Chapter Text
4:04PM
Shitmittens
wow
4:04PM
Shitmittens
so let me get this straight
4:04PM
Clarke McDipshit
oh god monty pls no
4:04:PM
Shitmittens
you went back to your home
town
4:04PM
Shitmittens
and didn’t expect to run into
any familiar faces...
4:05PM
Shitmittens
when you moved into a place
that’s literally less than 5min
from your old house…
4:05PM
Clarke McDipshit
well when you put it like that i
sound incredibly stupid
4:05PM
Shitmittens
and you met your long lost
gal pal from high school
4:05PM
Clarke McDipshit
i know what that reference means
monty i’m not ENTIRELY in the dark
4:06PM
Clarke McDipshit
we weren’t like that
4:06PM
Shitmittens
mmhmm sure
4:06PM
Shitmittens
so anyway
4:06PM
Shitmittens
you have now come to me for
dating advice or something?
4:06PM
Clarke McDipshit
NO
4:06PM
Clarke McDipshit
tbh i just needed to voice my
anxiety
4:07PM
Clarke McDipshit
bc i’m meeting her again in like
8 min
4:07PM
Clarke McDipshit
and i’m freaking the hell out
pls help me monty
4:07PM
Shitmittens
shhhhhh hush child you have
come to the right place
4:08PM
Shitmittens
although i’m not sure why i’m
helping you considering how you
stole the last oreos at jerkbucket’s
place
4:08PM
Shitmittens
and now i have nothing good to
eat here and it’s honestly such a
tragedy
4:08PM
Clarke McDipshit
what is it with you ppl and the
goddamn oreos???
4:08PM
Shitmittens
BUT since i’m such a forgiving
friend i can put it behind me
4:09PM
Shitmittens
so what happened with you and
this girl anyway?
4:09PM
Shitmittens
why didn’t you stay friends?
4:09PM
Clarke McDipshit
idk… it’s complicated… or
maybe it just feels complicated
4:09PM
Clarke McDipshit
we wanted to keep in touch when
i found out i was moving to boston
4:09PM
Clarke McDipshit
but after the move we just kind of
stopped talking
4:09PM
Clarke McDipshit
by the time my family came back
down to annapolis we hadn’t spoken
for a long time
4:10PM
Clarke McDipshit
that’s why i don’t want to screw
this up
4:10PM
Clarke McDipshit
second chances don’t grow on
trees
4:10PM
Shitmittens
you’ll be amazing clarke
4:11PM
Shitmittens
awesome ppl like you don’t
come around very often either
4:11PM
Shitmittens
she’d be lucky to say she has
someone like you in her life
4:11PM
Clarke McDipshit
thanks shitmittens
4:12PM
Shitmittens
no problem dipshit
4:12PM
Shitmittens
now go get your girl
“Do I get an explanation?”
Lexa had to give her credit. Anya had waited until the end of the day to ask this question, far longer than her curiosity usually allowed her. In the nearly four hours since she’d returned to the shop -- an expression somewhere between a subdued grin and a grimace plastered onto her face, for which Anya hadn’t even bothered to hide her amusement -- Lexa had been admittedly a mess compared to her usual standards. She’d expected cracks of “Somebody’s whipped” (she wasn’t) or at least some kind of reaction from Anya, but thus far there had been none.
(To be fair though, she wasn’t sure whether Anya had decided to spare her or if she was just saving up these remarks for later.)
“You would if I had an explanation to give you,” was Lexa’s reply.
“Does that mean that when the two of you went for coffee at lunch, neither of you spoke a word and she didn’t tell you anything about what she’s doing here, when she got here, why she ended up in our shop? I don’t think so.”
Lord help me.
“She needed a change of scenery, that’s all she told me. And she doesn’t even know how she ended up in Woods Flowers, okay?”
“Not okay. I’m gonna need more than that.”
“Why.”
“Because,” Anya began, planting her hands firmly on both of Lexa’s shoulders, “you won’t fucking stand still. You won’t stop pacing. If she’s going to have you this twisted up, you can bet your ass I’ll be curious about the reason.”
