Chapter Text
The day ended exactly how it started, with Tommy sat on his bed in his room, alone. Except technically this wasn’t his room, but a guest room in Ranboo and Tubbo’s mansion. In practice, though, he was the only one to ever sleep in this room, and he only ever slept in this one. He even had clothes stashed here.
In hindsight, the night could’ve gone so much worse. He could’ve thrown a destructive tantrum and got himself thrown out of the mansion.
But it also could’ve gone so much better.
First he forgot his gift. Multiple times. And then there’s the zoning out during conversations. And then he just had to have a panic attack to top it all off.
Tommy collapsed on a pillow and screamed, the pillow muffling his frustrated noises. This was supposed to be a good night, damn it. Tubbo and Ranboo had been so kind, inviting him to their house, their family, their life, even though it was so clear that Tommy would just ruin them-
Fuck. He really was just out to ruin everything, huh?
Tommy kicked off his shoes and tucked himself under the blanket in a haphazard manner. He’d deal with all this bullshit in the morning. He had a bigger problem right now.
Falling asleep.
He couldn’t fucking sleep.
Disappointed, but not surprised.
It was stupid of him to think just a change of place would get rid of his nightmares problem.
Every time he felt himself falling asleep, something horrible would intrude on his mind. A cruel laugh, hisses of undead beings, explosions, bright green eyes that pierced into his soul--
And he’d force himself awake, not daring to grace himself with true sleep, lest it turned out to be a nightmare.
He’d been tossing and turning for a while now, and it may be the sleep deprivation speaking, but the room started to feel wrong. Foreign. Unfamiliar. It felt too big and too cold and too empty, and it’s such a stupid feeling, because it was practically his, and he never had this problem before.
And still he struggled to stay comfortable in bed. His mind kept racing, pulling out intrusive thoughts and anxiety-inducing spirals. Snowchester was awfully close to the prison, wasn’t it? What if Dream broke out in the middle of the night, and none of them heard the sirens? What if he decided to come here? What if he hurt Tubbo and Ranboo and Michael or even kill them? What if he took Tommy away again-
Almost on autopilot, he smacked himself. It immediately pulled himself out of the train of thoughts, but now he was left with an ache on his cheek.
And the room still felt so uncomfortable.
Prime,why was he like this? He couldn’t even do something as simple as sleeping right. Not even in Snowchester, where he was definitely not alone. He was supposed to feel safe and comfortable here. Instead, here he was, lying in bed just metres away from his best friends, drowning in loneliness.
A part of him wished Wilbur was here. When he was a kid, whenever he had nightmares, he would crawl in Wilbur’s bed and let the man comfort him. It went on for years, even in Pogtopia, even after Tommy grew wary of him, until-
Until Wilbur died.
And now he was back, but Tommy didn’t know if he wanted to be around that man that way anymore.
His door creaked open.
He snapped to a sitting position, ready to bolt if necessary. Through the slight crack on the door, enveloped in the darkness of the hallway, Tommy could make out a glowing eye. A green glowing eye.
Dream.
Tommy’s throat went dry. But how? He was supposed to be in prison. Sam was supposed to keep him there. Ghostbur died-- He died in the name of keeping Dream imprisoned. He couldn’t have--
The siren didn’t even sound, and here Dream was, in the heart of Snowchester, and oh fuck he would hurt Tubbo or Ranboo or Michael-
He couldn’t go through this again, please--
“Tommy?” A voice that was definitely not Dream rang out. “Are you okay?”
Tommy’s eyes snapped up and met Ranboo’s red-and-green ones head on.
Green. Of course.
Fuck, he’s such an idiot.
“Sorry.” He shifted his sight to the left of Ranboo’s head. “I thought you were someone else.”
“It’s okay,” Ranboo reassured. “Who…?”
Tommy shrugged. “Dunno. ‘S stupid. What are you doing, up at this hour?”
When Ranboo let out a nervous laugh, Tommy immediately knew the answer.
“Sleepwalking?”
“Sleepwalking, yeah.” Ranboo sighed. “It’s getting better, but it still happens.”
“First my house, now my room in Snowchester? You good, man?”
“I don’t-” Now Ranboo was really flailing. It was amusing. “Okay, no. Are you good? No offense, but- I think I just walked in on you nearly having a panic attack.”
