Chapter Text
it had been five minutes already, and the bell of kyoko’s house kept ringing, the girl’s ears now slowly starting to feel exhausted from hearing the same annoying sound for minutes straight. she knew clearly who was at the door, nobody was as insistent as her after all; and maybe that’s why she didn’t feel like answering the door at first. kyoko felt like she still needed to completely understand her thoughts, her feelings and what she had to do from then on — what would be the right thing to do, instead of being misguided by her emotions once again.
she first needed to be sure if she had just bonded with her character too much and had started to grow confuse about her relationship with the pink-haired... or if her suspicions were true after all. shinobu this, shinobu that. shinobu was all that she could think of right now. so having —guess who?— shinobu inuyose being so desperate to see her, to make things right with her, after what had happened before... didn’t help the brunette’s current state at all.
of course, she was still mad at her until a certain point, but after her chat with rinku she wanted to understand how shinobu felt too. was it really just the pressure that kyoko was putting on her, like the blonde had suggested? it seemed strange after all, for shinobu to feel that anxious under pressure, she was cocky and loved to one-up everyone that she could. that’s why kyoko and shinobu had always gotten along well, because they could get the best out of the other, exactly by pushing and pressuring themselves to their limits. so, at the end of the day... was acting really that different from music?
the brown-eyed had gotten completely lost in her thoughts, and for around the fourteenth time since she had gotten back from school on top of it too... that was, of course, until she heard her cellphone ringing. kyoko picked up the call without putting much thought into it, and then quickly realized the only person who could be on the other side of the phone, even before she started talking.
“open up, you idiot!” shinobu exclaimed. “you know how worried i was when your dumbass simply chose not to walk home with me?! i know that you’re obviously mad at me, but you should’ve at least left a message! i was worried sick, i thought that something might’ve happened to you! i waited for an hour, i searched around school twice, i—!”.
“i’m sorry,” kyoko said sincerely, interrupting her friend and knowing the trouble that she had caused for her by getting so suddenly emotional today. “i have been a whole mess today, and i‘m still not sure why. i want to figure it out, but... i hate acknowledging this kinds of feelings to begin with — negative emotions... i don’t want to let others down”.
shinobu let out a sigh. she kicked a small stone that was on the floor and looked at the yamates’ door. she knew that the taller girl had some real self-esteem problems, with the way that kyoko viewed herself... she couldn’t help but worry maybe more than she should because of it. still, she was glad that she could be honest about it every once in a while.
“i know that you don’t want to, but sometimes you have to be selfish, y’know? i want to see you happy, i don’t want you brushing and piling up shit because of people that only want stuff from you,” shinobu tried her best at wording how she felt, without being overwhelmingly honest at the same time.
kyoko felt her heart skip a beat. just like shinobu was seeing her most vulnerable sides, she knew that she was seeing shinobu’s at the same time. the brunette wanted to be sure about her feelings, she wanted to be sure more than ever, so she tried to not hold back when a certain question reached her mind.
“and you... will you not leave me if i grow to be more selfish, shinobu?” kyoko dared to ask, feeling scared of what the answer could be. “...do you not want anything from me?”.
“the only thing that i want, kyoko... is you”.
shinobu said almost in a whisper, and kyoko had to bite her lower lip to not let out a gasp, as her cheeks turned a dark tone of red. shinobu’s, of course, looked around the same too. she spoke before thinking again, but this time she knew that at least her impulsiveness had brought honesty out of her and relief to her friend, instead of that same old misfortune. so, she was not going to take it back. she had to change at least this much.
“g-geez, don’t say stuff like that, you could end up making someone fall for you with words like that, y’know?” the brunette said, more than clearly embarrassed. where had her cool demeanor gone to at times like this?
“and who told you that those aren’t my intentions?” the shorter girl responded with a smirk across her face. though she was not ready to fully admit her feelings yet, she had started to become aware after the rehearsal today that things couldn’t keep being the same. she didn’t want to be the cause for kyoko’s pain, she wanted to be the one to help her, just like right now. and for that, she needed to be honest, small steps as first, but shinobu deep down had started to acknowledge... that she needed to confess how she really felt to kyoko eventually.
“you’re acting so bold for someone who said that the mere idea of kissing me was disgusting, don’t think that i forgot about it so easily!” kyoko commented, regaining her composure at least a little again. “so don’t toy with me like this! i know that i put pressure on you, what happened before was partially my fault, but again, it feels like you really don’t care... and i don’t want my emotions to get the best of me yet—“.
“i was jealous”, this time the pink-haired was the one that interrupted the other. she sighed once again, knowing that she had just reached her limit at sincerity for the day. “you said that you wanted a nice first kiss, that you wanted to feel loved by someone... but you never said that i was the person that you wanted to experience all of that with! ...t-this sounds weird, i know, but you should know... that if you want someone to make you feel special yourself, you have to make them feel special too. so that’s why i’m here to begin with! i failed at making you feel cherished... and i know that i’ve been stubborn and pushy now trying to make you feel like it to make up from before, so... i’ll give you your time... but, just so we’re clear, you’re an idiot for not realizing that this was the real reason, kyoko!”.
with that, shinobu finally hung up the phone, and kyoko was overwhelmed by her emotions once again. since she was sitting in front of her desk, she threw the phone to her bed. the brunette was more confused than ever, even being able to feel the heat coming from her cheeks — no, she had her answer already, she just didn’t know that to do with it now that she had become aware of her feelings.