Three hours and forty-two minutes for Anya to bring up Lexa’s nerves. That could’ve been a record. Lexa was almost impressed, considering this would be perfect blackmail material for Anya.
“I haven’t seen my best friend in eight years,” was all Lexa offered as explanation for her pacing. She could be embarrassed about this later -- and she definitely would get embarrassed about it at some point, mortified even, because she never let herself get into a state like this -- but for now she didn’t have time. She was going to be meeting Clarke in just a few minutes.
“Clarke… your best friend? It’s not just that you haven’t seen her in eight years, you haven’t spoken to her in eight years either. You haven’t been best friends since she went to Boston.”
“Anya,” Lexa began in warning. “I don’t have to deal with this right now.”
“She wasn’t here when you were saying goodbye to Wells. She wasn’t even here when Wells got back,” Anya said simply.
“Stop. Times change, but I can give this a shot.”
Lexa continued moving about from the counter to the aisles, not entirely sure what to do with herself while waiting.
“I swear to God, Lex, if you don’t stay still I will staple your shoes to the ground,” Anya said in exasperation, giving a withering glance up at the pacing Lexa. “You know I will, too.”
Lexa knew quite well that Anya would, seeing as the woman had done it before. Anya wasn’t one to bluff. More often than not, she came through with her threats.
“You really think there’s a shot this can work out?” Lexa nodded. “Then I still don’t completely understand why you’re so nervous,” Anya said, spurring an incredulous look from Lexa. Anya only gave a short laugh before continuing. “Clarke has never made you tense in the past. It stands to reason that things will be much the same.”
“It stands to reason that we’re both quite different from when we were kids,” Lexa went on.
“How much could she have changed?” Anya asked, seemingly taking a new stance on this issue than from a minute ago. Lexa sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. Yes, Lexa wanted to fix things with Clarke, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t going to acknowledge the fact that maybe that wasn’t possible. She didn’t know how different or the same they both were, so she shot back the only response that came to mind.
“How much do you think I’ve changed since I was fifteen?”
“You’re not my annoying little baby cousin anymore at least, that’s for sure. Although you are still pretty damn annoying,” Anya laughed again, jumping over Lexa’s question. “Look Lexa, if you’re this jumpy over the idea of meeting her then why are you bothering to meet her in the first place?”
For half a second, unabashed anger bubbled up inside of Lexa, before she caught the knowing grin on Anya’s face and realized what the woman was doing.
“Because I haven’t seen or talked to her for a long time. Because second chances don’t grow on trees,” Lexa said, her voice cool and stoic in that way she’d perfected over the past few years.
Because Clarke is worth getting nervous about, was what she didn’t say, but it was implied.
“You want something in life, Lex, you’ve gotta grab it.”
Lexa often wondered if Anya ever realized how often she repeated old snippets of advice, because this was definitely something she’d heard from her cousin several times in the past, and something Lexa probably understood better than Anya did at any rate.
“Right.”
“Believe it or not, I really want this to go okay too,” Anya went on. “I miss her too. I wonder if she can still beat me in Mario Kart…”
A knock on the door interrupted them, and Lexa’s heart skipped a beat in her chest. Clarke was standing just outside the store, grinning ear to ear and waving inside through the glass at them.
Many thoughts ran through Lexa’s mind at once. Here we go. She looks nice. Did I change out of the shirt with the green stain? Let’s hope I don’t screw this up, otherwise Anya will miss out on a Mario Kart partner. And these thoughts were punctuated by a swooping sensation in her lower stomach.
Okay, this is ridiculous. I do not get butterflies.
“Have fun, kiddies,” Anya called as Lexa left the shop. Clarke chuckled lightly.
“Hey,” Clarke murmured with a smile, one that had Lexa forming a little half-smile of her own.
“Hey.”
And then tension in her body slowly ebbed away, and Lexa found herself wondering why she thought she had to be quite so afraid of Clarke. Here in her presence, Clarke seemed to Lexa perfectly harmless.
4:45PM
Fucknugget Octopoda
should i be offended?
4:45PM
Fucknugget Octopoda
i think i should be offended
4:45PM
Fucknugget Octopoda
i am offended
4:46PM
Assclown Jas
for what reason are you offended?
