Chapter Text
Okay, this was getting ridiculous.
“Master Regulus must let Linney take over. Master does not need to cut his own tomatoes. Linney will take care of it.” Linney was trying to reach the knife Regulus was holding but she couldn’t even clear the table without a stool. Regulus looked down at her exasperatedly.
“How about I make you a deal,” Regulus lowered himself so the young elf didn’t have to crane her neck to see him. “I will cut the tomatoes and get all the ingredients, and you will put them all together? That way it will be a team effort.”
This was how all the elves were towards Regulus. He knew that it was just in their nature but it still made his blood boil to think of how wizards took advantage of an entire species.
He can’t help but wonder how much elf history has been wiped out because wizards didn’t deem it necessary to record. Elves can perform wandless, wordless magic effortlessly, and here they were wearing dish towels as clothes.
And what were wizards doing about it? The people in power? The people who can change it? Nothing.
The minute he gets a job in the ministry he’s going for the jugular. He’s going to clean up the messy laws on the use and ownership of house elves. Maybe even get some equality for them.
At least, that’s what he used to tell himself. Nowadays, with the statistics recently reaching a high on yearly muggleborn attacks, it seems like he won’t be able to fulfill his goals any time soon.
What’s worse is that he can’t really do anything of importance right now, when he has the chance. Before things in the ministry completely fall apart. The least he could do was make his own fucking sandwich.
But if this is what he has to do to get Linney and twelve other workers off his back, then so be it.
“Yes, Linney can do a team effort, sure she can. For Master Regulus.” Regulus wished they didn’t call him that. They all did, no matter how many times he asked them not to. It made him feel seen as this superior being.
And while Regulus does love being superior(though he would never openly admit that), being called ‘Master’ made his skin crawl. It has a certain power to it he felt no one should wield.
This was an idea he’d applied to many people in his life. But he stopped when he learned not to question authority. Who was he to criticize the people more powerful than him?
He stopped applying it to other people. Observe and examine, that’s fine, but do not point out. He was the one who saw it that way, he was the one who reflects those ideas. It’s not other peoples’ job to meet the expectations Regulus held of them, especially when they didn’t know he had them.
“Has the young master finished his story?” Linney watched him cut the tomato in half. It wasn’t Linney’s fault. How was she to know she just triggered a rant?
Regulus huffed, “No, actually. The book wasn’t even there. I arbitrarily choose one of the best books of the genre and it’s gone! I bet that book has been sitting there for years and the day between me starting it and going to find it again, it gets checked out.” Regulus tended to use his hands while talking. It was one of the reasons he didn’t talk that much. But with the elves he could talk as much or as loudly as he wanted, so here he was, moving his hands and waving a knife around half hazard.
“It just pisses me off because I only have so many outlets of entertainment and now it’s becoming another frustration. And Merlin knows I’m in no shortage of those! I was so close to getting it too! I didn’t even care that I would have had to steal it, that’s how determined I was to read it! Only to pass out in the library and completely consign it to oblivion! And then the next day, I go over to finally, finally, get it and it’s not even there!”
Linney looked on with apprehension as Regulus vigorously diced the tomato. His face had gotten increasingly red as he continued his story. Linney did trust him with a knife, most of the elves did, but nobody is prone to cuts. Regulus didn’t seem to notice Linney leaning closer to him, trying to get a better view of the knife in his hands.
“I’ve gone into the library every day for a week now. A week! Who can’t read a four hundred page book in a week? Nico and Samuel could’ve found Andrea with all that time!” Regulus felt like he was being watched. Not like Linney’s gaze on him. It felt like another wizard was in the room.
Regulus had always been more sensitive to magic. It had more of a tangible presence to him than anyone else he knew.
He remembered reading an experiment. Something about people who had a deep connection with one another being able to pick each other out of a crowd with their magic alone. They would stand in front of a line of people, have their senses taken away, and try to stand in front of their loved one, or ‘the source’ as the experiment writes it.
Almost every wizard succeeded, saying it felt like there was something pulling them towards their source. It felt familiar like it had happened before but they were just now able to focus on it.