Almost reflexively, Tommy opened his mouth to snap that he’s fine, that Ranboo had nothing to worry about, but…
Ranboo was looking at him with that look that told him that he wasn’t accepting I’m fine as an answer.
“No. ‘m not good,” Tommy mumbled instead. “Couldn’t sleep.”
“Do you… want a hug?”
“Do you want a-” Tommy spluttered. “Of course I do. Come here.”
Ranboo sat next to him on the bed and gathered him in his arms, holding him tight. Tommy wrapped his arms around Ranboo and his face in the crook of Ranboo’s neck. A hand softly caressed his hair, and Tommy sighed as he melted into the touch.
It was nice.
“Thanks, Ranboo.”
“Mm-hmm.”
They sat in silence for several more minutes, just holding one another. Then, Ranboo broke the silence.
“Do you want to come sleep with us?” he asked. “Tubbo mentioned that sometimes you guys sleep together if you can’t sleep. During l’Manberg. The first one, I mean.”
And Pogtopia, Tommy’s mind supplied. But that wasn’t until Tubbo was executed and forced to flee to Pogtopia.
“I mean, if I’m not bothering you guys-”
“You’re not going to.”
“If Tubbo complains, I’ll tell him it’s all your idea.”
“He’s not going to.” Ranboo pulled away and got to his feet. He extended a hand towards Tommy. “Let’s go?”
“Sure,” he replied as he took Ranboo’s hand, letting the other boy pull him to his feet. “I have a blanket to gift you anyway.”
Ranboo’s expression visibly brightened, pupils widening like a fucking cat, which was just ridiculous looking in Tommy’s opinion.
“Alright! Let’s go!” he cheered as he tugged Tommy along.
When they arrived in front of Ranboo and Tubbo’s room, Ranboo opened the door, which snapped open way louder than Tommy expected. It looked like Ranboo didn’t expect it either, because he visibly winced at that.
“Oof,” he whispered.
Inside, Tubbo was wide awake and alert, seemingly snapped awake by the noise. He visibly relaxed when he spotted who was in front of the door though.
“Boo?” Tubbo yawned, rubbing sleep out of his eyes. “Tommy? What are you-”
“Can Tommy sleep with us?” Ranboo blurted out. “I think he can use the company.”
Tommy shot Ranboo a glare, which the half-enderman pointedly ignored.
Oh fuck off, you don’t have to tell him that! He shouted. But only in his head, it wouldn’t do him good to shout it out loud.
Instead, he pulled the quilted blanket out of his inventory. A peace offering.
“I have a gift for you…?”
Tubbo eyed the two of them drowsily. Then he kicked away his blanket and said, “sure, why not. Give me the blanket.”
Tommy crawled into bed on Tubbo’s side as Ranboo climbed in on the other side. As soon as he settled in, however, Tubbo decided to roll over him and flopped over to the side of the bed. Leaving Tommy in between Tubbo and Ranboo.
“Oi!” Tommy yelped. “ What the fuck? ”
“He doesn’t like sleeping in the middle,” Ranboo helpfully reminded.
Tubbo, on the other hand, simply snatched the blanket out of Tommy’s hands.
“Blanket,” he mumbled as he draped it over the three of them. He then proceeded to drop his head on his pillow and snuggled comfortably. “Thanks Tommy.”
“You’re welcome.”
The three of them drifted into silence as they got comfortable in their own spots. Tommy could tell that none of them were asleep though. Tubbo was a bit too still and stiff. Ranboo’s tail moved nervously under the blanket. They just laid there, not a word spoken.
For a while, at least.
Tubbo, of all people, broke the silence.
“Hey, Tommy?”
“Yeah?”
Tubbo turned towards him, his blue eyes unreadable.
“Do you… want to talk about what happened?”
Fuck.
“I’m sorry.” The apology tumbled out of his mouth before he could stop it. “I- Fuck. I didn’t mean it. It just fucking happened, and I couldn’t stop it. I didn’t mean to ruin the mood-” stupid stupid stupid stupid-
“That’s not-”
“It was so fucking stupid, you know?” Tommy awkwardly laughed. “We were just eating dinner, and there I go, having a panic attack-”
“Tommy.” Ranboo’s hand planted on Tommy’s shoulder, snapping him out of the train of thoughts. “He didn’t mean it like that.”
“Thank you, Boo.”