4:46PM
Fucknugget Octopoda
bc dipshit promised to call
4:46PM
Fucknugget Octopoda
i’m still waiting on a call
4:46PM
Fucknugget Octopoda
i think i’m offended
4:47PM
Assclown Jas
i’m more offended by the lack of
of oreos at bell’s place rn
4:47PM
Assclown Jas
which i am told is bc of said
dipshit
4:47PM
Fucknugget Octopoda
jasper this is a serious matter
4:48PM
Assclown Jas
are you implying that oreos are
NOT a serious matter?????
4:48PM
Assclown Jas
et tu, fucknugget?
4:48PM
Assclown Jas
for shame….
4:49PM
Fucknugget Octopoda
i swear do i have to be everyone’s
mother??? ughhh
4:49PM
Assclown Jas
sorry the position of Mom Friend
has already been filled by your
brother
4:49PM
Assclown Jas
at any rate dipshit didn’t blow you
off (on purpose) shitmittens says
she’s been… sidetracked
4:50PM
Fucknugget Octopoda
sidetracked?
4:50PM
Assclown Jas
yeah something to do with a
girl or something idk
4:52PM
Fucknugget Octopoda
….
4:52PM
Fucknugget Octopoda
a girl….?
4:52PM
Assclown Jas
yerp :P
4:53PM
Fucknugget Octopoda
well then. that changes things.
4:53PM
Fucknugget Octopoda
still tho if she doesn’t call by the
end of the day i’m killing her with
my bare hands
4:54PM
Assclown Jas
i do not doubt it
4:54PM
Assclown Jas
so what are we gonna do about her?
4:55PM
Fucknugget Octopoda
well that’s why i need her to call
soon
4:55PM
Fucknugget Octopoda
to check on her
4:55PM
Fucknugget Octopoda
she needs to talk to us and she
needs us to talk to her
4:56PM
Fucknugget Octopoda
she thinks she’s a gd pariah or
the spawn of the devil or something
4:56PM
Assclown Jas
well idk man who steals the last
package of oreos if not someone
evil?????
4:56PM
Assclown Jas
before you yell at me, that was a
joke
4:57PM
Fucknugget Octopoda
for gods sakes just buy another
box they aren’t even expensive
4:57PM
Assclown Jas
ANYWAY
4:57PM
Assclown Jas
let me know if she calls ok?
4:58PM
Assclown Jas
i’m still mad about her ditching but
i want to know that she’s okay
4:58PM
Fucknugget Octopoda
no problem assclown
4:58PM
Fucknugget Octopoda
i’ll let you know if/when she calls
4:59PM
Assclown Jas
thanks
4:59PM
Assclown Jas
and let’s consider sending a bullet
proof vest or chainmail armor to her
4:59PM
Assclown Jas
she’s gonna need it once ray gets
a hold of her
4:59PM
Assclown Jas
i’d hate to get in the way of that
shitstorm
5:00PM
Fucknugget Octopoda
coming from experience, douchesocket
indeed has a nasty vengeance
5:00PM
Assclown Jas
may raven have mercy on her sorry
soul
5:01PM
Assclown Jas
i can almost hear MMM WHATCHA
SAYYY playing already
5:01PM
Fucknugget Octopoda
……..
5:01PM
Fucknugget Octopoda
jfc i need clarke back bc dealing with
all you obtuse curtain rods on my own
is more than what i can handle
5:02PM
Assclown Jas
“obtuse curtain rod” well that’s a
new one
5:02PM
Assclown Jas
*applause*
Clarke observed the subtle change that took place in her friend over the course of less than a block. Lexa’s gaze was no longer fixated on the ground but settled comfortably in front of her. Her hands relaxed and her shoulders slackened a fraction of an inch. Clarke marveled at the woman’s ability to take control over her own nerves when Clarke’s own stomach was still twisting and turning. The blonde was astonished she could still read Lexa’s body language this well, and concluded that it was perhaps the type of ability that held on stubbornly, never completely going away no matter how many years go by.