Regulus never really felt a pull, but he always knew when Sirius or Barty was nearby. He felt the difference between elf magic in the air compared to the wizard magic buzzing all around the school. He could feel when someone has been doing magic for years. Feel the potency of dark magic, almost strangling him when he got too close to his father’s study. It wasn’t audial, or visual, or physical in any sense. Magic manifested itself magically. There was no other way to describe it.
It wasn’t just magic though, he felt like someone was staring at him. The hairs on the back of his neck raised. For the first time since he started talking, he looked around. There was no one there. Regulus chose to ignore it. He went back to cutting up the tomato, slightly less aggressive than before.
“You know what? I’m happy for whoever has it right now. I hope that they have a great time completely ignoring the plot and reducing it to something to get off to!”
Someone laughed. Regulus had definitely just heard someone laugh. Linney looked more concerned for Regulus the whole time he ranted. The elves around him were working.
Another burst of laughter. Then, “Black, what the hell are you-” James Potter stepped out of nothingness, acting as if Regulus’ monologue had been directed at him this whole time. Regulus quickly turned his head to meet James’ gaze.
“Pot- Ah!” Regulus immediately let go of the knife he was holding. Linney summoned a clean dish towel with a snap of her fingers and grabbed Regulus’ hand, putting pressure on the cut.
James didn’t know what to do.
One moment he was watching Regulus prattle on about something and now he’s watching him try to visually push the panic down. James could see the bright white cloth slowly turn red. The house elves flocked to Regulus’ side. Fussing over him and conjuring up bandages. Regulus just stared at his cloth-covered hand mumbling curses and apologies.
“I’m sorry- fuck, I didn’t mean to I swear I didn’t, Merlin that hurts-”
This picture looked familiar to James. Not the house elves, nor Regulus, but a boy apologizing for being hurt. Trying to cover up the shame of doing something wrong. Shaking his hair in front of his face. Slightly shaking in general.
James has seen this before. He’s fixed this picture before, of course he will do it again. Quickly stuffing his cloak into the bottomless bag he was wearing, James jumped into action.
“Stop crowding him.” James started moving the elves out of his way by their shoulders. A few of them sneered at him, most of them didn’t look his way, worry written all over their faces.
James gently took Regulus’ hand in his. Regulus recoiled from his grasp, holding his hand to his chest.
“Regulus, look at me.” Regulus obeyed. James noticed his eyes were glossy. He was breathing heavily, looking scared out of his mind. James gave him a small, reassuring smile.
“It’s just a cut.” That seemed to snap Regulus out of it.
“Wow, Potter, brilliant observation. Are you sure you don’t go by Holmes?”
James’ chucked his sympathy out of his mental window. Of course, Regulus was gonna be a prick when James was trying to comfort him.
He dropped his smile. “Shut up and let me see it.” James held out his hand, waiting for Regulus to put his hand in his.
“What the fuck? No, I’ll look at it myself.” James rolled his eyes.
“Fine then. If you want to- Godric that’s a lot of blood.” Regulus finally let James hold his hand, probably not even realizing he had done it. His breathing had suddenly become erratic again. James held his hand slightly more firm, careful not to squeeze his fingers. Regulus breath steadied again.
“It’s not that bad. The cut itself isn’t deep.” He covered the cut with the cloth again.
“What are you talking about? That’s too much blood for a small cut.”
Regulus looked up at James, looking for something in James’ eyes and not finding it. “Sirius didn’t tell you?”
“Tell me what?”
“Nothing.” He looked away from James. “I’m so sorry to have disturbed you guys. I wasn’t being careful and I got distracted.”
The elves slowly moved away from him, letting their bandages and clothes disappear. James wondered how they executed that. They didn’t say or do anything. They simply released what they were holding and it was gone. He never knew house elves could do that. He wasn’t sure any wizard could do that.
“Linney will finish the young master's sandwich.” Regulus tried to stop the elf from dragging the stool closer to the cutting board. They seemed to not care about his protests, putting the used knife in the sink and conjuring a new one.
“It’s okay Linney, you don’t have to-”
“Master Regulus should run his hand under warm water. Linney does not want his injury to get infected.” The elf made it clear that arguing was useless. Regulus walked over to the sink and turned on the water.
James was still wondering what Regulus meant by Sirius supposing to have told him something. But Regulus didn’t seem bothered by the blood that was now going down the drain.