“Well fuck, I don’t know what else you could mean-”
“Are you okay, man?” Ranboo’s voice filled with worry. “We’re not going to grill you for having a panic attack. ”
“I’m perfectly okay,” Tommy gritted out.
“Are you sure?” In the faint moonlight, Tubbo’s eyes almost gleamed. “Are you really fine? You’ve been skittish nearly all night.”
Tommy nearly shot back with a - hopefully - reassuring I’m fucking fine, but one look into Tubbo’s face reminded him he was a shit liar. Especially towards Tubbo.
So he turned towards Ranboo, avoiding the way Tubbo’s stare burned into his back. When Ranboo looked down on him questioningly, Tommy only curled in on himself.
“I’m fine,” he mumbled. “It’s just some... stupid one time thing.”
“Don’t think we didn’t notice, big man,” Tubbo said. “You were just so strung up the entire night. That meltdown you had was a bit inevitable, huh?”
“I… guess?” Tommy chuckled nervously.
“You can tell us what’s wrong, Tommy,” Ranboo muttered. “We won’t judge you.”
“Yeah! We just want to help.”
Tommy hesitated. Should he tell them?
Fuck it. He had to. He’d never do it if not now.
“It’s… It’s so fucking stupid.” Tommy laughed humorlessly. “I just saw you guys and Michael, and you seemed so… happy. You looked like how a family was supposed to be like, y’know? And I… I don’t know, man. I just feel like I don’t belong.”
For a second, there was silence. Then, Tubbo spoke, “why not?”
Tommy shrugged, or as much as he could in that position, anyway. His hands gripped the front of Ranboo’s shirt.
“I don’t know, I just don’t , okay?” He took a deep breath. “You just seemed so happy and loving. Like- Like you were meant to be together like that. And you are. Compared to that, I’m just so out of place.”
“But you do love us, don’t you?” Tubbo’s hand touched Tommy’s back as he spoke. “Then why don’t you belong? You love us, we love you, I don’t see the problem here.”
“It’s just that…”
The more he spoke of it, he felt how stupid his emotions were. Tubbo was right, there was no problem. Rationally. Tommy’s stupid feelings screamed otherwise.
“We all love each other, Tommy, we can work on happiness la-”
“It’s because I’m all broken, okay?” Tommy nearly shouted. He clutched Ranboo’s shirt tighter and tucked his head in. He didn’t want them to see him like this. “I- I can’t go on a plain field without having a panic attack, for fuck’s sake. Fucking obsidian and blackstone make me nervous. If I’m with you, I’d just be a burden.”
There it was. The cat’s out of the bag. Tommy breathed heavily, feeling tears prick at the corners of his eyes. Tubbo and Ranboo laid in silence, the latter only slinging his arm around Tommy’s body.
“I have nightmares half nights of the week, sometimes the smallest fucking noises set me off, sometimes fucking nothing set me off, like at dinner-” He gasped for air. Fuck. He hated crying in front of his friends. He hated seeming weak like this. “You can’t- I can’t stay with you. Not until I can fix myself up.”
Ranboo’s hand rubbed circles on Tommy’s back. Tubbo tugged slightly at his shirt.
He did it. He told them why he didn’t belong. They wouldn’t want him anymore now-
“I have nightmares too, you know.”
Tommy blinked back tears. “What…?”
“Yeah.” Tommy couldn’t see Tubbo’s face, but he could imagine a sheepish smile on his face. “Ranboo too. He sleepwalks a lot, even.”
Tommy snorted. “I noticed.”
“I broke into your house one time!”
“Still, breaking into someone’s house while sleepwalking is quite the achievement, bossman.” Tubbo laughed. “Usually, when it happens, we kinda… snap each other out of it. Wake the other up and stay until we’re both comfortably asleep again.”
Tommy felt a pang in his heart, reminded of when Wilbur used to do that to him. He pushed it away.
“That sounds nice.”
“It is! It is quite nice.”
“What he’s trying to say, Tommy,” Ranboo cut in. “Is that you don’t have to do this alone. We can help you, and you can help us, too.”
“I have Puffy, you don’t have to-”
“But we’re your friends, Tommy. We want to help you,” Tubbo said. “ You want to help us, and we do too. We want to do this because we love you, Tommy. You’re not a burden for us.”
“Look, man. At the end of the day, we’re all just a bunch of broken people, trying to make the best out of our lives,” Ranboo continued. “We can fix ourselves and each other, Tommy. You don’t have to be scared of coming to us.”
