Chapter Text
=Stupidly Kind=
-Chapter 3-
A simple “tsk” quickly broke the few seconds of silence from Levi, then a light chuckle before he spoke.
“You think I get a choice? Maybe I never thought of life outside the fight because I didn’t think I’d live through it, and if I did… I was content with disappearing, as if I had never existed, to go somewhere that no one would hear my body hit the ground.” He scoffed. “I’m doing good to still be standing, you know, not everyone gets a father to look up to, one to inspire and show drive. You know what I got? I got lessons on how to kill, how to hurt others and how to manipulate situations for my own benefit. Just because you have your life all figured out doesn’t mean I should too.”
Levi stood from his seat, “You might think you still know me, but things have changed now and I don’t need your input, so don’t pretend to be chummy.” His eyes stayed locked on Erwin’s, uncaring, “Goodbye, Erwin.” He walked outside the restaurant, going back to work and finishing his cleaning duties at the University.
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Erwin took a few minutes before standing to leave, paying and going to a cab he had called outside.
‘What was I thinking…’ He thought as he leaned on the car door, looking out the window at the passing buildings. ‘Things have changed, I knew I should not have been so blunt, it has been years now after all… I was selfish and rude to think I could speak to him like that. Though what he said, I had no idea of his intentions after the war, I should have- No… there’s no time to dwell on the “should'ves” and “if’s”, there’s only today, tomorrow and on, I need to make this right.’
The cab dropped him off at the front of the University, he stepped in with full intentions on finding Levi, but was instead caught up in his class and work, by the time he was free, the cleaning crew had left for the day. Evening fell and the daylight breathed its last, Erwin was disappointed in his inability to find Levi, and hoped to see him again tomorrow. He left the University to escape to his hotel room, a very prestigious one financed by the School to stay in.
He entered his room on the top floor, it was already a bit messy with various things spread about. As Erwin closed the door behind him, he began to undo his tie, then removing his outerwear. He cleared his throat as he walked to the balcony, leaning on the fancy metal railing to look across the city, it was all alight even with the darkness of the skyscrapers that lingered above.
The hotel was in the heart of the city, just a short drive from his temporary place of work, he could even see the campus from his balcony.
He gently sighed, pulling out a pack of cigarettes and looking over them, he was trying to quit, but it wasn’t easy, especially at times like this when he really wanted one. He wondered what his dad would think, or what he would do right now in this situation.
He looked down below, people walking back and forth through the streets, this was definitely one of the larger cities he's taught in, and was a lot different from where he was raised. He had always wanted to teach, he himself was quick to learn and recognize situations for how they were, his mind could move fast and skillfully, which is why he was drafted into the frontline military. Even though he had plenty of experience with such strategies and the art of war, managing relationships was uncharted territory.
It was frustrating, he was still holding on to his authority and was being too domineering in every aspect, even in this new life without war. He could recognize it himself, especially with the look in Levi's eyes once he had said such a judgmental thing. Erwin was never good with relationships, friend or otherwise he seemed to have formed a bad habit of reverting back to his ranked position in the army.
Erwin had become so lost in thought that he had lost track of time, it was already approaching midnight and he had an early lecture in the morning.
Undoing his dress shirt he sat on the bed, then laying backwards onto the almost ridiculous amount of pillows leaning against the headboard. He shut off the lamp on the wooden nightstand, staring at the ceiling quickly becoming lost in thought again. It bothered him, it's not that he was beating himself up about it anymore, more of trying to think of ways to fix the situation, or rather the pit he had dug himself into.
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Levi came home late from work, the frustration looming over him wherever he went, you could almost feel it radiating off of him. He swung open the apartment door (though still making sure it didn't slam into the wall) and rubbed his face with a groan, "Hange! I'm home." He closed and locked the door behind him while grumbling, "You better not be doing some creepy-ass experiment again..." He washed his hands in the kitchen sink, then hearing a window open from Hange's room and a loud *thud*.
"I swear to-" He walked over to Hange's bedroom door and swung it open, "If there's another rat in here I'm going to--!" He paused.
Hange was tangled up in their window drapes, their boyfriend, Moblit, hanging out the window by some sheets… They were both trying to escape "Mission Impossible" style. Levi was truly not in any mood to deal with this, and simply stared at the two.
"I told you this was a bad idea!" Moblit yelled, hanging outside, "Can you please pull me back inside now?!"
Hange scrambled themself enough to get free and started pulling Moblit up. Levi just watched, really amazed at how pitiful this day was.
Hange and Moblit stared at Levi from their place on the floor, both trying to catch their breath.
Levi crossed his arms, looking back and forth at the two, before simply turning around and leaving. Hange looked confused, normally Levi would give a death stare before saying something sharp, then leaving. But this was just abrupt, too abrupt. They pulled themself up and dusted themself off, before going over to the doorway to see Levi walking out with his wallet and house keys.
Hange looked back at Moblit, a confused look on them, something was off, but Levi wasn't one to normally portray his emotions. It usually took a lot of emotion and a very quiet place for Levi to be honest with how he actually felt. Though Hange was ready to deal with all of that, they saw Levi as reliable, trustworthy, and a good friend, one worth holding onto and fighting for.