James looked a little closer. It was in fact a smaller cut than he thought it was; he still thought it weird how much blood came from it. But the flow was slowing down.
“Are you not gonna go to the hospital wing?”
Regulus had his back to James, not saying anything. James was uncomfortable just standing there. He looked around, finding the elf who had taken over for Regulus.
“This is why you don’t go to the great hall for dinner? You just cook something down here?”
Nothing.
“Why don’t you just eat with everyone else? It’s not like you have to make your own food.”
Regulus scourgified the blood-stained cloth. Its color still wasn’t the pristine white it was before. The elf who had just finished the sandwich they were making held their hand out to Regulus. He gave them the cloth. They proceeded to pull the cloth through the ring they had made with their thumb and index finger. When they gave it back to Regulus, it was like it had never been touched before.
“Thank you, Linney. You are an angel.”
“So you can talk.”
James moved closer to Regulus, who was now putting a bandage on his middle finger. He then went to a small table in the corner of the kitchen and sat down at the one chair next to it with the sandwich.
There wasn’t another chair so James just sat on the table. Regulus didn’t react.
James wasn’t used to being ignored so effortlessly. If someone gave him the silent treatment -which was more often than one would think- it never lasted for long. James could always crack them. He just had to find the right thing to say.
“The Gryffindor team really has upped its game this year, we’re bound to win the cup.”
Regulus just looked into the middle distance.
“Do you think I would get one or two weeks detention if I turned your hair red and gold?”
Threats don’t work apparently. Maybe something more private? Something Regulus doesn’t want James to know?
“It’s weird how quiet you are when you’re fully awake.”
James was surprised that didn’t get a response. He needed to dig deeper. That’s when he made the connection. Regulus had been yelling about a Nico and Samuel.
What are the chances?...
“So… Nico and Samuel are good wank material, are they?”
Regulus choked on his sandwich. Found it. James smirked, ready with full ammunition.
“I didn’t realize you swung that way but, whatever does it for you. I might have to read it for myself, with such raving reviews.”
There’s that blush James had been thinking about. Regulus scowled up at James.
“What do I have to do for your silence?”
James didn’t expect the boy to say that. He expected him to bite back, to grab him by the collar and threaten him, to put his wand to his throat, something.
“My silence on what? Oh, the fact that you read romance novels in your spare time? Or do you read them just anywhere to make it more arousing?”
He was clearly angry, but no. As much as he looked like he was ready to grab James by the neck, he just stood up, now looking down at James.
“Has your walnut sized brain finally caught up with the rest of us? Yes, that’s what I’m talking about. And no, I don’t just read them wherever thank you for asking. Now, what do I have to do for you to keep your fat mouth shut?” James had never heard a more patronizing tone, and he’s had Evans and Minnie reprimanding him for years.
James is not the tallest person, he’s the first to admit it. His father was built like a skyscraper and James always hoped that his height would get passed down to him the way his looks did. But he’s had to accept his fate over time, seeing as he hasn’t gotten taller since last year and won’t be growing for much longer.
He’s also learned, with evidence from his mother, that height does not equal power. You can be a dominant person and be five foot seven, you just have to know how to hold yourself.
He knew all that. But right now, at this moment, there was no fucking way he was going to let this five foot four gremlin look down on him.
With that, he shot off the table and got right into Regulus’ space. Regulus just smirked up at him with cunning eyes, happy to have coaxed a reaction out of the Gryffindor.
“I wasn’t planning on making you do anything, but since you’ve offered so kindly, I would like your help with something.” He really wasn’t planning on sharing Regulus’ secret, just holding it over his head a little. Maybe another wink across the great hall to remind him of what James knew, or maybe he would give the book to Regulus once Remus is finished with it; it was checked out under his name after all.
But he hadn’t forgotten what he came to the kitchens for.
Regulus’ face took on the look of a businessman. He stepped back so James wasn’t towering over him. “What do you want?” James could tell he was getting tired of asking the same question.
“I’m about to pull off a stellar prank, but there are some obstacles that none of us can get past. Y’see, a few years back-”
"Spare me the background information, I don’t need a full rundown. It’s truly fascinating that the rest of your team can tolerate you as their captain.”