“y-you’re an idiot too, an even bigger idiot actually! you should know that the only one i want is you because... b-because i...!” kyoko started yelling to her phone, like shinobu could hear her. still, even knowing that she was not on the other side of it now, she couldn’t bring herself to say those three simple words.
all that the brown-eyed girl could do now was to ask herself what her partner had done to her: to break her cool demeanor so easily, to be able to invade her thoughts every single time of the day, to be able to make her cry so easily in front of everyone, but yet to be able to make her feel so treasured...
yeah, kyoko yamate was scared of admitting what she had already known since the very begging, she was scared and anxious because of all the consequences that came along with it. but now, after that call, she was completely sure... that she really had fallen in love with shinobu inuyose, a long, long time ago.
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it was starting to get late, it seemed. the brunette knew that she had to finish the song that she had been working on for tomorrow’s unit practice, just like she had promised to her friends some days ago. she had already informed to her parents that she was going to get home a little bit later than she had expected, just so they wouldn’t worry while waiting for her.
kyoko carefully took a sip of the now third cup of coffee that she had ordered, as she looked outside of the window. she was at vinyl cafe, of course. not only was she close with the staff but the place itself was very calm during the evenings and had a nice atmosphere, making it an easy setting to work on, or to have certain group reunions in at least.
“hellooo!” as soon as kyoko heard that upbeat familiar voice, entering the shop, she knew that she was screwed. there was absolutely no way that nagisa tsukimiyama hadn’t found out about what happened during the play’s first rehearsal. “oh, kyoko! hi!”.
the taller girl tensed up when she noticed that her partner’s cousin had not only grown aware of her presence in the room, but straight up decided to sit in front of her too. it’s not like kyoko disliked nagisa though — in fact, she actually adored her, looked up to her as both a person and a musician... however, that did not mean that the gold-eyed stopped being as pushy as kyoko acknowledged her own self to be too. and that was a problem, since she really didn’t feel like she was able to word her feelings as off now.
“nagisa... hi, it is nice to see you, as always,” kyoko tried to be respectful —though she always was, of course— and play dumb, to see if maybe the blonde would have mercy on her and would choose to ignore the elephant in the room. yet...
“i heard that you and shino almost made out!” nagisa was able to say such a thing so casually. after all, she knew that kyoko was gentle and polite in most cases, and didn’t mind pushing certain buttons because of it... some people would doubt if she really was the older one in this friendship, and she couldn’t exactly blame them because of it. “she left you wanting it, didn’t she? my poor little kyoko”.
“n-nagisa!” kyoko exclaimed, as her face turned a dark shade of pink now. “y-you make it sound so weird, we were supposed to kiss because of our school’s play but...!”
“but the cool kyoko yamate rushed out of the stage crying because my younger cousin denied that kiss to her, and seeing that she has been in love with the cold-hearted inuyose since basically forever, she just couldn’t hold her tears back, feeling completely heartbroken and rejected” nagisa interrupted kyoko, somehow explaining how things had happened from her perspective. “ew, it sounds horribly and poetic cheesy per se, and the fact that it’s what actually happened makes it worse... that is, unless you’re planning on finding a half-assed excuse just like shinobu does when i bring up her feelings for you”.
“shinobu... has feelings for me too?” kyoko said in disbelief, almost as if she was asking her own self if she had heard correctly such a statement. after all, today had been such an overwhelming day for her emotionally, she didn’t know what to think, or if nagisa was even serious to begin with.
so then, kyoko looked at the shorter out of the pair in the eye, trying to analyze her emotions, and especially her sincerity in such a moment. surprisingly enough for the brunette, all of what she had just said seemed to have been genuine. it was obvious from nagisa’s teasing yet soft tone of voice, her confused and surprised expression... and even her so-consistent care for her younger cousin that could be found deeply within herself.
“kyoko, i’ll give you a piece of advice,” nagisa started again after letting out a sigh, not knowing if the love that these two shared for the other and how much it took for them to be honest with their feelings was either too cute or too dumb. “you remember the snow white performance from some time ago? how much aoi and tsubaki had to go through? right now, to me it seems like the same thing. don’t think too much. i can assure you that shinobu loves you, just as you love her. don’t dwell around it too much, ‘kay? simple things shouldn’t be complicated so much for no reason.”
as much as kyoko hated to admit it, that much was true. she was complicating things too much, just as she always had. for the brunette, it had never mattered if shinobu loved her back, because she had always thought that love couldn’t work for a person like her to begin with. romance was a pure concept that yet took so much selfishness. kyoko had always asked herself that same old question instead: “what can i do to help?”. she was used to pushing herself to be what others wanted of her... just like juliet.
yet, kyoko now couldn’t bring herself to keep denying those feelings. bonding with a character so similar to her, having to brush her lips against those of the person that she had always chased behind and loved... everyone thought of kyoko as fearless, but she thought of herself as a coward. running away from those feelings, just with the ideal of being used over and over. only someone as pure as kyoko could be addicted to such a toxic cycle of over-selflessness.
however, she now had to face all of these facts, not only her love. the fact that she was an overthinker, the fact that she wasn’t as brave as she played to be... and the fact that it was now time for her to finally search for her own happy ending. because if she had learned something from romeo and juliet, it was that even someone as her deserved a happy ending of her own.
“i...!” kyoko started, determined for the first time today, with her hands firm yet shaky. she had always had the answer, she just didn’t want to accept it. but now more than ever, it was clear what she had to do: kyoko had to go against everything that she had always known, she had to do the impossible to not end up like juliet. smart and brave yet so doubtful, a complete people-pleaser that could only choose the worse for her at the end of the day... for kyoko it was clear that she was just like juliet, and that shinobu was her romeo. however, she wanted to change that tragedy. she wanted to change herself, and do what nobody would expect from the ‘so cool yet so bright selfless kyoko’.
“i... i will do what nobody would expect of me without a hint of doubt, if shinobu... if she hasn’t confessed to me by when the play ends... i-i’ll confess to her myself!”