.
She was so consumed with surprise at Caissie’s action that she wasn’t even sure how to answer her own child.
Think, Elsa, think!
Quick!
“It….”
Elsa looked down.
Come on, come on, come on!
“It’s a law….”
Ok how the hell was she going to pull this excuse out of her ass?
“We…. We can’t tell you because it, it might be perceived as a threat. And it’s wrong…very wrong…incredibly wrong…beyond wrong…to threaten someone. Especially a child. So…. So we could get in a lot of trouble for that.”
Pause.
Well that sounded like a believable piece of shit.
Which was to say, there was no way in hell Lena was going to believe her.
And now Elsa was going to betray her child’s trust.
And Lena was definitely going to hate her.
It didn’t help at all that she could imagine Caissie facepalming right about now.
Elsa knew it was a terrible explanation; she didn’t need it rubbed in!
Pause again.
“Aren’t you gonna get caught?”
Wait, what?
“You think I care about that shit?”
Elsa looked in Caissie’s direction. The teen turned her head away from them, staring at the wall across from her. Her gaze narrowed and her face might as well have looked like it was made of stone. She…. She had that wall up again. That ice in front of her. That tone. But there was almost something different about it. What, specifically, Elsa couldn’t quite put her finger on. What was going on in Caissie’s head? Was she ok? Was she annoyed? At Lena? At Elsa? At herself? Did she really not care? But then why was she going through this trouble? Why was she actually doing something?
The pause returned.
And yet Caissie seemed more distant than ever.
“I can handle this. I dealt with worse.”
Worse.
That could have meant so many things.
And yet she said it so stoically.
As if it were expected.
As if that were all she knew.
As if she deserved it somehow.
Elsa felt her heart sink.
If only Caissie knew how untrue that was.
If they could remotely do anything to change all that.
“Is that why you came to live with us?”
Oh, Lena!
Their question was so simple and innocent.
But they couldn’t have understood, could they?
Any and all traumas that Lena and Caissie experienced were real and valid. Their experiences, however, were not entirely the same. Even though Lena didn’t have the support or validation at the start of their life, Elsa and Maren worked hard to give that back to them tenfold. They didn’t want Lena to remember any differently; and fortunately Lena was young enough that perhaps those experiences could be a distant memory at best and a nightmare at worst. And that support didn’t just come from their mothers. It came from the rest of their family. Anna, Kristoff, Joan, Ryder, Snow…anyone in Maren and Elsa’s lives were there for Lena. That was what they got to grow up with. But Caissie? She didn’t have any of that, did she? Whatever she had with Ingrid that had been positive at any point, that was likely her distant memory. Validation. Encouragement. Acknowledgement. How often did Caissie get any of that, really? Did she even remember what it felt like?
“Something like that, I guess.”
Her response….
It was still standoffish and a bit distant but….
It was softer somehow.
As if the ice in her voice was melting.
Perhaps Caissie’s thought process wasn’t too far off from Elsa’s, realizing that they didn’t fully understand.
It seemed so uncharacteristic of her and yet….
“I don’t want you to get in trouble.”
Elsa blinked. She turned her head around to see an apologetic Lena. They took a pause before opening the door and taking a seat beside Elsa, keeping just a little bit of space between them. Lena pulled their legs into their chest in a similar fashion to Elsa, looking down at the ground.
“I’m sorry I said shut up. I don’t really want you to cause then you won’t help me with my homework or talk about Pokémon with me.”
“And I’m sorry I lost my temper with you,” Elsa responded. “It was wrong and I never wanted to upset you. I promise I’ll do everything in my power to make sure it never happens again. I love you and I want you to be safe and healthy. But yelling at you and forcing you to do something isn’t the way to be sure of that, even if this is something we have to do.”
Lena tilted their head. “Is Momma really that scared of getting her shots, too? I thought she wasn’t scared of anything.”
Elsa pursed her lips. “Momma doesn’t scare easily at all. It’s one of the only two things she’s really afraid of.”
“What’s the other?” Lena asked.
“If anything ever happened to us. If she ever lost us,” Elsa admitted.
“And this’ll help with that?” they replied.
Elsa nodded.
Lena twisted their lips. “And you really, really promise that’s all? They’re not gonna do anything else and we can leave?”
