Chapter Text
Fall Asleep In My Lap
It was startin’ to get dark as the sun was fixin’ to turn in for the evenin’. Judy and I packed up that blanket of hers in the duffle bag. Then, she took my hand, and we ventured into the woods.
My mind was racin’. First, we were all revved up and ready to go in that meadow, ‘til the dang breeze came and made her cold. Then, I just...I can’t put my finger on it. There was this energy that I can’t quite explain.
I felt like she was holdin’ onto somethin’. And again, I don’t pry. If she wanted to tell me, I’m glad to listen. But I ain’t gonna interrogate her.
So we just walked through the woods. It was dark and hard to see, but Judy sure knew where she was goin’. Even seemed like she had a sense of where each of the fallen branches and lil dips in the terrain were. Somethin’ told me that she could follow this path blind if she wanted to, which we kinda were doin’, it bein’ so dark and all.
After we walked for a ways, I seen it. It was dark, but I seen that little cabin in the woods. It was in a flat spot right in the center of a copse of trees and bushes. The last of the day’s light provided just enough for me to see that cabin before all went dark.
We got to the door and Judy said, “Hold the duffle bag up.”
I held it up and she unzipped it. She rummaged around for somethin’ and I guess she found it, ‘cuz then she turned away and got to work on that door.
Y’all, we may be in the age of technology, it bein’ the year 2077 and all. But there’s somethin’ infallible and sublime about a manual lock. Can’t be hacked, can’t be overridden, can’t be powered down. Can’t be opened unless someone knows what they’re doin’.
Judy knew what she was doin’. Within seconds, she jimmied that dang lock and she had that door open like it wasn’t nothin’. I mean, who can do that?
Judy Alvarez.
We walked inside and she tells me, “Put the bag down over there.”
She pointed to a spot over yonder and I put the bag down.
The cabin was a bit chilly, especially with it bein’ nightfall in the mountains and all. But I noticed there was a fireplace and a stack of cut, seasoned wood beside the hearth.
Judy then asked me, “V, do you know how to build a fire?”
Girl, bless your heart. Do I know how to build a fire. That’s what went through my head, and I’m so thankful I didn’t speak them words ‘cuz that’d make me sound like I was bein’ ugly, and I didn’t wanna sound cross or nothin’. Thankfully, the chill and yeah probably the little break we got from all that kissin’ and touchin’ got my mind workin’ right again, ‘cuz I simply said, “Yes ma’am I do.”
“Get a fire going for us, please.”
There was somethin’ about her tone, and how it kinda matched that feelin’ I had when we left the meadow. She was feelin’ a certain type of way and I wasn’t quite sure what to make of it.
But at least I could do somethin’ about that fire. I had it goin’ lickity split real fast. Ain’t no one that can build a fire like me, I tell ya what. It pisses me right the fuck off when someone comes along and tries messin’ with a dang fire. Leave the dang thing alone, don’t mess with it! Dang!
Sorry I done used the “F word” again. I just get so irked when people go messin’ up somethin’ that’s just fine as-is. A fire’s meant to move, like a dance. It changes direction and motions depending on the air, the condition of the wood, what’s beneath it, below it, and all around it. Why go messin’ with that? Just leave it be. I suppose folks just like to keep addin’ more, messin’ with somethin’ when it’s perfectly fine as it is.
Shit. Man, that got me thinkin’ about Jackie. And thinkin’ about Jackie, dang that makes me sad.
So I looked into the fire. Lookin’ at the flames dancin’ around, watchin’ the wood change colors and the smell and all just makes me feel calm. There’s somethin’ perfect about a fire. Always sets my mind right.
Where was Judy? I got that fire started like she asked me to, but it got me distracted and I didn’t see where she’d run off to.
That cabin was small and cozy. Had that livin’ area right by the front door, and now with the fire goin’, I could see a bit more around me. There was a little kitchen area to the left of the door, and over yonder across from the livin’ area was a small bathroom with a toilet, sink, and shower. Then, there was the only room that had a door.
That must’ve been the bedroom.
And since Judy wasn’t in the livin’ area with me, nor the kitchen or bathroom, there was only one other place she could be.
I knocked on the bedroom door. “Judy?”
“I want you to come in, V.”
When I opened the door, she was layin’ on the bed. She lit some candles and everythin’ in there looked and smelled amazin’.
We weren’t bullshittin’ anymore. The way she was lookin’ at me, how she was layin’...that was an invitation.