Coffee earlier hadn’t been quiet so much as shocked silence. When Clarke had first walked into Woods Flowers she had been lighter than she’d been in what seemed like a long time. Lexa, as it turned out, was the perfect distraction.
But that wore off as the shock ebbed away.
At coffee, Clarke had been jovial, with a skip in her step, offering excited smiles to Lexa while Lexa seemed unable to wrap her head around the events that had conspired over the past half hour of the brunette’s life. At coffee, Clarke had been more or less like her old self. Now, walking beside Lexa along the sidewalk in the direction of the park, her thoughts were creeping in on her in that all-too-familiar predatory fashion.
Now they were walking in dead silence, the kind that made Clarke squirm uncomfortably. Lexa wasn’t looking at her and Clarke worried that Lexa could hear her outrageously loud mind at play as Clarke fiddled with her hands and struggled with something, anything, to say.
In all honesty, Clarke had been expecting the awkwardness. She’d been expecting tentative conversations and the “How have you been?” and “What’s changed?” questions to end quietly and without elaboration, without any new words to fill the void. This is what she was expecting during the simple walk in the park she’d suggested, and this was exactly what she got.
She’d been expecting pauses filled with heavy silences, and never quite knowing what to talk about or what subjects were A-Okay or Not-To-Be-Mentioned. Clarke wasn’t sure whether their history meant she could or should be asking questions that might be personal, or if their time apart meant they had to start from scratch. Clarke wasn’t even sure which of the two she wanted.
Starting over was a scary thought, implying that what had been present previously must now be discarded, but it carried with it a refreshing ring. One that Clarke had longed for, all too much in the previous weeks and months.
Picking things up where they left off, well that certainly sounded nice, but Clarke wasn’t sure if she was exactly “friend material” at the moment. Clarke could entertain the little fantasies springing around in her head about how she could hide away here in D.C. and her other friends won’t have to deal with her screwed up head, and if Lexa didn’t know about everything then she could just enjoy the brunette’s company and everything could work out for once and maybe everything won’t dissolve in her hands again. Picking things up could mean the relief she craved but didn’t dare believe she would ever deserve. She needed a break and Lexa was the very definition of relief, past experience had made quite clear. However, picking things up felt like a childish fantasy, a whim that once reconsidered would turn out to be impossible. Picking things up always sounded nice but it usually just meant you were deluding yourself. Lexa was not a means to absolution.
Clarke felt Lexa’s hand loop around her own as they walked through the old park, and Clarke’s stomach flipped again. She could feel Lexa’s eyes on her and Clarke wondered if the brunette had caught a glimpse of the battle raging inside her head.
Why am I even considering this? Why am I freaking out?
The question rose from two separate parts of Clarke’s mind. The first part wondered why she was making such a big deal out of something that would probably end in nothing. The second part wondered why she felt the need to rage over this and make a big deal out of it when she knew Lexa was no real cause for anxiety, not because she didn’t matter but because Lexa always had an incredible talent of relieving tension. Years ago, Lexa had been the person who could read Clarke better than anyone. The two of them were in sync. People used to tell them it was kind of scary how in tune with each other, the same way she, Raven, and Octavia got those same comments later on.
Lexa rubbed her thumb over Clarke’s knuckles absentmindedly. Clarke’s chest tightened with something in between melancholy and longing.
Clarke had expected awkwardness, but beyond that she had no idea what else to expect.
“I’ve heard before that artists blank out a lot,” Lexa said, breaking through the quiet. “Not much has changed in that regard I see. Remember that time you were daydreaming and got hit in the face with a frisbee?”
Clarke couldn’t help the bark of laughter that escaped her at that, despite the pink now tinging her cheeks.
“I’ve tried very hard to wipe it from my memory altogether, actually.”
“I’m surprised that’s even necessary. You got hit pretty hard, it’s shocking it didn’t give you amnesia.”
Clarke chuckled, cringing at the picture in her head of the flash of the white disk before the jolt that knocked her senses silly.
“Myles was sorry he threw it, and you got a good laugh out of it,” Clarke said, a small smile settling across her lips.
“Gym class. Gotta love it.”