James, appropriately offended, decided to go down the most mature route he knew as a response.
“I’ll show you fascinating.”
“Ah-” Regulus looked up at James in shock. “Did you just… flick me?”
“‘Has your walnut sized brain finally caught up with the rest of us?’” James chirped back, a smug smile firmly planted on his face.
Regulus proceeded to do something he never thought the younger black to be capable of. He flicked him back.
James wasn’t proud of how the next thirty seconds went. James went to flick him back. Regulus held onto his wrist, digging his surprisingly jagged nails into the back of his hand. James ripped his hand out of Regulus’ grasp, inadvertently pulling him closer. Regulus smacked James over the head while James pushed him back by the shoulders.
“Don’t touch me”
“You should take your own advice.”
“Ow- asshole”
The small, quick, and, in James’ opinion, embarrassing scuffle ended with him pinning Regulus to the wall, James pressing into his back.
“Get off me you prick.”
“Are you gonna be a good boy and let me speak?” James prayed Regulus didn’t hear that the way James just did.
“Fine, just let me go.”
James did so. While it’s fun to fuck with the Slytherin, he’d like to get this prank done sometime tonight.
They both took a moment to collect themselves. James flattening his creased shirt, Regulus fixing his slightly ruffled curls. He crossed his arms, waiting for James to speak.
“Okay, since you are so against me explaining what the prank is I’ll cut right to it.” Regulus raised his eyebrows and started tapping his index finger on his arm. James wanted to flick him again. “I need you to distract the elves so I can slip-” James fished the bottle out of his bag, “this into the jam.”
Regulus looked at the bottle for a moment, then to the elves, and back at James, “And what is that bottle full of?”
“Don’t worry about it.”
“I’m not going to help you put some death powder in the jam. Tell me.”
James gave Regulus a hard look. “It’s not ‘some death powder’, it’s-” James pulled Regulus further into the corner and lowered his voice, “it’s loquer powder.”
Regulus' eyes widened as he stared at the powder. James knew how expensive and rare the stuff was; his dad made it himself. He stole some of it from the private stock that he uses for business meetings with foreign representatives. He sent James a very strongly worded letter when he found out James took it - as well as telling him the prank better be brilliant. James couldn’t think of a better way to use the powder.
“Salazar, how did you get your hands on that?”
“I have my ways. Now, will you help me or not?”
Regulus removed his eyes from the powder to look at James. “Why do you need my help? Just ask the elves.” James wondered how Regulus could be so bone headed. Just ask the elves if they could put some unknown powder in the school’s jam supply?
That’s when it dawned on him: He never asked the elves. For anything.
Ever since he and the rest of the marauders found the kitchens, he never once asked for food. He’s definitely heard Remus give a please and Peter give a hasty thank you on their way out. Remus has brought up a few times that Sirius and James should be more respectful towards the elves, but James never knew what he was talking about.
He did ask for things from Darry, his family’s house elf. Darry was technically a free elf, but he chose to stay with the Potters. He asks Darry for things because he lives with him, he’s practically family, it would be weird not to.
But he never considered that he would have to ask the elves at Hogwarts for something. He just ordered and left. They never said anything about it the way Darry would.
But then again, they never gave him a table to sit and eat at. They summoned only one chair, not two. They sneered at him when he tried to move them out of the way. They would never come rushing to his aid if he cut himself -one would help him, but the entire kitchen crew ran to Regulus, all equipped with bandages and a worried look.
And when they decided to pull the Purple Out, they never once thought to ask the elves for their help.
Regulus’ questioning look melted into one of aggravation. “Don’t tell me… you’ve never tried to ask the elves, ever?”
James didn’t respond, not wanting to admit to his grievances. Silence seemed to be enough of an answer for Regulus. He looked angry.
“Of course. Of course, James Potter, one of the most popular, smartest, kindest, richest boys treats the house elves like shit. Because they could never be equal to you so why bother showing them even a smidgen of respect, right? Hogwarts’ finest everyone!”
“Okay! Okay, Black, just shut up for two seconds.” James could tell Regulus has had this argument prepared for anyone. He looked like he wanted to light James on fire with just his gaze, but he remained silent. If James was being honest, the motherfucker did have patience. If James was in Regulus’ position, he doesn’t think he would’ve been able to be quiet.