I got in the bed next to her and...my brain, y’all. My mind plum went to outer space and my body just started doin’ things. I grabbed her and spun her around. I was on top of her and... I started kissin’ her, still slow and tender, but firm. I was tellin’ her how much I wanted her with my lips and my body. And the way she moved, the sounds she made...
Earlier she remarked on me bein’ fit. I liked that. I liked that she knew I was strong. But I also wanted her to know that I can be gentle, too. And patient. Also, I wanted her to know that I pay attention to details.
So I kissed her real slow and watched, listened, and felt for her every response.
And dang did she respond .
We was both breathin’ real heavy, so I pulled back so we could take a lil break from that kissin’. I looked down at her and gotdang. She had a beautiful pink flush on her face, down her neck...I wanted to see more. So I nuzzled my face in her neck and left butterfly kisses all along her flushed skin, and my hands went to work on that shirt of hers.
I was helpin’, see. ‘Cuz she had already helped me get outta my shirt and started helpin’ me outta my britches earlier. I was helpin ’ her, y’all.
Slowly, carefully, with the lightest touch, I unbuttoned her blouse and loosened that knot in the center. Then, as I continued kissin’ her neck, I opened that shirt up and ran my hands down her shoulders, caressing her soft, warm skin.
Then I brought my hands to her hips and came back up. Real quiet I asked her, “Judy, will you sit up for me, please?”
That look in her eyes...I had a feelin’, deep down inside, where thoughts stop and it’s just gut instinct drivin’. That instinct told me she wanted me to please her. And it just felt right . She felt so good. Everything just felt so right.
I backed offa her and she sat up. I brought my hands back up and took off that blouse of hers.
Judy was wearin’ a bikini top and I really wanted to see if she was wearin’ a matchin’ bikini bottom.
I leaned in and whispered in her ear, “Lay down for me, please.”
Then, I unbuckled her belt, unbuttoned and unzipped her pants. From there, I started workin’ on gettin’ them pants offa her.
But I wanted to let Judy know what was comin’ to her. Just like she had given me a little taste of somethin’ earlier, I wanted to give her a taste of what I had in mind for what we were about to do in that there bed.
I grabbed her legs and put them over my shoulders, which brought her hips up. Then I leaned over her for a moment, just to give her a feelin’ of what was comin’.
Then, I peeled them pants offa her, pullin’ them down her hips, then down her knees. I leaned back as I kept pullin’ them pants off. She’d already taken her shoes off before she got in the bed. Gettin’ her pants past her ankles was no problem.
I got them pants offa her alright.
And yes, her bikini bottom did match her top.
After I took off her socks, I then kissed my way up her feet, her ankles, her shins, calves, knees, up her thighs and ran my hands all along her legs as I was kissin’ her. My hands were on her hips when I leaned in and started lickin’ that spot on her hips…
Y’all know that spot. That sweet, yummy spot on a woman’s body where her thigh meets her hip, that spot it...DANG.
I knew where I wanted to go next, but still, I was gonna take it real slow with her. But again, I wanted to give her a sense of what she was in for.
So as I licked that sweet spot on her hip, I went real slow, pressed my tongue flat and firm, and looked up at her.
Her eyes were closed. She was in that magical place where it’s just pleasure and satisfaction and I was definitely gonna keep her there. Gotdang.
The way her body moved, the sounds she made...the way she opened her legs, like she was givin’ me a direct order to kiss back down, lick my way inside her thighs, slide that bikini bottom down, then make real good use of my mouth.
But then I felt her shudder a bit. Now I know we wasn’t cold again, not since we got into the cabin and got that fireplace goin’. I build me a good fire so I know there wasn’t a problem with the heat.
Then, I heard her breath catch, and not the kinda way one’s breath catches in a moment of heated passion.
No, that was...that was cryin’.
I stopped immediately. Stopped kissin’ her, stopped touchin’ her, and just backed off.
“Judy? Was it too much? I’m gonna stop, okay?”
Shit. She was cryin’. Dang, I just... GOTDANGIT. FUCK !
“I’m sorry, V. I...I can’t.” She sat up and said, “Remember what you told me on our first date? About how it just didn’t feel right? I believe you said something about ‘switching gears.’ I gotta tell you somethin’.”
I feel honored that she trusted me enough to be so open with me. And I’m not talkin’ about her bein’ like that on the bed, wearin’ nothin’ but her bikini top and bottom. I’m talkin’ about how she, Judy Alvarez, tougher ‘n any dang merc you’d find from Sunset Grove all way up to Atlanta, was cryin’ in front of me.