"Moblit," They said, "I've gotta go find him, I think we'll have to cut this short." Moblit looked up at them, "I will go with you then, once we find him I'll leave you two alone to talk." Hange nodded and went to grab a light jacket and their keys, while Moblit made sure to gather his things. They both went out together to look for where Levi went.
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Meanwhile on the other side of town, just on the outskirts of the dense city area sat a quiet café on a hidden street. It's vintage warm and welcoming atmosphere made for a comfortable getaway for anyone with a desire to escape the busyness of the city.
Levi had taken a spot in the back, in a small booth with comfy seats that was pretty well hidden, it was a perfect spot for thinking, processing, and rarely a chat. He used to come here with the people from the squad he commanded whenever they had a break, of course those days were long gone now, so he often sat alone. The café was run by a couple, they had both fought in the war as well, though were only new recruits when he met them.
"Good evening, sir what can I- oh, Commander."
Levi looked over, a somewhat tired look painted on him, "Hello Marco." He crossed his arms and rested against the table, "No need for formalities anymore… I am glad to see you up and around again."
Marco seemed somewhat caught off-guard, it had been years since he had seen Levi, though Levi came to the café often, normally Jean was the one to take orders when he would come. Marco cleared his throat, it was fairly rough to remember all that had happened back then, but it was still nice to see him, in all honesty, still alive. "Yes sir, I've made a full recovery, besides the obvious of course." He smiled, taking out a notepad, "What would you like?" He spoke softly, in contrast to his appearance, his personality hadn't changed, the only difference in him now were the brutal burns on his left side, they weren't pretty, in fact it scared some people who would come in, but to Marco, it doesn't hold him back anymore, as it did back then.
"Black Tea, please." A somewhat cold response, but Levi was not one to fake happiness or really any emotion, if he was bothered he'd stay quiet, or when the war was raging, he would turn whatever he felt into anger. Unhealthy, but virtually impossible to avoid after his experiences.
Marco nodded, then turning around to step away into the kitchen, where Jean worked on kneading french bread dough. Marco briefly mentioned that their old commander was here, Jean was more focused on the dough that was turning rubbery due to over-kneading it, at least he tried.
Beginning to lose himself in his thoughts again, a short huff brushed through his lips as Levi tried to pull himself back into reality. It was dangerous, looking back on his life, he'd often find himself stuck in a cycle of pain. He always came to this café to think things through, but it was different from before the war ended, even recently it's changed for him. It's not that he décor was different, though it was, or that the staff was different, or even that what they served was different, now when he comes here, it's to be alone, when he used to come with Hange, Miche, and...
Why did it change?
This thought was abruptly interrupted by a warm cup of Black Tea being placed in front of him, along with the familiar voice saying, "Let me know if there's anything else I can get you." just before the footsteps drifted away. Everything sounded... so loud... Marco's footsteps, the glass plate being placed on the table, even the former Scout's voice sounded muffled.
Nothing felt right, Levi swallowed back, then sipping some tea. As he put the cup down, his hands shook slightly, his breath becoming shaky and irregular. There was only one thing repeating in his mind.
"Get away from here... Get away from here... Get away from here..."
It's happening again... he hadn't taken his medicine for a while, as he had been doing okay, or so he claimed. Every time this happened he would get stuck, like hitting a wall, over and over and over again.
Levi held his head in his hands as he waited for it to pass, what it was he didn't know, or rather he didn't want to know. He held his head tightly, his fingers messing his hair as he clung, his shoulders were tense and tight, he felt like he was being pressed into a small box, everything around him made him uneasy, his brow furrowed and he clenched his eyes closed. He needed to wait it out, that's what he always did, and that's how he'll continue to do it.
While he still stayed in this position, along with everything sounding extremely muffled and not improving, the store's bell gently jingled. Rushing in came Hange, looking around and spotting Levi alone, in an unusual condition too. They approached Levi, calmly, then quietly sitting across from him. They folded their hands on the table, patiently waiting for Levi to open his eyes and come to again.
After almost an hour, Levi's shoulders began to relax, his hands loosened and he looked up to see his tea had gone cold, and that Hange sat in front of him. His shaky breath slowly became stable again, as he used a napkin to wipe the bit of sweat off of himself, "I need a shower."
Hange's eyes narrowed, "Levi..." they spoke calmly, there was a genuineness to their words as they spoke with an obvious care and slight worry for their long time friend, "You can't keep doing this to yourself. You're only running away now, not fighting."
Levi stayed silent for a few seconds, "I can handle it." He muttered, then taking a sip of the room temperature tea, it was still good, just missing the warmth. "You don't need to chase after me, or look for me, or worry about me..." He was distant, almost acting as if Hange hadn't just seen everything that happened, appearing almost void of emotion, "Just, leave me alone."
Hange crossed their arms, "You know damn well I'm not going to."
Levi stayed silent, refusing to make eye contact.
"You've dealt with this long enough, you need to stop trying to do it by yourself... It's not like I don't understand, in fact, I know it all too well. But I did something about it, and I don't want you to have to go through this anymore." They spoke honestly, a kind sadness in their tone. "Please, tell me Levi, How long have you kept yourself like this?"
Levi kept quiet for a few seconds... before responding,
"Since it ended."
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