The both of them made a face and cringed at the same moment, and when Clarke looked up she found that Lexa was giving her a soft half smile, controlled but almost shy. It was gone a second later as the two of them fell back into silence, but the quiet was much lighter now. More comfortable.
“I was out here this morning for the sunrise,” Clarke said eventually as they settled on the bench Clarke had been drawing on earlier. “I’ve been meaning to come here all week, wanted to kick things off right.”
“Sounds just like you,” Lexa said, resting her hands on her knees and looking in the direction of the river. It was dark now, that part of the sky, and casting a light purple shadow over the water. The brunette let out a small, barely audible sigh, her shoulders stiff but her expression mellow.
“I missed you,” Lexa said finally, still looking in the direction of the river as Clarke’s stomach flipped again.
“Yeah, me too.”
A smile slowly spread across Lexa’s face as she erupted into small, barely controlled giggles.
“What?” Clarke asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Sorry, I was just thinking about the last time we were down here, the state you were in.”
“Oh my god.”
“When you had a bloody nose from falling off your longboard.”
“Do not.”
“And spilled your root beer float all over your head.”
“That was your fault and you know it.”
“And the raccoon that followed us home because you smelled like vanilla ice cream.”
“Lexa I am warning you.”
“And we went to Anya’s apartment because you didn’t want your mom to see you with the bloody nose and black eye.”
“Lexa!”
“And Anya was laughing. So hard she couldn’t breathe.”
Lexa was laughing pretty hard at this point as well. Clarke tried her best to maintain a bitter scowl but failed miserably as Lexa’s giggles gained volume.
"Nostalgia's a jackass and so are you. Does Anya still have the pictures from that?”
“She never throws away blackmail material, never,” Lexa said with a grin, her laughs dying down until she was sitting there with an easygoing expression on her face. She turned back to Clarke. “Wanna go back to my place? We can order some takeout and I’ve got the Harry Potter movies on DVD.”
Clarke grinned.
“That’s sounds brilliant.”
5:06PM
Jerkbucket Blake
Progress report on Clarke?
5:07PM
JJ Assclown
is this some kind of official
stakeout mission now?
5:07PM
Jerkbucket Blake
No. Just answer the question.
5:07PM
JJ Assclown
your sister’s on it, over and out,
sir yes sir
5:07PM
Jerkbucket Blake
Is the attitude necessary?
5:08PM
JJ Assclown
apologies oh mother of mine
Clarke had been expecting awkwardness, but this? This was a disaster. Not the kind of disaster she’d seen coming, but a disaster nonetheless.
“Okay okay, what about the time in ninth grade with Connor --”
“We are not reliving that horror story of embarrassment.”
“But even after the explosion I bet you thought he looked good without his eyebrows.”
“He didn’t speak to me for five months after that!”
“Yeah, way to ruin all the work I had to do as your wingman.”
Yep. A beautiful and mortifying disaster this evening was, and Clarke was enjoying every second of it. Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince was playing in the background, but they hardly played it any mind. There was something about the way Lexa’s eyes would shine when trying to think of memories to embarrass Clarke that made the blonde’s chest flutter, but she couldn’t place what it was.
“Well, you were a pretty lousy wingman.”
“But you weren’t complaining when he ended up asking you out.”
Clarke laughed. “Well, you ended up complaining about it quite a bit.”
Lexa’s cheeks turned a shade pinker and Clarke had to throw a hand over her mouth to keep from guffawing despite how endearing the image was.
“Well, he was an ass.”
“No more than that girl, what was her name, Erin?”
Lexa’s cheeks went beet red as the brunette tried to make her expression appear indifferent.
“She was not my shining moment, I’ll give you that,” Lexa said, cheeks flushing pink at the admission. Clarke’s chest tightened at how cute Lexa could be when embarrassed. “It was endearing and amusing to see how Wells reacted when he found her with that other girl. I’m surprised he didn’t get suspended, I could hear him yelling two hallways away.”
“Erin had nothing on Luna, that’s for sure. Then again, I don’t think there are many people who could measure up to Luna.”
“Some people can,” Lexa said with a controlled half smile, before going quiet again.
That was something Clarke couldn’t help but notice. Lexa kept doing that, saying something and then suddenly falling back into silence. She didn’t ask what that meant, but it made her chest tighten a little bit.