Judy said, “I called you and invited you out here because I really did wanna see you again. And spendin’ time with you, gettin’ away from all that shit in Atlanta, it’s wonderful. Whenever I spend time with you, I feel like I’m cared for. I feel like you really give a shit about me. I feel like I can be anyone or do anything I wanna when I’m with you. And what I want most is to be my real self with you. No bullshit, no pretense. I wanna be honest with you. You’ve only ever been honest with me.”
“That’s what you deserve. To be treated right, to be respected. Even if we was just doin’ business, or if we was only just friends, I’d treat you with the same respect. I mean, aside from all the kissin’.”
She cracked a smile. With them tears runnin’ down her cheeks, it was a kinda sad smile. Gosh how I wish I could make her feel better. I mean she can cry if she wants to cry, and I’m not gonna encourage her not to cry. Cryin’s healthy. We gotta cry to let some shit go . Like my mama would tell me, cryin’s the body’s way of rainin’, and all them smiles after are like rainbows after a storm.
I wanted to touch her face and wipe them tears away. How I wanted to see her smile again; a real happy smile. But whatever she was feelin’, she had to feel it.
Judy said, “I need to tell you something.”
“Anything,” I answered.
“Last time you said it wasn’t fair, how things were favoring you more. Well, this time, now I’m the one that feels like it’s unfair to you. I brought you here so we could be together. But I’m also going through some shit and I was hopin’ this would take my mind off of it.”
The last time we started gettin’ all hot and bothered, she wanted it. I mean so did I, but my spirit was tellin’ me that it wasn’t right. And this time, she was the one who didn’t feel right about it.
I wondered if we’d ever get there. You know where I’m sayin’.
But I’m in no rush. I want this to be perfect for her. The way I feel about her...
I told her, “We don’t gotta do anythin’ you don’t wanna do, Judy.”
“Oh,” she continued. “I wanna. I really, really do. But it just doesn’t feel right. I mean it felt good. It felt really good. But when we do this, I want to be fully present with you, one hundred percent of me. No distractions, no thoughts of escape. I wanna be completely wrapped up in you. And when we’re makin’ love, I want it to be just you and me.”
I took a deep breath and sighed. As I looked over at her, I said, “I just wish I could make you happy.”
She sat up on the bed and told me, “You’re not responsible for my happiness, V.”
“Then I wish I could take your sadness away.”
“My sadness is a part of me. And it won’t ever go away. I’m just learning how to navigate through my life while carrying it with me.” She then took both of my hands in hers and told me, “You make me feel stronger. And that strength helps me carry it.”
I held her hands in mine and looked into her eyes. Judy Alvarez has so much strength in her eyes. That strength’ll draw ya right in, and once you’re in, there’s no goin’ back. Ya see the strength of her soul in her eyes and there’s no forgettin’ that. Fucked up as my brain is, that’s one thing I ain’t ever gonna forget, no matter what happens to me, whenever it happens.
But I ain’t gonna focus on that right now. This is about her, about this really beautiful and romantic moment.
“Is there anythin’ I can do?”
She kissed my hands and asked, “Will you sit with me by the fire?”
“Heck I like sittin’ by a fire just as much as I like lookin’ up at the stars and lookin’ up a tree. Yes I’ll sit with you.”
We got outta the bed, left the bedroom, and went into the living area.
There was a small sofa in front of the fireplace. Perfect for two people to get real close and cozy.
I sat back and she laid down. Judy put her head in my lap and we both just sat there, not sayin’ a word, just bein’ together and lookin’ at that fire. I ran my fingers through her hair, and she did this sweet little sigh. Then, she snuggled up a bit and her breathin’ got real soft, like when she’s about to fall asleep. I remember that from the night we sat in the back of my truck, layin’ on my blanket.
That first night with Judy, I had somethin’ that was important to me, somethin’ that we was sharin’ together. And I don’t know what this cottage was to her, but it sure did feel special. Sittin’ there with her, I felt truly honored that she decided to share it with me.
As we sat there, Judy started to doze off. I just kept runnin’ my fingers through her hair. It calmed me, and it seemed to soothe her.
Then I wondered somethin’.
Why’s it called ‘falling in love’?
It just seems to me that ‘falling in love’ ain’t the right term for it.
‘Cuz fallin’ hurts, y’all. And this feelin’, it didn’t hurt one bit. I didn’t feel like I was fallin’ .
I felt high as heaven.