“We love you, Tommy.” Tubbo gently bonked his forehead on Tommy’s back.
“I love you guys too, I just… I don’t know.”
“At least give it a try, okay? We’re here for you,” Ranboo said.
Truth be told, Tommy was still scared. He still didn’t want to burden his friends. They had enough trouble as it was, they didn’t need Tommy dragging them down with his. They deserved to live a comfortable and peaceful life. They deserved to move on.
But they were so insistent, and Tommy didn’t think they’d be this insistent if they’re not serious.
“Okay, I’ll try,” he finally whispered. That seemed to satisfy both Tubbo and Ranboo, who pressed closer to him.
Usually, he’d find this caging and rather claustrophobic. But tonight, he felt so warm and comfortable that he couldn’t bring himself to complain.
He began to feel drowsy. He could feel the other boys getting sleepy, too.
“We can have a snowball fight after breakfast,” Tubbo sleepily suggested. “It’s gonna be fun!”
“I think that would be awesome.” Tommy yawned. Then, because he felt like he’s about to pass the fuck out: “I love you guys.”
“We love you too, Tommy,” someone answered, but Tommy’s world was already fading into black.
Tommy woke up alone in bed.
For a few moments, he was absolutely disoriented. Where was he, again? This didn’t seem like his room at the mansion.
Oh right. Panic attack. Ranboo sleepwalking. Sleeping in his best friends’ room.
Pogchamp.
Tommy groaned and forced himself to sit up. He felt groggy, his joints hard to move, but damn if that was not one of the best sleeps he had in a while.
He was still wrapped up in the quilted blanket, he noticed.
He pushed it aside and stood up, stretching his entire body. Sunlight poured in from the giant windows, illuminating a soft white landscape. He slept in a bit, it seemed.
A note laid on the nightstand. Tommy grabbed it.
“Hey Tommy, come downstairs for breakfast as soon as you read this, okay? We’re making pancakes with lots of honey :D,” the note read.
Tommy rolled his eyes fondly. Of course the Underscore-Beloved house ate their pancakes with “lots of honey.” Some things didn’t change much.
Tucking the note into his pocket, Tommy walked downstairs to the dining room. There, he found Tubbo pouring a frankly obscene amount of honey into his pancakes. By his sides, Ranboo cringed at the sight while Michael messily dug into his pancakes.
The picture of a happy family.
“Isn’t that too much?”
“There’s no such thing as too much honey!” Tubbo cackled.
Tommy couldn’t help but laugh at that. Immediately, Tubbo’s head snapped up to him and Tommy watched as his eyes lit up.
“You’re awake!”
“I’m awake,” Tommy agreed. “ Why did you make it sound like I was in a coma?”
Tubbo scoffed. He put down the bottle of honey, much to Ranboo’s relief.
“We tried waking you up for a while, Tommy. You didn’t even budge.”
“Oh.”
“Mm-hmm, not even a bit.” Ranboo pulled out a seat. “Come here! Take a seat.”
Tommy sat down, and Ranboo slid a plate of pancakes to him. He snatched the honey off Tubbo’s side without the goat hybrid could react.
“Hey!”
“I don’t trust you with Tommy’s honey consumption. He can decide his own honey intake.”
Tommy eyed Ranboo’s plate, pancakes drowned in a sea of honey. He grinned.
“Well, don’t mind if I do!”
And he started pouring. And pouring. And he kept pouring as Ranboo’s expression turned to horror. Tubbo smiled with glee at the sight.
“What the heck, Tommy.”
“Ranboo, sometimes in life, we have to replace drugs with honey,” he replied. “ This is one of those times.”
“I- Okay. I’m not going to even question that.”
“As you should,” Tommy said as he put down the bottle. His pancakes were not nearly as drowned as Ranboo and Tubbo’s, but there’s certainly a lot of honey in there. “I am unquestionable, ‘boo.”
“Boo!” Michael laughed, clapping his hands. His honey-covered spoon went flying over the table.
Tommy laughed first. Then Tubbo. And Ranboo joined in too. Soon, all four of them are laughing in mirth, pancakes laid forgotten.
Tommy wiped tears from the corners of his eyes. A fond smile glazed his face as he watched his loved ones filled with joy.
Yeah, he could work with this.