So Clarke kept talking, wanting to fill the silence and the nostalgia seemed to have a voice of its own. She pulled up memories, some of them cringe-worthy and others leaving the pair of them struggling to contain their laughter. Each time Lexa laughed, Clarke’s stomach flopped and she felt like pieces of herself were settling comfortably into place; Clarke decided that she wanted to hear that sound as much as she possibly could. So, she continued with the stories.
She recounted the time Clarke dragged Lexa to the high school party, where they both got terrifically drunk and had a time trying to hide it from their families. Anya had been a life saver in that endeavor, but that didn’t stop the lecture Lexa’s older cousin had still given them about the alcohol (although Anya then proceeded to tease Lexa endlessly about how much of lightweight she was).
She talked about the incident where Clarke had dared Lexa to a challenge with their bikes that ended in Clarke getting a small concussion and Lexa sporting what was now the scar on the side of her neck, as well as one wrecked bicycle and a dented mailbox.
Clarke recalled the summer when they were eleven when she’d been sick with what she thought was a cold (which actually turned out to be the early stages of influenza), and then later ended up in the hospital with pneumonia. Clarke didn’t remember much about the first night at the hospital, seeing as she hadn’t been conscious for most of it. When she woke up fully she found her mother and father slumped over in chairs beside her bed, sleeping after a restless night. Lexa was waiting outside her room, sleep pulling at her wet eyes and her hands shaking, and she had been there holding her hand when Clarke found out just how badly she’d been sick. Clarke didn’t mention how her stomach had churned horribly when she’d seen the fear in Lexa’s eyes back then, still present even after she’d been given the all-clear.
Lexa gently reminded Clarke that the blonde had felt the same way when she’d waited at the hospital all night and day after Lexa’s appendix burst. Clarke’s heart clenched at the memory. They were fourteen, and up until that point, nothing had scared Clarke quite so much in her life. For a night and day, she’d thought one of her only two best friends would be gone. Clarke’s chest now ached painfully as she thought about how even after all that, she’d let their friendship slip through the cracks. She’d let both of the two relationships dissolve without even putting up a fight. And now, looking at Lexa and seeing the way the other girl had a comfortable and relaxed expression on her face as she watched Clarke curiously, Clarke felt that out of everything in her life that she’d managed to screw up, letting her best friends go was one of her worst blows.
And that was saying something.
“I remember that day though, when you came into my room and you looked so nervous,” Lexa said, jarring Clarke from her thoughts.
Clarke had forgotten that the conversation was still going and that Lexa (hopefully) couldn’t hear the rampaging storm inside Clarke’s head.
“You were fiddling with a page from your sketchbook in your hands,” Lexa went on, a small smile pulling at her lips that sent a rush of affection through Clarke. “That was one of the best flowers you’ve ever drawn, you know. You had a knack for knowing exactly when I’d need one.”
“Ah yes, the flowers,” Clarke said, remembering the pastel drawing of the orchid she’d given to Lexa after she woke up from surgery, and all the ones she’d created before and after that. “To be fair, it wasn’t exactly difficult to know you’d need one that day, considering the whole fighting for your life thing.” Clarke smiled as she said this but the thought still gave her chills.
“You’re a total sap but I did like them. Love them, actually,” Lexa said.
The flowers. It was something Clarke had started doing for Lexa in elementary school. There were things, special things, Clarke did for each of her friends. With Wells, she’d get him books or go with him to the museums whenever he was upset. Later on, when Raven was having a bad day, she’d get their shared favorite takeout (the Puerto Rican restaurant on their street was phenomenal) and they’d watch hilariously bad romcoms. For Octavia, she’d go with the other girl on hikes (and internally hope Octavia knew what a good friend Clarke was for subjecting herself to that torture). Bellamy liked to hang out at the animal shelter to lift his spirits. Monty just needed a good long conversation (and plenty of online video games) when he was upset. And with Jasper, she’d just get out her guitar and he’d get his and the two of them would play some Never Shout Never songs (Jasper’s favorite band, it always worked). She had something like that for all of her friends. The flowers were what she and Lexa had.
