Chapter Text
Tommy sat down in his regular seat and set his bookbag on his knees and looked out the window. He was beginning to become familiar with the ride to Tubbo’s stop. That wasn’t a bad thing, he enjoyed Tubbo’s company. He was really not used to having somebody in his life that wasn’t a toxic drain on his confidence. Or a whole family, really, because he had Phil and Techno and Wil. And they didn’t seem to absolutely despise him. They seemed to be actually okay with him living with them, they didn’t act as if they viewed him as some parasite they couldn’t get rid of that sucked every ounce of life out of their household. Phil seemed to be more interested in him than the cash from the government for taking him in. Phil seemed to see him as another one of his sons. Sure, none of them were biological, but neither was he. But Wil and Techno were adopted, he was just a foster. But they weren’t treated much different.
He felt the seat shift and was brought out of his thoughts. He looked over to see Tubbo’s smiling face. His brown hair fell over his eyebrows, casting a shadow over his blue eyes.
“Good morning,” Tubbo said with more energy than the day before.
Tommy smiled a little, “Good morning, Tubbo. You’ve got energy now huh?”
“Oh yeah. The music really did help. I don’t feel like I have 100% energy, just like 60%- but I actually got sleep last night. Music really helps,” Tubbo explained.
Tommy nodded, “Well I’m glad it worked for you.”
“Yeah- oh and also, I’ll be gone for half of 3rd hour and lunch and half of 4th hour. I’ve got a dentist appointment,” Tubbo explained.
“Oh okay,” Tommy said.
It was quite unfortunate for Ranboo that the cafeteria kitchen had caught fire so they all had to eat outside because the gym had a class during their lunch hour. Tommy was sure Ranboo could feel the same beams of fire blazing down onto him as he felt, “Ranboo, man, you’re making me sweat. It’s like a thousand degrees out here and you’re in a hoodie and jeans. How are you not catching on fire?”
Ranboo chuckled a little, “I don’t know. It’s not that hot.”
“It’s quite hot. Even just my t-shirt and shorts is too much,” Tommy complained.
Ranboo shrugged, “You’re just overdramatic.”
“Well then I’m not the only one, because I think you’re the only one on this campus in jeans in jeans and a hoodie,” Tommy leaned against the trunk of a shade tree.
Ranboo pointed to a group of two girls, “They’re both wearing jeans and a hoodie.”
“Well they’re girls, those are very complicated beings,” Tommy defended.
Ranboo pointed out random guys that were also wearing jeans and sweaters or hoodies, “I’m not the only guy.”
“Well maybe you’ve all lost your minds because it is much too hot. Are you from down south?” Tommy asked.
Ranboo shook his head, “I spent a good while up north actually.”
“Then how is this not killing you, man?” Tommy asked.
Ranboo shrugged, “It’s just not that bad.”
“Dude, you’re literally sweating. You insecure about your arms or something?” Tommy crossed his arms. A second after he noticed a shift in Ranboo’s expression that only lasted a split second.
Ranboo shrugged, “Something like that I guess.”
“What?” His answer caught Tommy off guard.
Panic flashed across Ranboo’s face again for a split second, “I don’t know. Ignore that.”
“Not so easy. What did you mean? Are you hiding something?” Tommy asked, making direct eye contact with the significantly taller boy.
“No- I- I’m not hiding anything, okay?” Tommy could tell Ranboo figured he didn’t sound as convincing as he thought he did.
“Alright, just know you can tell me stuff,” Tommy said and his hands fell to his sides. He could feel the tension fall from Ranboo’s shoulders and he could feel the nerves release themselves from Ranboo’s fingers.
Ranboo smiled, “I know, thanks, Tommy.”
“Anytime big man,” Tommy said.
Ranboo released a sigh of relief, “Alright then.”
“I’m sorry- I didn’t mean to hit a soft spot or anything,” Tommy said quickly.
Ranboo shook his head, “No, Tommy, it’s okay.”
Tommy’s phone buzzed and he pulled it out of his pocket to see a message from Wilbur.
——————
Wilbur
Wilbur > Hey Tommy, it’s Wil, Phil is going to be late getting home from work. Techno also won’t be riding the bus
< Oh why?