“I see now that I could’ve been more polite in the past. But because of that, there’s no way I can just ask them now. If only there was someone who has a great relationship with the house elves who they will do anything for-”
“No way, I’m not going to-”
“-and I also still have enough dirt on them to keep them obedient.” James went on.
Regulus was about to give a biting remark until that last sentence. He stared at James with a hard expression.
James has noticed over the years that Regulus likes to go over his options in his head before he speaks. He absorbs information and takes time to process it, then he weighs his words and finally speaks them when he decides they are perfect. He does it a lot when Sirius and he have their squabbles in the hallway. Always taking years to say something cold and sharp that always hits Sirius right where it hurts.
Sirius spits insults as fast as he can; he talks rapidly in an argument. James hates to think that the trait was learned after realizing the only way to get a word in was to talk over everyone else, but James knew better than to ignore things like that.
Regulus took his time. Like he was a critic writing a scathing review, wanting every word to be carved into the recipient's skin. Like he wasn’t meant for direct confrontation but rather long-distance conflict.
There was always a note on Sirius’ pillow at the end of the day apologizing.
Sirius,
I apologize for what I said.
-RAB
Nothing more. Sirius kept every one of them, they had piled up over the four years they both went to Hogwarts. That’s what the brothers think healthy communication is. Never having learned how to do it properly.
“Fine. I will ask them. But you have to explain to them what the powder is.” Regulus turned his back on him once he had finished speaking, ready to get on with it. James couldn’t do anything other than follow.
James realized he always does the following when interacting with Regulus.
James watched as Regulus called an elf over. They were more wrinkly than most elves. Their skin was pulled taut over their face, and the skin that didn’t, sagged depressingly. They had a spoon in their hand but quickly made it disappear as they approached the boy. Regulus discussed quietly with the elf before they turned to look over Regulus’ shoulder at James.
“Master James must explain to Thumble what the powder will do.” Thumble looked up at James with assessing eyes. James decided to squat down the same way Regulus had for the rest of the conversation.
James briefly explained what the powder does, what the prank is, and listed all the ingredients he could remember from back when his dad still thought he had a chance of inheriting the business. Thumble and Regulus watched him as he explained. It was strange how familiar this step was with such an unfamiliar audience.
The usual pranking development process goes: Someone (mostly Remus) presents an idea, they slowly build on it, Peter works out the small details of it all, and then James would stand in the middle of the room and present it all over again.
While he did it out of pure excitement, it also helped them to catch anything they missed. A safety hazard (like not knowing how to properly tie a secure enough knot to keep Sirius from falling three stories to his death. Thank god for Remus grabbing the rope before it fully went out the window it had been tied to.). A prefect route they forgot to work around (like Odie Freyton catching them midconversation under the cloak and them having to pretend they were the paintings sleeptalking.). Or -merlin forbid- targeting the wrong group of people and having to explain to Evans, Mckinnon, and Macdonald that they were trying to put slugs in Mulciber and Avery’s hair. They had to buy all their fancy, extremely expensive, fruity smelling shampoo for a year as payback. Sirius did get something good out of it though; his hair has never smelled better.
Thumble looked at him skeptically. They snatched the bottle from his hand and inspected it.
“The powder won’t hurts any children?”
“No, and it’ll wear off a few hours after first ingested.”
Thumble took off the lid and took a big whiff of the powder, circling it under his nose as if to aerate it. “Thumble does not smell any substance on the allergy list.” James remembered when Peter had to go to Minnie’s office in first year and request tree nuts be added to the list.
“I didn’t know elves could smell all that.” James mumbled under his breath. That comment earned a scoff from Regulus.
“Not all elves can do that. Thumble had to learn the talent to become a head.” Regulus explained, making James feel two feet tall.
“A head of what?”
Thumble interjected. “Thumble is the head of all jams, jellies, spreads, and dressings. He has been for twenty years.”
James, not knowing what to say to the elf who looked proud of the position James never knew existed, just nodded his head and said “oh, um, congrats.”
Regulus mumbled something under his breath. It sounded a lot like ‘idiot’.
Thumble seemed less grumpy after that. “Thanks you, Master James. Thumble approves and will lead you to the apricot jam.”