It started one day in fifth grade during art class. Their project had been to make a pottery bowl. The one Lexa had been working on for a week ended up exploding in the kiln, and so to cheer her up, Clarke had gotten out some water colors and painted a little white and purple violet for her. Flowers were one thing that always had a calming effect on Lexa, a fact that Clarke used to find funny (Lexa’s whole shy-but-intimidating vibe plus the flowers didn’t seem like it should add up) but Clarke later grew to think of as completely fitting. As the girl got older and spent more time keeping out of her house and more time lying beneath the cherry blossom tree or in patches of dandelions (anywhere that was outside and nice smelling, essentially) it seemed so completely Lexa. After the first painting of the violet, Clarke would paint or draw flowers for her on special occasions or whenever Lexa was upset. Even in high school, years after the first painting, Clarke would get a thrill out of watching Lexa try not to smile when Clarke handed the flowers to her.
Looking back, Clarke thought it was very poetic that Lexa had gone on to be a florist.
“So, what have you been up to?” Clarke asked then, and regretted the words almost as soon as they left her mouth, even before she could see Lexa’s reaction.
The response was subtle but it was there. Lexa’s shoulders tightened with tension once again. Her eyes became blank. Hands that had been loosely tapping the couch were now pulled into tight fists. Her words were solid, confident, and quick as she responded.
“It’s been pretty boring over the last few years. Not a lot has happened,” Lexa said, and Clarke knew she’d hit one of those Not-To-Be-Mentioned topics, so she decided to let it go for the time being. A thrill of anxiety shot through her when Lexa returned the question in a formal tone: “And you?”
“Oh, nothing, nothing,” Clarke said offhandedly, trailing off at the end of her sentence as her thoughts took her away again. She absentmindedly added, “Pretty damn boring,” and wished it were true.
Lexa’s relaxed exterior resumed for the most part a minute later, just as Harry Potter was presented with the Felix Felicis potion in the background. Lexa gave Clarke a half smile and whispered, “I would offer to rewind to see what we’ve missed, but I know for a fact you’ve seen this at least twenty more times than I have.”
Clarke laughed and shifted closer to Lexa on the couch to resume watching the movie, her heartbeat quickening as Lexa moved closer as well so that their legs were touching where they sat. Clarke tried to focus on how lucky she was to be able to do this again, instead of focusing on the way Lexa’s shoulders were still slumped and tense and the fact that Lexa had a reason for it but had decided not to tell her.
She could worry about all of their problems later.
5:30PM
Fucknugget Blake
forgetting something? -_-
5:32PM
Princess Dipshit
oh shit sorry
5:32PM
Fucknugget Blake
you should be >:(
5:32PM
Princess Dipshit
i got sidetracked O (kinda still am
atm) (she’s in the bathroom) but i’ll
make it up to you
5:32PM
Fucknugget Blake
well since i am such an amazing
perfect wonderful friend
5:33PM
Fucknugget Blake
i may be able to forgive you
5:33PM
Fucknugget Blake
depending on what you mean by
“i’ll make it up to you”
5:33PM
Fucknugget Blake
bc remember griffin i have a
boyfriend
5:33PM
Princess Dipshit
why can’t i ever say anything w/out
you turning it into an innuendo
5:33PM
Fucknugget Blake
inYOURendo ;)
5:34PM
Princess Dipshit
my mom doesn’t really work in the
psych ward but i’m sure she can find
you a nice room there
5:34PM
Fucknugget Blake
excellent comeback
5:34PM
Princess Dipshit
anyway i meant that i’ll call you later
bc i kinda have a lot to talk about
5:34PM
Fucknugget Blake
i heard all about it through the
grapevine :P
5:35PM
Fucknugget Blake
hope ur havin fun on ur date ;)
5:35PM
Princess Dipshit
IT. IS. NOT. A. DATE.