Wilbur > He’s taking Techno somewhere
< Oh okay
Wilbur > I just figured I should tell you
< Okay thanks
Wilbur > No problem
——————
Tommy slid his phone back into his pocket and flinched as the doors that Tommy and Ranboo were sitting next to flung open. He wasn’t expecting a group of rambunctious teen boys to come barreling through the doors to be his lunch bell. He turned to Ranboo and the two walked to theater class.
Tommy walked with Wilbur from the bus quietly. He closed the door behind him and noticed as Wilbur very hastily scurried off to his bedroom. Tommy dismissed it and walked to his own room. He dropped his bookbag beside the door and fell onto his bed, that day had been draining for no reason. Most days were but nothing happened specifically to make Tommy so tired that day. Tommy rolled onto his side and stared out the window at a blue jay that landed on one of the tall pine trees.
His thoughts were paused by a soft “ouch” from Wilbur’s room. It was only a few moments after that he heard a sharp inhale from the same teen. Wilbur had speedily escaped to his room after they came inside, which was already a little suspicious, but paired with that and the two sounds of pain was too much to dismiss as nothing. Tommy stood up and felt nauseous as his thoughts swirled in the “what-if’s”. Wilbur had been through a lot on top of being in his Senior year of high school. Everything mattered, and he could really mess his life up if he messed that year up. Tommy reached for the handle of the bathroom door that the two shared and twisted it. He stepped into the bathroom quietly but was met with a Wilbur at the sink rather than an empty bathroom. He thought Wilbur was in his room, not the bathroom. When he took a second to take everything in he noticed drops of red blood dripping from his forearm and a shiny blade in his other hand. He looked up to see the panicked gaze of the older boy staring straight into his.
“Wilbur?” Tommy asked.
His head hurt. He hoped this wasn’t what it seemed like.
“Tommy it’s not how it seems okay?”
No it was. It totally was.
“Tommy just wait okay? Let me explain. Just wait.”
Okay. He could wait. He’d seen this before. This has happened before. But it wasn’t Wilbur. No, that wasn’t him.
“Okay,” Tommy said and leaned against the door.
Wilbur sighed, “Alright cool. Just let me clean this up and I’ll explain.”
“Okay,” Tommy picked at the cuticles of his fingernails.
A minute later Wilbur had walked back into the bathroom and had a dark blue sweatshirt on, covering all of the evidence.
“Okay, why don’t you come sit on my bed?” Wilbur asked and referenced to the open door behind him.
Tommy walked through his doorway and sat on his bed facing where Wilbur had sat on his own bed.
“Okay um… where do I start?” Wilbur asked and began to fidget nervously with his fingers.
Tommy pulled his legs into a cross legged position, “Well, am I right about my guess on what it is exactly that you were just doing?”
“I self harmed. So uh, if that was your guess then yeah you’re right,” Wilbur said.
Tommy nodded his head, “Okay, how long have you been doing that? When I saw your arm it didn’t look like a first time thing.”
“About- gosh- about five years,” Wilbur laughed a hollow, empty sounding laugh. It didn’t sound like he found it funny, more that he had just realised how long that was.
“Okay, and why? Why do you do it?” Tommy asked.
Wilbur hesitated for a moment, “I’m not sure, actually.”
“That’s alright. Think it’s because of the pressure?” Tommy asked.
Wilbur shrugged, “Maybe, I’m not sure.”
“Does Phil know?” Tommy asked.
Wilbur nodded, “Yeah, him and Techno both know.”
“Okay, is it a regular thing? Like- does it happen a lot?” Tommy asked.
Wilbur shrugged, “It happens when it happens. Not every day but not once a year. Sometimes I go only a few days without doing it and some days I last a whole month or two. Sometimes even three.”
“So are you going to tell Phil?” Tommy asked.
Wilbur shook his head, “No, he just knows I do it.”
“Okay, did you clean that?” Tommy asked.
Wilbur nodded, “Yeah, I’ve got neosporin and bandaids in my desk.”
Tommy ran his hands down his face, “This is a bit of a mess.”
“I didn’t think you’d find out about this but here we are,” Wilbur sighed.
A moment after that he heard the front door open and close, meaning that Techno and Phil were back home. Wilbur looked up and met Tommy’s gaze and walked out of his room. Tommy stood up and walked to his own room. He was too tired. He closed his curtains and flicked on his lava lamp to lay on his side and watch the colored pieces float and sink peacefully in the liquid.