“I promise. They’ll check your weight and blood pressure, probably listen to your lungs, and then ask you which arm you’ll want the shot in. As soon as they give that to you all we have to do is schedule your next appointment and we can leave.” She hoped that by explaining every step of the process it would further assure Lena that there was nothing else to worry about. That they weren’t going there for anything else and nothing was going to happen to them. “And if you’ll let me, if it’ll make you feel better at all, I promise I’ll hold your hand the entire time. Or if you need to bring your game or a plushie. Whatever it is we need to do for you, we’ll make it happen.”
“Maybe,” they thought aloud. They took their time before coming to a conclusion of their own. “But I think I like the Italian Ices. Can we do that instead?”
“We can absolutely do that,” Elsa agreed. “Are we ok?”
“Yeah, we’re ok,” Lena nodded. “But I gotta go to the bathroom first.”
“Go do that and then we’ll head out. I’ll be right down.”
Elsa watched Lena get up and make their way back downstairs. That only left the two blondes in the hallway. Elsa looked up at Caissie, who barely moved her stance the entire time. A moment of silence followed before Caissie pushed herself away from the wall.
“Caissie….” Elsa started.
“Don’t worry, I’m not gonna pull anything while you’re gone. Just gonna work out,” the teen answered as she walked into her room.
Elsa sighed. That wasn’t what she was going to say at all. Actually, she wasn’t even insinuating that Caissie would do anything. Her train of thought had been much different. Elsa stood and followed Caissie into the bedroom. She waited in the doorway, watching Caissie rest her headphones around her neck and seeming to scroll through her phone. Was it the playlist from the night she worked out with Maren, Elsa wondered? Would she be open to company at any other point?
She took a deep breath. Here went nothing.
“I actually wanted to say thank you.”
Caissie halted in her movements.
“You didn’t have to say or do anything. You had no reason to get involved,” Elsa continued. “But…you did. And I appreciate that.”
Pause.
Caissie shrugged. “You needed all the help you could get.”
Well, Elsa wasn’t going to argue with that. Doctor appointments were certainly a team effort.
Still, there was so much more she wanted to say. There was so much going on in her head. Caissie claimed she didn’t care. She usually acted as though she didn’t care. And yet, today…. Every once in a while…. There would be something….
But Caissie didn’t have to do anything. In fact, she made it no secret that she wanted as little as possible to do with them. That, at some point or another, she was expecting to leave. And she expected even less from them. But to see her have that moment with Lena…to see them, for even a second, almost act like siblings…. But that was wishful thinking, wasn’t it?
Elsa toyed with her fingers, debating on the exact words to use. She brushed her fingers against each other, tilted her hands, intertwined her fingers together before pulling them apart, briefly fiddled with one of her rings, and then cupped her hands together all the while considering what to say. And yet there were only four words that came to mind. That she couldn’t resist sharing.
“I’m proud of you.”
There were so many ways to clarify.
She was proud of what Caissie did.
She was proud of how she acted.
She was proud of how she treated Lena.
She was proud of her for for the way she talked to Elsa.
She was proud of Caissie giving them a chance.
But that all sounded like so much.
Especially with the way Caissie was hesitating.
Perhaps it was best her back was facing Elsa. Because Elsa couldn’t imagine the look on her daughter’s face right about now.
Ugh.
Foster daughter.
But still….
“For making the attempt. For trying. I’m proud of you for that. It means a lot to me. To us. So thank you.”
The pause continued.
Anything could come after that.
Silence.
Ice.
A brush-off.
She had no idea what to expect.
And yet, somehow, she should have seen the response coming.
“Whatever.”
Caissie’s go-to response.
Heh, it could have been her catchphrase at this point.
But it wasn’t cold like Elsa expected.
Nor did it sound like a complete brush-off.
It sounded….
Like she couldn’t fully accept it somehow.
Like she didn’t believe her.
And why should she?
“Hey….”
It was Elsa’s turn to be a glutton for punishment.
“I know sitting through a ten-year-old’s trip to the doctor isn’t exactly glamorous and if you’d rather stay here and do your routine, that’s fine. But we are going to get those Italian Ices after. So….”
She wasn’t expecting a yes.
Hell, she wasn’t even expecting an answer.
Caissie had no reason to choose them.
But if she could somehow know that they would choose her, too….
That they did want her….
Here went nothing.
“Would you like to join us?”