5:35PM
Fucknugget Blake
chillax griff i’m just teasing
5:35PM
Fucknugget Blake
*cough*cough*DENIAL*cough*cough*
5:35PM
Princess Dipshit
i literally picked up and moved out
of the state and yet you still manage
to torment me
Lexa couldn’t pinpoint the exact time that evening when her nerves completely died down. All she knew was that the anxiety about spending the afternoon with Clarke had been replaced with a steady -- she couldn’t quite describe it, had never been able to describe it -- hum? It was ever present, and all too familiar when it came to the blonde sitting less than a foot away from her.
The movie had ended just a few minutes ago. She’d ordered some food about ten minutes before it ended and while they were waiting, instead of playing another of the movies, they’d managed to get themselves caught up in an intense debate over Severus Snape.
So far, the only thing they’ve solidly agreed upon was the unfortunate naming of Albus Severus Potter. Nothing else.
“I’m not saying Snape was a nice person --”
“I would hope not, considering he spent the better part of seven books abusing his stu--”
“I know he was a dick, Lex, but that doesn’t mean he wasn’t brave.”
“And is bravery supposed to absolve him of his sins, Clarke?” Lexa countered, calm yet serious and she couldn’t believe she was getting this passionate over Harry Potter of all things. “His heroics do not make all of his horrible actions disappear. No matter what good he may have done, that doesn’t take away from the fact that he was unnecessarily awful.”
“I kinda think we’re arguing the same point here,” Clarke said slowly, almost distractedly. “How awful he was as a person doesn’t take away from the good he did, and the good he did doesn’t mean his slate is wiped clean.”
“Slates are never wiped clean, Clarke. They have good and bad marks added to them but those marks are there to stay.” Lexa felt like such a hypocrite as she said this, but she couldn’t stop the words still escaping her and she knew that she agreed with all of it. “Actions cannot be absolved, only accepted. All of what you do is on you, no one else. You can’t change the past and there’s no point trying. You can hammer a nail into a fence and then pull it back out, but in the end the fence still has a hole in it, no matter what apologies or promises of better actions you have to offer it.”
Coming out of her speech and looking back at the girl sitting beside her, she found Clarke staring at her.
“What?” Lexa asked.
Clarke’s cheeks turned pink, eyes traveling up and down Lexa’s face before settling on a spot on the couch. Lexa hadn’t realized they’d shifted closer together during their debate, but suddenly the close proximity was very obvious and glaring but not at all unwelcome.
“You just don’t usually get this fired up about… well… anything,” Clarke said, eyes lifting back up to Lexa’s face. “At least, not that I’ve seen.”
“I have a lot to say,” Lexa replied quietly. Her heart picked up speed in her chest.
“I could tell,” Clarke said with a small grin. Lexa licked her lips and Clarke’s eyes followed the action. “I like it.”
Lexa wasn’t entirely aware of what was happening as her mind began to spin and blur the way it had done earlier that day when Clarke had first come into the shop, but she could definitely register that one or both of them were starting to lean in toward each other.
How it got to this point, Lexa hadn’t a clue.
(The flips her stomach made and the ongoing buzz in her chest said that she did have a clue, but it was simpler to claim ignorance than to acknowledge that Clarke may have actually been experiencing similar feelings -- because that, well… that just wasn’t logical.)
Clarke was staring at Lexa’s lips and Lexa realized that it was indeed Clarke who was leaning in. The electric buzz in her chest heated and rose and Lexa’s mind wouldn’t allow her to think the thoughts that she should’ve been thinking, thoughts such as we shouldn’t be doing this or I’ve never let myself consider this before or I only just finally started to make things right with her and this will ruin everything. The only tangible thought her mind could focus on was the fact that Clarke’s face was only inches from her own and how badly she wanted to close that distance.
RING!
Clarke let out a curse and they jumped apart, turning their heads in the direction of the door where the offending noise had issued. It was the doorbell.
“Um, food’s here,” Lexa said quietly, her face burning. She went to answer the door and marveled at the fact that her legs hadn’t gone to jello again.
“Are there egg rolls?” Clarke asked, her face still pink, when Lexa returned carrying the bag of Chinese takeout.
Lexa handed her the rolls and a container of sauce, and Clarke grinned as Lexa popped the next DVD in and the first Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows movie started up. They shifted back into their old positions on the couch, both of them determined to pretend that what had just happened between them never happened at all.